Turbulence - 15. Chapter 15

Laine turned back to look at the tidy house that was so much like the one he had lived in before his parents had been forced to move. Arlo's mother waved at him from the kitchen window. He smiled back an acknowledgement and pulled a hand out of his jacket to offer her a wave. A light layer of new snow covered the back yard except for where he and Arlo had swept the driveway in front of the hoop. Laine turned away from the house to look at the empty patio and the clean sweep of the lawn. Everything had been efficiently stowed away in anticipation of this first reminder that the bright dreams of summer were over. He hunched deeper into his coat. Arlo called to him a second time, so he turned his back on the grey sky and followed the voice.

Laine scanned the disorderly space; his father's garage was much smaller but far more organized. Any sign of broken boxes and cluttered shelves would have certainly met with disapproval. More specifically, it would have resulted in a good natured command from his father to embark his sons on a long afternoon's chore. Laine imagined Nick nudging him in the arm to prod him into taking charge. The thought of his younger brother brought a wisp of a smile to his lips. He envisioned Nick's eyes rolling in disgust as Arlo heaved a box out of the way and began tugging at a ladder. The ladder's legs were fouled by a loose coil of garden hose. Before Laine could move to help, Arlo ripped the ladder free and carried it to the center of the garage, then set the ladder beneath the trap door. Arlo grinned at him once and began to climb into the darkness above. Laine hesitated a moment before following his lover's lead.

Laine loved Arlo. Laine knew he had been lucky to find someone who shared so much in common with him. They were both athletic. They both quickly agreed on their favorite teams and players. Laine thought they related to each other perfectly. Family was important to both of them, yet they shared a frustration with the intruding ways of siblings and parents. Laine imagined nobody could be as close as they were. Nobody had the fun they did in class or in the cafeteria at lunch with Peter and the others. Being with Arlo reminded Laine of the closeness he enjoyed with Anthony and Troy back in grade seven. Laine would sit close to Arlo while Arlo whispered funny comments about the people around them. School was not something either boy took very seriously so their time together relieved the boredom. When they were together, life was perfect.

There were a few small differences, Laine supposed. First, there was the sex. The sexually experienced Arlo quickly guided the novice Laine into the world of sex. Arlo was a demanding partner. Laine admitted to himself that if it had not been for their first horrible fight he would have been content to go more slowly. Laine loved the feel of his lover's body during the rare private moments they shared together. Kissing Arlo's hard body and feeling Arlo's hands on him had seemed enough. Arlo needed more. Then there was the problem of Arlo's older friends; Laine was not comfortable with the juniors and seniors Arlo hung out with -- they treated both Arlo and Laine poorly. Laine accepted his plight as a freshie but he could not understand why Arlo did not try to avoid these upperclassmen. Laine would think about it Saturday nights when Arlo apparently partied with the older high school boys. Arlo did not reveal much about these parties. Laine's parents did not let their son go out on Saturday nights, so while Arlo partied, Laine had to be content reading stories. Mostly he watched TV with Nick and then when the house grew quiet he read on-line stories about new friends and high school boys who found each other. The stories reminded him so much of his relationship with Arlo, even though there were distinct differences in how they approached being gay. Laine was happy to pursue his love affair with Arlo discretely -- he did not lie about his sexuality but he was cautious about exposing himself. Eighth grade with its loss of his best friends had been too hard on him. After he had outed himself in grade eight he learned that the best way to survive was to avoid flaunting his attraction to boys. Laine did not want to be defined by his sexual orientation. Arlo was just the opposite -- he happily expressed his new identity in ways Laine never would. Arlo's enthusiasm made it uncomfortable to be with him at times.

That stupid dance! Laine willed himself to forget about the Halloween Dance. Arlo had convinced Laine that they should dress up as the Dynamic Duo. The costumes seemed ridiculous to Laine. Despite his boyfriend's larger size, Laine played Batman to Arlo's Robin. Dressed in Arlo's sister's tights, homemade capes and cheap costume masks, Laine tried to enjoy being on his first real date with another boy. It was a total letdown. The two friends stood out in the crowd and they felt forced to hide their feelings for each other. Laine envied the straight couples and their freedom to dance and hold each other. They danced with girls Arlo knew, eyes only for each other. He contented himself with an incidental touch and the thrill of Arlo's breath on his neck when Arlo leaned close enough to whisper something in his ear.

Then there was the unexpected fight after Laine met Arlo's friends, Mandy and Daniel. Laine had been curious about the football player and made it a point to speak with him. Laine wanted to make up for his bitter thoughts at the football game and more importantly, he needed to reassure himself that there was nothing special about this boy. Daniel was likable and seemed unconcerned that Laine had come to the dance with Arlo. Arlo disappeared with Peter and then Daniel's girlfriend excused herself to chat across the gym with a swarm of girls, leaving the two alone. They fell into an easy, if somewhat distracted conversation, discussing everything and nothing while Daniel's costume confirmed what his football uniform had already shown. The elaborate Renaissance mask his girlfriend had crafted covered as much of Daniel's face as Laine's cheap Batman hood, but Laine found himself thinking about Daniel's lips and his partially exposed chest. Daniel had a nice voice too. After a while the noise got to them and Laine suggested they move to a quieter corner of the small gym. They leaned into each other, knees touching beneath the table, finger tips close together sharing thoughts about their lives.

Arlo's fit of jealousy when he returned with Peter simply confused Laine. Daniel was clearly wrapped up in his girlfriend -- he had hardly said three sentences in a row without using her name. Likewise, Laine thought he felt secure in his relationship with Arlo; he did not see the perceived threat. Perhaps it was the way Daniel leaned toward him so they could hear each other over the music, or maybe it was the small touches they shared to emphasize their words. After a strained three way conversation, Arlo dragged Laine into the hallway for a more private moment. It still hurt Laine to think about it, being pushed into a locker by his boyfriend in front of his classmates and told that this other boy who seemed so nice was 'off-limits'. Arlo revealed he had slept with Daniel sometime after their courtship began. Laine felt Arlo had betrayed him and did not take the news well. Laine punched the taller boy in the face; he left Arlo standing in the hallway with blood running from his nose.

After a tense night of loneliness and uncertainty, the two young lovers made up the following day. They talked furtively on the phone and more openly as they walked aimlessly around Laine's neighborhood. They understood each other now. Arlo promised that Daniel was history. Laine felt ready to give himself to Arlo after that.

“It's cold Arlo.” Laine's breath steamed out as he glanced around the garage attic. He noticed an old mattress near the trap door while Arlo rummaged around the dusty boards. Laine hesitated at the top of the ladder; he balanced himself so he could reach over and snatch the top magazine off a pile -- it was a dog-eared Playboy.

“It'll be okay. We have a sleeping bag.” Arlo held it up and then dropped it onto the mattress. His voice was cheerful and he leered at Laine with eyes so hungry Laine had to laugh.

Laine flipped through the Playboy and considered the centerfold. “Your girlfriend?” He held the picture up so Arlo could see. “Think she's good looking?”

“Not as hot as you are.”

“Thanks.” Laine tossed the magazine back onto the pile.

The attic had all the hallmarks of a jack-off hole. Laine knew all about the desperate search for privacy. He lived in a small house where he shared a bedroom with his brother. His little brother was a heavy sleeper, but would somehow always manage to wake up and notice Laine if he tried anything in the bedroom. So Laine jacked off in the shower. Laine brushed at the grime that had transfered to his hands and clothes from climbing up the ladder. The cramped space and ugly mattress depressed Laine. It was cold in the attic and Laine found the atmosphere took the edge off the pleasure of being alone with Arlo. The risk of being discovered together in Arlo's basement room seemed an acceptable alternative to the fourteen-year old.

"Let's go back inside to your room Arlo. I can be really quiet, honest.”

“We can't -- there are too many people around.” Arlo moved closer.

Laine accepted Arlo's kiss and thought about how lucky he had been to find Arlo.

Arlo growled, “What do you want me to do, lover boy?”

Laine gave in.

They shivered with anticipation as they undressed and slid under the open sleeping bag. He liked the feel of Arlo against him and he twined his legs around the other boy to share warmth while their crotches pressed together. They nuzzled each other for a while in the growing warmth of the sleeping bag.

Finally Laine kissed Arlo on the nose and whispered, “I'm ready for you to get inside me.”

Laine rolled over on his stomach and lifted a leg. Even in the cold Laine could smell the musty aroma of the old mattress. He tried to ignore the depressing surroundings. Arlo's body was heavy on his; his lover's thick cock teased and tickled his ass.

“I've got a surprise for you Laine.”

“What, have you grown an inch?” Laine giggled. “You're already big enough, bud.”

They did not get to make love very often, perhaps only once a week. The first time was a furtive moment in Arlo's bed after school. The second time was in Laine's bathroom a few days later. Laine was happy to have Arlo inside him. When he gave himself to Arlo it was special. Only his lover knew him. Laine felt Arlo's sweet head begin to push against his tender hole. This was love, being with your best friend and opening yourself to him.

Laine felt a sharp pain as Arlo pushed into him. “Yikes!” he laughed as his body jumped. “Hey dude, you forgot to lube. You must be really wound up.”

“No man, this is going to make it feel better. We start dry and later the sensation is going to be incredible, just wait.”

It hurt. Laine arched his back and found he was tensing up for the first time since they had started getting serious with each other. He wanted Arlo to start over with the customary lubrication.

“Half-way there boy.”

Laine tried to twist around a little. “No, come on Arlo, you're hurting me. Please get off.”

Arlo forcibly pressed down on Laine's shoulders, driving his partner's body back into the musty fabric. Laine finally bit into the dusty pillow to keep from screaming.

“Trust me Laine; I know what I'm doing. Don't be a pussy. Oh fuck, oh fuck yeah. . . yeah bitch, you're so hot and tight.” Arlo ended with a strong push and ignored Laine's final protest. He left his cock buried deep for a minute. Despite the cold Arlo was sweating.

“Jesus Arlo, what are you thinking?”

“Now it gets better.”

Arlo put his hands on Laine's shoulders and began to stroke his cock in and out of Laine. It did not get better. Laine struggled to lift his head but Arlo kept the pressure on his shoulders. Laine's anus was on fire and it brought tears to his eyes. He tried to relax, to allow the experience to turn him on, but it never happened.

Arlo gave a final thrust and groan, “Yes, oh yes.” And then Arlo collapsed on top of Laine. Their cheeks touched and for awhile the only sound was the labored breaths of two teenage boys. Laine felt Arlo's cock shrink between his buttocks. “What did I tell you? Did you like it rough?”

“No.” Laine was hesitant. Arlo's excitement was obvious. He did not want to ruin the moment for his lover. “I guess I just wasn't ready for that, sorry.” Laine felt inexperienced and inadequate. He had been dreaming of sex with another boy for years; wondering what it might be like to open himself to another person, put his trust in another person. Arlo had been like a soothing cloudburst after a long drought. But the gentle rain had momentarily transformed into a punishing hurricane -- it made Laine feel very unsure.

“We'll do it again some time.”

But Laine did not like it rough; a gentle kiss on the cheek provided little solace. Arlo slid off his partner and out from under the warmth of the sleeping bag. Laine rolled onto his back and brushed the tears away from his eyes so Arlo would not see them. He watched as Arlo picked up a rag and wiped himself off. Arlo looked down at Laine before tossing the soiled rag into a dark corner. He looked at Laine and saw the trails of tears. Arlo's voice softened with regret.

“I'm sorry. I'll be more careful next time.”

Arlo stretched his hands up to the rafter and his hunger seemed to return. Laine turned his eyes toward the rough planks and joists close to his head. He needed time to recover. A scattering of names were inked across the aged boards: Greg, Chris, and toward the top, Daniel. Laine shivered in the miserable surroundings.

“Fuck me Laine.”

Fighting the alligators without a paddle
Thursday, December 2nd

After four gruelling months of playing fugitive, Daniel looked forward to some kind of break at Christmas. There seemed to be less of the frantic pressure that had consumed him in September. He tried to keep things in perspective. Most seniors were good natured about the hazing, at least they left him with some semblance of self respect intact. Some would tousle his hair and tell him to say hello to Denver. Daniel came to the conclusion that being Denver's freshie brought a lot more grief than what his classmates had to endure.

Daniel pushed his binder into the bag and checked his phone for messages. Everybody was supposed to turn their phones off in class, but it was too tempting. Daniel wished Mandy or Simon had a phone. Simon sent him messages from girlfriend's cells. There was a message, but it wasn't from a friend. After he had been lured into a trap he established a code with his friends. Seniors stopped short of stealing his phone, but they often played with it while he was being harassed. Chantal had been drawn into one such trap. After what they suffered through together, the easygoing girl had stopped talking to him.

Daniel couldn't be the obliging freshie all the time; once every week or so someone wanted to trap him into something or face a humiliating beating. At the start of school he tried to stay out of Freshie Court. He had his first trip to court in October, when he hit a senior for demanding he run around the track naked. The court was sympathetic to him and he was assigned to gum scraping duty while wearing a clown suit. Sometimes Daniel and Simon thought the school supported the Freshie Court because it kept the school clean. Before Halloween, Mandy ran foul of the court; she and twelve other girls had to paint a spirit mural near the library in bathing suits. Daniel watched impotently with a crowd of appreciative boys. The school PR machine made sure the local press picked up the story -- Riverview High students were the most civic-minded in the city, and they knew how to have fun too.

Arlo was sentenced to wearing drag for a week because he was caught skipping school with another boy. His parents grounded him and he had to clean tables in the lunch room with about thirty other ninth graders. Simon thought Arlo might be getting into drag a bit too much. Unlike the other boys and girls, Arlo kept coming to school wearing increasingly sluttish outfits. Daniel didn't care what Mr. Petri said about being tolerant of cross-dressers, it really made him uncomfortable watching his friend vamp it up for the school.

Daniel moved down the crowded hallway lost in thought. He had to be honest about that too -- Arlo was not his best friend anymore. Daniel sensed the feeling was not mutual; Arlo salted Daniel's locker with notes and peppered his inbox with a barrage of meaningless messages. Daniel decided he was weary of Arlo. Arlo's new boyfriend was proving to be one spicy mystery though. Daniel met the boy and spoke to him briefly at the Halloween Party, but since then, Arlo had kept his friend under wraps. Daniel did not get a good look at the boy's face, which was covered in a Batman mask all the while they sat at a table in the dark gymnasium. Daniel smiled wryly to himself. It seemed he knew the caped crusader, but the face of Bruce Wayne remained hidden. After several weeks of examining passing classmates he gave up the futile search. Besides, Daniel had too many other worries; he basically spent much of his time at school running from the enemy. It was becoming increasingly harder to hang onto the few friends he did have. His experience with Chantal was common -- it seemed that every time he got comfortable with a classmate, they would stumble into the grasp of some rude twelfth graders who forced them into something embarrassing. After you have touched a guy or kissed him on the mouth, you either become really good friends or you start avoiding each other completely. Daniel found himself avoiding too many people before the fact, rather than afterwords.

He was tired of this sad double life. After school friends were strangers in the hallway until they made it into a safe classroom. He continued to try to avoid Mandy at school because he didn't want her to know how big of a pussy he could be in front of the seniors. It broke his heart to be dragged away in front of her. As the months passed by, he began to steer clear of Simon for the same reason. Simon seemed to have no fear of the seniors; he made Daniel feel like a suck.

Daniel found his way to the auditorium where Mandy said she would meet him. He sat by himself in the back row and watched Mandy on stage with her drama friends. Conrad was always there beside her. Daniel didn't know why he got his back up with that guy; they were two tomcats hissing at each other all the time. Mandy would not stop slinking around the tenth grader either. Daniel had to give some credit to her new circle of friends -- they let her play her game of looking dull. Conrad saw right through the act and shielded her from curious eyes. Daniel wished he had older friends like that. But all Daniel felt was the competition from the upperclassmen. Mandy went to plays with Victor and Carlos from her drama club; she went for sodas with Conrad. Mostly they were grade tens and elevens. Some of them were pretty cool, Daniel thought dejectedly, but he could not understand why she never asked him to accompany her. She didn't seem to realize he would go anywhere if it meant he could be with her. Mandy confused him.

Daniel absently picked at a loose thread on the back of the seat cushion in front of him. He could never bring himself to say a kind word about Conrad the asshole. But after drama rehearsal one day, Daniel tried to show Mandy he was still interested in this facet of her life -- he suggested they stay and watch Victor's rehearsal. Mandy didn't want to. As they walked out of the school he tried to reassure her that he thought Victor and Carlos were okay. He didn't want to harbor jealousies like Greg, he wanted to trust her. Daniel realized he spent too much time stressing about whether he would be able to keep her. She listened to him praise her friends all the way to her house in silence. She never suggested she might invite him along on some future occasion. He thought he was getting nowhere with her until she drew him into her room and they started making out. Maybe he had said the right things after all.

Guys are so much easier to understand.

This was going to be his first Christmas with Mandy. Since the moment they became a couple, he had spent a lot of time considering what Christmas present to buy her. In grade six, he wandered the mall looking for something she might like. It was the first present he tried to buy a girl and he really had no idea what to get. He settled on a little Christmas bear. He didn't know how to give it to her. Finally on the last day of school he slipped it into her desk with a scrap of paper with his name on it. She sat at the back of the class so he never saw her face when she found it. He spent the rest of the afternoon too shy to make eye contact. It wasn't like he wanted to be her boyfriend or anything, it was just that she was nice and she smiled at him.

In grade seven he gave her a tiny bottle of perfume. He wrapped it carefully and since they were good friends by that time it was okay to hand it to her. She gave him a fancy tin of candies. They traded their gifts amid the swirl of gift exchanges -- not much of a moment to capture in memory. He and Arlo were regular visitors to her house by then. Daniel liked seeing his bear on her bedroom shelf, propped up against a zoo of other animals. At that point, Daniel became fascinated by the girls in his class and he found out he was popular with them too. On summer weekends, Mandy's family room would be filled with boys and girls watching movies together. He tended to compare the other girls to her. Daniel had parties too, and Mandy usually attended. He introduced her to Greg at one of his parties.

Christmas had been hard in eighth grade. Greg made him go shopping for Mandy's present. Greg assumed that Daniel would know what she liked, since they were good friends. But by that time, Daniel realized his own attraction to Mandy. Each time he found something good for Greg to give her, he wished it was his present. Finally he found the perfect gift, but it was beyond Greg's financial means. Daniel chipped in most of the money. The three of them went bowling with one of Mandy's friends and Daniel watched while Greg gave her the present. Just as expected, she loved the thin silver bracelet with the inscription. Daniel held off giving her his present until a day later after school. They had been oddly shy with each other as they exchanged gifts. He didn't want to spoil what she had with Greg so he just bought her a scented candle. She gave him a small brass compass. His name was engraved on the back.

Daniel hated Greg.

Now, almost a year later, Daniel would catch a glimpse of Greg as they followed their separate courses. Daniel felt grateful that they ended up in different Learning Communities. Greg hung with Chris and perhaps this explained why he had a grudge against Daniel. His former friend seemed a bit resentful about Mandy's choice for a successor. Greg had found another girlfriend too, but Daniel could never understand why Greg had dropped Mandy in the first place.

Now that Mandy was his girlfriend, Daniel found that it was not easier choosing a gift. She told him to simply buy her a CD and gave him some titles she was interested in. He bought one, but it didn't seem very special for their first Christmas together. His mother suggested he take her to a play and Daniel gave the idea some serious consideration.

Mandy smiled at him from across the auditorium and he decided he would chance sitting with her at lunch tomorrow. He could probably handle another dose of Conrad.

Lion's Den
Saturday, December 16th

Daniel kicked violently at the battered trash barrel, sending it spinning like a whirling dervish across the icy snow. Wrappers and cups were broadcast over the surface before the blue barrel ended its journey against a rough cement wall. Daniel sank back into the snow and slumped down into the cold curve of the band shell. Disembodied traffic noises obscured by a tangle of bush and trees seemed to whisper the world’s indifference to his plight. His kidneys and groin ached. Daniel ran a cuff across his running nose and then hawked a gob into the snow where he had just scuffled with Frank and the stranger. He studied the glistening amoeba of spittle for a moment before rolling quickly to his knees. He vomited the taste of Frank out of his mouth.

Repulsed by the mess and the memory of what had just occurred, Daniel pushed himself up and followed the curve of the wall around to the empty expanse of the stage. His hand throbbed from the impact it had made on Frank’s face. The gesture seemed futile now. The massive youth had simply snarled at him and slapped his face with a clumsy paw that knocked Daniel off his feet. Frank and some unknown companion had pounced on him during his walk back from Mandy's place. Just an unfortunate coincidence, he was glad she had not been beside him. The passing motorists chose to ignore the moment when they dragged him off the sidewalk and into the cover of trees. Beyond that, there was no one left to pay attention as they reached the sheltered seclusion of the staging area behind the Lion’s Park amphitheatre. Daniel knew Frank very well now -- they fought for a bit, and then Daniel gave up.

Daniel walked to the edge of the stage. His fists clenched in his pockets as his thoughts swirled wildly. He did not understand what he was doing wrong. He read so many seniors perfectly. Most did not ask for much and they were easy to handle. Daniel disarmed them with a winning smile or a good-natured complaint when they pushed him or hustled him for a trivial snack. He could even make them laugh with the passion of his kisses or an effeminate antic. Besides, it was December now and while it had been slow coming, the promise had almost proved true -- the hazing had subsided. The mass of upperclassmen were growing apathetic to his presence. So why do Jake and his friends have to make my life so miserable? He sat on the edge and bowed his head. The tears started and he couldn't stop.

His phone rang. They hadn't taken it when they rolled him. You have to pay for the privilege of sucking my big dick you little fagot. The echo of Frank’s sneering voice continued to torment him; his own weakness nauseated him more. He let it ring for a bit and then pulled it out of his inner pocket. It was Mandy’s house. He drew a deep breath and answered her call.

“Hey Mandy, what's up?” He tried to keep his voice upbeat.

“Did you get home okay?”

“Almost there, don't worry about me. ”

Daniel squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. The silent amphitheatre and its ranks of ghostly audience accused him; he needed to get away. He kept the conversation going as he started the six-block walk home. It was cold and he been out longer than he planned. The wind bit into him and he huddled into his winter jacket. He wasn't going to phone anyone this time -- he would handle this by himself.

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Daniel struggled with his sheets fighting back. Small noises escaped like sobs as his head tossed back and forth on the sweat drenched sheets.

He was in his underwear and he had to get to the classroom door. Mandy was waiting for him and he knew that if he didn't get there in time the vampires would reach her first. She didn't know about them and someone had to warn her. It felt stupid to have forgotten to dress before he came to school. He was self conscious; people seemed not to notice. The hallway was really crowded and he didn't want to force his way through. Arlo came running up with Simon. They shouted that the vampires were right behind them. They all launched themselves off the ground and gently floated up toward the high ceilings. Whenever they started drifting down they peddled their feet to gain altitude. They drifted over the heads of the students rushing beneath them. Daniel knew they were moving too slowly. He tried to grab at the lights and sprinklers. When he caught one he pushed himself hard and drifted down the hallway. It was tough going down the stairs and Daniel had to scramble along the ceiling. His head would brush against the dusty paint and if he pushed too hard with his hands he would drop dangerously down to the grasping hands below. Only by peddling furiously could he regain altitude. He felt like a wayward helium balloon held in check by the ceiling. He lost track of his friends. As time went on he became increasingly frustrated with his progress and he began to panic. It was taking more effort to concentrate on maintaining altitude. He kept forgetting to peddle and then he would suffer through a moment of frantic movement to check his fall before he would start to rise again. He couldn't see his pursuers. He simply felt their presence behind him, grasping, wishing to drag him down. As he fought the fatigue he wondered where Mandy was.

One way street
Thursday, December 11th

23 – 2 Straight and Circular Pulses
We can generate a straight pulse, like the long bow waves caused by a passing boat, by dipping a ruler into the surface of the water of a ripple tank. The motion of the pulse is such that its crest always remains parallel to a line marking its original position. The distance between parallel lines is measured along a perpendicular; thus the direction of motion of the pulse (also called the direction of propagation) is perpendicular to the wave crest. This direction is called the normal crest. In Fig. 23-3 the crest of a straight pulse is shown as a solid line. Its position at a time later is shown by the dashed line. The direction of propagation is shown by the arrow.

We can also produce circular pulses in the ripple tank simply by dipping a finger into the water. During the time interval, the pulse has expanded to form a larger circle. We cannot assign a direction to the whole circular pulse, because it moves in all directions. Instead, let us look at a segment of the circular pulse which is small enough to be considered straight (Fig. 23-5). The direction of propagation of such a segment is along the radius and away from the center of the circle. This direction is normal to the crest of the wave, just as the direction of propagation of straight waves is normal to their crests.

Denver stretched his legs beneath the cramped desk, an all too familiar ritual. His legs had been protesting the confinement since he outgrew the school desks in grade eight. Except for a brief respite in ninth grade, he was resigned to the uncomfortable fit. He listened to Wendy's answer with half an ear. She was an unlovely young woman without the redeeming qualities of Claire's sharp wit. Wendy's summation made no sense, but Denver chose not to join in the general ridicule. Mercifully, Wendy was a stubborn soul, blissfully unaware of the air of indignation which filled the room. Denver tried to ignore Miss Nelson's reflexive glance in his direction -- she could usually count on him to bail out a classmate and provide a reasonable segue. But on this occasion, Wendy would have to muddle on without him. Denver suddenly sat upright in his chair and gazed intently at his struggling classmate. Who does she remind me of? He tried to place a name to the sense of familiarity. Wendy straightened her binder and adjusted her heavy frames on the bridge of her nose. The loose arm of her sack-like sweater fell away from her pudgy wrist. That's it! Denver twisted around and caught Claire's eye. He finally recognized Wendy as the model for Mandy's disguise.

The thought of Daniel's young girlfriend simply depressed him further. He flipped a page and absently copied the heading, then added the date. He was not comfortable around Mandy. It did not seem to make it easier that he understood exactly why he never relaxed around her. To begin with she reminded him of her cousin Beth. Then there was Daniel and Mandy's close relationship. Denver did not see them together very often at school. Other freshies traveled in groups, but when he saw Daniel in the hallway, the kid was usually alone. Mark said Daniel ate lunch by himself unless a friend, usually Simon, joined him. Yet when Daniel talked with Denver during the resource time, or at the Brass Lantern it was clear Mandy was his best friend. The girl slipped into Daniel's conversation unconsciously. Denver was aware that the partners talked daily. It was easy to imagine they shared a relationship similar to the one he had shared with Beth. Mark did not like hearing the name 'Beth' in conversation, so Denver had trained himself to avoid mentioning her name. Denver liked to work through the highs and lows of his life with both of them, but he realized that matters closest to his heart were shared with Beth. She knew how he felt about his emotionally distant mother and Karl, his surrogate grandfather. He could be uncertain with her. When she was still in high school he would tell her about his romantic relationships. Initially, the gap between them had seemed great; Denver had been infinitely flattered that a senior would take such interest in him. As he got older the gap closed, and they had to acknowledge the attraction growing between them. Mandy was an ever present echo of her older cousin and the choice he rejected when he fell for Mark.

Mandy was not always good for Daniel. Like the time reminiscent of an old musical review from the 1930's, a male Riverview drama student got sidelined by some brutal seniors the day before the festival. There was panic in the cast. In stepped Daniel, who of course knew all the lines. The teacher had been sceptical until he ran through a scene, upon which she fell on him like he was her own long lost son. Mandy had been happy, but Denver worried. Even Mark had tried to talk Daniel out of going on stage, but the boy would not let his girlfriend down and insisted on doing the part. Daniel's friends had shown up to support him. It was not a big part, but as expected, Daniel shined through. His friends did what they could, but a few days later he ended up paying for it anyway -- he ended up missing a day of school as a result of all the on stage attention. Daniel was so like Denver it was frustrating. Despite Denver's anxious encouragement, the boy seemed bent on dealing with freshie year on his own.

If a stick 10cm long were placed horizontally in the ripple tank shown in Fig. 23-2, about how long would its shadow be?

Denver automatically consulted the page and recorded the first answer. Kyle Warner interrupted his thoughts by leaning across the aisle and pulling his notebook around. Denver watched disapprovingly as the anorexic Kyle copied his work. Kyle was the consummate gadfly. He could always be counted on to enjoy the most juvenile forms of freshie hazing. Pouring milk down a boy's pants, slapping a young girl's butt and simple wedgies were a scream to Kyle, who resented Denver's criticism deeply and always ignored him. But when it came to stealing answers, Kyle did not seem to have any reservations at all. Denver pulled his notebook back and considered the next question. In what direction does a straight pulse travel with respect to its crest? He thought about Claire and a handful of others in the room who sympathized with his freshie business mad on; otherwise he was surrounded by mass indifference and a collection of Kyle's. He needed to remember to keep his cool around everyone.

His thoughts drifted back to Daniel. Daniel never said much about his love life, probably because there was not much to say. Denver recalled how little experience with girls he had at fourteen. Kissing in grade eight equaled the height of Denver's passion, other than the cum spilled into an old t-shirt, usually during the course of an erotic fantasy featuring some conveniently naked damsel in distress. In reality, holding hands and kissing on the couch seemed like a good start. Grade nine meant the beginning of an accelerated education for Denver -- he found himself on the fast-track of a runaway train.

As much as he hated the memories and feared for Daniel's safety, he was perversely drawn to the erotic images of Daniel's trials. Denver tapped his pen against the side of his desk. He had too many visual references to work with now: Daniel naked by his pool in the summer light; the long freshie party where he played the part of the willing fourteen-year old; the constant necking with sluttish boys and girls; the climactic blow job. Even now, Denver was getting hard thinking about Daniel.

He replayed the memory of Daniel stretched out on the picnic table, muscles tense, perfect rod stretched eagerly up to be caressed by the warm lips of that drunk girl. He liked to picture Daniel kissing Mandy, his body on fire. Someday, Mandy or some other lucky girl would be responsible for tending that fire. Until then, Denver would be glad to do it for him. He remembered his first time at the hotel in Singapore while his dad was at a meeting. It had been with an equally bored daughter of a business contact. The excitement and fear was incredible. He endlessly replayed Daniel losing his virginity to Amber during the moments between sleep and waking.

Then there were those forbidden moments he had spent with the young boy. As much as he wished he could take back the night they spent together, the memory was burned into his soul. Daniel naked on his bed exhibiting such perfect proportions. In fairness, Denver was not sure who had seduced who. Daniel's forwardness surprised him -- he never expected to take things that far. Daniel was so young and Denver could not comprehend the infatuation he felt for the boy.

Denver jumped a little and sat up to hide his erection when Ms. Nelson put a hand on his shoulder to draw attention to his nervous tapping. She moved down the row without comment. He glanced at his notebook. The solid line in Fig. A shows a pulse at some moment. The dashed line shows the same pulse a short time later. Trace the figure and draw the normals at the points indicated. It was hard to concentrate with the image of Daniel's light frame straddling his hips. Are any of the normals parallel to each other? He could remember Daniel's weight pressing down and the feel of his palms sliding up Daniel's smooth thighs to his hips. Daniel's sculptured chest and belly had moved gently above his sweet erection. He had seen the excited determination in the boy's face. The night had been a dream.

His cell phone buzzed against his thigh. Cell phones were supposed to be turned off in class, but it was hard to resist. Denver found he could get away with it if he kept the ring off. He pulled it out. He certainly was not without friends and Daniel usually pestered him with mindless text messages. Denver slipped it open and checked the display. It was Daniel's phone, but he knew it wasn't his young friend.

Having a Gd time, wuwh lol

Bastards! Denver didn't give them the satisfaction of replying. He thought for a moment and decided Daniel was still in gym class. He glanced at the clock and realized the period was just about over. Daniel must be in the change room. Getting caught in the change room was bad -- it usually involved a couple wolves from one of the varsity teams or a frustrated senior hunting for young ass. Denver had too many painful memories to work with; he closed his phone. The enemy had taken to sending him these messages about once every two weeks or so. Daniel kept pretty closed-mouthed about the hazing; Denver could only hope and pretend it did not happen very often. He pestered Daniel for names, for someone -- anyone -- to lay the wood on. He could never understand why the kid refused to share these incidents with him.

Denver tried to shut the images out and focus on the classwork. He had to work at the Brass Lantern tonight and Mark was also expecting them to spend some time together. He did not need homework. Figure B shows a pulse at some moment. The arrows indicate the normals to the pulse. Trace the figure and draw the pulse at a short time later.

It took him five minutes to notice the snickering from around the room. He did not understand it until he heard Claire's angry whisper, “Get that out of my face you jackass.” He realized there was a lot of cell phone action. The proliferation of these mobile intrusive devices was something new -- and unwelcome --since his freshman year. Cal leaned over and poked his shoulder. When Denver glanced at him, he held his phone up so Denver could see the picture. Denver slapped the phone out of Cal's hand.

“What the fuck, asshole. I just bought that.”

Denver struggled out from under his desk and slammed his text shut. He felt a pressure to get out of the room. It was as if everyone was watching him, willing him to leave so they could start the rumors flying. He jammed the books into his bag.

“You're such a butt-head Hawk. It's just a couple little fagots.”

Denver turned toward Cal and grabbed the desk top.

“Denver don't.”

Claire's warning came through the red haze before he followed through with the impulse to tip the desk. Denver did not respond to her; he turned and stalked out of the classroom. He did not feel better when he was free of the prying eyes. A convenient trash can absorbed some of his frustration, spinning like a whirling dervish across the concrete. He paused to lean against the wall and gather his thoughts.

He knew he would have to face the boy later during the daily resource period and it would be better if they could talk privately. Next period was Daniel's lunch break. Denver considered skipping class and making an effort to eat with Daniel. Goddammit no! Denver was not sure he could do it, the image was too fresh, the feelings too volatile. His head spinning, he was barely conscious of the growing traffic in the hallway as he pushed his way toward the cafeteria. His phone rumbled against his leg, but all he could think about was Daniel's wet body and the anonymous boy bent over the eager curve of Daniel's straining flesh. Denver tried to ignore the pulsing in his groin.

Turning down a second course
Thursday noon

Laine rummaged through his lunch while he listlessly listened to the other boys' conversation. Occasionally his eyes drifted down the hallway to the doorway into the crowded lunch room.

“I think Peter's right -- Victor is hotter than Mark. Don't you think so?”

Laine wished Hank would lower his voice. “Did you catch the Nick's last night?” Laine attempted to change the subject. A couple of the boys glanced his way.

“Nick Allen? I don't have any classes with him.” Hank turned to another boy “Doesn't he have a girl friend?” Hank turned back to Laine with interest “Are you telling us he leans both ways?”

“I was talking about the game last night.” Why bother? Laine speculated he might be better off sitting with the drama geeks. The three friends were okay he guessed. Revelations about their shared identity had drawn him into this circle back in September. Arlo was assigned to the second lunch period, but occasionally made an appearance when he felt like skipping class. That all ended after the breakup in November, Arlo had been missing-in-action the past several weeks. Laine had nowhere better to go, so he stuck with the three boys out of desperation, hanging out with them at lunch and putting up with their perversions. Let's face it, I am in it for the sex, he concluded glumly. Hank had the run of his house and treated it like party central. Laine was the outsider, but he could always find a little action with one of them. Laine turned away from his companions and looked longingly at four boys with team jackets walking by. Conner Jonescu was in his Math class -- he was a cool guy but he never talked to Laine of course. Where were the gay athletes, or at least some straight guy willing to talk to him long enough to find out he was not all about jumping someone's bones? Laine tried to remember the last time he had experienced a satisfying conversation with someone his own age.

I should have tried out for the track team. Laine had been too wrapped up in Arlo at the time and did not want the distraction. He regretted it now. Sports had always been Laine's opportunity to make friends with boys like Conner. Sometimes, if only for a while, his teammates would forget the gay thing and take him for who he was. Laine saw that in gym class -- if you could make the grade, people respected you. Laine certainly did not make the grades this first semester. Breaking up with Arlo in the midst of midterm exams was a disaster; Laine had shut down completely for two weeks. Now, with his mother's help, he was struggling to keep his head above water.

Laine's attention was drawn to a somber boy drifting down the hallway. Another boy lost in his own thoughts and vaguely familiar. Where have I seen this kid before? One soft lip was bruised, he seemed a bit battered. The rough edges did nothing to detract from his cuteness. The faded black t-shirt clung to flat abs above worn jeans that rippled back and forth across his groin as he walked past.

"Yo, Daniel, hang on a second!"

The name alerted Laine at the exact moment the boy in question checked his stride and swung round to face the way he had come. Suddenly, the sadness was swept away, the boy's eyes sparkled and a sensuous smile curved across his lips. It pierced Laine and caressed the cherished memory of his summer hopes for love. The smile was not directed at him though. A tall upperclassman joined Murrell and Laine only heard Murrell's opening quip, an admonishment to the tall fellow for skipping class. The two turned away absorbed in each other. Laine admired the trim length of the now familiar ninth grader as he shifted from foot to foot in animated conversation. The conversation was brief. As Murrell turned to go, his companion placed a hand on his shoulder to say some final word. The upper class-man's hand came up as if to brush across the boy's bruised mouth but it ended with a squeeze to the shoulder. Murrell nodded at some final words. "Take it easy, bro" formed on Murrell's lips before the two parted.

No, not yet, not so fast. . . An urgent whisper pried at Laine as Murrell turned a second time to walk away.

"Hey Arlo, what are you doing here?" Peter's voice broke into Laine's dreams.

"Hey! Long time no see Arlo. . . did you decide to skip class and visit your old friends?" Hank contributed, momentarily oblivious to the uncomfortable presence of scorned lovers.

Across the hallway, the smile slipped as the captivating boy also noticed Arlo; Laine saw the somber mood resettle over his features. For an instant, Daniel Murrell's eyes turned to linger on Laine's. The unexpected attention drew flames to Laine's face -- Daniel? Laine brushed the hair nervously off his forehead. Murrell's eyes widened slightly and a question seemed to form on his lips. Daniel visibly caught himself and glanced back at Arlo before he turned away. Fuck Arlo, why oh why did you make me wear that Batman costume? Laine still remembered the look of Murrell's eyes inside the renaissance mask when Arlo introduced them. He thought I was a joke! But whatever jibe Murrell had meant to offer that night faded on his lips when their eyes met. Murrell had at least given him a chance and their time together had been good. Daniel made me feel . . . Arlo's distinct voice swept the thought away. Laine studied the scuffed floor of the cafeteria; he missed Daniel's turn a few paces later. Daniel could not resist one final abstract look back, absorbing the dark fall of hair reclaiming Laine's face.

Laine found it hard to swallow the last bite of his sandwich. More than ever he wished someone would just take him away. He watched Arlo exchanging suggestive comments with Hank and the others. He couldn't repress the ache in his belly or the tingle when Arlo's dark eyes shifted briefly to look at him. Laine swallowed painfully. He was conscious that he still wore the choker Arlo had given him after their first time together. It still hurt to see him. Laine tried not to look at his beautiful face. He focused instead on Arlo's hand that held a book bag which dangled against his leg. Arlo had strong hands -- Laine loved Arlo's hands on him. Laine had to close his eyes to break the connection and the desire that followed.

"Laine, can we talk for a minute man?"

Laine opened his eyes and tested his strength. He felt his face burn when he looked into Arlo's eyes. He filled his lungs before trusting himself to speak.

"So talk."

Arlo glanced at the other boys before replying, "I thought maybe we could talk alone for a minute." The others were well aware of the breakup. They dropped their usual banter and listened respectfully. Arlo must have sensed he was weakening. "Give me a chance Laine, please?" He whispered it in the soft seductive voice so familiar from their private moments. The noisy hallway faded away and Laine gave in.

"Sure." He rose reluctantly and let Arlo lead him down the hall.

"How have you been doing?"

"Same old, same old."

They continued in silence. Every group found its place in the tangled pile of red brick and slab concrete. The bottom of the north stairwell was Arlo's. Laine knew where they were headed.

"I miss you."

Laine did not have an answer for that. He shifted his book bag uncomfortably and continued in silence. What was he supposed to say? Arlo knew why he had broken it off.

"We haven't talked for weeks. I see you hanging out with Peter and the others. Does Peter take care of you?"

Laine studied the floor as he listened. He did not like Arlo's tone.

"Or is it Hank, good old farmer Hank. Does he plow your furrow Laine?"

"Stop it Arlo -- that's not fair. You were fucking around with other people the whole time you were with me." Laine had stopped on the stairs. The anger was close to the surface. He saw Arlo visibly shrink.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say all that." He held out a hand to invite Laine to continue on. "I'm just crazy for you sweetheart. You're killing me."

Laine would not take the hand, but he continued on down the stairs. He wondered how Arlo filled his days, but in his heart he knew how Arlo occupied his time with his other friends. Laine and Arlo were the same age, but the taller boy seemed much older to him. Laine stopped at the bottom and leaned against the wall. Arlo stared at him with innocence and a longing that threw Laine into fresh turmoil.

There were no further words between them. They were drawn together and in the momentary privacy of the stairwell Laine allowed himself to be kissed. It recalled the passion of their first kiss at the freshie dance. Laine parted his lips and tasted Arlo's tongue. He let the boy slip a hand down the back of his pants. He had been a naive boy with vague desires when he met Arlo. Arlo had taught him to love in such a short time.

"Isn't this better sweetie? Isn't this right? Oh baby, what happened to your hair? Didn't we agree the blond color looked so good on you?" Arlo breathed the words in Laine's ear and nibbled on his tender lobe. "You're letting it grow out all dark again. You need me to fix that for you. You need me to take care of you babe."

Laine closed his eyes, close to surrender. Arlo's fingers probed deeper toward his hole and he recalled the fear and horror he had felt. Arlo was consuming him again. Laine pushed him away violently.

"No!" The word was sharp and together they listened to it echo up the stairs to become lost in the general babble of voices above them. "You hurt me Arlo. I was bleeding the last time." He tried to make his friend understand. "I told you I didn't like it that way, but you wouldn't stop." It broke his heart to see Arlo's face. Mingled with the disappointment he could see Arlo's disbelief; it made Laine feel inadequate. "You hurt me. . ." he repeated softly. He reached slowly down to take his bag and then looked at his friend. ". . . and that will never happen again Arlo."

"I promise it'll be different. C'mon Laine, why can't I see you around sometime?" Arlo kept pushing.

See you around, the phrase echoed in Laine's memory and he smiled briefly. Arlo mirrored his smile with a faint glimmer of hope. For an instant, Arlo felt triumphant that his ex-lover was willing to reconsider. But for Laine, the simple phrase had conjured up a magical image of a different sort -- one that did not include Arlo.

Laine shook his head. "I do see you Arlo," he whispered.

Arlo had chosen a path. Laine knew he had to follow his own path to something better; something he had felt on the steps of the library on that summer day. He proceeded up the steps. Arlo let him walk away without another word.

Christmas Gifts
Wednesday, December 22nd

"You're not supposed to just throw the tinsel on the tree in clumps. Put it on one at a time like this." Daniel demonstrated the technique to Mandy. She watched for a moment and sighed. After three months they felt like an old couple. They certainly had outlasted the other relationships they knew.

"God you are so picky Daniel!"

His hand froze on the tinsel he was rearranging and looked at her reproachfully. Daniel did not want to spoil the Christmas mood. "Well at least I'm not as anal as Arlo." He went back to fixing her clumps of tinsel while Mandy broke apart on the couch.

Daniel thought about Arlo and his cute boyfriend at the Halloween Dance -- it had been pretty racy for a dull school dance. Ms. Cannon looked like she was having one long fit throughout the whole evening. She sputtered every time another sexy outfit walked into the small gym. She cooed at Daniel's costume and called him cute. Mandy beamed with pride and Daniel scowled, proving once again who was whipped in their relationship. Mandy rejected his plan to go to the ninth grade party as a football player with her as his personal cheerleader. She countered with Romeo and Juliet. Just to get him prepared for the evening, she made him watch an impossibly old video. Daniel had to admit the Italian chick was hot, but he would have taken poison too if it meant he could avoid wearing the guy's outfit. Mandy remarked that the dark haired Romeo was dreamy and while Daniel had also been drawn to the youth's dark beauty he found himself scoffing at her. The fight scenes were good. The guy playing Romeo's friend was a little like Denver. Jake was definitely Tybalt. Daniel remembered surprising Mandy at the dance with a few of the lines Juliet had fallen for. He really didn't know what he was saying, but mimicking the guy in the movie almost earned him the love scene from the film. Mandy made the costumes and Daniel had to threaten Simon with his toy dagger to get him to shut up about the tights. The dagger was the only cool thing about the costume. Mandy had shown a good deal of cleavage though. He ignored it as best he could while their moms were snapping pictures. Later, it was all he could do not to simply stare at her boobs. Daniel had been grateful for the little flap thing she had sewn across his crotch. The spandex would have shared too many secrets.

Arlo and his date came as Batman and Robin in girl's leotards. Arlo's tights left nothing to Daniel's imagination. Neither did the pair's constant touching. There was not much modesty left in the ninth grade class by the end of October, so they were not the only ones all over each other. . . but they were the only boys. Daniel had been happy Arlo found someone.The guy was interesting and Daniel noticed he was as uncomfortable in his costume as Daniel was in his. When Mandy brought up the idea of a double date Daniel thought he might be able to handle it. A few weeks later Arlo informed Daniel that they broke up. At the time, Daniel was genuinely sorry to hear it. Perhaps the two boys had gotten together again though. Daniel recalled seeing them talking in the hallway the week before. I forgot his name. That was oddly annoying. Daniel raked his memory and figured Mandy might know. He turned to ask her and then hesitated. Daniel knew Mandy worried about Arlo, but she could not get him to talk to Arlo about the break up. Daniel reasoned that if he showed interest about the other boy's name, then she would be at him until he got involved in Arlo's love life. That was just not on, not with Arlo getting freaky with his older friends all the time. Daniel decided the handsome boy deserved someone better.

Dammit, what is his name?

The Brass Lantern was quiet. The offices were closed and most of the last-minute shoppers were over at the malls. Daniel glanced around the old restaurant and felt a glow of contentment. The tree was done. He stopped to take a break and sat next to Mandy. They were mostly past the need to touch each other all the time, but he twined his fingers through hers and felt the now familiar thrill of her touch. Daniel glanced nervously at Hagar the Horrible, he was still not convinced that he was not going to get gunned down for touching her.

"Who is the chubby cop?"

"Mom's partner; I wanted him to meet Claire."

Daniel glanced at Claire practicing Christmas carols on a keyboard. Karl had enlisted her when Denver suggested the clientèle would like it.

Eddie adamantly refused to sing Christmas carols. “I an I don't play Christmas Mas,” he remarked. Nevertheless, Eddie pulled his guitar out and was amusing himself playing little variations and harmonies on her traditional themes. Mandy thought it was great. Daniel was adopting Karl and Denver's attitude -- he was not into Christmas music, but he agreed it was good for business. Daniel gazed at the twinkling tree. He was pleased with the job he had done; Denver let him do it by himself. The only other nod to Christmas in the restaurant was the collection of stockings Karl had put on the fireplace. Daniel had been touched when Karl showed him the stocking with his name on it. When nobody was looking Daniel had felt his stocking -- there were things in it. He was grateful that Karl had made him feel a part of the staff.

Daniel had developed an instinct for recognizing when he was in a paying customer's way. When a party of four eyed the space in front of the fireplace, he nudged Mandy and helped her up. Daniel went back to the kitchen to help out. Mandy went over to her mom to continue her latest romantic project. Definitely not a good idea to draw her attention back to Arlo and. . . Larry, Blaine, Shane? Damn!. Daniel and Denver usually connected at least twice a week at the restaurant. Daniel found Denver puttering at the counter preparing the evening menu. Daniel silently worked around him gathering soiled items and washing them in the sink. This was Daniel's favorite time. Daniel loved the quiet times together in the kitchen of the Brass Lantern. He caught up with Denver and turned to watch the tall eighteen-year-old work. Daniel would have blushed to use the word love to describe his feelings for Denver. Though Daniel still had physical feelings for him, Denver was becoming like a brother. Daniel was drawn to his experience and consciously sought Denver's approval. Claire's sweet voice and Eddie's guitar drifted through from the dining room. Mandy went to listen and Daniel got busy clearing tables and started a new cycle of washing things up.

The supper crowd was predictably light. When the evening was done Daniel caged a ride home with Denver. They sat shivering while the Echo warmed up. They talked of little things; Denver and his dad spending Christmas in Arizona; Daniel's discouragement over sports. The only team he had made since football was the track team. He was barely keeping his place there. It was all about training. It turned out that fast on the grid iron was pathetically slow on the indoor track. Christmas lights sparkled up and down the street. Finally Daniel blurted out, "I miss you." Denver knew what he was talking about.

"Memories, remember? What about you and Mandy?"

"That's great, but I don't think she's ready yet. It's got to be right. You know what I mean?"

Denver could respect that. "Find someone in your class." Denver felt like Daniel just needed help relieving the pressure. "What about that guy you told me about, Arlo? Sleep with him again. You're just feeling horny."

Daniel tried to block his night with Arlo out of his mind. Denver exasperated Daniel. "I don't need a hand. I can spank the monkey anytime Denver. I have a lot of material to work with." Almost too much, Daniel reflected. He paused before he continued more softly "but I still think about you."

Denver was uncertain. He noted Daniel's glistening eyes in the amber glow of the street lights. Daniel was young and willing to grab sex where he could get it. This was normal, Denver conceded. Daniel was a gentle boy and like all fourteen-year-olds he was intensely physical. His feelings for Denver came out through contact. Denver knew he had taken advantage of the boy in September and he needed to know where the raw physical need between them ended and the caring love began. Denver tried to ignore Daniel's large puppy dog eyes.

"Is it Mark?"

Mark was private. Mark wasn't Daniel's business. Mark was not a good topic at this moment. "No." It was Christmas time and Daniel was offering himself all wrapped up in a bow. "I think about you too Daniel. But is it such a good idea?"

They drove in silence down the snow filled streets. Denver saw a spot and pulled over near Daniel's apartment. He might have let Daniel walk the short distance to his door alone. Denver found himself on the sidewalk brushing up against Daniel. As they were crossing an alley entrance Denver stopped Daniel.

"Do you still remember how to kiss?"

Daniel nodded mutely and Denver pulled him into the shadows. Their lips found each other in the dark.

"Merry Christmas."