the Edge of the Abyss - 3. the Morning After

I awoke to the timeless sound of seagulls and surf. The faint light that made its way in was a reddish color; warm but muted. The digital clock on the night stand showed that it was a few minutes after nine.

Lee was snuggled in close on my right side with his erection against my thigh and his hand on my morning wood. For the first time with a clear head I asked myself— what are you doing?

If it were anyone else, I know what they would be doing. A cute, young sexually aggressive hottie like Lee is in demand seven days a week and twice on Sundays.

What was I doing? I went down to Biloxi in hopes of getting my shit together. Maybe feel alive again. I hadn’t strayed much from Jeff. We went off and on for months at a time. With me in Madison and him in Mobile and then Birmingham, it was difficult.

This is where I was at. This is where I was stuck: guilt, second guessing and still not quite believing that Jeff was gone. I was still answering the phone hoping it was him.

The night before was surreal to me. I wasn’t that guy that goes out hooking up. I might go through the motions sometimes but it was rare for it to actually happen.

Lee stirred by grinding his erection against my thigh and tightening his grip on my morning wood.

His eyes opened and he smiled at me. Something inside me turned to mush.

I said, “Good morning.”

He said, “Hey.”

I took my left hand and moved a few strands of his hair and said, “What do you want to do today?”

He grinned and said, “This is fun but I’m a little hungry. Want to get a Mcbreakfast?”

“I know a better place than that.”

He was quiet for a minute and said, “There’s a few things we probably need to talk about.”

I asked as gently as possible, “Regrets?”

“No way. Would it be OK if I stayed with you this week? The guys I’m with are… well, it’s hard to explain.”

I reached over and kissed his forehead and said, “That would be fine with me. What’s wrong with the guys you came with?”

Lee looked troubled and said, “They’re both older than me and a lot heavier into drugs than I am. I like to smoke a little weed but last night was my first experience with ecstasy.”

“So how are you feeling this morning? That was a shit thing they did giving you that crap and ditching you.”

“I’ve got the morning after weird feeling I was warned about.”

He paused thoughtfully and said, “They didn’t ditch me. I ditched them. They thought that once I was high I’d have sex with them and they didn’t want to take no for an answer.”

I bristled and said, “They didn’t get rough with you did they?”

Lee said, “Michael is all right as long as he’s not fucked up but Daniel turned into a real creep. He grabbed me and put his hands down my shorts. That’s when I bailed.”

“Damn Lee. It could have gone from bad to worse with you wandering around a strange town high.”

He got serious again and said, “When I met you, there’s just something about you. I know I was horny and stupid last night but somehow I just knew you were safe. Sure— you are three times my size but there is gentleness about you I find very attractive.”

I hugged him and kissed him on the forehead.

Lee laughed and said, “Everything I went through yesterday and I’m still a virgin.”

I said, “Wait… what?”

He grinned and said, “There’s that little act that we didn’t quite get to last night.”

“You mean you’ve never?”

He said, “Thank you for that. You were right. That was something way too special to half remember in a drug haze.”

I asked, “So what do we need to do this morning?”

Lee said, “First a shower, then breakfast. Then I need to go to the hotel room to get my stuff. They can’t complain about me bailing on them after what they pulled. I hesitate to bring it up but there’s one other thing.”

I said, “What is it?”

“You talked in your sleep. I know you hurt about it but, who is Jeff?”

I sighed and said, “It’s a long story. Boy meets boy. They fall in love. One of them dies and leaves the other really screwed up. I’ll tell you more over breakfast OK?”

Lee said, “Only if you want to but, it might help.”

“OK— let’s get a shower and get this vacation started.”

We took a nice long shower together. I’m not sure where the boundary lies between the sexual and the intimate but, we ran back and forth across it several times. We learned a few things about each other. He learned by the way that I washed his hair that I thought it was beautiful. I learned by the way he soaped up my muscles that turned him on. The end of the hot water marked the end of the shower so we got dressed and ready for the day. Lee had to put the clothes on he had on the day before but luckily, he hadn’t spent that much time in them.

I took Lee to a sidewalk café in walking distance that made a great breakfast. The pancakes were light and fluffy, the sausages smoky and the grits were… well it’s hard to describe grits if you aren’t southern.

As we sat there Lee asked, “Why isn’t the surf bigger?”

I said, “There are barrier islands a few miles out that absorb most of it. The Gulf of Mexico isn’t as big as the Atlantic or Pacific so the surf never is as big as you might see in California or Florida.”

Lee said, “Can you get to them?”

“Yeah sure. There’s an excursion boat that goes out to Ship Island every day.”

“Could we do that?”

“Yeah but you better pack some sun block. The sun out there is brutal.”

Lee said, “So tell me about Jeff.”

“We met when I was sixteen in an arcade in the Metrocenter Mall in Jackson of all places. He was tall and thin with jet black hair that he wore long in a ponytail. He had these warm brown eyes that I could sink into. When we met I was a mess. I was playing with harder drugs than I should have. He helped me dry out. After that, I fell for him hard.”

“We had a lot in common. My parents were on the road most of the time and his Dad worked offshore. We were both pretty isolated and people treated us shitty at school. Once we were together though, it’s like we helped each other. The other stuff didn’t matter.”

“We were together from then until he passed away in February.”

Lee said, “Oh wow. You’re still grieving aren’t you?”

I just nodded.

Lee said, “You still live in Jackson?”

“Yeah. I’ve got a job and a house and a Toyota and a Visa card to pay for just like real people.”

Lee grinned and said, “I’ve got a surprise for you. So do I.”