My Little Secret - 3. Chapter 3- "Just Like That"

I woke up earlier than usual. Being able to beat your alarm clock is great. Waking up naturally is so much more peaceful than the screaming of an alarm clock.

I got out of bed and walked to my bathroom. I stripped out of my clothes I slept in and got into the shower. The feeling of the warm water running down my body definitely helped to lighten my mood a bit. Even though I knew it wouldn't last that long. I knew I had to face Jaime today at school. We may not talk to each other, but the thought of even seeing him made my heart feel like it would explode. It's strange that just a few days ago, Jaime was one of the closest friends I've ever had. I'm such an idiot...

I got out of the shower and dried myself off. I looked at the mirror and styled my hair as best as I could, and then got dressed. I walked into the kitchen and noticed my mom had left for work. At least I didn't have to get another "mommy" speech. I ate a few pop tarts and grabbed my things. I walked out the door and locked it.

I always just walk to school instead of taking a bus. I live close enough and it's much more relaxing. Things were a little bit different, because Jaime would always walk with me. My chest started to burn... no, just don't think about it.

I kept walking, when I suddenly heard footsteps behind me. They were getting close fast! I turned around just soon enough to see a strand of blonde hair, and arms outstretched towards me. *WHAM* I found myself in a tight bear hug.

"Cameron!?" I looked down to see my friend squeezing the life out of me.

"Ash! Why the hell didn't you wait for us!?" Still holding on to his vice-like grip. Cameron was a friend of mine since about 3rd grade. Even back then he was always touch-feely whenever it came to other people. He was a pretty cute boy. He had blonde yellowish hair, hazel eyes that seemed to always change colors, and he was shorter than myself and also skinnier. He may be a bit child-like, but he's incredibly adorable.

I heard someone behind him say, "Yeah, you and Jaime didn't show up yesterday or today." I peered behind Cameron to see, Dustin. He was also a friend I've had since childhood. He had light brown hair that came almost to his cheek, green eyes, and he was more muscular and taller than Cameron. He was also very cute.

"Sorry about yesterday guys," I slowly shook myself out of Cameron's arms. "I had just gotten sick is all."

Cameron chimed in, "Well, what about Jaime? He wasn't here yesterday either, or even today... we had to come and find YOU!"

I just shrugged in response. Why did Jaime not show up at all? Is he still so upset with me that he won't even be near his friends either?

"Asher!?" I heard Dustin say.

"Oh, uh... what?"

"We've got to get to school or we'll be late."

"Yeah, right." Then, we continued our walk to school. The whole walk there... it felt like a hole was in our little group. Even though Cameron and Dustin may not feel it, but then again they didn't exactly know what I knew.

When we go into school, we gave our usual "see ya later" remarks until lunch. I made my way to my first class of the day. The whole time though, I just focused on the clock. I couldn't seem to concentrate. My mind chased the images and sounds of Jaime yelling at me. Maybe, I could just apologize. We can act like it never happened and be friends again. I just don't want to lose Jaime entirely...

The bell rang and I headed to my next class. I was contemplating going to Jaime's after school, and trying to rekindle what was left of our friendship... I could sort things out and everything will be fine. I just want this day to be over already.

Walking into my next class I noticed something. Or more like "someone." Jaime was here... he was actually here today! That means he IS avoiding me and the others!

I sat down in my usual seat next to Jaime, but when I did he made a face... like he was disgusted just by my presence. Then I heard the teacher say, "Asher? That's no longer your seat. You sit in the row in front of that one."

"Um, why did my seat get changed, Mrs. Smith?"

She cleared her throat. "Class. Read pages 90-97 in your English books. Asher, come out into the hall for a second please." She made her way to the door and I followed. I turned back to look at Jaime and he still had a look on his face that made my chest ache.

I walked out of the classroom, and Mrs. Smith closed the door behind me. "Sorry for the unexpected moving, Asher."

I looked at her for a moment. "Well, why was I moved?"

She looked me in the eyes and said, "Before class started your friend Jaime asked me if I could move you. I asked him if anything was wrong, but he didn't really say much. Do you mind telling me what's the matter?"

I lowered my head, looking down at the floor. Tears starting to sting my eyes. I said, "We've just been fighting lately, so that must be why. It's nothing too drastic though, Mrs. Smith." I looked back up at her.

She looked at me with a sort of sorry look and said, "Well... alright. I just didn't want there to be a problem between you two." She opened the door, and we walked back in the class room.

I just don't understand why he hates me so much. After being friends for so long, I at least thought it would cushion some of this. I guess I was wrong, and any thought of me seeing Jaime after school was completely wiped out. I didn't even look at Jaime for the rest of the class, I knew he was still cursing me with his eyes. Probably thinking to himself how much of a worthless fag I was. I sat in the desk and laid my head down. Just waiting for this class to end.

I don't think I paid much attention at all until lunch time came around. I sat with Cameron and Dustin like I usually did and talking and cutting up with them definitely lifted my spirits.

Cameron was in the middle of telling me and Dustin about a dream he had last night. "So, I was in a bus and I was just staring out the window. Then, all of a sudden we're driving through the park towards a pond. Then, when the bus hit the pond... I woke up."

Dustin and I glanced at each other and then Dustin looked back at Cameron and said, "Maybe that's how you'll die."

Mine and Cameron's mouths shot open. Then Cameron said, "Don't say that! What if it's true!?"

Dustin started to grin and said in a freaky voice, "Well you'd better not get on any buses, Cam."

I giggled and swatted Dustin's arm. "Stop it."

Cameron replied, "You're just an asshole, Dustin!"

Then, Dustin and Cameron went to playfully bickering with each other. I took this time to just look around the cafeteria. I wonder where Jaime is... I didn't think he'd come over with us, but where would he be?

Then, when the thought hit my mind, I saw Jaime standing on the other side of the cafeteria. He was standing with a bunch of your typical jar-headed sport boys. Why was he with them? Did he make new friends that quickly?

"Why is Jaime with those guys?" I heard Cameron say. I must've been staring too long...

"I... I don't know." I replied.

"So, he just abandons us like that?" Dustin said. "Ash? Are you sure nothing happened between you and Jaime?"

I could feel a pinch in my chest, but I played it off. "Nope. I don't know what's wrong."

Dustin stared at me for a minute. The tension was making me uneasy. Then he said, "Alright." And leaned back in his chair. I sighed to myself. At least this subject could be over for now... "I guess I'll just visit him after school and see what's up."

Wait... what!? I stuttered, "Uh... W-why would you do that?"

He looked at me and said, "Because I want know what the hell is up with him!" Great... just great. I can't let him do that! Jaime could tell him everything! Then all of this will happen again!

"NO!" I shouted. Both Cameron and Dustin looked at me with confused faces. Ok, just calm down... "I mean... I'll go. I'll see him after school and see what's up. Ok?"

Dustin looked at me hard. Then, he sighed to himself and said, "Ok. I guess it's better if you go."

The rest of our lunch was filled with awkward tension, and the remainder of the day sort of tip-toed along. I didn't have any more classes with Jaime, so the knots in my stomach unwound themselves. They did come back though when the final bell rang, however, because I knew I had to visit Jaime this afternoon. I couldn't just skip out, because I knew Dustin would find out I didn't go, and then he'll try to intervene again.

I just need to calm myself. I'm sure if I just apologize, we'll be friends again. I mean, he wouldn't just throw our friendship away, right? Yeah, he's mad now, but I'm sure he'll forgive me. Yeah...

I made my way out of school. Cam and Dustin went together somewhere when school let out, so it was just me. I started walking to Jaime's house. My heart started to pound. I tried to distract myself by looking at the clouds and noticed they were dark. I'd better hurry before it starts to rain.

I slowly approached Jaime's house. My legs started to stiff up. Come on! You can do this, Ash! I walked up to the porch and slowly reached to knock on the door. My hands shaking slightly.

Suddenly, the door swung open. I stood there, with a blank expression. I saw Jaime standing there in front of me. I didn't know what to say. He must have seen me coming to his house. He broke the silence, "Why are you here?"

I stumbled on my words, "I uh... wanted to come see you... Jaime." I half-heartedly smiled. He looked me up and down, then snickered to himself.

"I don't think I made it clear enough for you, Asher," then he got closer to me, a little ways from my face. " I don't want to see you anymore!"

My heart sank with those words. I wanted to cry. How could he be so cold? "But, Jaime... I-"

"No!" He interrupted. "I don't want to hang around a fag! It's disgusting!" Every word was hitting me like a knife. He continued, "So, I want you to leave. You're lucky I don't tell our friends what happened!"

I didn't come here to have it like this. "Jaime!" I said, and grabbed his arm. He shoved me away, and noticed the hurt look on my face. A stray tear fell from my eye, and I quickly wiped it away. He must've noticed, because his face seem to sadden a little bit as well. Then, Jaime turned away from me, almost as if not letting me see something.

Then, he slowly walked back inside. I need to say something. "So... It's over? Just like that?" He stopped and looked at me for a second. Then shut the door.

I stood there, in pain, not knowing what to do. I felt the rain start to hit my skin. I ran to my house, but my emotions got the better of me about half-way there. It just hurts so much. To have a friend who is like your brother one day, and the next, he can't even be around you. It's my fault... If I just wasn't gay I wouldn't have to go through this shit! I'll never forgive myself for letting this happen...

I walked into my house, wiped away the trails of rain and tears from my face, and closed the door.