Turbulence - 18. Chapter 18

The Arms Get Tired
Saturday, February 26th

Heather Murrell contemplated over her son as she shuffled through the daily grind. Spring seemed a long way off. Frozen drifts clogged all pathways and made foot travel a tiresome chore. The snowplows didn't really clear the streets, they just seemed to push the snow around leaving obstacles for traffic and pedestrians alike. Heather found herself dreaming of spring sunlight and green grass. Her son needed spring too. It seemed as if the steady accumulation of dirty snow parallelled Daniel's slow drift into depression.

Heather expected the freshman year would be hard on Daniel. The fact that her adolescent son would not discuss it with her made life hard on her as well. The independence of fourteen-year-olds was new territory. Heather envied Hagar having a daughter at this age who might confide in her mother. Hagar's son was away at school now, but the older woman assured Heather that he had behaved much the same way as Daniel.

Heather was not sure whether Denver Hawke could help her son, but the Brass Lantern seemed to recharge Daniel's emotional batteries in some way. During rare moments of conversation together, Daniel spoke of classmates she did not know. She always considered him to be generally popular, but he did not bring friends home anymore. Half a year into high school and he seemed to lose touch with even his closest companions. Arlo's mother had phoned to vent her frustrations, perplexed by her own son's challenging behavior. Heather could not explain Daniel's gradual abandonment of the boy who had been his best friend during grade school.

As Heather sifted through another stack of documents, she realized that Mandy was the last remaining member of the gang Daniel had run with prior to high school. Heather was pleased with the girl's attachment to her son. Many of the girls Daniel's age were a mother's nightmare. Heather brimmed with enthusiasm over the pretty girl who ruled Daniel's day and seemed to be the inspiration for all his restless adolescent dreams. There was a solid maturity to their relationship that made it a struggle to remember that Daniel and Mandy were only a few steps removed from childhood.

Mandy visited frequently and this did not always please her son. Daniel would become unreasonably agitated if Mandy travelled alone. Mandy would persist in doing this despite his pleading. Heather could hear them argue about it in his room; Mandy confident in her ability to take care of herself and Daniel inarticulate about his concerns. Fortunately, they never seemed to stay angry at each other for very long. The noise would die down and, except for music drifting through the open bedroom door, Heather would hear nothing from them. Her son always insisted on accompanying Mandy home which often led to an argument. They were remarkably protective of each other.

Heather knew she was not being cautious about Daniel's activities with Mandy. She probably should have kept a tighter rein but her work consumed a lot of her time. On a guilty search of Daniel's room she uncovered an unopened box of condoms; she carefully placed them back inside his football helmet and covered them with his athletic supporter and cup. She resigned to make more of an effort to watch the pair, but was never able to work up the courage to confront him. Events at the school frustrated her as well; each time he came home bruised and battered by some school-yard fight she would phone the school. The soft spoken vice principal would express sympathy and hint that Daniel might be falling into the wrong crowd. He tried to turn the problem back on her asking about family support and extracurricular involvement that might keep her son off the streets. This would send her into a towering rage she fought hard to contain. It was little comfort to know that Daniel was a boy and therefore safe from the worst forms of abuse. Heather marvelled at Hagar Cole's ability to stand back each day and watch Mandy leave for school, knowing full well the dangers posed by the grade twelve boys.

Heather considered sending him to a private school, but she knew well enough not to ask Daniel his opinion of that idea. His few remaining friends were at Riverview and Daniel shared his grandfather's disdain for private schools. Heather reassured herself that ultimately her good-natured son would survive the blackboard jungle. She knew he was a handsome boy who attracted admiration, a trait he had inherited from his bastard father if nothing else. People had always been drawn to Daniel and her son had a way of handling them with grace. Heather was sure Daniel would figure out high school and learn to avoid the older boys who failed to appreciate him.

Siren Song
Monday, February 28th

The first bell rang and Daniel's stomach twitched with a pang of disappointment, time to head to his locker. There were too many entrances and he was probably going about this the wrong way. Laine was proving to be elusive. Daniel was not always able to make their lunch date, so a before school encounter might be their only contact during the course of the school day. Things distracted him from his new quest. He could never offer Simon or Mark a reasonable explanation for sitting at the same window every day. He also had to keep up the effort to share lunch with Mandy from time to time. Someone had to beat the older boys off with a stick if Mandy was not willing to do it for herself.

Apparently Laine did not use the south entrance. Daniel dejectedly slipped off the railing and headed into the school. It had occurred to him in an optimistic flash that he and Laine might be playing a game of tag. Daniel wondered if Laine shared the same attraction he felt and was waiting for him at an opposing entrance? This is stupid, I should just walk up to him and say hello. It was not like they were total strangers. Daniel shied away from the thought. It sure would be nice to know Laine's schedule.

Daniel closed his locker and spun the wheel. He felt strung out and run down. He was always tired at school and he could not work up any interest in the next class. School had always been something Daniel enjoyed. The classwork came easily to him and he had always been surrounded by his friends. School was not fun anymore and it all started with being cut from the track team. This still upset Daniel even though he saw it coming. Running track was supposed to be his way of staying in shape until the next season of football. He really missed the physical activity. As if to show defiance to the track coach's decision, Daniel darted through the crowd, avoiding twelfth grade boys as if they were defensive tackles. It was imperative that he keep himself in good condition in order to gain a place on the junior varsity team in the fall. Daniel reassured himself that he was just not fast enough for the track team. I'd like to see one of those track kids try to beat me after getting slammed to the turf a couple times. And see if they can handle a frozen football coming at 'em. . .

Football and his short time on the track team seemed to be his only opportunities for sports this year. Daniel had already faced the fact that basketball or volleyball were not options; there were too many ninth graders with height or club experience. He was interested in wrestling but it seemed too much like what he spent his days avoiding. He had tried the weight room a few times, but it was clear that he was just inviting attention from a crowd who were attracted to sweaty young boys straining their muscles while lying on their backs. His other interest would have been the swim team. He knew he could hold his own in the pool. He had shown up for the try-outs after his gym teacher suggested he could win a spot on the team. When he saw the older boys and girls watching from the stands he turned away, too self-conscious of how the Speedo advertised his availability in the shower room and hallways. The hope of joining the team in grade ten was a faint light at the end of the freshie tunnel and he tried to keep up his trips to the university pool. Like a wild deer returning to the watering hole, he approached the pool like everything else, wary of any lurking predators. Meeting up with Cam eased his fears. He felt protected by the nineteen-year old and Cam's attention was flattering.

Daniel realized he had been on the run for seven months; he needed out for a while and he wished his mom could take time off for a vacation. He turned a corner and realized he had stumbled directly into a crowd of seniors. Two students from his class stood amongst the older boys and girls seemingly trapped in the conversation. Daniel felt the familiar anxiety, expecting the older students to stop him. But they seemed to be focused elsewhere and he passed by unnoticed. Daniel hurried on. He caught a glimpse of Denver down the hall; they waved at each other. Daniel had finally cut Denver off from any anecdotes about constant humiliations and occasional assaults. Denver did not handle things well. Denver was always so sure he could solve Daniel's problems. The problem with Denver is that he always insisted on fighting back. After the beating Daniel received for defending Simon and the close call in the restroom, Daniel was not much into fighting these days. He saw a creep who had treated him like dirt and humiliated him in front of some cute sophomore girls. The fellow looked so normal leaning against a locker laughing with his friends, but the look in his eyes reminded Daniel of Jake and Frank. Daniel paused at the door and waited for his heart to slow down. He just wanted be left alone.

His first class was with Arlo. Daniel never understood why he had been shifted into this class at semester break. It was not his learning community and most of the students were complete strangers. Daniel sat at his desk trying to remember what they were studying. The class was boring because the teacher never let anyone talk and they worked out of a decrepit old textbook. Generations of students had filled the margins with answers and obliterated the illustrations with graffiti. Daniel and the others worked silently on the chapter questions until the last fifteen minutes when they would self correct. The corner of the white board slowly filled with the names of students who talked and the teacher added perfect little check marks indicating the students condemned to detention. Daniel had not made any friends in the room. It was hard to get to know people if you were not allowed to communicate with them.

He glanced over at Chris and Arlo. As usual, Chris pretended to ignore him. Arlo sat beside Daniel and it brought back memories of grade eight. Arlo was particularly depressing to have in class; he knew Daniel and Mandy were going out but he still passed his friend embarrassing notes. When the teacher intercepted them he looked at the boys with thinly veiled disgust. Daniel looked at the latest one in his hand. "Luke has a big packet. I wouldn't mind humming a tune on his flute. Do you want to come to a party with me?" Daniel scribbled "go for it" to the first and "no" to the second, then handed the note back to Arlo. The exchange earned him a spot on Mr. Hamner's blackboard. Daniel sighed.

I bet Arlo probably knows Laine's schedule! Daniel vaguely recalled Arlo mentioning the classes he had with his ex-boyfriend. Daniel carefully ripped a strip off the bottom of a blank page. He started to write Arlo a note and then froze when he realized what a monumental mistake he was making. He glanced at Arlo while carefully shredding the evidence into confetti. Arlo offered a small smile and Daniel responded to it weakly.

Mandy wanted Daniel to go to a chick flick on the weekend, which inevitably meant sharing her with some of her girl friends. Maybe I can drag Simon along. Simon would distract the girls with his macho bullshit. On the other hand, a chance encounter with Laine at lunch could provide a much better companion for the movie. Daniel recalled how easy it was to talk to him at the Halloween Dance. Daniel was not sure why he spent time searching the school for Laine when he had Mandy. Daniel wrote "Mandy or Laine" on his paper and then erased it vigorously. He was not really thinking straight at the moment. Whatever possessed him to believe he could include Laine in his circle? It was bad enough he lived in dread of the moment when Mandy realized what a pussy he was, always getting pushed around by the older boys, letting things get gay. He could not imagine explaining his new infatuation with the dark haired boy.

Daniel's pen tapped the surface of his desk until Mr. Hamner's dry cough drew his attention to the noise. Daniel resented Mandy at times. Mandy was no different than all the other kids, no one faced the daily humiliation like he had. She was safe behind her disguise surrounded by her new boyfriends. Daniel was frightened that she would drop him when she saw through his lies. His teacher was circling the silent room like a hawk. The total silence was killing him. Daniel raised his hand and bolted from the room once the man gave a grudging consent.

Daniel stood at the sink splashing water on his face when Chris joined him. After meeting eyes Daniel turned back to the sink. The water did not help much, he needed a coffee, preferably while he was relaxed at the Brass Lantern, far removed from the mesmerizing dullness of his history classroom and the bothersome adoration of Arlo. He leaned on the sink and looked at his reflection. Beyond his shoulder Chris was hunched over the urinal. God I hate restrooms.

"So are you as big a faggot as your bum-buddy Arlo?" Daniel ignored the comment and yanked a few paper towels free. "Which one of you tops? I'll bet you are a bottom Daniel. I bet you like it when Arlo drives that big salami deep into your fudge hole." Chris glanced over his shoulder before returning to his business.

Daniel turned back to lean against the sink, eyeing his adversary in the mirror. "Top? Bottom? You seem to be very familiar with the vocabulary Chris." Daniel welcomed the unfamiliar surge of rage. It made him feel alive. "Big salami -- have you been dreaming of a little man-on-man action there Chrissy?"

"Fuck off Murrell; it wasn't me lapping up the jizz this summer. What a total fruit you turned out to be."

Daniel crossed the floor and shoved Chris against the urinal to get his attention. "What the fuck!" Chris turned on Daniel but before he could follow through he found himself pushed back against the wall a second time. Daniel's face was brick red.

"That story has been following me around all year. You know how it went down. You just are not man enough to tell anyone the truth."

"What is that exactly?"

"I never sucked your cock."

"You were all set to. Greg and I should have guessed you were gay years ago. I guess you faggots are all attracted to Greg."

"You know Chris, I don't have anything to prove to you. What if I was? Forget for a moment you're a bully and pathetic loser and I have a girlfriend; just go ahead and say I'm hot for guys, pretend I've got a sexy boyfriend with a tight ass. . ."

"Fucking sick."

"He's sick alright and I love it when he does me. I like his breath on my neck as he nails me Chris. I want to feel his long hair brush my belly when his lips are wrapped around my cock. He's my baby!" Daniel crooned. "So what? What would it matter to you anyway?"

"Faggot," Chris hissed.

"Yeah right, Chris. I'm the faggot with a girlfriend. So where's your girlfriend Chris? Oh right, you and Greg are kinda tight now, I forgot. Or did you ever get around to sucking Nolan's cock? You creamed in front of everyone as soon as you got it out of your pants. What does that say about you Chris? Do you have some secret feelings for me Chris? Need to tell me something?" Daniel knew he had finally pushed the right button.

"I'll get you for that."

"I'm scared Chris. You already did your worst. You told Arlo all about it and the moron told my girlfriend. Guess what? She's still around. You don't matter now, so go tell your little story to someone else." Daniel paused when he reached the door and looked back to where Chris stood frozen with his fly open, "By the way Chris, you left a bad taste in my mouth."

Daniel stepped into the hallway and leaned against a locker. He was shaking like a leaf. He could hardly believe his own words. Where had it all come from? He thought about Laine and wished it had been him in the restroom. The moment of rage felt good. Letting his feelings out felt good even if he knew Chris would probably take it all for sarcasm, it still made him feel better. Chris followed him back into the classroom a few minutes later. Their eyes met and Chris mouthed "fag" at him. Daniel responded with a finger. Mr. Hamner coughed once and added a check next to Daniel's name. Daniel sighed and tried to immerse himself in the boring work.

On an impulse Daniel followed Arlo out of the classroom and let his delighted friend lead him down the hallway. After priming the conversation with his opinion of Mr. Hamner; it was easy to turn the discussion over to Arlo. They dropped a floor below Daniel's next class. Arlo reached his classroom but knew Daniel would not follow him inside; they ended up across from the door against a wall of lockers. Daniel's patient attention to some minor excitement in Arlo's relationship with Donald was eventually rewarded by Laine's arrival. Daniel's spirits soared and he felt a surge through his chest that reminded him of the sensation of riding a canoe through foaming water. Laine walked alone with an easy stride and an abstract look on his face. He checked abruptly when he noticed Daniel with Arlo practically pinning him against the wall. Another student bumped into Laine so he resumed walking toward the door with his head bowed. Daniel watched him veer away from the door and cut through a stream of students before landing beside a heavy set girl on the other side of the hallway. Laine exchanged some words with the girl.

"Are you going to be free on Saturday?" Arlo continued.

"Huh?"

Arlo was blocking his view so Daniel shifted to the right. Laine had dropped a heavy book bag to the floor and began rummaging about in it. His dark hair covered his eyes like a curtain.

"I was thinking of having a few people over, you know maybe some of the old gang."

This caught Daniel's attention and he reluctantly shifted his eyes away from Laine. Arlo took this as a show of interest, misinterpreting the blank stare.

"I mean, it would be nice don't you think?"

Daniel resumed watching Laine while he absorbed Arlo's words. Laine had surfaced with a small student agenda and a pen. He turned slightly away from Daniel and offered his slender profile for Daniel's inspection. A hand came up and casually pushed the spill of hair off his face. Daniel bit his lip as Laine slowly began paging through the agenda apparently intent on some errant information that could not wait until he was seated in the classroom. Laine turned slightly toward Daniel. Daniel glanced back at Arlo who smiled so hopefully Daniel felt shamed into a response.

"Who were you thinking of?" Daniel tried to say it lightly, unwilling as usual to give any sign of commitment.

Arlo hesitated. The idea of a gathering had come to him as they walked to class and he had not actually thought through the details. The tight circle of friends they had shared was now fragmented largely because of the break between Greg, Mandy and Daniel. Old loyalties don't seem to matter anymore, Arlo thought bleakly. Even now, Daniel's eyes slid away from him again and seemed to drift into space, intent on something beyond his left shoulder. Life had been so much easier when Greg and Mandy were still together and Daniel had a desire to spend time with him. There were too many disagreements among them all now. As usual, Arlo could see it all clearly in his mind. Greg and Chris despised him because he liked boys. Greg resented Daniel for stealing Mandy. Daniel would not go anywhere without Mandy and she despised Amber. Simon was an asshole and Daniel was clearly jealous of Donald.

The bell would ring in a moment, Arlo needed to say something. He moved into Daniel's field of vision. Daniel met his eyes with a slight pout that made Arlo shiver. "Maybe we should forget the idea. How about coming over and just hanging out."

Daniel shifted his binder as the warning bell rang and sighed before replying. "I don't know, sounds okay I guess. I'm not really sure. . . Let me think about it okay? I might be busy, you know how it is. . . I'll try and get back to you."

Arlo was encouraged by this positive response. He understood Daniel's vague answer. Daniel was whipped. Daniel had to check with Mandy first. Arlo poked Daniel to cheer him up. "Hey dude, you sound like your married. I'm your friend right?"

Daniel edged away and his eyes drifted off again. Arlo's question brought a sardonic smile to Daniel's lips. "For better or worse, till death do us part."

Arlo knew they both needed to get to class, so he made one final pitch. "Well it's only ninth grade buddy, we haven't come to that yet. You know we are entitled to have other friends. Just because I am with Donald and you are with Mandy doesn't mean we have to be exclusive." Arlo got this idea from Donald, who explained it to him in the car one day. Arlo was surprised when Donald stopped to pick up an older boy who accompanied thim to a party. Donald referred to this as an 'open relationship' and it turned Donald on to watch his young freshie boyfriend make out with other people.

Arlo glanced down and could not help noticing the slight erection breaking the flat plain of Daniel's jeans. Daniel was excited. Daniel was responding to him. All Daniel needed was a little encouragement to nudge him along. The hallway was quickly becoming deserted now. "It does not mean you don't care about Mandy too," Arlo continued softly. This caught Daniel's attention and Arlo realized he had finally connected with his best friend again. "It doesn't have to be a big deal Daniel. What is so wrong with two guys hooking up if they like each other?" Arlo thought he had won Daniel over with this logic. His friend relaxed and his smile softened suddenly.

"You're right Arlo, just a couple of guys, thanks. I guess I better get to class." Daniel walked sideways a few steps before turning away.

"Think about Saturday."

"What? Oh right, we'll see." Daniel tossed over his shoulder.

Arlo admired Daniel's figure as it moved confidently away, then he turned to enter the classroom. He was surprised to discover Laine lingering just outside the door with his back to him. Arlo did not say anything to his former boyfriend. Laine had lost his chance and if he was not ready for a serious relationship, well then that was his problem. Arlo did not need him now, not when there would be a willing Daniel up in the attic over the garage on Saturday. Arlo paused to catch one last look at Daniel heading toward the exit. He flushed with pleasure when Daniel hesitated at the open fire door and turned back. Damn, he looks so good! Daniel reached out with one hand on the door frame and casually guided himself, shirt open to expose his tight tangerine t-shirt and the hard muscle beneath. Arlo absent-mindedly reached for his crotch. Daniel was a study in exasperation. He shouldn't be so shy about a little man on man action. He should just come out with it. He's gotta know the answer is going to be "yes". Arlo elbowed past Laine and waved at Daniel peering back; Arlo wished Laine would notice Daniel.

Swim with a New School of Fish
Wednesday March 2nd

Daniel ate lunch by himself. Mandy was at a drama club meeting, no doubt surrounded by a growing assortment of admiring ninth and tenth graders. He swallowed the cold tuna buns in lonely solitude. Laine was elsewhere it seemed. Laine's usual crowd sat chatting without him. A group of older boys threaded their way through the cafeteria in Daniel's direction. They stopped a couple of times before ending their journey at his table. Daniel glanced at them when a black boy about his size sat down facing him.

"I'm Roger. This is Bo, that's Peter and he's Nathan. You're Daniel Murrell aren't you?"

Daniel looked at the four boys. "Sure."

"We're on the cross country team. Denver said you're bummed out because they cut you from track. He thought you might like to work out with us."

Bo chimed in. "We're kind of the lost boys of the athletic program." Peter and Nathan nodded in agreement.

"We run together twice a week. Well, most of us run every day by ourselves."

"I dunno. . . to be honest with you guys, I was mostly trying to stay in shape for football and the pool. I don't know what kind of a long distance runner I would make."

The boys sat down next to Roger. "That's cool Daniel. We're just goofing around now anyway. We won't gear up to compete till the spring."

Daniel wasn't much of a jogger. Unless there was a clear destination in mind, say the end zone, there hardly seemed any point to the exercise. He thought it over quickly and decided he had no better offers.

"Sure. Thanks for asking me."

They told him where to hook up with them. Bo shyly gave him some advice on what to wear; outside it was still cold.

-------------------------

"Get over it Simon, it will be good for you. I haven't seen you run since the summer. Just pretend you're being chased by rapists."

Simon was dressed like a street person swaddled against the cold. "I can't believe you talked me into this," Simon muttered to Daniel.

Daniel introduced him to the guys he had met in the cafeteria and they introduced him to a few more boys and girls. "Simon's going to run with us. If he lights up a cigarette take it away from him."

The others looked at Simon.

"Fuck you Daniel." Simon took off after the grade twelve who set the pace. Daniel followed the pack and found Roger holding back with him. They ran in silence for a while along the snow covered side walk. Occasionally the path would be blocked and they would be forced to detour onto the street. The slate sky heralded a coming storm. It felt good to be moving again. Daniel had missed this kind of exercise; he searched for the kind of rhythm that sustained him through his canoe trips.

"I only started running last spring. Do you mind me giving you some tips?" Daniel was feeling agreeable so as they ran Roger shared what he knew and before long Daniel had changed his rhythm and felt himself relaxing. It was a long run and Daniel eventually became winded. "We usually run before school, but when it's cold like this we run in the daylight." Daniel let Roger increase the pace and they began to close the gap with Simon and the rest of the pack. "Not really that cold is it?" Roger was just a bit too cheerful for Daniel's taste. He grunted a reply and concentrated on the uneven surface beneath his feet.

After another half a block they joined the rest and Simon fell back a few paces to join him. Simon actually grinned at Daniel. "I think I finally found a sport I like."

"Snow coming." Daniel refrained from sharing his opinion on running.

"Yep."

When they got back to the school Daniel was beat. He peeled off his clothes and pushed them into his book bag. If he was going to do this he needed to have more changes. The shower felt good and the new companions took the edge off the sense of loneliness he had been feeling during the day. Some days it was like a dark weight pressed down on him. The long stretches between Mandy, Denver and Simon were pain-filled moments of holding his breath.

Daniel lapsed into silence and let Simon talk for both of them. It was a luxury to be free of worry. The companionship of the older boys lulled Daniel into an illusion that he was safe from the aggravations of being a grade nine at Riverview. He soaped and rinsed himself idly. He wondered if Laine was sick. Laine in a baggy t-shirt and boxer briefs lounging on a couch, chicken soup beside him and a game in the machine. Laine rinsing the sweat of illness off his hard body in the shower, holding his head back so that the hard stinging water massaged his blemish-free temples and travelled down the wick of his brunette hair. Cooling rivulets braiding their way down the muscled expanse of his shoulders and back until they met the swell of his cheeks only to be channelled down the cleft and fall in scatters to Laine's feet. Soothing water caressing his long legs and clinging to the small hairs, a trickle working its way between warm thighs to tickle the heat-stretched sack containing. . .

Daniel was jostled out of his contented thoughts when Bo, Roger and Peter pushed him out of the hot jets and blocked him from view for a moment. Daniel and Simon stood behind a casual wall of flesh while some unfamiliar seniors stopped to chat. When the twelfth graders moved on the boys let the two freshies back into the circle. Roger glanced apologetically at Daniel. "It blows, I know. I remember what it was like." It spoiled the moment for Daniel. But he also realized it had been a while since anyone had helped him like that.

"Thanks guys, that was cool." Daniel reluctantly tucked Laine away.

Mandy was waiting for him near the change rooms. Some seniors walked past her as she picked her nose and stared vacantly at them through her heavy rims. The sweater was truly ugly. Daniel had stopped noticing her school appearance months ago. Sometimes her good-will outfits even seemed cute to him. The last senior stopped to take a second look at her and Daniel's heart skipped until the twelfth grader moved on. He realized he had been hiding in the door the whole time. He was a shrimp hiding from sharks while his angel fish pretended to be a guppy. Daniel slammed his fist into a locker and went out to meet her.

God he's always either angry or depressed these days, Mandy thought to herself. What is happening to him? Arlo and her other friends dropped broad hints about Daniel doing things with other ninth grade classmates. There were three more months before the official hazing was supposed to end and she wondered how he really felt about it all. He thought he was so careful keeping things from her. She hated the costume she was wearing. She dreamed of being herself and styling her hair again. Too much pretence in their lives but sometimes that was for the best. The play acting had saved her from many humiliations. When they made her paint the mural she had shed her disguise to distance herself from her carefully contrived appearance. She and the girls had tried to ignore the eyes staring at their every move and they turned it into a joke. Daniel would not go away either. He insisted on staying to watch the entire thing. The experience helped her to understand why he avoided her at school. Some things should be private. Once, some twelfth grade girls had made her give a boy a blow job. They had pulled a knife and threatened to cut her nipples. She had blocked the freshman boy's face out of her mind refusing to remember him. The boy's penis had seemed big when she took it in her mouth. She had cried while she did it. When she had tasted the semen in her mouth and inhaled the same musky smell it reminded her of Daniel when he kissed her lips. She turned the anonymous boy into her young Romeo and imagined her lips were on Daniel's organ sharing a gift of love instead of some rude violation. She should have told her mother and had them all charged, but it seemed too late now. It was the worst experience of her life and it left her more connected to Daniel.

Daniel looked better after his run, his face glowed. She hoped this new diversion would work out for him. He turned back to wave at some boys coming out of the change room then when nobody was looking he kissed her. She grabbed his coat and drew him back for a second longer kiss letting his groin touch hers. They lingered in the moment.

"Now I should put you two on detention for that kind of behavior in the hallways." Daniel and Mandy blushed at Karen Cannon. She smiled at them and continued on to the pool where one of her class problems was competing. She had promised to watch the girl. Karen thought about the two youngsters walking away behind her. They were so young, but their relationship seemed to be holding together. She caught up with Simon.

"Going to watch the swimming Ms. Cannon?"

Now Simon didn't bother with relationships, he was a randy little bantam always on the prowl. The cliché little man trying to prove his penis was bigger than his body. He was a type of articulate but sarcastic boy she hated in her classroom, but for some reason she liked him.

"So how come you and Daniel get on so well?"

It was a rude question, but Simon amused her. "What you mean is how come a well dressed honor roll, canoe paddling boy scout wastes his time hanging with a scruffy stoner punk like me?" he glanced at her sideways.

"Oh, that is not what I see when I look at you Simon. I've seen so much more than that this year."

"So does Daniel." Simon said softy.

She liked him all the better for his gentle answer. She wondered about his black eye and the cut lip. The wounds made him seem uncharacteristically vulnerable to her.

"What happened to you Simon?" She could see Simon was uncomfortable with the unexpected attention.

"I got tired of running. It seemed easier to just get it over with."

She wanted to hug the little guy. There were worlds that existed just out of her reach. Star crossed lovers in the hallway and a proud boy who fought back because he was tired of running.

"So did you win?"

"No, I took a dive this time. Don't tell Daniel I said this, but sometimes you do have to let them win."

Simon's words intrigued Karen. She let Simon go and he wandered down to sit by the railing. When she looked his way a while later the scruffy fourteen-year-old was lost in the parade of young girls down by the pool.

Thursday
March 10th

"Awww. . . this is so sweet Daniel. Imagine you sitting out here on these cold steps while the snowflakes cover your frozen body just so you can see me first thing in the morning. Where's my hot cup of coffee?" Simon eyed the paper cup in Daniel's hand. It was indeed snowing and despite the hot coffee Daniel had grown uncomfortable sitting on the cement riser along the stairs. "What are you actually doing here anyway? You usually take the north entrance."

It was a fair question but the slightly embarrassing and always intriguing answer was four steps behind Simon. Laine was dressed in a battered bomber jacket and an old sweat shirt. His face was sheltered by the loose drape of the oversized hoody. Bright eyes glittered at Daniel for a moment from the depths before Laine swiped a wet nose with his sleeve and steered around Simon. He chose to pass between the two friends and Laine lightly brushed against Daniel's knee with the back of his hand.

Daniel dominated his compulsion to study the play of cotton fabric across Laine's flexing butt and took a final sip of his cold coffee before replying. "Did you come in on the bus?"

"Sure, it's a bit cold to walk on a day like this. don't you think?" They went into the school together. Daniel glanced around but Laine had disappeared into the morning rush. "So what gives Daniel?"

"Just wanted to connect with you before classes; see if you were running today." Daniel kicked himself. That was a little lame. He could have asked that in their English class in the afternoon. That was not a good reason for lurking on steps.

Simon gave him a look suggesting he did not buy the explanation but seemed to let the matter go. "Sure, that works for me. You gonna run?"

"Yes."

The afternoon jog had quickly become something important to both of them. They parted a few paces later with barely a word, two friends negotiating the heavy currents of the high school hallways. They moved their separate ways toward their lockers. Riverview's hallways were familiar territory to them now. The utter mystery of the school in September now seemed like the natural ebb and flow of the tide. Both boys effortlessly piloted themselves around the dangerous shoals and eddies keeping to safe channels. The school was an extension of the city streets and both boys were wise to its ways now. Simon retrieved his morning binder and retraced his steps. After so many months he knew his teachers -- those who would let him leave the room and those who would not. He paused on his way to class to use the restroom near the science library. As watering holes went, Simon thought it a relatively safe one as it was close to a staff room and the administrative office. The restroom was not always free of irritations though. A tall student with an attitude pushed Simon back into the hallway and almost off his feet when he tried to enter. Simon backed off to let the guy pass, counted to ten in his head, then gave the older youth the finger behind his back before pushing through the door.

Simon was surprised to discover Daniel on the other side leaning against the wall. Simon took in his rumpled appearance and the flush across his face. Their eyes met briefly and Daniel rolled his eyes in resignation.

"Are you okay?" Simon asked quietly.

"Oh sure, it's all good."

Simon let that go and watched Daniel cross to the sink. His friend bent over the porcelain for a moment and then snapped on both taps. Simon remembered his mission and moved over to the urinal. He considered the situation as he did his business. Daniel was splashing water on him face in the background.

"You know that guy?"

"Yes I know him." There was a defeated tone to Daniel's voice that worried Simon. Simon shook himself off and turned back to Daniel. Daniel continued without turning away from the sink. "Wash your hands Simon."

Simon snorted at the old joke between them but he refused to allow it to distract him. Daniel was studying the rush of water as it swirled down the drain. Simon moved over beside him and watched as Daniel flicked a scrap of paper towel into the sink. They both watched it swirl once around the margin of the whirlpool. The paper clung briefly to the porcelain before the relentless current caught it and snatched it into oblivion.

"What are you doing tonight Daniel? You gonna be home?"

"Yeah I guess." Daniel reached out and slowly turned the taps off. "Mom's working late."

"Invite me over for supper."

"Sure, that sounds good." Simon was rewarded with a small smile. His Daniel was still in there; Simon could see it and it blunted his anger and lessened his anxiety over the situation. "You want to just come over after we run?"

"No, I have some shit to do first, but I'll be over by seven." Simon glanced around the walls of the indifferent restroom. "Let's get to class man."

Thursday Evening

Simon stood in the open door with his hands jammed deep in his coat pockets. Daniel narrowed his eyes at Simon's lumpy appearance and waved him in. "What do you have to eat?"

"I ordered a pizza." Daniel pointed to a box on the counter. Simon noted that Daniel had raided a few pieces from it already.

"When's your mom getting back?"

"Dunno, probably eleven."

"Good." Simon proceeded to pull six cans of beer from various pockets of his winter jacket.

"What do you have in mind Simon? It's not the weekend."

"You and I are going to have a conversation."

"About what?"

"Let's call it an intervention."

"That doesn't sound good."

"Well Daniel. . . it isn't." Simon cracked a can and handed it to Daniel who took it gingerly. Simon cracked his own and then wandered back toward the front door. He grabbed Daniel's coat in the entryway and tossed it across the kitchen.

Daniel reflexively caught it then looked at Simon uncertainly. "Are we going out?"

"No, I just need to step out for a smoke." Simon waited until Daniel had stepped into his shoes and then he led the way to the balcony. Daniel leaned on the railing and looked at the darkness. The snow was still falling heavily. There was silence between them as Simon lit a cigarette.

"What's on your mind Simon?" There was a cautious note in Daniel's voice.

"Do you know what you are doing?"

"I'm just trying to get by." There was no uncertainty between them about what the question or the answer meant.

"That's just it Daniel. I don't think you are right now."

"You don't understand --"

"What is there to understand?" Simon sighed.

"I can deal with things Simon. I appreciate you worrying about me but it's not that bad. It's mostly Jake and a few other people."

"Jake? You know this guys name?"

"We've talked a little."

"Talked?" Simon let his anger and frustration slip through, "I would just drift him."

"Right, well you know what happens then." There was an edge to Daniel's reply.

"So sometimes it is still the right thing to do," Simon replied.

"Everyone says just get through the year."

"I say fuck that. I say fuck getting by." Simon took a final drag on his cigarette and flicked the stub over the railing. "People always like you. You are the popular guy. The thing is, , , you are not very good at this being bullied thing Daniel."

"I've been hazed before. I know how to handle the veterans. "

"Yeah, the teams, I've heard you explain that before. So tell me Daniel, what team are you trying out for here? Hey, and more to the point, is this a team of guys you want to join? You're just paying your dues is that it? Joining the gang?"

"You know I don't mean that. They make me angry."

"Good, I'm glad to hear that."

Daniel had not touched his beer. Snow flecked his hair and clung to his shoulders. Except for the odd glance he had kept his eyes on the twinkling lights of the city.

Simon took a sip before continuing softly. "I will rip your heart out and dance on your quaking corpse if you breathe a word of this to anyone. I like you Daniel, It feels really good to be your friend. Even when I was the butt of everyone else's jokes you were decent to me. You were my hero. You always had it together too. You were always cool."

"Was?" Daniel put a lot of stress on the word.

"I say fuck that too. This is not you. You are not that guy in the bathroom I saw."

"Maybe I am that guy."

Simon ignored the response; he refused to let Daniel sidetrack him into that conversation.

Daniel finally added, "I don't know what else to do."

"Sure you do." Simon turned away from the cityscape and leaned his back against the railing. He studied Daniel's face a moment. "Well, maybe not. This really is new to you, isn't it?" Daniel shrugged then lifted the can to his lips with a trembling hand and took his first sip. "Well it's not new to me let me tell you. I know this shit backward and forward. You will get no points with these guys."

"So you're saying we should go with Plan B?"

"If we have to. This will sound a little pussy but I really appreciated your standing by me in the cafeteria. Those guys scare the shit out of me. Mandy tore a strip off me for that."

"Why?" There was a ghost of the old smile there as Daniel looked at Simon curiously.

"Because they jumped you later."

"Oh."

"You didn't back down then."

Daniel's laugh had a touch of hysteria to it. He tried to cover it with a drink of the beer. He barely felt the cold or the clammy damp on his face. Nobody had offered him an alternative that afternoon. He had been overwhelmed fairly easily. Jake had a way of overwhelming Daniel easily too. Troy and now Simon; it seemed they agreed he was not handling the hazing well.

"You can walk away Daniel. These guys have some sort of control over you. Open your eyes and look around, it doesn't have to be this hard."

"You get knocked down. . ." The moment with Denver beside the pool was an old memory now.

"You still have friends Daniel. I know Mandy and Arlo don't like me but --"

"Now don't --"

"Shut up. What I'm trying to say is. . . you've stood by me, I'll stand by you. Just give me a chance to pay you back."

Daniel nodded his head mutely and the melting snow mingled with an errant tear on his face. Daniel and Simon listened to the sounds of the city below and watched the large flakes drop in the light breeze. Daniel could do this. Simon needed him to do it. "This beer is dead and the pizza is probably cold."

"Thanks." The two boys stared solemnly at each other. This friendship was very important to both of them now. They were such different people it seemed yet they had an understanding. Being the same was not everything.

"I'll think about it Two-Bit," Daniel offered softly.

Simon's lips curled into a brief smile and then he became thoughtful again. It was a very rare moment between them. "I swear to God if you try to hug me I'll throw your pansy ass over this fucking balcony."

I Can Do No Other
Monday March 28th

The higher the snow piled up around Riverview High, the worse things got for Daniel. Despite his conversation with Simon, Daniel found it hard to walk away from the older students; he fournd himself facing another prime example. The Goth chick was on his case. He was trying to make it to his English class when she dragged him into the girl's restroom. He stood shifting uncomfortably on his feet cursing himself, why did you follow her in? The senior jangled her chains and introduced a skinny freshie. "This little slut is Melissa. She's my freshie and I told her you would love to fuck her." Daniel looked at the Goth clone standing behind her. She was not ugly underneath the black make-up. The girl looked scared or resigned, Daniel was not sure which. Daniel looked away and listened to the flush of a toilet. He saw a few of his classmates slip by trying to avoid notice. Mandy's friend Yvette turned from the sink and frowned at the tableau. The senior wasn't even going to offer them the dignity of privacy.

This was another first for Daniel. He faced the black clad senior, trying to decide how to handle it. Daniel knew Simon would have done the girl gladly, but Daniel was almost sure Simon would not do it like this in the girl's restroom. The senior grabbed a handful of his shirt and thrust him in the direction of a stall. He stepped in, still considering how to phrase his next reply. The girl named Melissa followed him in. Daniel was pressed back in the confined space. He could see the makeup covering the girl's blemishes and his averted eyes seemed to settle on her flat chest.

I can't do this, he reflected. Daniel always thought about Mandy when there were girls involved. Girls from his English class continued to walked in and out glancing at the corner where she'd pushed him. The next person who comes in is going to be Mandy. What a way to begin the week. Daniel was as tall as the senior but she made him feel young and immature. Finally he took Mellissa by the shoulders and swung her around so he could get free from the trap.

"I don't do girls like this you bitch. I'm a gentleman." Daniel stood with his arms folded across his chest.

Tiffany did not look pleased. "Are you refusing to do what you are told?" Tiffany moved in on the boy. Melissa didn't think she was big enough to intimidate him. "What's wrong? Do you think she is ugly?" Daniel glanced at Melissa before turning back to her senior.

"No, but I won't do that to her. You're a fucking hoe to be pimping her around the school."

He tried to push past the harpy; she grabbed him by his forearm and her long nails dug deep into his flesh.

"I'll see you in Freshie court you little prick."

Her free hand snaked around Daniel's waist and groped his jeans until she jerked his wallet free. He grabbed for it but she turned her back as she examined his school I.D. Daniel watched helplessly as Tiffany threw his wallet down a toilet before stamping out of the washroom. Melissa trailed after her while he tried to fish his stuff out of the dirty toilet. He didn't know what to do with the soggy mess so he shoved it in his book bag. What a bitch! Daniel escaped the girl's washroom. He reconsidered his vow of not getting Denver involved; he paused outside the classroom doorway to quickly text message his senior. Then Daniel lingered in the hall trying to calm himself before slipping into the classroom feeling better about what had happened. He had stood up to the grade twelve like Simon wanted him to and more importantly, he had been loyal to Mandy.

The satisfaction evaporated when he saw Mandy's hurt look and a cold glare on Yvette's face. Mandy's eyes questioned his for a moment, then she buried herself in the latest assignment Daniel had missed. Daniel scanned the faces of the other girls. Some avoided his eyes and others seemed to reduce him to the status of pond scum with their looks. Ms. Cannon looked at him expectantly so he reluctantly moved toward his desk.

Mandy avoided Daniel's less than subtle demands for her attention. Two of the girls had caught her in the hallway before the bell and told her. It reminded her of the first time at the freshie party when she had been told Daniel had actually played with Chris. Daniel had been forced to do a lot of things. Could a guy be forced to have intercourse with a girl? She just couldn't see it. He would have to want to. How would he get his thing up? Somebody nudged her and passed her a note. It was from Daniel. She opened it up, "Nothing happened." She crumpled the note and shoved it in her pocket. Part of her knew she was not being reasonable. She knew they were both doing things they didn't like; but her heart felt betrayed. She wondered if he had been forced to do things with boys. The girls talked about it together. This was different, he could not care about her if he could have sex with another girl. She was supposed to be his first. That was the way she had planned it. Mandy brushed away the tears. She heard Daniel's urgent whisper behind her, "Mandy!" She ignored him.

Daniel was wild. She wouldn't even look at him. He wrote a quick note to Simon which attracted Ms. Cannon's attention when he tried to pass it down to him. He tried to blend back in but she wandered down to investigate.

Damn chicks, Daniel thought.

Ms. Cannon leaned down to say something to him. "Daniel would you -- gosh, you're arm is bleeding!" Daniel glanced at his forearm and noticed the trails of blood smearing the desk. "Go to the clinic right now." Daniel hesitated a moment hoping Mandy would relent and at least look at him. Finally he admitted defeat. Daniel packed his things and dropped the note on Simon's desk as he left the room.

Purgatory
Monday evening

After leaving class, Daniel had sat in misery while the nurse tended to his wounds. He did not know how he could convince Mandy that nothing happened in the washroom. The weight of it all crushed him. Mandy had to believe him. Simon had demanded he "stand up to the seniors." Well, it ironically backfired on him. He never returned to English class that afternoon, opting instead to hide in the clinic and wait for a reply from Denver. For the rest of the hour they passed messages back and forth. Daniel poured his heart out to his mentor but was miffed when Denver offered no resolution.

Daniel fretted through the afternoon and evening. Mandy had fallen off the map and he could not provide her mother a plausible reason why he needed to talk to her. Frustrated by her stubborn silence he braved the cold winds of an approaching storm and tried to jog his problems away in the dark; he ended up at the Brass Lantern. Karl walked by Eddie's small space and noticed Daniel lying on the couch. The boy had his shoes off and he was staring at the ceiling. Eddie was sitting near him on a chair playing guitar. The two old men connected for a moment. Karl didn't say anything to the boy but he knew something was wrong. It reminded him so much of the young Denver. When Karl had a moment he phoned Denver.

Daniel was helping in the kitchen when Denver showed up. He nodded at his senior but kept on working. Denver had not seen him like this very often. Denver sat on the couch and watched Daniel work. Finally Daniel sat down on the couch next to Denver.

"Have you heard from her yet?" asked Denver.

Daniel looked down and shrugged; he did not feel like talking. The pair sat together while Karl and Eddie worked around them. The older men left them alone. Daniel remained still and quiet, then suddenly surprised the teen by laying down on the couch and putting his head in Denver's lap. Denver stroked his hair. Daniel closed his eyes. Denver sat with him for a long time wishing his young friend would bounce back. First relationships were so hard. Finally, Denver said "Let me take you home."

Daniel slumped down in his car seat; he was having trouble focusing, his mind drifted from one thing to another. He had nothing to say to Denver that had not been said before, but it was comforting to have him close by. Denver was always comforting to Daniel.

"Do you want me to come up?"

Daniel tried to focus. He shook his head, then cleared his throat. "No." He drifted back into space. The city was still locked in winter's embrace. The Echo climbed over the ruts as Denver turned onto Daniel's street. Daniel fumbled in his bag and found his phone. He turned it on and looked at a short list of missed phone calls. Nothing from Mandy's number. He turned it off again. Daniel didn't say much when he got out of the car. Denver let him go and drove away wondering what he could do to bring back his young friend.

Later, Daniel stood in the shower. It was easier to handle the boys. When they forced him or made him do things with other ninth graders it all felt like jacking off or some mean extension of the team hazing he had received over the years. He could usually let himself focus on the feel of his own body and the pleasure he might grab if he was aroused. Occasionally he was drawn to one of the guys, and it would actually have been a turn-on except for the audience of unwelcome seniors making ugly comments. Jake at least liked his privacy.

Doing it with any other girl was a problem. He could come back from school after Jake blew him and get right in the shower and work himself up with a fantasy about Mandy. The thought of humping another girl violated his mind. Why can't you understand this? Why can't you trust me? His cock stiffened and he began to anticipate the soul shaking release. Mandy was more than beautiful to him, she was his real best friend. Daniel stared blindly at the tiles thinking of her scent and her liquid eyes, her voice laughing out his name. He hungered to touch her and feel her skin against his. He could not let her slip away from him, not like this. He was urgent now. The motion of his fist slowed to a grind, caressing his aching organ as he brought it to an end. He imagined the soft folds of Mandy's flesh welcoming him home. A guttural noise escaped him at the release. It was the primal orgasmic satisfaction and the agonized cry of loss. He watched the jet of semen hit the black tiles.

Daniel ran a finger through a trail and brought it to his lips. He thought bitterly that Mandy probably preferred to see him beat up and fucked by the boys than touched by another girl. It made little sense to him. Daniel directed the water at the wall for a bit and examined his tender cock. He squeezed out a drop through the small orifice and studied it before lifting it to his mouth. He leaned his head against the tiles and concluded that the problem was guys didn't have as much control over their cocks as girls thought they did. He was just a boy, a bi one at that, looking for his next rut.

By the time Simon caught up with him on the phone he felt a little better. Daniel had been lying on the couch letting his mom massage his feet. Simon would laugh at him if he saw him being petted by his mommy. Fuck you, Simon! Daniel needed his mom right then and anyway, she didn't get to hang out with him that much. Simon was as sympathetic as a person who never seemed to stay in a relationship could be. He listened to Daniel complain for half an hour. Daniel felt very badly used. He always avoided telling Mandy the details behind what kept him away from class. He needed his girlfriend to believe he could handle everything himself. He could not be weak in her eyes because there were always so many stronger guys out there ready to take her away from him. Conrad would not let up on her.

Simon offered one slender ray of hope to brighten his evening -- he suggested Mandy had not completely turned away from him. She had lined up his English and last period Art assignments so he would not fall behind, then dumped them on Simon after school.

The Odyssey
Thursday March 30th

It was the English class from hell. Ms. Cannon opened the class discussion on The Odyssey. As the wind blew intermittent sheets of snow against the classroom windows, Daniel sat slumped in his seat thinking about Mandy. She looked right through him every time her gaze switched from one speaker to the next.

"Do you agree with that Daniel?" the teacher asked turning the attention of the room his way.

"Huh?" He had not been following the conversation.

"Zola thinks Odysseus was wrong to stay so long on the Island of Circe. Do you agree?"

"Well it wasn't really his fault was it?" Daniel finally offered with an unexplained defensiveness.

"How do you mean?"

"He was trying to get home, right?" Daniel's eyes shifted away from Ms. Cannon and onto Mandy.

"He was camped out with another woman while his wife was waiting faithfully for him at home," put in Yvette icily.

"She had him under a spell," Simon contributed. "It was hardly his choice, she was a powerful witch."

"And his friends were all pigs," she hissed at Simon.

"Oink."

Mandy said, "I think Odysseus enjoyed staying with her. He was smart and clever. If he could escape from the Cyclops in a couple of days he should be able to get away from some bitch."

Daniel rolled his eyes.

"Mandy, watch your language there," Ms. Cannon said dryly.

"Sorry, I meant 'witch'. It seems like Odysseus was always on about getting home, but when it looked like he might have a good time he and the boys didn't hesitate to settle in for awhile."

"What exactly do you mean, Mandy?" Daniel asked dangerously. Mandy stared back at him.

"Well there was the land of the lotus eaters," commented Wendy brightly.

"Odysseus didn't fall for that, he dragged his men away," Daniel reasoned.

Mandy attacked. "Oh but was he so faithful? He just had to hear the Sirens even after he had been warned."

"Hey, they were supposed to be babes, kinda like ancient porno. When it's there right in front of you, you gotta bookmark the address and download a few files." Matthew's contribution did not help Daniel's case.

"Let's move away from that thought Matthew," Ms. Cannon suggested.

Daniel leaned back and folded his arms. "Well, he did have them tie him up so nothing bad would happen." His voice trailed off at the end. Daniel knew that was a weak comeback.

Mandy remained on the offensive. "Just a little curiousity then, is it? Well what about at the end? He almost married the king's daughter didn't he? Face it Daniel, Odysseus isn't at pure as you think. Twenty years of infidelity -- he kept tripping up."

Daniel refused to give in. "Well what about his wife, Penelope? There he was struggling against the gods all those years, accepting the punishments and she just sat back and had a huge party with a bunch of men who only wanted to get her into bed."

"I think it would be fairer to say they wanted Ithaca, more than Ithaca wanted them," Ms. Cannon added, her concern growing over the suddenly open hostility between Mandy and Daniel.

But Daniel would not back down. "Okay, but she played the game. She let them think she was interested. Let them hang around, do things for her, instead of saying, no I'm with Odysseus here."

Mandy retaliated with a raised voice. "But that's just the point Daniel, Odysseus wasn't there. He was off having fun fighting monsters, bonding with the boys and pissing off gods. She was on her own waiting for him to come back. So guys kept sniffing around her waiting for her to pick one of them." She brushed her eyes with an angry hand.

"Dude, she has a point, the lady was on her own," a seemingly disembodied voice rose from the discussion.

"But Mandy," Simon pleaded with her. "At least he kept trying, against all odds he was trying. Doesn't that count for something?"

She looked at Simon briefly then toyed with her pen on the paper.

Daniel finally filled the silence. "So yes, Odysseus was interested in the Sirens, and maybe he got tired and wanted a rest from time to time." Daniel paused and took a deep breath before continuing quietly, "He still made it back to her didn't he? It's all he ever really wanted, Mandy. And what about all the handsome suitors entertaining her? What was he to think when he got back and saw guys like Achilles making time with his girl?"

"Achilles died during the Trojan War, Daniel." Yvette pointed out.

"Trojans?" Matthew jested. "Did somebody say Trojans."

"Yeah, everybody went into battle with their Shield on." Kent snickered.

Mandy looked suddenly sad. "Oh Daniel don't you understand? Achilles is gay, he isn't interested in Penelope. He is interested in Odysseus."

"Gay?" Daniel repeated blankly.

"No way; Brad Pitt is not gay," Kent protested. Mandy and Daniel looked at each other. Kent turned to Matthew for support,"Brad Pitt and Sean Bean were good friends. Sean convinced Brad to fight for the Greeks."

"I think you are mixing up the book with the movie boys." Ms. Cannon sounded exasperated. "I wouldn't want you to read too much into the relationship between Achilles and Petrohilos. A lot of modern ideas get mixed up into it." She was keen to avoid a digression into Greek homosexuality.

"So his friend Petrohilos is gay too?" Daniel blurted out.

Mandy's eyes rolled once as she watched the light bulb hovering over Daniel finally light up; she nodded her head slightly.

Oh shit! How stupid could I have been? Daniel suddenly realized that all the while he had been checking out certain guys, others had been looking at him too. Victor had been coming on to him at the movie. Daniel felt very stupid. He had a sudden thought, "So what about the other suitors?"

Mandy sighed, "Some are definitely straight."

Daniel nodded glumly. It was too much to expect the self-satisfied pig Conrad would be dallying in boys.

"So what can we conclude about Odysseus? Where does this leave us?" Ms. Cannon desperately wanted to get the discussion back on track.

"The dude got home and whacked all the suitors." Matthew gave Kent a high five.

"Penelope was glad to have him back even if it did take him twenty years." Simon said pointedly in Mandy's direction.

"Sure, but if I had been her I would have asked a few questions. You know, check him out for STD's," Fiona tittered to Yvette.

"No girl," Kent smiled, "He had his shield remember? Like their mommas said, cum with your shield, or don't cum."

"Right Kent, I think you better step into the hall for a while."

"I'm sorry Ms. Cannon; I promise I'll shut up."

"I'm serious Kent."

"You're smiling Ms. Cannon."

"Stop hassling her Kent and get out." Simon snapped irritably. Everyone except Daniel and Mandy watched as Kent reluctantly left the room.

Daniel slammed the desktop and everyone looked in his direction. "He had a lot of enemies and they made it hard for him. He didn't want to go to war in the first place; he paid for it with twenty years of misery he never asked for. He did his best to get back to the woman he loved." His eyes were wide with hope that she would believe him. "Odysseus was faithful to Penelope."

"So he says." Mandy retorted softly. She turned away and talked pointedly with Yvette until the bell rang.

Daniel struggled through the last period alternatively thinking of better replies to Mandy's comments and raging to himself. By the time Denver dropped him off at home Daniel was a total mess, reduced to "if onlys" and "maybes". He tried to phone Mandy again but she still would not talk to him. He spent the evening in his room. He lay listening to the wind howl out his misery. The week had been hell and Daniel was determined to settle things between them before the weekend. I can do this, he promised himself, when he saw her she would listen to his latest explanation.

Blizzard
Thursday, March 31th

So of course there was no school the next day. Daniel leaned against the window and watched the snow. The apartment felt safe and warm but it was a prison keeping him from Mandy. It was a good place to watch the storm as it swirled around the towers and plowed drifts along the streets below. Traffic lights swayed violently in the wind and the familiar constellation of the city's west side was obscured behind the waves of snowfall.

Daniel had been enticed away from his computer by the smell of hot chocolate. It sat momentarily forgotten on the island beside his mother's lap top. He watched a car as it crawled down the blanket of snow and stopped at the frantic movements of a red light. It sat there blindly following the irrelevancies of traffic control on the deserted street before starting forward again in a hysteria of spinning wheels and fishtailing rear. High above it all Daniel could imagine the sudden roar of the engine and the high pitch whine of the tires. There were people on the sidewalks hunched against the wind making their way toward the stubbornly defiant shops.

Daniel turned away from the storm and sat with his mother at the island. The surface was strewn with careful piles of paper accented by yellow notes usually covered in his mother's careful script. An occasional note in a childish scrawl written by his mother's abrasive boss lingered on a page. His mother would peal such notes off the page, glance at them, and then discard them in a growing pile of yellow snowflakes between them.

"You could pull me out of school and take me to Mexico. My classes are fine, I could catch up."

She paused to look at him and then returned to the mysteries of her work. "Sorry honey, this isn't a good time." She hated to disappoint him, even if he could imagine dropping everything for ten days, she could not. She noticed his subtle collapse and put her pencil down. He had been moping for a long time and she was beginning to wonder how long it would take two best friends to heal their unexpected breach. Daniel had been incapable of explaining why the two were fighting. It had taken Mandy's mother to cautiously explain it to her. "I told you about my promotion. Things are crazy for me right now. Before long they are going to ask me to take some trips. I have to be ready for that. Listen, you've been cooped up here all day. I think you should go out." Heather couldn't imagine Daniel running into trouble on an evening like this. "Go rent some movies." She pushed a little harder, "you could see if Eddie and Karl need a hand." Heather doubted that the Brass Lantern was busy.

Daniel left his unfinished cup on the island and went to his room. He returned some time later dressed to go outside. Heather pulled two twenties from her purse and handed them to Daniel as he was shrugging his winter coat on. He yanked his toque down on his uncombed hair before shoving the money into his coat. He looked so cute she wanted to hug him.

When Daniel stepped into the elevator he confronted Francis and Jason, towels draped over their shoulders on their way to the small spa. They all murmured barely audible greetings and then silently contemplated the burnished door of the elevator. After a few floors the two boys quietly resumed a conversation clearly interrupted by Daniel's appearance.

"Morhart piled this PowerPoint presentation on us for Friday."

"PowerPoint's are kid's stuff."

"Sure, but we still have to do the research. What are you doing?"

"Channel Six News."

"Sounds boring."

"So what are you doing then?" Daniel noted a hint of resentment in his voice.

"City gangs."

Daniel caught the glance both boys tossed his way. I'm standing here in a three hundred dollar coat and because I live four floors beneath them and go to a public school they think I must be involved in gangs, thought Daniel. He became suddenly conscious of the faded yellow bruise on his cheek that was a final reminder of a bad moment at school.

"Yes, my father has arranged a ride-along and interview with the gang squad." The boys lapsed into silence for a moment. The ancient relic was nearing the end of its interminable descent. "Do you know what that faggot Stirton did during Latin?"

"I heard that, Art Braun said he ducked out of class to make out in the washroom with Sterling Heidt. Mr. Saliger caught them."

"Week suspension."

"Must be nice."

The elevator stopped and the boys got out without a further word to Daniel. He watched them go as the door closed. Thoughts of Laine had been pushed from his mind since his fight with Mandy had begun. Daniel could not even remember seeing the boy in the last few days.

Daniel stepped out into the lobby and paused to pull his gloves on before pushing out into the wind. He was surprised by how warm it was. The flakes clung to his coat as he started down the sidewalk toward his favorite video store. As long as he had known Jason and Francis, the two boys had avoided him. As far as he could tell they were the only boys his age in the building. Faye Szabo was in his grade and also attended Riverview High. They talked occasionally on the bus ride to school. There were others, mostly older, who he had little to do with. The building was an anonymous place with few attractions to draw young people together. Jason had moved into the building six years ago. Francis had been there longer than Daniel. They had played together once or twice in the hot tub when he was small. He remembered his grandfather chatting with Francis' father. Then the play had stopped and the two boys rarely even talked. Daniel felt a fresh blast as he turned the corner and headed into the wind up toward his favorite haunts. The boys mystified Daniel. He rarely had problems with people and he never understood why the two boys seemed happy to shut him out. Once in grade five he had asked his grandfather why they didn't like him. The old man pondered a moment before suggesting that it was because they went to different schools.

Daniel watched another car struggle by and wondered if the destination was worth the effort. He felt warm in his coat and the boots he had worn that summer. It was kind of fun kicking the heavy drifts. He was curious about being a ninth grader in a private school. Did the boys have to face the hazing he did? The schools didn't sound so different from what little he had heard in the elevator. Riverview High even had a Latin course. Daniel realized he didn't really feel like a movie or the long walk to the Brass Lantern. He saw The Little Island across the street and crossed he road.

As he shook the snow off, he took in the techno atmosphere. The place was empty except for some younger kids banging away at video games by the door and three girls sitting in a booth near the window. He started toward a booth in the back but one of the girls called him over. He did not know them well. They lived in some low-rises in the neighborhood. They were all just background for each other. He stopped to say hello and debated sitting with them. After a few words he moved to the solitude of the back booth.

While he waited for his club wrap he sat studying the cracked red and yellow vinyl of the bench across from him. The girls were friendly enough. He could hear their chatter as they dissected the romantic chances the girl in corn rows had with a tenth grade boy named Cole. Daniel was memorizing the menu as his wrap arrived and the girls put the finishing touches to an elaborate scheme involving Cole, a boy named Ravi, and a movie theatre on Saturday night. Daniel bit into the wrap and chewed the smoked turkey and bacon thoughtfully. The girls were wrong. He had spent too much time agonizing through his relationship with Mandy. Hard as it might be to do it, he knew the girl's best bet would be to look Cole in the eyes and tell him how she felt. If he had followed the impulse to accept the invitation, he might have told this to the girls. The familiar tension of being in the combat zone faded as he enjoyed the club and thought of Mandy, kilometers away in her family room. He liked to imagine her in the soft terry-cloth boxers and T-shirt she liked to wear even when he came over. She would be curled up under her worn Sesame Street blanket. When he came over she would grudgingly share it with him and he could let his hand rest on her smooth thigh tantalizingly close to the heat of her sex. Daniel closed his eyes and remembered the feel of her lips on his. It gave him a hard on. He dropped the wrap and pulled his phone out. She would have a phone close to her. Daniel hoped she was finally ready to talk to him.

The line was busy, which was hardly a surprise. Mandy was probably dissecting his weaknesses with a girlfriend, or Arlo, which would be much worse. He put the phone down and picked up the wrap. His boner had collapsed and Daniel felt the sudden return of a knot in his stomach that wouldn't be soothed away by memory or the satisfying blend of cheese, bacon and tomato. He catalogued the boys who sat with her around the school. She was setting up a date to see a play. There was a chick flick Conrad enthusiastically wanted to share with her. Victor was going to drive her to school in the morning. Well he could stop worrying about those two anyway. Daniel felt dense about his ignorance until a new fear ravaged his mind. What if one or both of them was actually bisexual?

It was likely a girl, he reasoned, someone like Yvette or Mallory ready to natter endlessly about how big a shit-face Daniel was. All he needed was the girls encouraging her to dump him like a turd in the toilet. Daniel tried her number again. He listened to the signal impatiently and closed the face again. He feared he would be Greg now; someone who hovered at the edge of her life like a lost sailor cruising aimlessly through the dangerous waters of high school.

Daniel sighed heavily. It was time to go back to the apartment. The door opened. letting in a blast of frigid air; the conversation of the three ninth graders in the front booth collapsed into abrupt silence. After a casual glance at the three girls, four teens who were clearly seniors followed the wave of cold air to the booth next to Daniel's. Daniel froze to his seat. The boys seemed to ignore his presence as he tried to become one with the brushed steel wall behind him. The girls resumed their conversation with subdued voices. Daniel concentrated on the fragments of his wrap and the ice in the bottom of his glass.

An exhausted dragonfly caught in amber sap; too tired to struggle and so drained he could not find a way to transform the moment as Simon had urged him to. He sat head down, through a long half hour listening to the four boys' random conversation, sure that they would inevitably pounce on him. When one of the boys turned around suddenly Daniel almost vomited. He stared at the boy and felt the pounding surf of his blood drowning out his words. A sudden gesture toward the bottle of Heinz brought Daniel out of his coma and he forced a hand to reach out and pass the ketchup to the boy without further comment. Two of the seniors wandered over to an arcade game while the other pair began discussing girls. The conversation propelled Daniel out of his seat and he chose to brave the dangers on either side. Like a canoe swiftly shooting through the cliffs and whirlpools of a narrow channel, he slipped from the restaurant to the comfort of the constant storm.