Letters - 3. An Email To My Dad

Hi, Dad,

Mum suggested I write a letter, since you’re refusing to talk to me on the phone. At first, Steve and I were afraid that you weren’t speaking to me because you’d finally realised I’m gay, but then Mum told me the real reason. I’m emailing this to her (hi, Mum!) and I’ll ask her to print it off for you.

I told you at the wedding that it wasn’t a big deal. Yes, you embarrassed me – the guys at work are still ribbing me about it – but I’m over it now. You should be, too. Steve still thinks it’s funny and he’s told all our friends who weren’t there what you said. I think he’s told them at least three times – he wants to make sure they all know. He also wants to put the video on YouTube, but I think I can stop him from doing that. Since I’m not letting him see this email, even I have to concede that you had everyone cracking up with your speech. It was hilarious from the very start, when you introduced yourself as the father of the bride.

You and I know that the entire speech was off the cuff, but practically everyone I spoke to was impressed that you had it all memorised. You told me afterwards that you didn’t expect to make a speech, because that’s reserved for the bride’s father, so I can understand what happened. It also explains all the references to your ‘little girl’ that had everyone falling off their chairs – you’ve been preparing that speech for Lisa, haven’t you, and it just rolled out for me?

I really did tell you after you got off the plane that you’d be speaking at the reception, but I can see why you didn’t remember. The long flight and the painkillers probably left the lights on, but no one home. I should have realised when you still looked confused during the wedding rehearsal, but, in my defence, I was paying more attention to Steve than anyone else. The look on your face, when you were asked to come forward to say a few words after Steve’s dad’s speech, was priceless.

Honestly, the best part for Steve and me was simply that you were there. That really made the day for me, and your speech is one of the things that made it memorable – unforgettable, even (at least that’s what the guys at work keep telling me). You shouldn’t be ashamed.

I know my friend Rodney made a few negative comments afterwards, but he’s fine now. He just gets on his high horse whenever anyone implies that there’s anything wrong with gay marriage. Most people laughed at the way you vacillated about how to address Steve. Rodney was the only one offended when you just threw up your arms in despair and declared you’re too old-fashioned to call him your son’s husband. Steve, on the other hand, is perfectly happy to be my best mate, as you called him in the end. We both agree that that’s a great way to introduce ourselves.

My only real complaint is about your comment on how I used to play with dolls when I was a kid. Action Man is not a doll! He’s an action figure – a hero, a man’s man, even if mine wasn’t anatomically correct. Yes, I checked, but you don’t need to mention that to anyone. There – now if I start going on about your wedding speech, you just have to threaten to talk about Action Man and I’ll shut up. As for Steve, I’ve got enough blackmail material on him that I can stop him from saying anything, too. At least I hope so – I think I’ve got more on him than he has on me.

Patricia asked me to let you know that she loved the dance and was extremely flattered when you lamented about me not marrying her. She’s not my type, but she’s a great girl. I’ll admit that she did turn my head when she was still Patrick, but I was already well and truly committed to Steve by then.

Steve and I will be coming up to see you and Mum in a couple of weeks. I’m really hoping you’ll answer the phone next time I call, but if you want to wait until we’re face-to-face, that’s okay. Just be warned, Steve and I will be sitting down to talk with you. And before you get upset that we’re making this trip just because you’re an obstinate old fool, we’re bringing the honeymoon photos with us (at least the clean ones). Steve’s mum wants to see what Florida was like because she’s thinking of asking Steve’s dad to take her there next year. Steve’s dad has told us that unless we’re careful, he’ll be taking the cost of the trip out of Steve’s inheritance.

I’ll end this now, but I thought I’d let you know that Steve and I have just watched the video of your speech again. While some of it is because we’re laughing our arses off, your final rhetorical question about how could something that makes me this happy ever be wrong still brings a tear to my eyes.

Love you always,

Foster