The Sound of Starting Over - 3. Chapter 3*

*Chandler*

I stare into the mirror and splash water on my face to wash away the tears. I hate the fact I had another nightmare. Jake woke me up. He told me I was screaming and saying no over and over. I apologized immensely for waking him up. I haven’t had a nightmare like that for a month. I glance at the clock on the bedside table from the bathroom and it’s six a.m.

I decide to sit on the edge of the bathtub, fighting off more tears. I won’t cry about this crap anymore. Life dealt me a crap hand and I have no choice but to deal with it. I cannot thank the Greenfields enough for helping me as much as they have. Thinking back to my foster family, I need to check in with them if they even care to know where I am. I walk back into the room and put on some jeans and a shirt. Picking up my glasses, I put them on and find my bag I packed last night.

I didn’t plan on going back home so early but seeing as I am awake now I might as well just leave; I can’t avoid my house forever. As much as I don’t want to head home, I know it is inevitable. “Leaving us so soon?”

Mrs. G caught me off guard and scared me a little. “I… I didn’t want to wake anyone else up. I am sorry if I woke you up.”

“It’s no problem, sweetie,” she said, walking into the room and sitting on the edge of the bed, giving me a sad look.

I sit down beside her and instantly avoid eye contact. It’s not that I don’t like Mrs. G. It’s just, I feel so ashamed of the mess I am. She and Hank have helped me way beyond what they should have. She pulls me into a hug, and I tense up at first, but I finally give in.

“Are you still taking your medication to help you sleep or your anxiety ones?” she asks, pulling back so she can look me in the eyes.

I feel the heat rush into my cheeks; she has known what was wrong with me for a few years now. The first time I stayed the night, I tried to get out of it, but Liam begged me to stay over. I had a massive nightmare and on top of that, I had a panic attack, waking up to Hank trying to soothe me. “No, I ran out,” I told her.

“How long have you been out?” she asks, tilting her head and giving me that look that tells me not to lie.

“For almost three weeks,” I say, putting my face in my hands.

"Why didn’t you tell us? We would’ve gotten them for you! Did Liam know?” she scolds me.

“No, I told him I had plenty left,” I say, choking up.

“Well, I will call Walgreens first thing this morning when they open, and we will get the prescriptions filled so you can pick them up on the way home,” she says, pulling me into another hug.

“You don’t have to,” I tell her, trying to brush it all off.

“I do have to. Honey, it’s not your fault, Hank and I are always happy to help you,” she says, giving me that firm look that tells me that this conversation is over.

“I know they cost a ton of money. That’s why I didn’t want to even bring it up. I already feel like a charity case. I feel like one day Liam will hate me because he will think I am only friends with him because you all help me so much,” I blurt out, and instantly regret it.

“Dude, that isn’t true, man,” Liam says from the door.

I just want to disappear right now. He comes and sits on the other side of me. “I am going to go start on some breakfast,” Mrs. G says, giving me another quick hug before she leaves

“Dude I could never hate you, man. How can you think that? You are like a brother to me. We ride together, we die together, man.”

I throw up my hands, not understanding his logic. “Dude, I am not even your real brother, and you accept me into your family. Plus, they end up spending a lot of money on me.”

“So, what, that is their choice. I don’t care what they do. It’s their money, man. Dude, if I was upset with you, I would be upset because you don’t tell me that you ran out of medicine. I don’t want to see you in this state. It makes me upset.”

“So, you don’t think I am a charity case?” I look into his honey brown eyes.

“Hell no, man, you are my best friend and brother,” he says, putting an arm around me.

“Well, your stepbrother does,” I say.

He shrugs. “Yeah, well, Landon isn’t such a walk in the park.” He chuckles after saying this.

“Come on, man, bet mom has whipped up some good food,” he says, nudging me.

“Dude why are you up so early,” I ask him as we head downstairs. He just gives me a knowing look, and I understand. “Sorry,” I mumble.

He looks at me with sympathy. “It was a pretty bad one, huh?”

“Yeah, hasn’t been that bad in a long time,” I tell him, shaking my head to clear the lingering thoughts of the dream.

“Things at home any better?” he asks.

“Not at all. Kind of getting worse. I don’t understand. I do everything they tell me,” I tell him as we enter the kitchen. You can already smell the pancakes.

Jake beat us down and is already eating. “Mom, this is soooooo good!” he says.

“When is Aaron coming home?” I ask him as I sit next to him.

“TODAY!” he says as if I am supposed to know. “Can I go over there?” he asks his.

“Don’t you think that you should let them settle in first?” she says, putting pancakes on a plate in front of Liam and myself.

“No,” Jake replies, stuffing his mouth with pancakes.

We all laugh at this. Of course, he would say no. Hank walks into the dining room. “Morning everyone.”

We all tell him good morning, and he gives me a sympathetic look, and I feel like crap. I am responsible for waking them all up. “I’m sorry,” I tell him.

He waves it off, “No need to be. I need to get up, anyway. I have a meeting with a contractor about opening another coffee shop up.”

“That’s like your thirteenth shop, Dad!” Liam says as he stuffs a piece of toast into his mouth.

“I know. Hell, I never thought it would do this good, but I can’t complain at all. Besides, it pays for the food you are stuffing in your mouth!” he says, smiling and ruffling Liam’s hair.

Hank opened his own coffee shop a long time ago when he graduated college. He didn’t know what to do with his business degree, so he decided to open a little coffee shop. Before he knew it, the demand for his coffee was insane.

We all talked back and forth about different things. I was kind of ready to go back to school tomorrow, and it kept me from being at home so much I always hated winter break that meant I had to be at home more with my foster family. Liam was ready to go back so he could see Julie. They aren’t going out just yet, but we all know it’s going to happen. We tease him about it a lot. He gets this stupid grin when she is mentioned.

We all sat around the table talking and laughing, then Hank excused himself to get dressed for the meeting. About an hour later, Landon came strolling in. Wearing nothing but his damn boxer briefs, I can’t take my eyes off him. I finally avert my eyes to my orange juice and keep listening to what Mrs. G is saying.

“Y’all are so damn loud,” Landon says his cute Texan accent very pronounced, as he grabs a cup for coffee.

“Landon, I would rather you not drink coffee,” Mrs. G says, scolding him.

“I’d rather not be here, but hey, here I am, so might as well enjoy one thing in my life that I can control,” he says, waving her off, not even caring what she said.

“So, do you want to go up to the school later, maybe I can show you around, so you won’t be so lost tomorrow?” Liam asks him.

I see Landon is debating whether to be a smart ass, and I figure he will, but he surprises us all and simply says, “Yeah, I guess.”

I see Mrs. G. smiling, and I guess they will finally be bonding. Maybe Liam will have more success than I did with getting him to be a decent human. Even though I know that is a real long shot.

“What about you, you coming?” Liam asks with a look of help me out here.

I just shrug. “No, I have some things to do at my house.”

He just shrugs his shoulders. I can’t help stealing a look at Landon. He looks so amazingly beautiful. His bleary green eyes look sleepy still. I break my stare, so I won’t get caught looking.

I have known I was gay since I was 13. I thought that’s why everything happened the way it did, but I was wrong. I have been in the system since the accident until I was placed with this family for a little over two years. I haven’t ever thought about coming out to them. They would hate me more than they already do, and I definitely didn’t want to come out to the Greenfields. I was scared of how they would react, even though they have never said anything negative about gay people. I just don’t want to take that chance of really disappointing them.

“Excuse me. I need to make that phone call now,” Mrs. G says.

Landon glances at me, and I just shrug my shoulders and act like I have no idea what’s going on. “I don’t understand how it’s so damn cold now,” he says.

“Dude, Florida has bi-polar weather,” Liam says.

“That seems obvious,” Landon says, rolling his eyes.

“It’s supposed to get really cold Tuesday, and I bet you wouldn’t be so cold if you put on some clothes,” I say.

Landon smirks, and I roll my eyes, “how cold are we talkin?”

“In the ’30s, at least,” I tell him.

Landon eventually walks back to his room. I want to go talk to him, but I don’t. Instead, I go into the living room with Liam and we play a bit on his play station 4. I was never good at shooter games, and this proved true when he kicked my ass so many times.

Around noon is when I decide I need to start heading out. I had some finishing touches to put on a project, plus I needed to get ready for school in the morning. “Well, dude, I need to head home...” I tell him, putting down the controller.

“Okay man, sucks that you got to go, but I understand,” Liam says.

“Thanks for having me over, and being cool,” I say.

“Chand, come on, man! You are always welcome here.”

We do the handshake that literally took us a whole month to make. I go tell Jake goodbye, and I find myself outside of Landon’s bedroom and I knock.

“What,” I hear from the other side of the door.

I open the door, and Landon is on his bed, still in nothing but his boxer briefs with his legs spread open, on his laptop. I try not to look at his crotch, “I am headed out, dude,” I say, standing there, awkward in his doorway.

“Ok,” he says, not even looking up from his laptop.

“Okay, then,” I say.

I close his door, annoyed that I even stopped to say goodbye to him, but I couldn’t help it. He has this, I don’t know what about him I am so attracted to. I grab my bag and find Mrs. G sitting at the bar, reading a book. “I’m headed home.”

“Awe sweetie, okay,” she says, hugging me.

“Thanks for the clothes and letting me stay this weekend,” I tell her, hugging her back.

“Anytime you need something, you just ask. Oh here, take this,” she says, handing me sixty dollars. “That is for the medicine, and I threw in an extra twenty for you,” she says, winking.

Shame washes over me as I take the money. “Thanks. You didn’t have to do this at all.”

“I know that, but I wanted to. Do you want me to take you home?”

“No, that’s okay,” I reassure her, not really thinking about the cold weather.

“Well, at least let me take you to the Walgreens. It is too cold for you to be walking!” she says with a tone. I know it means that it’s not up for discussion

“No, it’s okay really,” I tell her.

“No, come on, let’s go,” she says, ushering me out of the house.

We get into her car; I see the curtain move from Landon’s room. I see him and we lock eyes. I can’t read what he is thinking as he lets the curtain fall back, disappearing out of sight.

“I wanted to apologize for Landon. I know he isn’t the most warming person, I guess you can say,” she says, as we get into the car.

I laugh. “It’s okay, nothing I’m not used to. Besides, you aren’t Landon.”

“I know, I just wish I could understand him at times. I know he is upset at me for things.”

I look at her. “Why would he be?”

“He thinks I abandoned him. I feel like I did, a little. Enough of that, though, how are things at the house?” she asks, letting the car warm up before she pulls out of the driveway.

I shrug my shoulders, not really wanting to talk about it, but I don’t want to shut her out. Not after everything she has done for me. “There are good days and bad days. As long as I stay out of the way and they get that check.”

She lays a hand on my shoulder, “I am sorry, sweetie. Your sixteenth birthday is coming up! What do you want to do for it?”

“Nothing, really,” I tell her, shrugging my shoulders.

“Not an option. I wish you would feel comfortable around me, Chandler! We have known you for over two years now! We are doing something for your birthday. Now, are you sure there isn’t something going on with you that I need to know?” She gives me that motherly look.

“Yeah, I am totally infatuated and want to kiss your son from his head to his toes. I want to have sex with him all over your house, and I think I am in love with his stupid sarcastic ass!” I scream inside my own head. I just blush. “No, ma’am, I just feel bad for waking everyone up this morning,” I lie, and feel guilty about it.

“We already told you it was no big deal. Just be glad you didn’t wake Landon up! I am sure even the devil would have run for the hills,” she says, laughing at her joke.

We arrive at Walgreens sooner than I realized. I grab my bag and hug her. “Thank you again for everything.”

“It’s no big deal, sweetie. Now, go get the medicine, and are you sure you don’t want me to take you home?”

“No, ma’am, it’s only a block away,” I tell her.

I grab my bag and tell her goodbye one more time, and wave as she drives off. I run into Walgreens, and the lady behind the counter looks as if I am insane when I tell her I am here to pick up my medicine. She makes me take my ID out just to make sure; she finally gives me the medication, telling me that I shouldn’t abuse it.

I ignore her and hand her the money so I can get home. I put the medication in my bag so I don’t lose it. I am happy that it’s literally a block away from the Walgreens. I didn’t want Mrs. G to drop me off at the house. It was ok looking on the outside, but it was not in the best part of the neighborhood, and my foster parents didn’t give a damn.

The wind picks up, makes me hate that it is going to get colder. I make it into the house and yell out hello, and no one answers. Figures, they are still out.

I look in the fridge to see if there is anything in there. I’m not surprised when I open it to find nothing but a jar of peanut butter. I go to check for bread and there are two slices left. I decide I will just wait and eat it for dinner. Shutting the fridge door, I head to my room.

I walk into my room and shut the door. My room isn’t much. I have a bed, and a dresser, that pretty much sums up my room. It isn’t special at all. I have a few pictures hanging up, of me and my parents, and that’s really it.

I lay my bag with the new clothes on the dresser; I will put them up later. I flop down on my bed with my backpack, taking out the book I want to refresh everything I already finished earlier in the break. I try to read a little bit, but my mind keeps wandering off.

That night he joined me on the roof in nothing but his briefs, I didn’t want to stare at his bulge, but it was right there. Just thinking about him is starting to make me hard! I rub myself through my jeans and start to unbuckle my jeans.

I can’t do this! Landon is my best friend’s little brother! Yes, stepbrother, but still, as I said, he is my best friend, and that would be weird that I jacked off to the thought of my best friend’s brother. Honestly, it’s not like Landon doesn’t exude sexual tension no matter where he is at.

I run my hands through my hair. Fuck it. I can’t help it. I unzip my jeans and then I hear the front door slam. FUCK!

“Chandler!” I hear my foster sister call out.

I zip my jeans and buckle them up in a hurry and move towards the door. Opening it, I poke my head out of my room. “Yeah?”

“Didn’t know if you were home or at what’s-his-name’s place,” she says, walking by the door, going to her room.

“Yeah, I just got home. Were you at work? Where is everyone else?”

“Yeah, doesn’t it look like it? They are at Uncle Luis’ house this weekend,” she says, rolling her eyes at me.

“Sorry, not like I knew,” I say, rolling my eyes back.

“I got to shower and get ready. I am going to Luis’ for a few days. I am off tomorrow, so I won’t be home ‘til Tuesday. You are a big boy now, so take care of yourself. she says, running to the bathroom, not even caring what I have to say.

“Don’t worry, I will be okay by myself.” I know it’s too late for her to hear me.

I shut my door. Can’t even say I am surprised by this. They do this all the time. Since she has officially killed my hardon, I pick up the book and go back to reading. I feel my phone vibrate in my jeans. It’s a text from Liam.

“You okay, bro?”

I text him back. “Yeah, just reading a book.”

“For fun?”

“Yeah, I mean, I have already finished the book for school I am just brushing up on it. Have you started reading it?”

“Dang it, no!”

“You realize school is tomorrow?”

“Yes! Dude, I have just been so occupied with Landon being here, and other things.”

“You mean other things, as in Julie!” I text back.

“SHUT UP!”

“How is the new brother?” I ask.

“You got a full dose of him. It’s like he is constantly on the defense about something.”

“He has a lot of anger.”

“Thanks, Dr. Phil!”

“He is rubbing off on you already?” I text back.

“I am done! I need to read this damn book since I know you won’t tell me what the book is about because you think I should just read it”

“Just read it, dude! I am about to shower and find something to eat.”

“Do you need me to come over and bring some food?” he rapidly texts back.

“Nah, Kristie brought leftovers home. She is about to head out,” I text him back, lying.

“Well, save the leftovers. I am coming over. I need a rundown of this book, dude! I will bring some pizza, and you can fill me in on it.”

“Haha, you are hopeless. Lucky we are best friends, ‘cause you would fail!”

“Whatever! See you in 15!”

Liam knows a little more than his the rest of his family. He has been to the house a few times. To say he was shocked is an understatement. I think it was more pity than anything. The only reason I had a phone is because he talked Hank into it. I didn’t want to take it at first, and I hardly ever use it, unless it is talking to the Greenfields.

Hank had one condition not to let his knucklehead son fail. Hank is a cool guy, and Liam isn’t stupid, he just has a problem focusing on anything. I hear Kristie leave the house and pad out into the living room to make sure it’s clean, and there aren’t any drugs or any crap in the living room. Let’s just say my foster parents aren’t the best of people. The whole family is like this.

I hear a knock on the door. I go to check who is there, and it’s Liam. I open the door and just laugh at him. His shaggy blonde hair is a mess. He is wearing pajamas and a jacket, “Well, are you going to let me in? It is freaking getting cold!”

I just roll my eyes as he brings in the pizza and two cokes. I never thought Liam was hot. I mean, he is, it’s just, he is like my brother, so I can’t be attracted to him like that. “Kristie gone, I sure hope so. I am almost positive she fucking hates me.”

“Yeah, she just left,” I tell him, leading him into my room.

I close the door behind us and ask if he wants me to go over the book with him. “Hell no, man, I read it. I just needed to get out of the house.”

“Bullshit. You used SparkNotes, didn’t you?” He never reads the books, and just goes straight to SparkNotes to get the summary. He always does this, because Liam cannot sit still and just read the book.

He just smiles. “Got me.”

He sits on the bed, and I sit next to him, and we bust open the pizza. “Why did you need to get out of the house?”

“It’s like world war three right now. Landon and my mom are going at it like crazy,” he says, shaking his head.

Liam never mentions his real mom. From what I know, she died a while ago, and Hank never remarried until Helen came along. “Think he will adjust?”

Liam just shrugs his shoulders. “No idea, man. I think he wants to be accepted into the family. Like, there are these moments when he’s opens up about things and really relaxed, but it disappears so quick and he turns into some cold asshole. The only one I have seen him be decent to is Jake.”

I tell Liam about the encounter I had with him on the roof, and how Landon was ok for a little bit, then just cold as could be. “Maybe he had to be that way back home with his dad?”

“Yeah, maybe… so who do you like at school?”

I nearly choke on the pizza. “No one really catching my eye,” I tell him.

“Dude come on. You know Ashley wants you so bad!” he says, nudging me.

“Yeah, I know how thirsty she is. I was going to offer her a bottle of water,” I say, smiling.

“You’re still a virgin, right?” he asks out of nowhere.

I blush. “Yeah, I am.”

He nudges me too, “Same here, man. No reason to be shy about it. I only got to third base with Kelsey.”

“You didn’t have sex with her?” I ask, because this is news to me. I thought he had.

He shakes his head. “I wasn’t ready for that just yet. So, she found someone else who was,” he says.

“She cheated on you?” I look at him, not believing this.

“Yeah, I just don’t spread it all over school, because it sucks, and I like her still as a person, but she sucks as a girlfriend,” he says, laughing.

I want to tell him I am gay, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. I am too scared of how he would react. We chill out for a few hours and I get around to help him understand the book. He goes home not too long after that. I look at my phone and see it is almost ten.

I still need to take a shower and get ready for school tomorrow morning. I am happy Liam asked to pick me up because I was not looking forward to walking to school in the cold. I jump in the shower, not even wanting to play around.

I set my alarm to wake up about an hour early, so I can take a shower to wake myself up, that, and so I can make a peanut butter sandwich for my lunch. I am nervous about going back to school tomorrow, and it isn’t even about school. It’s mainly that I will be seeing Landon again.