A Hero in the Hallways - 2. Chapter 2

Part two: Bull’s Eye

Chapter 5

"So you have yet to read the book, since your memory loss?" The host asks.

"Well that was true until today. I began reading the book earlier this afternoon."

"So I guess the question would be, do you like it?"

I answered nervously, "It's got me hooked,"

"Wow. I think you have the experience every author would like to have."

"You know, it's not everyday that you can relive your life through a novel. I consider myself lucky."

"Thousands of people praise your book as a life inspiring force in their lives. How do you deal with that?"

"I don't deal with it very well. I mean, it's not that I don't want to. I just don't know what to say to people that have read the book," I tell her. I begin to feel uncomfortable under the lights.

"Okay. So when is your next book coming out?" she asked almost before I can finish answering her previous question. She isn't interested in what I have to say. I doubt that she had even read the book.

"Well, my next book will be released in a few months. It's not autobiographical, but it is based on my experiences after my accident."

"I hear that there are rumors of a movie adaptation. Are they true?"

"Well, yes and no. I have yet to decide if I should go ahead with the adaptation."

The audience begins to chant. “Movie. Movie."

"It's safe to say that your fans want a movie," the host said. Somebody in the control booth flashes her a ten second card. "Well Mr. Williams, I hope that your next book does just as well as the first. Thank you for being on the show. Please come back."

I shake her hand and wave at the audience who are still chanting As they went for a commercial break, I was escorted back to the green room. Mel is already there waiting for me. She looks stunning. She has her hair done and she is wearing a red dress.

"Hi Mel," I tell her when she hugs me.

"Wow John, you look great."

"As do you."

"Thank you."

I lead her out of the green room. The host of the show thanks before we leave. The producer’s assistant leads us to the car that is waiting outside. I open the door for Mel and get in after. She gives the driver directions.

"So?" she asks.

"So what?"

"Oh come on, I know you have questions. You just said that you began to read the book, on national TV for God’s sake.”

I had questions, many of them. The first that stood out in my mind was about Michael. Why hadn't I seen him? Where is he? Why had my mother been so hesitant to tell me about him? Deep down, I know she has her reasons and that they are probably for the best, but that still doesn’t change the fact that I need to know.

"Well I have a few."

"A few? If were you I'd have thousands of them. Number one would be where is Michael?" I nod. "Well, I promised your mom I wouldn't say anything about that until you read the book."

I sense sadness in her voice when she talks about Michael. She quickly changes the subject. "You’re going to love this place. It's a Thai food restaurant. Very fancy, but great food," she said enthusiastically.

I Groan. "Why don't we just go get a burger?" I hate Thai food. It always gives me indigestion.

"Wow, even with memory loss you never change. Okay John, let’s go get burgers."

"Or, better yet, let's order Pizza at my place. We can talk in peace and I have a proposition for ya."

She smiles at me. "Okay John, let’s do that. Why do I always get dressed for gay guys?" She gives the driver the new directions. He took us to my apartment building. I tip him as we get out of the car.

I greet the night door man as he opens the door and head to the elevator. Mel presses seven. "Can you spend the night tonight?" I ask and she nods.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, what is on your mind?"

"Why are you being so friendly? I mean, don't get me wrong John, I like you like this. Normally you're very distant with us, and sometimes just down right rude."

I have to admit she got me there. I just feel that I need someone now. Maybe I am being selfish. I am tired of being alone. I moved away from everyone and, when they got too near, I just hid behind my amnesia. "I guess I felt like I didn't need anyone in my life. I was just tired of living a life based on what people told me I used to do. But now I want that all back. I want my old life back."

"John you never lost us," she said, grabbing my hand. "You just alienated us. We were worried that you would never come back to us, especially your parents. We just waited and hoped that you would get your memory back, but I think that we finally settled on the idea that you wouldn't."

"I never meant to alienate you," I said, hugging her. “To tell you the truth, I feel closest to you out of everybody. I feel like you and I share something deep."

She begins to cry. "John, we do have a connection," she said, as she cleaned up her tears. She wants to tell me something, I wanted to push it out of her, but I can’t bring myself to do it.

"Why don't you have any furniture?" Mel asks as I look through the pizza menus.

"You would laugh at me if I told you."

"No I won’t. Just tell me."

"It keeps people from staying here too long."

She bursts out laughing. "See I knew you would make fun of me."

"Ha, I'm so. Ha ha he he, I'm sorry. It's just that's so stupid."

"Alright, alright."

"So you said you wanted to talk to me about something?" I ask.

I turn to her and smile. "I have a proposition."

"What's that handsome? Don't tell me you've gone straight," she says, holding my waist.

"No, Mel, I want you to move in with me."

An incredulous gaze falls upon her face. "Here? You want me to move in here?"

"Yes Mel, I want you to move in here. I have plenty of space. There are two other bedrooms here that no one uses. Please say yes."

She looks at me for a long time. Then she turns, heading to the bathroom. I follow and listen by the door as she weeps. I am about to knock to see if she was alright when the door bell rings. I walked over to the door and looked through the peephole. It was the pizza man. I pay for the food and I tip him quickly. I want to get back to Mel, she is still in the bathroom.

I knock on the door. I receive no answer. "Mel? Are you Okay?" I can still hear her sobbing on the other end. "Mel you’re scaring me. Please come out." she opens the door.

"John, I'm sorry. It's just that you used to always be so good to me. My emotions just got the better of me," she says before she gives me a hug. I know that she is hiding something. "I didn't mean to scare you john."

"It's Okay Mel. Let's eat."

We eat in silence Until I can’t take it anymore. "Mel why don't you just tell me what's on your mind?"

"I was thinking that I could definitely move in," she says, dodging what is really on her mind.

"Yeah?" I ask.

"Only if you let me redecorate, because this apartment is depressing,” she says.

"Hey, don't judge my taste,” I replied defensively.

"You have no taste to judge," she says, grabbing a bread stick and tossing it at me. "Ha ha, I have the last bread piece!" she yells. I chase after her. She runs past my bedroom and into the living room. I tackle her and wrestled the bread stick out of her hand.

"No I have the last bread stick," I yell as I take off.

She cuts me off at the door, and tries to take the bread away from me. "You know you could be a gentleman."

"Or you could be generous," I say and I pop the bread in my mouth. "One pizza slice left." She looks at the table, then at me. She takes off, reaching the kitchen before I can stop her.

"You know, when we were in kindergarten, we used to wrestle. I used to do that just to get close to you," she says, blatantly trying to distract me.

"Yeah, and?"

"Well, I used to always win. You were wimpy and scrawny." she tries to grab the pizza. I cut her off pulling a swift maneuver. I nearly grab the pizza before she pulls me back and tosses me to the floor. She takes the pizza and took off once again.

A vague memory of me being beaten at wrestling begins to form in my head. I remember hitting the ground as a girl giggled at me. She pointed her fingers and called another boy over who helped me up. "Shut up, ugly," he yelled at her. I laughed.

Mel comes back still holding the pizza. “What’s wrong?"

"Nothings wrong. I just remembered something."

She sits next to me, taking a bite of the pizza. "What do you remember?"

"I remember you bullying me, and a boy sticking up for me when we were young."

"Oh my God, I remember that. It was in first grade. It was when you first met." She stops there and quickly gets up.

"Mel, are you Okay?"

"Yeah John I'm fine. I'm going to get ready for bed."

"Okay Mel. But if you need anything I'm here."

"Thank you John. I'll be there In a bit."

I grab my book from the kitchen table. I walk over to my bedroom and lean back on the bed.

Chapter Six
From Hallway Hero

There are hallways that we never use. These hallways are like memories we suppress. Yet, at some point, you have to use them. Like old memories they resurface. I never used to take some hallways because of the people that commune there. Some of them were old friends with whom I had lost touch or dropped because of rumors. Now I'm one of them. It all happened so fast. I lost my friends I lost my status, and I had to give up being president of my class by request of the principal himself. The rumor missile hit me alright, and it hit hard. It all started with one phone call.

"Um hi," I was a bit confused. "How did you get my number?"

"You know what, Jonathan?"

"What?"

"I like you."

"I like you too, but it's kind of weird for you to be calling at two in the morning."

"Well, you never called me."

"I'm sorry Dominick, I've just been distracted. Um, listen, can I call you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, sure; just don't forget."

"Okay, Dominick."

That was my second mistake. The first was talking to him after I found out he was her cousin. The third would be calling him the next morning.

"Um, hi Dominick," I said.

"Hey, what's up? I'm glad you called."

"But you knew I was going to call."

"I know, I was just joking. So are you free later today? I mean I really like you."

"Dominick, I need to be honest with you. I’m dating somebody."

"Wow, that's great, but I think you would be much better off with me."

Now I was getting scared. "Dominick I don't like where this is going."

"Well, I think you should go out with me instead."

"No, Dominick, I don't think I'm gonna do that."

Who the hell does he think he is? He's hot, but I liked Charlie better and I was very happy with what we were starting.

"No? Jonathan I don't think you understand me. If you don't go out with me, you will regret it."

"Why would I regret it?"

"If you don't meet me today at three, at the park, I'll tell Helene you’re gay."

I hate to be threatened. I hung up the phone and never thought anything more of it. I wasn't going to date some psycho. He called back I never answered.

I spent a great weekend with Charlie. I even showed him the cliff and told him the story about Craig. He just listened, never interrupted, and when I was done he gave me a kiss.

"I'll never leave you," he said.

"I'll never leave either."

"So, if he ever came back, would you leave me for him?"

"No."

He smiled and squeezed my hand as we watched the sun come up. It was a perfect morning. I wish we could spend the rest of our lives like that. I was beginning to fall in love with him.

"Let’s go to my house," I said, and we both stood and walked away from the cliff. The old memories of the cliff died this day to make way for the new ones.

That night, when he left my house, he said he loved me. And just hearing him repeat that in my head, over and over, made me excited and I couldn't wait to share it with the world and at that moment I genuinely believed that he loved me, but things were going to change.

It started slow. They stared at me when I walked into the school. Some even giggled at me when I passed. I just thought it was the usual misfits talking about me. By the end of the week it was full blown. I walked to the Main hall where my crowd usually met. They were all talking and immediately shut up as I came up.

"Hey guys what's up?"

"No one said anything."

I looked from face to face nobody would looked at me. "What's going on guys?"

"You have some nerve," Amy yelled.

"What?"

"Get away from us, faggot," Eddie yelled at me.

My eyes watered and I started to walk away. Something wet hit me as I made my way down the hall. I heard them laugh. I walked straight to the auditorium. When I entered, I headed straight for the front row, where I sat. I stared at the stage for a while as useless thoughts flew through my mind. I hated Dominick. I hated Helene. I heard the door open but I didn't have the motivation to turn around.

"Hey asshole, how does it feel?" Meatball yelled.

I just turned and faced her blankly.

"Huh, asshole! How does it feel? I told you I'd get you back. My cousin told me, and I spread it as far as it would go."

"Good; you’ve won. Now leave me alone."

"No, I want to see you suffer. I want you to know all the things I've felt."

"You want to know something Helene? When I tripped and the meatballs landed on you, I tripped on your book bag that you left out in the aisle, and as for them calling you that, they only did it because you yelled out the word meatball when it happened."

"Well, maybe if you looked where you were walking, it would have never happened."

"Helene, just drop it, Okay? You’ve won, and I lost all of my friends and I have no life."

"Also Mel, Charlie and Michael; you’ve lost them too. I have to make sure you lose everything."

"What?"

"You heard me, you’ve lost them. I know Charlie is your boyfriend, and I know how much he treasures his status. So I told him I wouldn't tell, with the agreement that he wouldn't talk to you. Anyway, my cousin likes him and I think they would make a great couple."

"You're a liar."

"You sure, because Melissa and I go way back? Do you know she's poor? I mean dirt poor. Those clothes she wears are hand me downs her mother gets from my aunt. Oh, and do you know what Michael does on weekends? He plays in a band with the Punks. Yeah, the punks, and they hate you because he always spends time with you and not them. Do you see a pattern here? You see, I do my homework John, and up to now you were the cleanest son of a bitch, but you made a fatal mistake. You fucked with me. You fucked with me, over and over, until I just had enough."

Helene was out of her mind. I hadn't done anything to her. I just lived my life, but I guess that was enough for that psycho bitch to hate me.

"Fuck you!"

"No, I don't think I ever want that from you, plus I'm not manly enough for you am I," she said, giggling before she walked away. "Oh, and so you know, I'm still not done with you. So expect more from me. Ha, ha, ha."

I watched her leave before I composed myself and left the auditorium. The day went very slowly. I saw Michael, but he wouldn't look at me. Melissa was the same. As for Charlie, he just walked by me, laughing as the dream team made fun of me. That hurt more than anything. I walked straight into a bathroom and cried in the stall. I just wanted to be a small ant that they wouldn't notice. Everywhere I went somebody was talking about me. Meatball would make fun of me every chance she got. At some point, she even joined
forces with the dream team to throw stuff at me during math class.

I just drifted through school. It was easier than caring. It was as if I wasn't their friend the weekend before. My parents noticed a significant change in my mood, and started asking me every day what was wrong.

"Honey we need to talk, Okay?" I nodded as my mother sat next to me.

"One of your friend’s parents called me today."

Oh no, not them too. "Mom, I can explain."

"John, let me finish. I was told something that I couldn't believe. I couldn't believe that you would hide this from your parents."

"Mom, I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"Honey, there's nothing to be ashamed of; we just wish that you would have told us sooner."

"I know, but I was afraid."

"It's Okay John. It's Okay now. Come on, your father and I are going to take you out to eat."

They made me feel better but it wasn't Okay, not by a long shot. School just got worse. I would take alternate routes to avoid people and I would leave the school for lunch. Everywhere I went they knew.

I ran into Dominick one day as I was walking away from the school. "Hey, John how's it going?" he asked, with a smug looked on his face. I wanted to bash it in right then and there. I wanted to make him hurt as much as I had hurt, but I just kept walking. He ran up to me and grabbed my arm.

"I told you, you would regret not going out with me. I transferred here just so you could to see me here every day with Charlie. He's so sweet. Did you know he said he would never leave me?"

I snapped. I wanted to kill him and my fist clenched, ready for it. "Leave me alone Dominick," I yelled, as visions of his head turning purple as my fists squeezed tight around his neck.

"What? Are you going to hit me? I'm so scared," he said, mocking me.

I walked away as soon as I saw a teacher enter the hallway. He came back over to me. "John, if you ever change your mind about us call me. I would just love to see you naked and ready to fuck," he said before I punched him square in the face and walked away. God, what kind of family were they from?

I walked around the school, lost, without friends. I sat away from them in my classes. Michael would glance at me a few times during English, but I would pretend to not see him. Melissa was the same. At lunch, I caught Charlie staring at me and he mouthed the words “I'm sorry,” but I just flipped him off. He turned away, embarrassed. I was getting depressed, and by the beginning of the second week the teachers took notice of my mood as I was rude and curt with them. They must have said something to the principal because he asked me to come to his office.

"Jonathan, I would like to talk to you about your behavior in class and about being class president."

I nodded as I sat before him.

"You see, there has been some concern about the fact that you have been very rude to some of the teachers. You've always been a good kid, so this behavior had to have been attributed to something. I made a few inquiries and I found out. Well, I know about your situation."

"I wouldn't just call it a situation."

"Well, I'm afraid that you might be hurt if you assume being class president. The people around here are very closed minded, and several parents have called voicing their concerns."

"So you are asking me to step down?"

"I'm sorry, Jonathan, I really am, but yes, I'm asking you to step down. It's for your own safety. I also wanted to let you know that this school has a policy on discrimination and, if you feel threatened, please let me know we can do something about it."

I felt he was being sincere; It's just I felt that I lost. "Ok, Mr. Peterson. I'll step down." As I walked out of his office he called at me.

"Jonathan, if it's any consolation. I have a gay son and I do understand what you are going through. I'm just concerned. If you need to talk to anyone, call me or come to my office. And, by the way, please refrain from hitting your fellow students. I'll let this one go, but I can’t ignore it if you do it again."

I smiled and left his office. As I walked away from the office into the hallway, I slumped down on a locker. I started to cry. There was nothing left to do. They had won. The hallways had won. They directed the rumor missile straight towards me and made a direct hit. I was in shock. Meatball was malicious and, when she joined forces with the cheerleaders, they were a destructive force. They broke me apart, piece by piece. They were so strong that they turned the people I trusted the most against me.

"Hey, are you alright?" somebody said, but I was too lost to care.

"Hey Jonathan, talk to me."

"What who are you?"

"I'm nobody. Wait here, I'll go get my father."

Some minutes later Mr. Peterson returned. "Jonathan, are you Okay?" he asked, but I didn't respond. I just didn't have it in me.

"Craig, go get the nurse and ask her to call his parents."

All I could think of was that he said the name Craig. He said Craig. A few minutes later the school nurse, Mrs. Jacobson, returned and crouched before me. "Jonathan, did you take your medicine today?" Before I could answer, I blacked out.

I opened my eyes carefully and felt hands behind my head. "What happened?"

"You had a seizure," the nurse said.

"Are you alright?" Craig added.

"I think so."

"Okay then, I have to get to class. John, I hope you feel better later. Mrs. Jacobson, can you let my father know that I went back to class? Thanks. Bye John."

That was Craig. That was my Craig.

"John, I need to ask you a few questions?"

I nodded mindlessly, but my thoughts were elsewhere. Craig was back. He had changed a lot, but I knew it was him. I knew he would be back. Mr. Peterson had been the principal of my school since we were in sixth grade, and then he switched to the high school when I came in as a freshman, but I never made the connection between him and Craig.

"When was the last time you took your medicine? John!" she said, startling me. "John, when was the last time you took your medication?"

"Last Friday."

"Well, that'd do it. You have to take your medicine daily."

"I know; I just forgot."

"Okay. When was your last seizure?"

"About a month ago," I answered.

"Okay, that's about it. You can rest here until your parents come for you, okay? If you need anything, just yell for me; I'll be right outside," she said before leaving the room.

I nodded and lay back on the cot. My thoughts reverted back to Craig. If he was here all this time why didn't he talk to me? Why did he stay away? I had to find out.

Chapter Seven

Mel pointed at a sofa she wanted for the apartment. "Do you like that one?” she asked. It was a floral print sofa, with red cushions. I quickly shook my head. "Why not? I think it's beautiful."

"There is no way that is ever going to be in my apartment."

"Okay, don't get your panties in a bunch."

My mind was reeling with so many questions. I wanted to ask her about Craig. Was he the boy that stuck up for me when we were young? I wanted to know why we were still friends. I was angry at what I read. She stopped being my friend because of what that girl held over her head? Is that the reason nobody talked to me about Michael?

"What about this one," she said, pointing at a hideous looking yellow couch.

"No absolutely not. It's hideous."

"Oh, you are so hard to work with."

"I can’t help it if I don't want to buy a couch that looks like a giant yellow bean bag chair."

She gave me a dirty look and proceeded to the back of the store. Somebody tapped me from behind. I turned to see a pretty girl around my age. "Hi John," she said as she gave me a hug. "It's so good to see you."

"I'm sorry, but I don't know you," I said, thinking it was just another fan.

"Oh John, I'm sorry. I was just so glad to see you. My name is Meghan. We were friends in High school. I saw you walk in, and I just had to talk to you."

"Oh it's Okay. You just startled me a little."

"I saw you on TV last night. You looked great."

"Thank you. Do you live here in the city?"

"No, I just came here to look for a job. I still live back home. You should come by more often We all miss you."

I wonder how many is all. I haven't been home for a year. I had even spent Christmas alone, to the dismay of my parents. "I should," I said quickly to get her off that subject. To tell you the truth, I am afraid of going back there. That town holds too much.

"Oh my god Meghan!" Mel yelled from behind me.

"Mel, you're here too? Wow," Meghan answered.

I watch as they share a hug. In some way, I feel left out. "How have you been? How is Craig? I haven't heard from him in a while." My interest quickly peaked.

"He's fine. Better than he was."

"Why, what happened to him?" I asked.

"He went away for a while, and when he came back. H wasn't really the same."

They always answer my questions with cryptic answers. Everyone thinks that I am not ready for the truth. It makes me angry. I just want answers. "I’ve got to go," I tell them.

"John are you Okay?" Mel asks.

"I'm fine; I just need some air," I get three steps away before everything goes dark.

I have a seizure. The last one I had was months ago. This one is so bad that Mel had an ambulance called. I come to as they shove a cup of water in my face. "John, did you take your medicine today?" Mel asks.

"Yes. Sometimes it just happens," I tell her, thinking back to the last chapter of the book I had read.

"When was the last time you had a seizure?" one of the paramedics asked.

"About three months ago," I answer, as the other paramedic helps me up from the couch.

"Okay, I think you are ready to go. Just go home and rest and try to control your emotions a little. Sometimes they trigger the seizures," the paramedic says, as Mel helps me out to a taxi Meghan has waiting.

"Okay shaky, come on, we'll go home. Meghan, why don't you come with us? I can make lunch for all of us."

"Why don't we make it dinner? I have to go meet somebody. I'll call you," she said, as we pulled away.

Mel held me as the taxi wove its way through traffic. I am still angry, angry with them and myself. I see a couple holding hands and again, the word love comes to mind. "Mel can I ask you a question?"

"Shoot."

"The other day at the train station I heard a musician playing a song. As he played, the word love came to mind. Do you know why?"

"No I don't remember any song between you and Craig." My attention again was peaked.

"Craig and I? I thought I was dating Charlie," I asked quickly, as her face turns white.

She looks away from me and then asks. "John, when was the last time you talked to Charlie?"

"I don't remember ever knowing a Charlie," as the words leave my mouth, it dawns on me. "What happened?"

"I've already said too much. Trust me John I want to tell you a lot of things. I promised your mom to let you discover them by yourself. Don't be mad at me."

I turn away from her to the window. Maybe she's right; its better if I get the answers for myself. I had my answers in my own words. We pull up to my apartment building. We step out of the taxi and as I pay the fare something forms in my mind.

"Hey, Mr. Williams," Randy the door man, says opening the door for us.

"Hi, Randy, how have you been?"

"Oh just fine. Not better than you though. I see your pretty lady friend is here."

"Yeah, it's looking up," I tell him as we enter the building. "Hey, we’re expecting a friend later on. Please let her up. Her name is Meghan."

"Will do, Mr. Williams. Will do."

He makes me feel better. He always does. All he knew about me was my name, and yet he always made sure to greet me. I was always polite to him. I had seen the other tenants be down right rude to him. Some have even complained that he talks too much.

"He seems nice," Mel says as we step onto the elevator.

"Yeah, he's the only doorman here I like. The others are really snooty."

"You know, John, you've always had a huge heart. I know you think that I'm a jerk for not being your friend when Helene threatened me, but that was a really bad time for me." I can’t stay mad at her I knew deep down she was telling me the truth. "You need to read more of the book. It will all make sense, I promise."

I smile and step off the elevator, grabbing her hand. "Okay. I'm not mad but you need to answer a question for me. Just one."

"That depends on the question."

"I need to know what Craig looks like."

"Well you are in luck; I have a picture."

In the picture we were standing together on the porch of a cabin. Craig was tall and he had curly blond hair. There were some people around us. Mel was in the background, hugging a bald kid. Everyone was smiling. I noticed Meghan was there too.

"Mel, who are all these people?"

"Well, Meghan is there, and that's Michael who I am hugging. I don't really know the rest of these people but they are friends of yours. That kid, I think his name is David, and that's his girlfriend. Her name is um, Shelly I think," she said, pointing at a couple who were standing next to Craig and me.

"Craig is handsome."

"No, he is hot."

"You look like you were happy too. Why didn't you tell me you were dating Michael?"

Her eyes begin to water. "Open the door John. I need to get inside."

I let her in. She grabs my hand and pulls me into my room. She made me sit on the bed and hands me a copy of the book. "Here. Read," she says, and then pulls my feet onto the bed. She snuggles up next to me and pulls the sheet up over us.

Chapter Eight
From Hallway Hero

The hallways have a sick way of redeeming themselves. I, at this point, had nothing else to lose. I had already lost everything. But, when I was down the worst, I found something to carry me through. Craig was here and he wanted to be with me. He wanted to heal my pain; he wanted to be my strength. But I wanted answers; answers he couldn't begin to give me. You see, as it turned out, getting to him was a challenge.

I saw Craig later in the week. He was sitting next to a girl, and they were deep in conversation. I couldn't help but overhear what they were talking about.

"No! Meghan I can't talk to him."

"Why not?"

"Because it's too late."

"It's never too late. It's not like you had a choice in the matter. I can't believe you." She stopped talking when she saw me.

"You can't believe what?" he asked before she pointed at me.

"What didn't you tell me?" I asked.

He looked at me for a long time, then he stood and walked away. "Hey, wait," I yelled as I tried to follow, but she stopped me.

"What?" I said curtly, and she answered back "Listen, you have to have patience with him. He's had a hard time already."

I snapped back at her, "What, and I haven't?"

"No, I didn't say that. You have to let him tell you himself, and it's going to take a while."

I watched as he made his way from the cafeteria. "Just give him time Okay? He'll talk to you," she said, before leaving me alone.

"So, is that your new boyfriend?" Dominick asked, as he came near me. I could see Helene's vicious gaze focused on me from across the cafeteria. She was almost salivating at the Idea of getting back at me again.

"Fuck off," I said, and left him there with a smirk. I really wanted to hit him again.

The next time I saw Craig was after school as he headed for Mr. Peterson's office.

"Craig," I yelled.

He turned towards me. He looked at me for a while, almost as if he were taking me in for the first time in a long time. Then, just like that, he shook his head and walked away. I was crushed. He looked vulnerable. I just wanted to hug him. I wanted to kiss him. But most of all I wanted to know why. I wanted to know why he left.

As the weekend came and went all I could think about was Craig. It was killing me inside that I didn't know. Monday morning I saw him again with that girl he was with before. He saw me, but quickly turned away. It made me angry, so I just kept on walking. I made it most of the way down the hallway when somebody yelled the word faggot at me. I heard a commotion somewhere behind me and then somebody yelled. I turned around to see that Craig was yelling at Eddie.

"Why don't you call me a faggot? Come on Eddie."

"Craig, shut the fuck up! This doesn't concern you."

Craig looked furious. His nostrils flared. I noticed his fists close. I didn't like to see him like this.

"Why, because you want to call somebody a faggot? You know what I know for a fact? What you and Charlie used to do after practice. Like you told my mother when we were twelve?"

"Craig shut the fuck up," he yelled.

I watched as they stood ready to fight.” What you gonna do, hit me? Don't you like to be called a fag?"

Eddie lunged at Craig, tackling him down. Craig recovered quickly and punched him in the face. Eddie fell to the ground but came back up and punched Craig. Craig punched him back and threw him against a locker. Then he started hitting him.

"How does it feel, huh? You know, I've been waiting for a long time to beat your ass. Ever since you told my Mom," he said before he hit him again.

Told his mother what? I wanted to know, but the fight got worse when the rest of the dream team came in. They all jumped on Craig but, to my surprise, some other kids jumped in on Craig's behalf. A few minutes later the security guards came in and stopped the fight. Craig gave me an apologetic look. Then he said something to his friend before they took him away. It didn't hit me until later that he was fighting for me.

I was walking away from the crowd and headed toward homeroom when I ran into Michael. I tried to walk around him, but he stopped me.

"Hi John. How you doing," I could tell that he was nervous and for some reason he didn’t look good.

"Peachy. Fucking peachy," I answered curtly.

"John, I'm sorry." he said, but I just kept on walking. I didn't want to hear his shit. What, did he expect me to forgive him because he's sorry? I don't think that is ever possible. He hurt me and I couldn't forgive that. The friendship that we had was over now.

Later on in the day I saw Michael again He was sitting with Melissa at lunch, and they were engaged in a serious conversation. He seemed pissed and she was crying. I just walked right past them. Melissa looked at me. I gave her a dirty look. She just shook her head.

When I was seated at lunch, Craig's friend Meghan walked up to me. "Craig asked me to ask you if you would meet him after school, at the cliff."

"Why? He couldn't ask me himself?"

She got annoyed and leaned in closer to me "Stop being a dick and be there, okay?"

The rest of the day went as expected. I saw Charlie as I left my last class. He was embracing a girl and the dream team, with the exception of Eddie, was all crowded around them. They all saw me and started yelling. "Whatcha looking at, fag? You want some of this?" I just kept on walking. Outside of the school, I saw Melissa waiting for a ride and I walked past her again on my way to the car. I didn't care anymore; they had betrayed me and they hurt me, all because they were afraid of Meatball.

She ran after me. "John, wait. John, wait."

"What do you want, Mel," I yelled. It felt strange calling her name. Almost as if it didn't fit anymore.

"I want to say I'm sorry. I want to be your friend again. I want things to be the way they were."

"I'm sorry Mel, but I don't think so," I said, and made my way to my car as she stood there crying. It pained me to see her cry, but I was determined to make them know how much they hurt me.

As I drove to the cliff, I thought of every possible thing he might tell me. I was nervous. I saw him standing there as I reached the cliff. He turned to me as I stepped out of my car. He had a black eye. I felt bad.

"Hey," he said as I approached him.

"Hey, Craig."

There were a few minutes of silence before he started to speak again. "I need to tell you some things, and I don't know how to start."

"Just say what you need to say. I'm here to listen."

"I never wanted to leave, John. My mother sent me away to a hospital. She thought I was sick. My cousin Eddie told her I was gay when I wouldn't do things with him, sexual things. I'm sorry I didn't tell you but I didn’t have time. My mother sent me away behind my father's back." He looked away to the ocean. He seemed in deep thought, but then he kept on talking,

"I was there for three years. They used to torture us as a way to get us to change. They used to beat us and shock us and sometimes they would . . ." He stopped and looked away from me again. My heart almost broke when he started crying, but he kept on. "By the time my father found me, I was brainwashed. I would get sick every time I would look at a boy I liked. But it hurt the worst when I saw you again. I couldn't bear the pain. So I stayed away."

By now I was crying. I wished I had known. I wished I knew the pain he was in. My pain no longer seemed valid. "I'm sorry, Craig."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I was ashamed. My mother told me I was a disgrace to our family. I just wanted for her to love me again. I thought I needed to go for her to love me," he broke down crying. "I'm sorry John. I'm sorry."

I hugged him. "I know, Craig. I'm here. For the longest time I hated you, Craig. I used to ride my bike by your house wondering where you went and why you weren't back. It was hard knowing I lost you, but I built a shell and changed who I was just to make it easier to deal. Then everything turned to shit. They hate me because of that bitch Meatball and her cousin. Now I have you back. I can love you again."

He smiled and hugged me back. "I love you too, John."

We stayed there until it got dark, and we gained a new understanding and a new start on a relationship. That night I had a dream about us when we were twelve. We were running down the cliff to the beach. As we reached the beach, we looked like a pair of old men happily holding hands.

We were inseparable after that night. Nothing fazed us, not even Meatballs constant harassment or the dream team's name calling. It was just perfect.

Meghan and I became closer as the days went by. I trusted her. There was something about her face that made me feel safe when she was around. It was almost motherly.

"Let’s make a fresh start, John. What we started with wasn't the most desirable way to begin a friendship. My name is Meghan. I am Craig's best friend. I would like to be yours," she said, extending her hand.

I grabbed her hand and smiled. "I'd like that."

"Cool, then I want to say this. I know Helene, and what she has on your friends is probably very bad. So maybe you should take it easy on them."

"I hate them. I would never cower the way they did."

"Are you sure? Because I know for a fact you dropped some friends because they got kicked out of your group."

I never thought of it like that but she was right. "Maybe when there's time for me to heal, I'll try to talk to them again."

"Yeah, maybe that's a good idea," She said.

I thought about talking to them, but deep inside I couldn't do it. Mel would smile at me every time she saw me with Craig, and Michael still tried talking to me every chance he got. I also noticed something about Mel, Michael and Charlie; I never saw them together anymore.

Charlie was another story altogether. He glared at me every time he saw me with Craig. He was jealous. I ran into him before English class. He was mad; he grabbed my arms and slammed me into a locker. "So is that your new boyfriend? Is that the Craig you said you would never leave me for, huh?" He yelled at me before punching me in the face.