Hypothetical Kid - 1. Hypothetical Kid

Hypothetical Kid

After watching a dozen midterm review Extra History videos from YouTube, David King asked the study group: “Is everybody confident about your history midterm?”

LJ, Rowdy, Travis, Rebel, and Willie all raised a thumb.

David, addressing the whole group, asked, “All right, folks, for extra points, what did the thumbs-up from the Roman emperor at the Coliseum mean?”

Rebel enthused, “It was in that Gladiator movie. It means mercy.”

“If you’re anything but a teacher, David, it’ll be a waste,” Travis said. “Thanks for working on this with us.”

Willie stood and clapped David’s shoulder, “Thanks man. My Dad’s loving on these grades. Home is a whole ‘nother world now.”

Rebel stuffed his notebook in his backpack, stood, gave LJ a one-armed hug, and said, “Thanks for having me, bro.”

Before January, no one would have bet anything the friendship between LJ and Rebel would have ever happened. Rebel had been a jerk to everybody, especially the smaller LJ. In an astonishing turnaround, Rebel had apologized to everyone in his class for being a jackass. While many kids held grudges, LJ had invited Rebel over, and the two boys had become fast friends.

LJ smiled and said, “Anytime, Reb. It’s almost twelve, and the bus comes early. Go away now!”

Everybody packed up, and a general exodus began. Rebel took a leak in LJ’s bathroom and accidentally left his phone behind. He was almost home when he missed the bulk of the phone in his pocket.

Once the crowd had disappeared, David returned to LJ's room.

LJ was stripped to his boxers and said, “It’s my turn, and it’s late. We’ve got to hurry. One power blow job coming right up.”

Rebel used the emergency key in the secret stash near the Grant’s mud room to let himself in. He wasn’t sneaking. He wasn’t making much noise either to avoid disturbing anybody. When he arrived at the landing, it sounded like porn was on LJ’s DVD player. When he looked through the partially open door, David was lying across the bed, getting what looked like an incredible blow job from LJ.

The site riveted Rebel to the spot. David’s back was arched, and LJ pulled out all the stops. Rebel’s cock ballooned to alarming proportions in his sweats. He couldn’t look away.

In the next thirty seconds, David came, bucking and holding LJs head. LJ let David blow in his mouth, then in his face, and nursed David’s cock.

Although Rebel considered himself straight, seeing his two friends in such a loving moment was the most erotic thing he had ever seen. It was… beautiful.

LJ looked up and saw Rebel staring wide-eyed.

Rebel, trying to make this, not quite a complete disaster, unconsciously did what David had done earlier and slipped into the hall bathroom for him to depart so he could get to his phone. A few minutes later, from where he was standing, he heard David tell LJ that he loved him and that it was his turn tomorrow night.

David departed, and he heard the kitchen door close downstairs.

Laughing, LJ said, “Rebel, you might as well come on in.”

Sheepishly, Rebel went into the room, sweatpants stretched alarmingly, where LJ was sitting on his couch in his boxers laughing, and said, “Uhhh… I’m sorry. I left my phone. I didn’t mean to interrupt you guys.”

LJ said, “The expression on your face was priceless. I’m sorry we shocked you.”

“I wasn’t shocked,” he mumbled. “I was surprised, it was one of the most erotic things I’ve ever seen, including porn.”

LJ moved over on the couch and said, “I’d be afraid to let you outside in that condition. Have a seat.”

Rebel groaned and said, “How can I be straight, and that… looked like so much fun?”

LJ asked, “Maybe you’re bi?”

After considering the question, Rebel admitted, “Probably. Seeing it made me so hard it hurts.” He looked toward LJ soulfully and said, “Please?”

LJ laughed, scooted over, put an arm around Rebel, and said, “Mercy?”

Rebel raised his thumb.

“It’s only fair to tell you that Dave, Rowdy, Travis, and I have all discussed this.”

“What?” Rebel blurted.

LJ calmly said, “The four of us are two couples. You and Willie are new to our group, and we assumed you were both straight. David said this temptation might arise because you and Willie are cute, and boys will be boys.”

Sheepishly, Rebel asked, “What did you guys decide?”

“We were all in agreement,” LJ replied. “The most important thing is we all want to stay friends. Sex can make things… complicated. David has been really understanding about this. We’re all kids having our first relationships, but we’re not married, understand?”

Rebel nodded, hoping that meant something good.

“We all decided it wasn’t unreasonable for us to have fun, but we’re going to be honest with our partner,” LJ stated.

Rebel asked, “Does that mean we can?”

LJ said, “Yes, but not tonight. I want to talk to David first, and I need something from you.”

Blushing, Rebel imagined LJ could ask anything, and he was so horny he would probably go for it. He asked, “What do you need.”

LJ said, “Would you mind telling me why you were so pissed off this fall?”

Rebel nodded and exhaled explosively, “Plenty of bad things happened last summer, and it wasn’t the divorce as much as all the bullshit that happened.”

LJ asked, “Want to talk about it?”

“No, but I probably should. I can only talk about this hypothetically speaking, understand? If I talk about family business outside the family, I’d be in big trouble.”

“Okaaay,” LJ replied. “I think I understand.”

Rebel said, “Hypothetically speaking, let’s say there’s this thirteen-year-old kid whose family is involved in a messy divorce. Things had been going downhill for a few years. Both sides of the family are squabbling, it’s a real shitstorm, and hypothetical kid is right in the middle between two sets of angry grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. With me so far?”

LJ said, “No wonder you were pissed at the world.”

Rebel said, “It was a shit sandwich with horseradish sauce, hypothetically speaking, of course.”

“Oh, of course,” LJ agreed affably.

“Anyway, hypothetical kid is pissed and really tired of grownups acting more immature than he is. He emails his parents he’s camping out to fish for his birthday so he can skip a little of the crazy. He packs his tent, sleeping bag, and fishing pole, and he’s out. Things are peachy for a few days. He was on state park land, pitched his little tent out of the way, and ate fish over a campfire.”

LJ said, “There was an amber alert in July for a kid named Theodore!”

Rebel rolled his eyes and said, “Please don’t tell anybody my real name! I’d much rather be called Rebel and warn everybody I’m a handful than be called Theodore. Yuck!”

LJ laughed and said, “OK, hypothetical kid. Your secret is safe with me.”

Rebel said, “Thanks. Hypothetical kid is in the tent. Strangers with dogs and flashlights wake him up in the middle of the night, and he freaks the fuck out. He ran as fast as he could and got snatched by a state trooper.”

“They arrested hypothetical kid for being a runaway and resisting arrest, and he ended up in jail. They sent in a fat lady from CPS to interview the kid, and he told them he just went fishing and left an email at home. Then she asks why he went fishing, and he tells them about the family feud and that he just needed a vacation. No, he’s not being abused. No, he’s not suicidal. He’s just went fishin' for his birthday, damn it! He was planning on going home soon, anyway.”

“The Fat Lady from CPS decides he needs to be put in a group home for an investigation that would last as long as it takes. Bitch.”

“He ends up in a group home and is the oldest kid there. Anyways, this hypothetical kid was in a big room with six kids and three bunk beds. The other kids are ten up to the hypothetical kid’s age, who had just turned fourteen. He’s the biggest and oldest by at least a year. All the kids are happy, hypothetical kid isn’t an asshole. Things are tolerable. Everybody’s happy, even the houseparents.”

“The next day, the fat lady from CPS takes hypothetical kid to a child psychologist's office, and he wastes an hour and a half telling the shrink the exact same story. Finally, they cut to the chase. It’s an ugly divorce, and someone had made an allegation hypothetical kid's father was molesting him. He tells them, nope, it’s not true, and the fat CPS lady bought him Wendy's on the way back to the group home.”

“They go back to the group home, and hypothetical kid has a great time with the other kids. The kids had fun, the group home was peaceful, and Mrs. Wilcox, the house mom, was so happy she made them her best spaghetti dinner.”

“That night, they sat up after lights out and talked. Hypothetical kid got a real education. Real fucked-up stuff can happen to kids when things go wrong. He understood. Hypothetical kid was a federal case cuz he went fishing.”

LJ laughed and said, “It doesn’t sound horrible.”

“That’s just it. Hypothetical kid wanted a vacation from the family feud, and he was having fun playing with the kids in the group home. It was better than fishing.”

LJ said, “I’m guessing something went wrong?”

Rebel went quiet and said, “Things got weird, and hypothetical kid ain’t real proud of it. It wasn’t hypothetical kid's idea at all. There was a twelve-year-old in the bottom bunk across from me. A while after the farts and giggling ended, Marcus slipped out of his bed and got in my bunk beside me. I thought we would whisper, but he put his finger over his lips. He went under the sheet and gave me a blow job.”

“Uhh… uhh… hypothetical kid was going to stop him. Honest. He just didn’t want to wake everybody up. Then… it was too late to stop.”

LJ was rolling on the sofa, laughing so hard he was covering his eyes.

“Hypothetical kid was shocked, but his willing accomplice had made a great start. He didn’t really say yes, as much as hanging on. Marcus went to town and blew me like he enjoyed it as much as I did.”

LJ put his hand on Rebel's shoulder, drew him into a hug, and whispered, “Careful, Theo. Hypothetical Kid is slipping there.”

Rebel whispered back, “Please don’t call me Theodore.”

Smiling, LJ whispered, “I didn’t. Never in front of anybody else, and I’ll only gig you a little with Theo.”

Rebel whispered, “Rat.”

LJ replied, “You don’t get a nickname until we love you, bro.” Then he hugged Rebel fiercely and kissed him on the cheek.

“You kissed my cheek,” Rebel whined plaintively.

LJ said quietly, “What I think you want me to do is much more intimate.”

“Does David have a nickname for you?” Rebel leaned over and kissed LJ in approximately the same spot and leaned back on the sofa.

LJ leaned back on the couch and said, “Yeah. He calls me Fatty. So, what was it like to be the Boss of the cell block?”

Rebel blushed so brightly that he glowed. “It was so embarrassing… and wonderful. I had been nice to them, and they were expecting somebody who would push them around and force them to do stuff. They liked me and wanted to do it anyway, just for fun. I learned to like some things.”

LJ asked, “Hypothetical kid was there until your folks went to court, wasn’t he?”

Rebel nodded. “It was almost three weeks. Then they took me to court. Big mistake!”

“The judge asked me why I ran away. I told him I didn’t. The adults were fussing and fighting, and I got sick of it. I wrote my folks an email saying I was going fishing for my birthday.”

“The judge said that was the first he had heard of an email. I pulled it up on a laptop, and we caught both sides in several lies. The sex abuse lie, the kidnapping lie, and some legal stuff that really honked off the judge.”

Laughing, LJ interjected, “Oh shit, Rebel.”

“Yeah. Then, Judge Lewis asked which parent I wanted to stay with. I floored everybody when I asked to return to the Wilcox house because they never fight there.”

“Jesus, Rebel,” LJ laughed. “It sounds like you caused a riot.”

Rebel grinned and said, “It helped that Judge Lewis liked me. He takes me fishin’ sometimes. Anyways, I stayed at the Wilcox house until school started while we had family counseling. Mom has custody and Dad’s in Georgia. The shrink said all the fussin’ and fightin’ messed with my head. I love the kids at the Wilcox house and still get to visit on weekends.”

“When school started up, I was still pissed off about the whole shit show. That’s why I was being such an asshole to everybody.”

Sighing, Rebel mumbled, “So, I guess you’re right. I’m at least bisexual. I know I can love other boys, and not just for fun. When I saw you at school, I, uhh, liked you that way, and it pissed me off even more.”

LJ said, “I know.”

“How did you know?” Rebel asked, shocked. “I didn’t even know.”

LJ responded, “I see a shrink, too. When I asked her why you were so hostile, she told me you might like me but were struggling with it emotionally. Dealing with you all pissed off wasn’t much fun, but I hoped we could get past it and be friends.”

Rebel’s cell phone rang in the bathroom. He said, “Oh crap, that’s mom!”

“I’ll handle it,” LJ said. He jumped to retrieve the phone and said, “You’re sound asleep on my couch, and she woke me up.”

Rebel, instantly in on the conspiracy, grinned and nodded his head.

Retrieving the phone, LJ answered blearily, “Hello?”

“LJ? Is Rebel there?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Ms. Carlson. We went to sleep watching that history review playlist for our midterm. Rebel is sound asleep on my couch.”

Ms. Carlson exclaimed, “Oh, thank goodness. It’s after one, and I was worried. Do I need to come get him?”

“Let him stay put. He can ride with us in the morning.”

“Thank you, LJ. You’re good for him. He had his best report cards ever since he started hanging out with you guys. See you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight.”

Rebel stared in slacked-jawed amazement and said, “I can’t believe you did that! Mom would have yelled at me for twenty minutes and made me go home.”

“She might yell at you later, but she said she likes your grades, and she approves of the company you’re keeping. Now, it’s late…”

Rebel interrupted LJ, “Before we go to bed, you know all about hypothetical kid’s adventures. Would you mind telling me about yours?”

LJ said, “OK. What do you want to know?”

Rebel said, “How did you learn that you liked boys?”

“Well… I don’t know, really,” LJ said thoughtfully. “I knew I liked boys, but I didn’t know what to do about it. We used to live in the ‘burbs of Memphis. Mom was a dental hygienist, and Dad was an engineer for a big cell provider.”

“I made friends with Andy, a kid on my soccer team, in fifth grade. We figured out stuff during sleep-overs and half-days. Everything was cool until an eighteen-wheeler ran over my parents and little sister at the beginning of my sixth-grade year. Mom and my sister were killed, and Dad got mangled badly.”

Rebel half-whispered, “I knew there was an accident but didn’t know about your mom and sister. That was horrible.”

“Yeah, it suuuuked, and I was freaking out. Everything went to hell. Dad was in critical condition, and Mom and Celeste were dead. I stayed a week with Andy and his parents. After the funeral, I lived with my Uncle Matthew at our house.”

“Uncle Matthew was just starting his 2^nd year at Ole Miss and worked out a deal with their office. Matt skipped a year, and we moved into my house for a while. He tried to take care of me.”

“Was he bad at it?“ Rebel asked.

LJ shook his head. “No. Matt was great. He was nineteen and doing his best, but I was kinda a psycho basket case. Dad was so messed up, and they said he probably wouldn’t walk again.”

“The worst possible thing happened. In a moment of what I can only assume was idiocy, Andy came out to his parents. They weren’t nearly as understanding as he expected and forbade him from ever seeing me again. It was all too much. Half my family was gone, Dad was probably crippled, and my best friend was just gone. I took what, I thought, was an overdose of Valium, left a note, and thought I’d checked out.”

“Oh, no!” In a show of empathy that astonished LJ, Rebel’s eyes swelled with tears, and he put a hand on LJ’s forearm.

“I didn’t take enough to kill me. I woke up in the hospital. It scared the hell out of my uncles, Matt and Silas, and they didn’t tell my dad until much later. They made me stay in a treatment center for a few weeks, and I’ve been seeing a therapist ever since.”

“What I didn’t know was my Uncle Matt is gay. He had a lot of trouble growing up, and Dad and Silas had always supported him. They assured me that they didn’t have a problem with it, and eventually, I went back home with my Uncle Matt.”

“It took Dad years of physical therapy to recover. I helped him a lot, and we moved here last summer so we could be close to Uncle Silas. Last fall… could have been better, but it turned out for the best, I think.”

Rebel felt guilty and remorseful. Tears were in his eyes as he tried to say something, but he couldn’t make it come out right.

LJ put his hand on Rebel’s and said, “You’re already forgiven.”

“I feel like such a shit,” Rebel managed. “You had all that going on, and I was such a dickhead to you. Then you forgave me and became one of the best friends I’ve ever had. I just don’t understand how you did it or why.”

LJ said, “We’ve both been through more than most kids our age. I learned something powerful that helps a great deal. If you get it, it’ll keep you sane when everything is going to hell around you.”

“What is it?” Rebel asked. What magic had his friend discovered?

LJ said, “Resentment is a trap. The only person it hurts is you. Some people hold on to resentments, and it just makes them pissed off and angry all the time. Forgiveness is one of the most powerful, liberating things you can ever do for yourself. It frees you of the negativity that only holds you back.”

Rebel was quiet and wondered if it was possible for him. Was it really that simple?

The next morning, David climbed the stairs and found LJ and Rebel asleep on the couch. They were so cute, leaning against each other, that he hated to wake them. He pulled his cell phone camera out, took a quick picture, and then jostled them awake.

Rebel borrowed some clothes from LJ, and they piled into Big Jim’s van to head to school to take that pesky midterm. Sure, they were a little bleary, but they were ready, and spring break beckoned.