Green's A HERO IN THE HALLWAYS REVISED - 2. Part Two: BULLSEYE

The production assistant clipped a small lavaliere microphone to my lapel, and strung the wires within my jacket. “Remember to speak in that direction,” He said as a makeup artist approached me. She took out her kit and started touching up my face.

I waited for her to finish. She gave me a thumbs-up before I took my seat. One of the production assistants instructed me on what camera to look at. The Interview would take ten minutes then I would take questions from the audience.

A producer started to count down with his hands and the lights went up. I noticed the audience for the first time. They clapped and cheered loudly as a cameraman pushed a camera close to us. I wasn’t overwhelmed, this was just one in a long list of interviews I had done. I just had to bear through and then I could get the answers I needed from Mel. The host was already introducing me so I turned my focus to the task at hand.


"So you have yet to read the book, since your memory loss?" The host asked, jumping straight into it. His hair was neatly cropped and his eyes seemed kind. He played it hard for the camera because he barely said hello when we were introduced.

"Well that was true until today. I began reading the book earlier this afternoon,” I catch him off guard. He shared a moment with his producer. The producer handed him as second set of notecards. They were ready for me.

"So I guess the question would be, do you like it?"

"It's got me hooked," I told him and the audience cheered again.

"How unique, to have the experience every author would kill to have. How do you feel about that?"

He tried to make me feel small. This was his turf and he wasn’t going to let me forget it. His charm worked on camera but it wasn’t working on me. I disliked people like him. I had met so many in that year and they were all the same. They tried to work you from so many different angles. I played his game I only had five minutes to go.

"You know, it's not everyday you can relive your life through a novel. I consider myself lucky." I said, playing to the cheering crowd. “It’s taken a long time but I’m ready to hear my truth through my own voice.” I use the words my mother said to me earlier.

"Thousands of people praise your book as a life inspiring force in their lives. How do you deal with that?" He was smooth.

"I don't deal with it very well. I mean it's not that I don't want to. I just don't know what to say to people that have read the book," I told him.

"Okay. So when is your next book coming out?" he asked almost before I could finish answering his previous question. He was never interested in what I had to say. I was here for his ratings and so I could sell my book. I doubted he had even read a page.

"Well, my next book will be released in a few months. It is based on my experiences after my accident."


"I hear there are rumors of a movie adaptation. Are they true?"

"Well, yes and no. I have yet to decide if I should go ahead with the adaptation."

The audience begins to chant. “Movie. Movie."

"It's safe to say your fans want a movie," the host said to me as somebody in the control booth behind the audience flashes him a card that says no Q&A. "Well Mr. Williams, I hope your next book does just as well as the first. Thank you for being my guest. Please come back."

I shook his hand and waved at the audience who were still chanting as they went to a commercial break. I was glad they had cut the question and answer segment. I am escorted back to the green room. Mel was waiting for me. She looked stunning in a red dress.

"Hi Mel," I told her.

"Wow John, that was great."

"And you look really good,” I said.

"Thank you, but you’re gay so complements don’t count,” she said smiling. “Come on lets go eat.”

I led her out of the green room. "So?" she asks.

"So what?"

"Oh come on, I know you have questions. You just said you’re reading the book, on national TV for God’s sake.”

I had so many questions. The first that stood out in my mind was about Michael. Why hadn't I seen him? Where is he? Why had my mother been so hesitant to tell me about him? Deep down, I knew she had her reasons, but I was getting Impatient and needed to know.

"Well I have a few."

"A few? If I were you I'd have thousands of them. Number one would be where is Michael?" I nodded. She frowned a bit. "Well, I promised your mom I wouldn't say anything about that until you read the book."

“Yes tell me,” I said.

She changes the subject quickly." You’re going to love this place. It's a Thai food restaurant. Very fancy, but great food.”

It occurred to me I didn’t know a lot about her. I knew everything as far as I can remember but we never talk about what came before. Mel was an aspiring actress. I knew that much. She travelled a lot and I always sensed she was trying to find something. Like she wasn’t complete. Had Michael done this to her? Or worst did I?

I groaned. "Why don't we just go get a burger?"

"Wow, even with memory loss you never change. Okay John, let’s go get burgers."

"Or, better yet, let's order Pizza at my place. We can talk in peace and I have a proposition for you."

I wanted her to move in with me. Selfishly I needed her close and I was desperate to learn anything about the person I was. It wasn’t lost on me that I had my answers in my hand. Like my mother said, in my own words.

She smiled. "Okay John, let’s do that. Why do I always get dressed for gay guys?"

A car was waiting for us outside of the studio. I gave the driver directions and he took us to my apartment building. I tipped him as we got out of the car.

In the elevator Mel pressed seven. "Can you spend the night tonight?" I asked. Mel shook her head yes.

"Can I ask you a question?" she asked me as we reached my floor.

"Sure, what is on your mind?"

"Why are you being so friendly? I mean, don't get me wrong John, I love you like this, but normally you're very distant. Sometimes just down right rude."

She had me there. I guess I wanted answers but inside I needed a connection. Someone that could be a bridge to the person I was and the person I am now.

"I guess I felt like I didn't need anyone in my life. I wasn’t ready for anyone to be close to me. I was just so tired of living a life based on what people told me I used to be like. I guess I’m tired of being alone now.”

I moved away from everyone when I couldn’t handle the strangers in my life that knew more about me than I would ever know. I hid behind my amnesia, pushing everyone away.

"John," she said, grabbing my hand. “You know we worry about you. It’s painful to know we can’t help you."

"I never meant to hurt anyone. To tell you the truth, I feel closest to you out of everybody. I feel like you and I share something deep." I hugged her.

"John, we do have a connection," she said, and wiping her eyes. I knew she wanted to tell me something. It wasn’t the right time to push so I let it go.

I opened the door to my apartment, letting her in first and watched with a smile, as she looked around shocked. "Why don't you have any furniture?" Mel asked as I looked through a stack of menus.

"You would laugh at me if I told you."

"No I won’t. Just tell me."

"It keeps people from staying here too long. "She laughs loudly and I’m glad. She is beautiful when she laughs. "See I knew you would make fun of me."

"Ha, I'm so. Ha, he, I'm sorry. It's just that's so stupid."

"All right, all right very funny,” I said. “It makes sense I promise you.”

She shook her head. “Shut up and order that pizza.”

I ordered pizza and breadsticks as Mel grabbed plates and utensils. I watched as she set the table. "I have a proposition,” I said to her as she came back into the kitchen.

I grabbed a bottle of wine and glasses, handing them to Mel as we walked back to the dining room.

"What's that handsome? Don't tell me you've gone straight," she said, placing the bottle and the glasses on the table.

"No, Mel, I want you to move in with me."

"Here? You want me to move in here?"

"Yes Mel, I want you to move in here. I have plenty of space. There are two other bedrooms here no one uses, please say yes."

She looked at me for a long time. Then she left, locking herself in the bathroom. I could hear her crying from the hallway. I knew I owed Mel something as well. I couldn’t explain it then but whatever meaning she and I shared I knew was deeper than I could decipher. To hear her cry broke my heart.

I was about to knock to see if she was all right when the doorbell rang. I walked over to the door and looked through the peephole. The pizza was here. I paid the deliveryman and placed the food in the dining room quickly before I ran back to the bathroom.

I knocked on the bathroom door. No answer. "Mel? Are you Okay?" I could still hear her sobbing on the other end. "Mel you’re scaring me. Please come out." After a few moments she opened the door.

"John, I'm sorry. It's just that you used to always be so good to me. My emotions just got the better of me," she said. "I didn't mean to scare you John, come on lets go eat."

We ate in silence until I couldn’t take it anymore. "Mel why don't you just tell me what's on your mind?"

"I was thinking I could definitely move in," she answered, dodging my question.

"Yeah?"

"Only if you let me redecorate, because this apartment is depressing.”

"Hey, don't judge my taste,” I said defensively.

"I can’t judge if your taste doesn’t exist," she said, grabbing a bread stick. "Ha, I have the last bread piece!"

She took off and I chased after her. She ran past my bedroom and into the living room. I tackled her and wrestled the bread stick out of her hand.

"No I have the last bread stick," I announced and I took off back to the dining room.

She cut me off at the kitchen door, and tried to take the bread away from me. "You know you could be a gentleman."

"Or you could be generous," I said and I popped the bread stick in my mouth. "One pizza slice left." She looked at the table, then at me then took off laughing, reaching the dining room before I can stop her.

"You know, when we were in kindergarten, we used to wrestle. I used to do that just to get close to you," she said, distracting me.

"Yeah, and?"

"Well, I used to always win. You were wimpy and scrawny." she tried to grab the pizza. I pulled a swift maneuver and gave the pizza box a spin. I nearly grabbed the pizza before she pulled me back and tossed me to the floor. She took the pizza slice and took a big bite of it as she put her foot on my chest.

A vague memory of me being beaten at wrestling formed in my head. I remembered hitting the ground as a girl giggled at me. She pointed her fingers and called another boy over who helped me up. "Shut up, ugly," he yelled at her. I laughed. My breath quickened and I couldn’t get up off the floor.

Mel noticed and took her foot off my chest. “What’s wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong. I just remembered something."

"What do you remember?"

"I remember you bullying me, and a boy sticking up for me when we were young. I don’t remember his name.”

"We were in first grade. It was when you first met." She stops there and helps me get up.

“When I first Met who?” I asked but she doesn’t answer me.

"Mel, are you Okay?"

"Yeah John I'm fine. I'm going to get ready for bed."

Getting answers from Mel had become a challenge.

From Hallway Hero

I never took some of the hallways at Lakeside. Those hallways were for kids that were exiled because they broke the rules. But I was one of them now. It all happened so fast. I lost my friends I lost my status, and I had to give up being president of my class by request of the principal himself. The rumor missile hit me, and it hit hard. I thought I had one real enemy. I’d find out how wrong I was.

"Um hi," I was a bit confused. "How do you know where I live?"

"You know what, Jonathan?"

"What?"

"I like you."

"I like you too, but its kind of weird for you to be here," I told him.

"Well, you never called me."

"I'm sorry Dominick, I've just been distracted. Um, listen, can I call you tomorrow?"

This was getting creepy. What was he doing stalking me? I thought his Cousin was the asshole.

"Yeah, sure, just don't forget."

"Okay, Dominick."

That was my second mistake. The first was talking to him after I found out he was her cousin. The third would be calling him the next morning.

"Um, hi Dominick," I said.

"Hey, what's up? I'm glad you called."

"But you knew I was going to call." Something was up and I could feel it. What had I gotten myself into?

"I know, I was just joking. So are you free later today? I mean I really like you."

"Dominick, I need to be honest with you. I’m dating somebody."

"Wow, that's great, but I think you would be much better off with me,” he said and It felt like a threat.

"Dominick I don't like where this is going."

"Well, I think you should go out with me instead."

"No, Dominick, I don't think I'm going to do that."

Who the hell does he think he is? He's hot, but I liked Charlie better and I was very happy with what we were starting.

"No? Jonathan I don't think you understand me. You will go out with me or you will regret it."

"Why would I regret it?"

"If you don't meet me today at three, at the park, I'll tell Helene you’re gay."

There it was. I hung up the phone. Inside I was freaking out. Helene Meatball Mayer had just found her ammunition and I gave it to her for free. I was stuck.

I spent a great weekend with Charlie. I even showed him the cliff and told him the story about Craig. He just listened, never interrupted, and when I was done he gave me a kiss.

"I'll never leave you," he said.

"I'll never leave either."

"So, if he ever came back, would you leave me for him?"

"No."

He smiled and squeezed my hand as we watched the sun come up. It was a perfect morning. I wish we could spend the rest of our lives like that. I was beginning to fall in love with him.

"Let’s go to my house," I said, and we both stood and walked away from the cliff. The old memories of the cliff died that day to make way for the new ones.

That night, when he left my house, he said he loved me. And just hearing him repeat that in my head, over and over, made me excited and I couldn't wait to share it with the world and at that moment I genuinely believed he loved me, but things were going to change.

It started slow. They stared at me when I walked into the school. Some even giggled at me when I passed. I just thought it was the usual preppies talking about me. By the end of the week it was full blown. I walked to the Main hall where my crowd usually met. They were all talking and immediately shut up as I came up.

"Hey guys what's up?" I asked.

No one said anything. I looked from face to face nobody would look at me. "What's going on guys?"

"No faggots allowed," someone yelled.

"What?"

"Get away from us, faggot," Steve yelled at me.

I walked away my eyes tearing up. Something wet hit me as I made my way down the hall. I heard them laugh. I walked straight to the auditorium. When I entered, I headed straight for the front row, where I sat. I stared at the stage for a while as useless thoughts flew through my mind. I hated Dominick. I hated Helene. I heard the door open but I didn't have the motivation to turn around.

"Hey asshole, how does it feel?" Meatball yelled.

I just turned and faced her blankly.

"How does what feel?” I asked dumbfounded. She had got me just like she promised me.

“I told you I'd get you back. My cousin told me everything, and I spread it as far as it would go,” she growled at me.

Helene has never been more despicable than at this moment. I wanted to scream at her as loudly as my lungs would let me. She had won her one sided war. “Good, you’ve won. Now leave me alone."

"No, I want to see you suffer. I want you to know all the things I've felt," she said with an evil grin on her face. She wasn’t done not by a long shot.

"You want to know something Helene? When I tripped and the meatballs landed on you, I tripped on your book bag that you left out in the aisle, and as for them calling you that, they only did it because you yelled out the word meatball when it happened," I said with my last ounce of dignity feeling the defeat slowly crawl up my body.

"Well, maybe if you looked where you were walking, it would have never happened."

"Helene, just drop it, Okay? You’ve won."

"Also Mel, Charlie and Michael, you’ve lost them too. I have to make sure you lose everything."

"What?"

"You heard me, you’ve lost them. I know Charlie and I know how much he treasures his status. So I told him I wouldn't tell, as long as he agreed to not talk to you. Anyway, my cousin likes him and I think they would make a cuter couple."

"You're a liar."

"You sure, because Melissa and I go way back? Do you know she's poor? I mean dirt poor. Those clothes she wears are hand me downs her mother gets from my aunt. Oh, and do you know what Michael does on weekends? He plays in a band with the Punks. Yeah, the punks, and they hate you because he always spends time with you and not them. Do you see a pattern here?”

“Enough Helene you won please stop,” I begged but she wasn’t done talking to me.

I saw it in her face her hate was circulating. “You see I do my homework John. Up to now you were the cleanest son of a bitch, but you made a fatal mistake. You fucked with me. You fucked with me, over and over, now it’s my turn. I’m going to erase you."

I stared at her. Helene was out of her mind. I hadn't done anything to her. I could see how much she was enjoying this. Like she had planned it for years. I just lived my life, but I guess that was enough for that psycho bitch to hate me.

"Fuck you!"


"No, I don't think I ever want that from you, plus I'm not man enough for you am I," she said, giggling before she walked away.

That day went by very slowly. I saw Michael, but he wouldn't look at me. Melissa was the same. As for Charlie, he just walked by me, laughing as the dream team made fun of me. That hurt more than anything. I walked straight into a bathroom and cried in the stall. I just wanted to be a small ant that they wouldn't notice. Everywhere I went somebody was talking about me.

Meatball would make fun of me every chance she got. At some point, she even joined forces with the dream team to throw stuff at me during math class. She got what she wanted. She wanted to fit in and I gave her the key.

For the next few days I just drifted through school. I became a shell of the guy I was. Nothing mattered to me anymore. It was easier than caring. The cheerleaders mocked me, the Dream team found any insult to throw at me. Mel ignored me but I could see it was killing her. Michael would avoid me and sit far away from me. I was nothing now. It was as if I wasn't their friend the weekend before.

The one shining ray of light in my pathetic life were’ my parents. By the end of the week they noticed a significant change in my mood.

"Honey we need to talk, Okay?" I nodded and followed my mother into the kitchen.

"One of your friend’s parents called me today."

Oh no, not them too. "Mom, I can explain."

"John, let me finish. I was told something I couldn't believe. I couldn't believe you would hide this from your parents."

"Mom, I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"Honey, there's nothing to be ashamed of, we just wish you would have told us sooner."

"I know, but I was afraid."

"It's okay John. It's okay now. Come on, your father and I are going to take you out to eat."

They made me feel better but it wasn't okay, not by a long shot. School just got worse. I didn’t have the heart to tell my parents just how bad things were getting.

I would take alternate routes to avoid people and I would leave the school for lunch. Everywhere I went they knew. I began to wish Helene had followed through on her promise to erase me.


I ran into Dominick one day as I was walking away from the school. "Hey, John how's it going?" he asked, with a smug looked on his face. I wanted to bash it in right then and there. I wanted to make him hurt as much as I had hurt, but I just kept walking. He ran up to me and grabbed my arm.

"I told you, you would regret not going out with me. I transferred here just so you could to see me here every day with Charlie. He's so sweet. Did you know he said he would never leave me?"

Anger rose through me. I wanted to kill him and my fist clenched, ready for it. "Leave me alone Dominick," I yelled.

"What? Are you going to hit me? I'm so scared," he said, mocking me. The dream team was laughing somewhere down the hallway.

I walked away as soon as I saw a teacher enter the hallway. He came back over to me. "John, if you ever change your mind about us call me. I would just love to see that hot body of yours out of those pants," he said before I punched him square in the face and walked away. God, what kind of family were they from?

Word spread fast through the school. I overheard some freshman girl talking about the punch. During math Michael glanced at me. I think he actually gave me a smile but I pretended that I didn’t see him. Melissa was the same.

At lunch, I caught Charlie staring at me and he mouthed the words “I'm sorry,” but I just flipped him off. He turned away, embarrassed.

By the end of the second week the teachers were concerned as I was rude and curt with them. They must have said something to our Principal Mr. Peterson because he asked me to come to his office.

"Jonathan, I would like to talk to you about your behavior in class and about being class president."

I nodded as I sat before him.

"John, you've always been a good kid, so this behavior had to have been attributed to something. I made a few inquiries and I found out. Well, I know about your situation." He said but I felt he was regretting something.

"I wouldn't just call it a situation."

"Well, I'm afraid you might be hurt if you resume being class president. The people around here are very closed minded, and several parents have called voicing their concerns."

"So you are asking me to step down?" I asked and he gave me a pained expression.

"I'm sorry, Jonathan, I'm asking you to step down. It's for your own safety. I also wanted to let you know this school has a policy on discrimination and, if you feel threatened, please let me know we can do something about it."

I felt he was being sincere, It's just I felt that I lost. "Ok, Mr. Peterson. I'll step down." As I walked out of his office he called at me.

"Jonathan, if it's any consolation. I have a gay son and I do understand what you are going through. I'm just concerned. If you need to talk to anyone, call me or come to my office. And, by the way, please refrain from hitting your fellow students. I'll let this one go, but I can’t ignore it if you do it again."

I smiled and left his office. As I walked away into the hallway, I slumped down on a locker.

There was nothing left to do. They had won. The hallways had won. They directed the rumor missile straight towards me and made a direct hit. I was in shock. Meatball was malicious and, when she joined forces with the cheerleaders and Dream team, they were a destructive force. They broke me apart piece by piece. They were so strong that they turned the people I trusted the most against me.

"Hey, are you alright?" somebody said, but I was too lost to care.

"Hey Jonathan, talk to me."

"What who are you?"

"Wait here, I'll go get my father."

Some minutes later Mr. Peterson returned. "Jonathan, are you okay?" he asked, but I didn't respond. I just didn't have it in me.

"Craig, go get the nurse and ask her to call his parents."

All I could think of was that he said the name Craig. He said Craig. A few minutes later the school nurse, Mrs. Jacobson, returned and crouched before me. "Jonathan, did you take your medicine today?" Before I could answer, I blacked out.

I opened my eyes carefully and felt hands behind my head. "What happened?"

"You had a seizure," the nurse said.

"Are you alright?" Craig added.

"I think so."

"Okay then, I have to get to class. John, I hope you feel better. Mrs. Jacobson, can you let my father know I went back to class? Thanks. Bye John." Craig said.

That was Craig. That was my Craig.

"John, I need to ask you a few questions?"

I nodded mindlessly, but my thoughts were on Craig. He was back. He had changed a lot, but I knew it was Craig. My Craig.

"When was the last time you took your medicine? John!" she said, startling me. "John, when was the last time you took your medication?"

"Last Friday."

"Well, that'd do it. Epilepsy is a serious thing John you have to take your medicine daily,” the nurse said, handing me my medicine.

"I know, I just forgot," I said before I took my medicine.

"Okay. When was your last seizure?"

"About a month ago," I answered.

"Okay, that's about it. You can rest here until your parents come for you, okay? If you need anything, just yell for me; I'll be right outside," she said before leaving the room.

I nodded and lay back on the cot. My thoughts reverted back to Craig. If he was here all this time why didn't he talk to me? Why did he stay away? I had to find out.

______________________________________________________________________

Mel pointed at a sofa she wanted for the apartment. "Do you like that one?” she asked. It was a floral print sofa, with red cushions. I quickly shook my head. "Why not? I think it's beautiful."

"There is no way that is ever going to be in my apartment."

"Okay, don't get your panties in a bunch."

My mind was reeling with so many questions. I wanted to ask her about Craig. Was he the boy that stuck up for me when we were young? I wanted to know why we weren’t still friends if he had come back into my life. I was angry at what I read. She stopped being my friend because of what that girl held over her head? Is that the reason nobody talked to me about Michael?

"What about this one," she said, pointing at a hideous looking yellow couch.

"No absolutely not. It's hideous."

"Oh, you are so hard to work with," She squeezed my arm playfully.

"I can’t help it if I don't want to buy a couch that looks like a giant yellow bean bag chair."

She gave me a dirty look and proceeded to the back of the store. Somebody tapped me from behind. I turned to see a pretty girl around my age. "Hi John," she said as she gave me a hug. "It's so good to see you."

"I'm sorry, but I don't know you," I said, thinking it was just another fan.

"Oh John, I'm sorry. I was just so glad to see you. My name is Meghan. We were friends in high school. I saw you walk in, and I just had to talk to you."

"Oh it's Okay. You just startled me a little."

"I saw you on TV last night. You looked great."

"Thank you. Do you live here in the city?"

"No. Well not yet anyway, I just came here to look for a job. I still live back home. You should come by more often We all miss you."

I wonder how many is all. I haven't been in Lakeside in a year. "I should," I said quickly to get her off that subject. To tell you the truth, I am afraid of going back there. That town holds too much I don’t understand. It was overwhelming and I had to get out.

"Oh my god Meghan!" Mel yelled from behind me.


"Mel, you're here too? Wow," Meghan answered.

I watch as they share a hug. I feel left out. "How have you been? How is Aaron?”

“Aaron is great. He was hired at a firm here in town,” Meghan said. “I was looking at furniture for our new apartment when I saw you. I’ll tell him I saw you guys. I’m sure he’d be happy to hear from you.”

“Meghan that’s great,” Mel said. “How’s Craig?”

“I haven't heard from him in a while." My interest was peaked. Meghan knew something about Craig.

"Why, what happened to him?" I asked. “Last I heard he wasn’t doing too well.”

"He went away for a while, and when he came back. He wasn't really the same," Meghan answers me.

They always answer my questions with cryptic answers. Everyone thinks I am not ready for the truth. It makes me angry. I just want answers. "I’ve got to go," I tell them.

"John wait, “Mel, said.

"I'm fine. I just need some air," I get three steps away before everything went dark.

I had a seizure. The last one had been months before. This one is so bad Mel had an ambulance called. I come to as they shove a cup of water in my face. "John, did you take your medicine today?" Mel asked.

"Yes. Sometimes it just happens," I told her.

"When was the last time you had a seizure?" one of the paramedics asked.

"About three months ago," I answered, as the other paramedic helped me up from the couch.

"Okay, I think you are ready to go. Just go home and rest and try to control your emotions a little. Sometimes they trigger the seizures," the paramedic said, as Mel helped me out to a taxi Meghan has waiting.

"Okay shaky, come on, we'll get you home.” She said before giving Meghan a hug. “Meghan, why don't you come with us? I can make lunch for all of us."

"Why don't we make it dinner? I have to go meet Aaron at his firm. I'll call you," she said, as we pulled away.

Mel held me as the taxi wove its way through traffic. I was still angry, angry with them and myself.

"Mel can I ask you a question?"

"Shoot."

"The other day at the train station I heard a musician playing a song. As he played, the word love came to mind. Do you know why?"

"No I don't remember any song between you and Craig." My attention again was peaked.

"Craig and I? I thought I was dating Charlie," I asked quickly, as her face turns white.

Looking away from me she asked, "John, when was the last time you talked to Charlie?"

"I don't remember ever knowing a Charlie until the book," as the words left my mouth I remembered how Charlie had dumped me in the book. "What happened?"

"I've already said too much. Trust me John I want to tell you a lot of things. I promised your mom to let you discover them by yourself. Don't be mad at me."

I turn away from her to the window. I was angry but defeated. We pull up to my apartment building. We step out of the taxi and as I pay the fare something forms in my mind.

"Hey, Mr. Williams," Randy the doorman, says opening the door for us.

"Hi, Randy, how have you been?"

"Oh just fine. Not better than you though. I see your pretty lady friend is here," he beams at her.

"Yeah, it's looking up," I told him as we entered the building. "Hey, we’re expecting a friend later on. Please let her up. Her name is Meghan."

"Will do, Mr. Williams. Will do."

All he knew about me was my name, and yet he always made sure to greet me and he made me feel better. He always did. So I was always polite to him. I had seen the other tenants be down right rude to him. Some complained he talked too much. When the tenants wanted to fire him. I intervened, making sure he was made the senior doorman.


"He seems nice," Mel says as we step onto the elevator.

"Yeah, he's the only doorman here I like. The others are really snooty."

"You know, John, you've always had a huge heart. I know you think I'm a jerk for not being your friend when Helene threatened me, but that was a really bad time for me." I couldn’t stay mad at her; I knew she was telling me the truth. "You need to read more of the book. It will all make sense, I promise."

I smile and step off the elevator, grabbing her hand. "Okay. I'm not mad but you need to answer a question for me. Just one."

"That depends on the question."

"I need to know what Craig looks like."

"Well you are in luck; I have a picture."

In the picture we were standing together on the porch of a cabin. Craig was tall and he had curly blond hair. His deep green eyes looked at me. There were other people around us. Mel was in the background, hugging a bald kid. Everyone was smiling. I noticed Meghan was there too.

"Mel, who are all these people?"

"Well, Meghan is there, and that's Michael who I am hugging. I don't really know the rest of these people but they are friends of yours. That kid, I think his name is David, and that's his girlfriend. Her name is um, Shelly I think," she said, pointing at a couple that was standing next to Craig and me.

"Craig is handsome."

"He is," she said and I sensed sadness in her voice again.

"You look like you were happy too?"

Her eyes begin to water. "Open the door John. I need to get inside."

I let her in. She grabbed my hand and pulled me into my room. She pushed me to my bed and she handed me my copy of the book. "Here, Read," she said, and then pulled my feet onto the bed. She snuggled up next to me and pulled the sheet up over us.

From Hallway Hero

The hallways had a way of redeeming themselves. I had nothing else to lose. But, when I was down the worst, I found something to carry me through. Craig was here and that was my ray of hope. But getting to him was going to be a challenge.

I saw Craig again later in the week. He was sitting next to a girl, and they were deep in conversation. I couldn't help but overhear what they were talking about.

"No! Meghan I can't talk to him."

"Why not?"

"Because it's too late."

"It's never too late. It's not like you had a choice in the matter. I can't believe you." She stopped talking when she saw me.

"You can't believe what?" he asked before she pointed at me.

"What didn't you tell me?" I asked.

He looked at me for a long time, and then he stood and walked away. "Hey, wait," I yelled as I tried to follow, but she stopped me.

"What?" I said curtly, and she answered back "Listen, you have to have patience with him. He's had a hard time already."

I snapped back at her, "What, and I haven't?"

"No, I didn't say that. You have to let him tell you himself, and it's going to take him a while."

I watched as he made his way from the cafeteria. "Just give him time, okay? He'll talk to you," she said, before leaving me alone.

"So, is that your new boyfriend?" Dominick asked, as he came near me. I could see Helene's vicious gaze focused on me from across the cafeteria. She was almost salivating at the Idea of getting back at me again.

"Fuck off," I said, and left him there with a smirk. I really wanted to hit him again.

The next time I saw Craig was after school as he headed for Mr. Peterson's office.

"Craig," I yelled.

He turned towards me. He looked at me for a while, almost as if he were taking me in for the first time in a long time. Then, just like that, he shook his head and walked away. I was crushed. I just wanted to hug him. I wanted to kiss him. Most of all I wanted to know why he wouldn’t talk to me.

As the weekend came and went all I could think about was Craig. It was killing me inside that I didn't know. Monday morning I saw him again with that girl he was with before. He saw me, but he walked away again. It made me angry, so I just kept on walking. I made it most of the way down the hallway when somebody yelled the word faggot at me. I heard a commotion somewhere behind me and then somebody yelled. I turned around to see that Craig was yelling at Charlie.

"Why don't you call me a faggot? Come on Charlie," Craig said angrily holding him on a locker. Craig, shut the fuck up! This doesn't concern you."

Craig looked furious. His nostrils were flaring and his fists were closed. I didn't like to see him like this.

"Why, because you want to call somebody a faggot? You know what I know for a fact? I know what you wanted me to do after practice.”

"Craig shut the fuck up," he yelled. I could see the fear in his eyes.

I watched as they stood ready to fight.” What are you going to do? Hit me? Don't like being called a fag?"

Charlie lunged at Craig, tackling him down. Craig recovered quickly and punched him in the face. Charlie fell to the ground but came back up and lunged at Craig. Craig tackled throwing him against a locker.


"How does it feel, huh? You know, I've been waiting for a long time to beat your ass. Ever since you told my Mom," he said before he hit him again.

Told his mother what? I wanted to know, but the fight got worse when the rest of the dream team came in. They all jumped on Craig but, to my surprise, some other kids jumped in on Craig's behalf. A few minutes later the security guards came in and stopped the fight. Craig gave me an apologetic look. Then he said something to his friend before they took him away. It didn't hit me until later he was fighting for me.

I was walking away from the crowd and headed toward homeroom when I ran into Michael. I tried to walk around him, but he stopped me.

"Hi John. How you doing," I could tell he was nervous and for some reason he didn’t look good. He was thinner and he had shaved his hair off.

"Peachy. Fucking peachy," I answered curtly.

"John, I'm sorry," he said, but I just kept walking. I didn't want to hear his shit. What, did he expect me to forgive him because he's sorry? I don't think that is ever possible. He hurt me and I couldn't forgive that. The friendship we had was over now.

Later that day I saw Michael again He was sitting with Melissa in English class, and they were arguing. He seemed pissed and she was crying. I just walked right past them. Melissa looked at me. I gave her a dirty look. She just shook her head.

I was leaving the school for lunch, Craig's friend Meghan walked up to me as I got to my car. "Craig asked me to ask you if you would meet him after school, at the cliff."

"Why? He couldn't ask me himself?"

She got annoyed and leaned in closer to me "Stop being a dick and be there, okay?"

The rest of the day went as expected. I saw Charlie as I left my last class. He had a black eye. The Dream Team and the cheerleaders where surrounding him. They all saw me and started yelling. "What you looking at, fag?” Steve yelled but I just kept on walking.

Outside of the school, I saw Melissa waiting for a ride and I walked past her again on my way to the car. I didn't care anymore. They had betrayed me, and they hurt me, all because they were afraid of Meatball.

She ran after me. "John, wait.” she said and I stopped.

"What do you want, Mel," I asked. It felt strange calling her name. It was as if it didn't fit anymore.

"I want to say I'm sorry. I want to be your friend again. I want things to be the way they were."

"I'm sorry Mel, but I don't think so," I said, and made my way to my car as she stood there crying. It was awful to see her cry, but I wasn’t ready to forgive them.

As I drove to the cliff, I thought of every possible thing Craig might tell me. I was nervous. I saw him standing there as I reached the cliff. He turned to me as I stepped out of my car. He had a black eye and a cut under his chin. I felt bad and I wanted to make him better.

"Hey," he said as I approached him.

"Hi," I said not knowing what else to say.

There were a few minutes of silence before he started to speak again. I could see him struggle with what to say before he said, "I need to tell you some things, and I don't know how to start."

"Just say what you need to say. I'm here to listen."

"I never wanted to leave, John. My mother sent me away to a hospital. She thought I was sick. Charlie told her I was gay when I wouldn't do things with him, sexual things. I'm sorry I didn't tell you but I didn’t have time. My mother sent me away behind my father's back." He looked away to the ocean. He seemed in deep thought, but then he kept on talking. "I was there for three years. They used to beat us and make us do a lot of military drills to cure the gay out of us. They wouldn’t let us call our parents or anyone else. I tried to run away once but they found me." He stopped and looked away from me again. My heart almost broke when he started crying, but he kept on. "By the time my father found me, I was brainwashed. I would get sick every time I would look at a boy I liked. But it hurt the worst when I saw you again. I couldn't bear the pain. So I stayed away."

By now I was crying. I wished I had known. I wished I knew the pain he was in. "I'm sorry, Craig."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. My mother told me I was a disgrace to our family. I just wanted for her to love me again. I thought I needed to go for her to love me," he broke down crying. "I'm sorry John. I'm sorry."

I hugged him. "I know, Craig. I'm here. For the longest time I hated you, Craig. I used to ride my bike by your house wondering where you went and why you weren't back. It was hard to know I lost you, but I built a shell and changed who I was. Now I have you back.”

He smiled and hugged me back. "I miss you, John."

We stayed there until it got dark, and we gained a new understanding. That night I had a dream about us when we were twelve. We were running down the cliff to the beach. As we reached the beach, we looked like a pair of old men happily holding hands.

We were inseparable after that night. Nothing fazed us. Not even Meatballs constant harassment or the dream team calling us fags every time we walked by. I was happy for a change.

I Got to know Meghan really well as the days went by. I trusted her. There was something about her that made me feel safe when she was around. It was almost motherly.

"Let’s make a fresh start, John. We didn’t exactly start on the best of terms. My name is Meghan. I am Craig's best friend. I would like to be yours," she said, extending her hand. I knew she was joking with me and that was a great sign.

I grabbed her hand and smiled. "I'd like that."

"Cool, then I want to say this. I know Helene, and what she has on your friends is probably very bad. So maybe you should take it easy on them."

"I hate them. I would never cower the way they did."

"Are you sure? Because I know for a fact you dropped some friends because they got kicked out of your group."

I never thought of it like that but she was right. "Maybe when there's time for me to heal, I'll try to talk to them again."

"Yeah, maybe that's a good idea," She said, like it wasn’t hers.

I thought about talking to them, but I couldn't do it. Mel would smile at me every time she saw me with Craig, and Michael still tried talking to me every chance he got. I also noticed something about Mel and Michael; I never saw them together anymore.

Charlie was another story altogether. He glared at me every time he saw me with Craig. He was jealous. I ran into him before English class. He was mad. He grabbed my arms and slammed me into a locker. "So is that your new boyfriend? Is that the Craig you said you would never leave me for, huh?" He yelled at me before punching me hard across my face.