Black Sheep Part 2 - 7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

I sit on a chair in front of the computer, listening to the quiet of the house, slowly spinning the chair. His room looks so quiet without him in it, so lifeless. I hear soft voices downstairs and then footsteps coming up. I spin the chair again until I hear a quiet knock on the door. I stand and walk to the door, opening it slightly but when I see Steve in the doorway I swing it open further and pull him close.

“It's okay. I'm here.” He holds me for a couple of minutes, his arms surrounding me and his head against mine.

I shed dry tears, I'm empty but they don't seem to stop forming somehow. My head hurts, my eyes hurt, everything seems to hurt right now.

“You wanna stay up here or do you wanna go downstairs for a bit?” His voice is a soft whisper. I look back towards the empty room.

“Let's go downstairs. I don't...” My voice breaks, sobs taking hold of my body. Steve holds me for another couple of minutes before I realize something. “Where is Anne?”

“In the kitchen. Why?”

“Then I'd rather stay here.” I let go of him but he grabs my arm.

“Why?” His eyes search my face for clues.

“Because she doesn't need to see me like this. Everything is shitty enough as it is. She doesn't need to see me break down too. It would only add to everything.” Why would that be so weird? She has gone through so much, she needs someone strong not someone who breaks down too. If I want to be there for her I can't break down in front of her.

Steve makes a soft sound. “I actually don't want to leave her alone right now. I know she has gone through a lot, that is why I rather sit downstairs. We don't need to be in the kitchen but I would like to be near.”

“But I don't want her to see me weak like this.” I look into his eyes, search if there is more to this than just supporting her when she is going through a rough patch. The only thing I see is pain, sadness and in the back some fear.

“You don't need to be strong. Your boyfriend tried to kill himself. You are allowed to break down. It is normal. It is natural.” Steve sighs deep and rubs his temples. The only time he would do that is when something bad is going on and he can't figure out how to solve it. He seems to be losing it too and I feel this is not for the same reasons as I am.

“Who didn't break? What happened?”

“A friend of mine. His brother hung himself after a long dragging case of depression. He tried to stay strong for everyone, never dealt with it because he felt like he should protect all the others. In the end, he failed.”

“He killed himself?”

“He tried to. He almost succeeded. I don't want that to happen. To either of you.” Tears shine in his eyes and he looks away, almost as if he is ashamed of them. “Can we go downstairs, please?”

“Yes. I'm sorry.”

“Me too.”

I follow Steve down the stairs. My eyes on his back, the tension in his neck and shoulders almost visible through his jacket. We were scared for Vic and Steve was scared for us. How much more messed up could this get?

“Have you slept at all? Jack? Jack?”

I look from my cup of hot chocolate and shake my head. I hadn't properly slept since everything happened, I had dozed off a couple of times but never more than an hour or so.

“Do you think you might be able to sleep if we're near? Like, on the couch or something?” Anne waves towards the living room. “We have blankets and everything there.”

I think about this for a moment. I can't sleep because I feel so lonely and I get scared, but if they are near I would not be alone.

“Could...” I stop for a moment, ashamed of what I am going to ask. “Could Steve sit on the couch so I can fall asleep on his lap?” I hide my face but a hand ruffles my hair and a deep laugh reaches my ears.

“Ofcourse you can do that. As long as you get some rest. We'll try to be quiet.” Steve stands up, holding his hand out to Anne and helps her up too. We get into the living room and make ourselves comfortable on the couch. Anne gets a blanket for me and then sits on the chair opposite us. She smiles at me before she returns to talking to Steve.

“So did you get the keys for your apartment yet or when will you get them?”

I close my eyes and immediately start drifting off as Steve answers in his low roughed voice.