A Hero in the Hallways - 4. Chapter 4

Part Four: Fallible

 

 

Chapter Twelve

 

"John, are you OK? You haven’t touched your food," Meghan asks from across the table. I have been staring at my food for the last hour but I can't eat it. I look up at her and shrug. Aaron looks at me, he doesn't say anything.

 

"When are you guys going back home?" I ask.

 

"We leave in a couple of days," Meghan answers.

 

"I need to go back home. I need to go back tomorrow morning."

 

"John, are you sure that's a good Idea?" asks Mel.

 

"I need to Mel," I tell her.

 

"I can't go with you, John,” says Mel.

 

"I know. It's okay; you have to go to school anyways."

 

"I could go with you," Aaron offered.

 

I smiled "I'd like that."

 

It came back to me. Just a little memory, but I knew it was enough. I held his hand. Michael needed me and I was there. I waited next to him. I was there when he passed. Tears welled up in my eyes.

 

"I need to go to Michael’s grave."

 

Mel began to cry. I walk over to her, hugging her. "I'm sorry Mel, I'm so sorry." I held her tight.

 

"I loved him so much."

 

How could a person do what Helene did? How could a person destroy the life of another over a school election? She had taken and crushed everything and everyone around me. Yet, from that came everything I have now, and I know that somewhere out there Craig could be waiting for me.

 

"Meghan, can you please stay here with Mel?"I ask.

 

"Sure, can I talk to you for a second?"

 

"Let's go to the living room. Grab a chair; I don't have furniture in there yet."

 

I sit facing the window. You can see the glow of the city. I always looked out at the city from here. "Nice view," Meghan says, joining me.

 

"Thank you."

 

"I wanted to talk to you about Craig."

 

"I figured as much."

 

"He needs you. I know everybody is saying that you should wait before you speak to him, but I am his best friend. I know what he needs more than anything, and that's you."

 

"My father said I should wait until he is ready for me."

 

"He will never be ready. He needs you to be ready. He never talks to anyone anymore. I have to literally force words out of him. He dropped out of school and works as a dishwasher at some dive. He won't tell me where he went for so long."

 

"Wow. This is all my fault."

 

"No it's not, John. When you go back, please make sure you see him. Even if he doesn't want to see you."

 

"I will Meghan."

 

"Listen; there is also something you should know. I know it's not something you want to hear right now, but I have to tell you. He has another guy." I melt as she tells me this. "I know for a fact that he doesn't like this guy. He just needs to believe in the fact that he still has you. This guy is not good for him."

 

"Another guy?"

 

"John no, listen!"

 

"I can't break up his relationship. I don't even know if I love him. I love him." I smile "I love him don't I?" It feels right to say those words. A vision of me holding his hands at the edge of a cliff comes to mind and my heart aches.

 

"Yes, you do. That isn't a relationship. He's the love of your life, and you are his. When you had your accident, he used to play love songs for you 'cause he knew you like them. When you woke up and didn't remember him, he thought he’d lost you forever."

 

"I remember a song. I just . . ." I fight back the tears.

 

"John, just remember; you guys were meant for each other. All these obstacles, they are just there to make you stronger."

 

The next morning Aaron meets me at the airport. I bought two first class tickets. "You know you don't have to come if you don't want to?"

 

"It's okay; I want to. Anyways, I want you to get to know me again."

 

"I'm scared."

 

"Don't be, dude. You’re among friends."

 

Our flight is going to take an hour.” You know, I have never taken a first class flight."

 

"Me either. I drove here when I moved."

 

"Wow, how long did that take?"

 

"About four hours."

 

"Hey, you should go visit David when we get home."

 

"Sure, I want to see him and how is Sheryl?"

 

"Oh, they broke up man."

 

"Does she still Live back home?"

 

"Yeah, she’s a teacher at the local middle school."

 

"Mel said I introduced you to Meghan. How did that happen?"

 

"We had a party for you once. It was a birthday party."

 

"Yeah, I just read up to the part where Craig surprised me."

 

"The next morning you introduced us over breakfast."

 

"I want to have everything I had before. My memory is coming back little by little."

 

"John, that's great."

 

"But it scares me. Every time I remember something, I feel worse about what I’ve done to everyone since my accident." you guys are my friends. I owe everyone an apology. I was a jerk, and you guys still stood by me. Especially Mel.”

 

“John no one blames you,” he says, holding my shoulder.

 

"I want to ask you something, Aaron."

 

"What's that?"

 

"Why were you such a good friend to me?”

 

"Because you were the only other person I had that had gone through the same situation as I had."

 

He's right. He and I have had more than our fair share of missiles. "But I was such an asshole."

 

"You know, I used to be mad at you a lot. I mean I never thought you would do it too you seemed like such a nice guy, and you were but at Lakeside it's survival of the fittest. My anger melted away when I heard what Helene had done to you."

 

"I would be mad at me too. I was such a jerk." I smile and reach for my book. There I was on the cover, confetti everywhere. I looked so happy.

 

"I thought I had it all."

 

"So did I, but I am so much happier now."

 

"I am reaching for that,” I tell him before he dozes off and I found myself lost in my book again.

 

 

Chapter Thirteen

From Hallway Hero

 

Maybe life could get easier after all. Maybe it was all worth it. I had him back, yet I couldn't shake the feeling that, maybe, the worst wasn't over. Unfortunately, I was right. Things would take a sinister turn and, at the center, would be Helene Mayer.

 

I grabbed him and planted a big kiss on his mouth. "Hey, you can have him all to yourself later. Right now we need a picture," Mel said, breaking our lip lock.

 

"Hi John," said Michael. He didn't look good. He tried to smile, but I knew that just being there was asking a lot from him. I hugged him.

 

"You know I wouldn't have been mad if you stayed at home. I could have come to you."

 

"John, I needed to be here. I couldn't pass on my best friend’s birthday. It could be my last." His words chilled my bones. I didn't know how right he was.

 

"Don't speak like that Michael. It scares me."

 

"Come on, John, they are going to take a picture."

 

I held his arm and we walked outside. Mel pulled Michael in her direction. Craig motioned for me to come next to him. I quickly placed myself next to him and gave my biggest smile. Aaron took the picture and we all went back inside.

 

"That's going to be an awesome picture," Aaron said.

 

"Make sure everyone gets a copy," I said.

 

I held Craig's hand; I couldn't let him go again. Somebody put some music on and everybody began to dance, with the exception of Michael and Mel. They snuggled together by the fire. "Would you like to dance Mister Williams?" Craig asked me.

 

"No. I have a better Idea." I pulled him into an empty room. I locked the door and, without thinking, pulled his face to mine. "I've waited a long time for this." He tasted so sweet.

 

I could say that, at that moment, everything was perfect, that everything in the universe fell into place, but it wouldn't be enough to explain it. I was floating. We kissed so hard that my lips began to hurt. I wasn't breathing and I couldn't care less.

 

"John... I can't... Breathe."

 

"Wow! I needed that."

 

"Yeah. I think I'm going to get a drink."

 

I watched him walk away. I’d gotten him back for a third time. The Gods had decided that we really were meant for each other. This remarkable guy; he was mine and I was his. Could it be more perfect? Could it be that the bad times were finally over?

 

"Here, have a drink."

 

"You know I never thought I would get you back."

 

"I thought I had lost you again. When I saw you kissing that guy, I lost it. I couldn't believe that you would do that."

 

"I never told you about Dominick." I pulled him to a bench at the window.

 

"Yeah, I figured it out somewhere along the way. It took a lot of nagging from Meghan, but here I am." We kissed again, but he stopped.

 

"Wait, turn the lights off. It looks cool watching the snow fall. The porch lights make the snow glow." I turned off the light and sat next to him. "See, it looks awesome."

 

He was right; it was so beautiful. Having him there, to watch it with, made it that much more special. It was perfect. I was here with the love of my life. I fell asleep in his arms. I woke up to the smell of Breakfast.

 

"You are cute when you sleep," Michael said, waking me up.

 

"Wuh?" I said turning to him. "Be quiet; you'll wake up Craig. Why don't you come and eat breakfast with me? I want to talk to you."

 

I groggily followed him out to the kitchen. David and Sheryl were making Breakfast. Meghan was having a conversation with Mel. Aaron stumbled into the room behind me. "mm. What smells good?"

 

Meghan quickly looked up at him. The attraction was clearly there. "Meghan this is Aaron."

 

"Hi Aaron," She said, extending her hand. She was blushing. So was he.

 

"Uh, hi Meghan," he said as he took her hand.

 

"John, grab a plate and follow me to the den," Michael said. I did as he asked.

 

"What did you need to talk about?"

 

"Well, I wanted to ask if you would help me with something."

 

"What's that?"

 

"I need you to be my best man." I wanted to cry. I wanted to smile. I wanted to do something. "I already asked her. She said yes."

 

"Then I have no choice, do I?" He hugged me.

 

"I want her to have the right to be by my side. That way my parents can't say anything."

 

Now I understood. It was the saddest thing in the world. I began to cry. My heart broke for them. "I will be there for you every step of the way. I swear."

 

"Thank you John."

 

How could I have been so selfish? I was so worried about me that I never stopped to notice how other people were doing.

 

Mel walked over and sat next to us. David and Sheryl followed. Meghan and Aaron stayed in the kitchen. They were having a good conversation. I thought I heard him invite her to a concert.

 

"So how did it go?" asked Sheryl.

 

"Yeah, spill it," added Mel.

 

"Guys, there is nothing to say. I have him back that's all."

 

"Oh, come on. When I woke you, you looked like you were in bliss. He didn't look that disappointed either," Michael said as Craig walked in.

 

"He better not be," said Craig.

 

"Grab some breakfast” I said, motioning towards the kitchen.

 

A few of the other kids sat around us. This felt good. I had all my friends, new and old, all together in one place. I had Craig.

 

And so it began; that part of our lives that I would always remember as our turning point. Things would change; some things for the better and other things for the worse. As we drifted into the future, I was comforted knowing I had my friends to go through it with me.

 

Michael and I began making preparations. He was so eager. He wanted it to happen fast. Inside, I understood more than anything. Yet, the more he did the worse I felt. He didn't have a lot of time left. I made sure he got what he wanted.

 

"We can have it in my backyard. Mom and dad said it was okay," I said as we walked into the tailors.

 

"Yeah, that would be great. I just want something simple, but it has to be perfect."

 

"I know, Michael. I know."

 

The tailor measured us for tuxes. It was only a week away. We had everything planned. Meghan, David and Sheryl offered to take care of the decorating and catering. Michael’s band offered to play at the reception. Everyone wanted to help. My father got a license so he could marry them. Michael’s parents were not to know about the wedding until after. We kept everything secret.

 

"I can't wait," said Mel, as we picked up her dress. She had asked me if I could be best friend and bridesmaid. I agreed. They were my friends. My best friends.

 

"Hey, it's only a day away."

 

"I know, but the faster we get married . . ." she stopped there.

 

"Mel, are you okay?"

 

"John, I just want to thank you for being there. I mean you always have been. You took me in when my mother left. You made sure we’ve had all the time we needed, and here you are being bridesmaid and best man."

 

"Mel, you guys are my friends. I have to do this."

 

"Thank you John," she said as we pulled up to my house. "I'll see you tomorrow. Don't have too much fun tonight, okay?" We had planned a small bachelor party for Michael; nothing big, just a dinner with his friends.

 

"I won't. I'll see ya tomorrow."

 

We had a great dinner. We shared old stories and a few laughs. By the end of the night we were exhausted. I drove everyone home, one by one. Michael was the last one. He had fallen asleep.

 

"Michael. Come on, wake up. We are almost at your house."

 

"John, I need to go to the hospital," he barely choked out.

 

"Michael, this isn't funny," I yelled.

 

"John, take me to the hospital."

 

I pulled a u-turn and headed toward the hospital. I picked up my cell phone and called ahead. They would be waiting at the emergency doors.

 

"Michael, speak to me. I need to know that you are still there."

 

"I'm here John."

 

It all happened so quickly. By the time I made it to the hospital they were waiting for me outside. I watched as they put him on a stretcher and disappeared down a hall. I called Mel but she didn't answer. An hour later, I was allowed to come in. He didn't look good.

 

"Hey bud," I said as I sat next to him. Tears were already running down my cheeks. I held his hand.

 

"I need you to do something."

 

"What's that?"

 

"Call your father and Mel. I don't have long. I need him to marry us."

 

I did as he asked. My father said he'd come as soon as he could. It was too late. Michael was getting worse.

 

"I'm not going to make it," he said. "I need you to tell her I love her."

 

"I will."

 

"John. Thank you." It was the last thing he said. I held his hand as he died. My shirt sleeves were wet from the tears. I walked out of the room. His parents came in as I walked out. They scowled at me.

 

I was lost. This couldn't happen, not like this. Then I saw her. Mel was running towards me. She had her wedding dress on. She stopped when she saw my eyes. She broke down right there.

 

"No John! NO!" she screamed.

 

I couldn't take it. I fell to my knees. I crawled over to her. "Mel, I'm sorry." I said as I embraced her.

 

"He can't be gone. Everyone leaves me."

 

"No Mel, I'm here. I'll always be here."

 

Things just went by slowly after that. It was almost as if time had stopped. We weren't allowed to attend his funeral. His parents were adamant, even after my parents had pleaded with them.

 

I watched Mel closely for the next few days. It was as if she wasn't there. I mean, she was there physically but not there mentally. I had my parents switch her to my school so I could be closer to her. I made sure to be there after every class and after school. At times she would just break down. She cried herself to sleep every night. I was afraid of leaving her alone.

 

Some days she seemed fine. She would almost smile. Other days she was cold. She showed no emotion and stayed away from everybody. I couldn't blame her; I just tried to be there for her.

 

As the weeks passed, I began to fall into the same depression. I barely talked to anyone. I stayed away from everyone. I needed to just be away. Craig understood and gave me my space.

 

Some of my teachers noticed my desolation and called up Craig's father at my old school. Mr. Peterson asked me to meet him in his office. The school looked the same, yet I had a feeling of foreboding. "Are you sure you want to go in there again?" Craig asked as we made it to the front door.

 

"Yeah I'm ready." I took a deep breath and I walked in. The main hallway was empty. No dream team, no cheerleaders, and no preps. We made our way down the hallway. It seemed so peaceful. We had made it halfway down the main hallway when the bell rang. The masses of students poured out of their classrooms. We tried to make it to the administration offices, but were caught up in the crowd. Some of the kids recognized me and began to whisper. Helene saw me and gave me a diabolical smile. She formed her hand in the shape of a gun and pulled the Imaginary trigger.

 

 

 

Chapter Fourteen

 

 

I try to choke back my tears as we make it through the terminal. It hurts inside. I just wanted to break down right there. It took every thing I had not to. Aaron looked at the chapter I read and frowned. He gave me a hug.

 

"You know I feel like I should remember these things, but I don't. I just remember bits and pieces now, and it’s killing me," I tell Aaron before we make it to the gate.

 

"Well John, you can't expect everything to come back at once."

 

He's right, I know it. But after reading all of this how could I not want to remember everything? I remember being beside Michael but that's where that particular memory ends.

 

"Excuse me, are you Jonathan Williams?" I turn to see a teenage boy that looked to be about eighteen years old. He had an accent I couldn't quite place.

 

"Yes. Can I help you?"

 

"Would you please sign my copy? I love your book; it helps to have something like this to read," he says quickly, holding out a heavily worn paperback copy. I think it is the international version of my book as the cover is different. "It helps a lot when you are . . . you know." I understand.

 

"Sure, but I'll do you one better. You can have my copy,” I told him, grabbing my hard-cover copy from my bag. "What's your name?"

 

"My name is Simon." I write him a little note on the inside before I gave him the book.

 

"Where are you from?"

 

"I'm from South Africa."

 

"Wow, that's a ways off," I say, suddenly connecting his accent.

 

"Yes. I'm here as an exchange student. Thank you so much."

 

"Oh you're welcome. This is Aaron. He's in my book." Aaron shakes his hand, and we say good bye.

 

"He was cute," I tell Aaron as we make it out to baggage claim. When I saw him show his friend the copy I had given him. That made me feel better.

 

"Yeah, it's crazy how many people have read your book."

 

“Remind me to call my agent."

 

My father and mother offered to pick us up, but I decided to rent a car instead. It makes it easier to visit Craig without my parents knowing. "OK, first I need to go to Michael's grave. I want to put flowers here."

 

" There's a shop over there. Let's see if they have flowers."

 

"After we go to the grave, I need to go see Craig."

 

"Wait a minute. You were supposed to wait?"

 

"I need to see him. I know he needs me."

 

"Alright, but if I take you to where he lives, and you do not like what you see, I won’t be held responsible."

 

" Aaron, Thank you."

 

I asked Aaron to stay in the car. What I have to do, I need to do alone. I sat before his head stone and poured my heart out. “I would have been here sooner. I was a little, um, delayed. I miss you Michael. I didn't do what you asked me; I couldn't get her there in time." I begin to cry. "I brought you some flowers. I know. I know everyone brings you flowers but it seemed like the right thing to do."

 

"Actually, nobody brings him flowers," says somebody behind me. I turn to see who it is. The man standing there looks familiar but I can't place him. "Not even his parents," the boy says approaching me.

 

"Do I know you?"

 

"Yeah we've met once or twice. I was Michael's friend. My friends and I, we used to, um, yell shit at you every time you walked by us."

 

"Oh," I stood up to leave.

 

"Hey, you don't have to go. I'm not going to yell shit at you now. Actually, I want to thank you. My name is Drew," he says extending his hand. “I wish you and I could have met under better circumstances.”

 

I took his hand and it suddenly dawns on me. Drew used to play with Michael in his band. “You played with Michael?” He nods, smiling as he arranges the flowers. “Why, would you want to thank me?"

 

"For being there for Michael. I heard your conversation. I wish I had been as close to him as you were."

 

"I miss him."

 

"Me too." He looks uncomfortable. "Hey, I read your book. It's good stuff."

 

"Thank you."

 

"If I knew things were that bad for you, I would have taken it a lot easier. Do you still talk to Mel?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"I have something of his that she might like to have."

 

"What's that?"

 

"He had a journal. It's filled with entries and shit."

 

"Really?"

 

"Yeah. I found it at my house. He must have left it before he died," he says, reaching into his bag for it. "Here, maybe you could give it to her."

 

"I will."

 

He hands me the leather-bound journal. I want to open it, but I can't. I know deep down it is meant for only one person; it's meant for Mel and I can't violate that. "Thank you," I tell him as he starts to walk away. "Hey, maybe we could get a cup of coffee sometime."

 

"I'd like that," he says and then left.

 

I say my goodbye to Michael and walk back to the car. Something about Drew isn't right and I felt it. Deep down I know he knows more about Michael than I can ever know.

 

Aaron smiles as I get in the car. "You ready?"

 

I tell him about Drew as we near Craig's place. "So let me get this straight. Michael had a journal that, apparently, no one knew about."

 

"Yeah, and his friend Drew gave it to me so I can give it to Mel."

 

"And you aren't going to read it?"

 

"No, it's for Mel."

 

We pull up to Craig's Driveway. My Stomach is doing flip flops. He is in there, probably with another guy. "Here goes nothing." I step out of the car and make it up the path to the door. I take a deep breath before I push the doorbell. There is music playing, but no one answers. I look back at Aaron. He points towards the side of the house. I step of the porch and I walk around. The music is getting louder. It is also apparent that two people are arguing.

 

"Fine, I'm leaving!"

 

"I want all your shit out of here by the time I get back!" says a deep menacing voice. I begin to walk back to the car. I don't want to be a part of this.

 

"Who the fuck are you?"

 

I turn to see a tall guy. He looks angry. "I'm John, Craig's friend."

 

He gives me look, measuring me with his eyes. "Is he here?" I ask.

 

"Yeah, he's back there."

 

"Thank you." I step around him. He, however, decides that he isn't going to leave. He follows me. In the back of the house Craig is Throwing Stuff out of a window.

 

"Craig, what the fuck is this? Now you are bringing your boy toy friends over too?"

 

"I thought you were . . ." Craig stops when he sees me. "John," he mouths. He quickly begins throwing stuff out the window again. He doesn't look like the Craig I know. His eyes are sullen and he had a rough look about him.

 

"Craig, are you going to tell me who this fuck is?"

 

"He was the love of my life. Something you fucking failed to be." The words cut through me. I was the love of his life?

 

"Well, well, well. This is the famous Jonathan Williams," says the tall guy. I look at him. He is intimidating. He is definitely older than Craig and I, maybe in his thirties. The thought of Craig and him together makes me sick.

 

"Maybe I should come back later," I tell them, but the tall guy holds my shoulder.

 

"No, why don't you join us for a cup of coffee?" he says with his eyes undressing me.

 

"No, I think he should go," Craig yells down.

 

I don't feel comfortable there I feel dirty. I knew that it was going to bother me seeing him with another man, but this just destroys me inside. I turn to leave. I see the tall guy glare at Craig. I look at Craig. His icy eyes just stare at me. "Call me at my parents house Craig,” I tell him and I leave.

 

When I reach the car, Aaron is talking on his cell phone. "It's David. He wants to see us later." I nod and get in the car where I exhale a long breath. I never thought that seeing him again would hurt so much. I want to scream. This is all my fault.

 

The tall guy watches us from the front door as we pull out of the driveway. “I see you've met Trevor,” Drew says when we leave the neighborhood.

 

"Is that his name?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"How could they be dating? He's obviously in his thirties."

 

"Try early forties."

 

I turn my gaze towards Aaron. “No."

 

"That's why we told you to wait. They were bound to break up eventually. They hate each other. We were hoping that he could tell you about this himself."

 

"But Meghan said he needed me now."

 

"Well, Meghan thinks that he won't leave Trevor until he knows he can have you."

 

I understand. Meghan wants me to bring the old Craig back. "He looks so different."

 

"That he does my friend. He's grown up. He's old now."

 

In my old neighborhood, Lakeside the houses are huge cookie cutter masterpieces. Every one has an expensive car in the driveway and highly manicured lawns. Every thing is based on the image that everything is perfect.

 

"Can I ask you a question?"

 

"What's that John.?"

 

"Why did we put ourselves through that bullshit?"

 

"Well, when you're a teenager, superficial things matter more than anything. We learned our lessons though."

 

"I hope so," I say as we pass Eddie's house. "What ever happened to Eddie?"

 

"Well when his parents found out about him being gay, they sent him to that place they sent Craig. It didn't work of course; he became a gay activist in Washington."

 

"Wow."

 

"Yeah. He keeps praising your book as having given him the inspiration. It makes me want to puke. He's such an asshole. I know for a fact that he's still out there trying to rape people." he says as we pull into my parents’ driveway. There is a group of reporters interviewing my parents.

 

"What's going on?" I ask. All of the reporters run over to me.

 

"Do you think that it's safe for you to be here?" asks one reporter. "Will you hide?" asks another.

 

"I don't know what you’re talking about," I say into one of the microphones they shove in my face.

 

"Helene Mayer has escaped," says a third reporter.