Black Sheep Part 3 - 16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

I try to roll onto my side, used to the drugged feeling I get after an attack, but find that someone stops me. I open my eyes and stare into worried faces of more than one person. What was going on?
“How are you?” Dad lets go of me and then I realise why he held me. I’m connected to all sorts of machines, checking all my stats.
“Drowsy, like usual. Why?” I try to sit up but Dad stops me again. From the corner of my eye I saw Adam for a second. I turn my head and see him sitting on my other side, his eyes red as if he has been crying. I swallow, what has been going on? “Adam?” I reach for him and Adam grabs my hand close.
“You scared us.” Adam whispers as he kneels next to the bed to be closer.
“What happened? Why is nobody telling me anything?”
A doctor steps forward and everybody looks at him, scared. “Have you woken up disorientated or anything like that lately?”
I shake my head. “No. Well… Maybe.”
“Maybe?” Dad almost yells. “What is that for answer? Maybe.”
“Why is it so important? Tell me what is going on.” I’m trying hard not to just yell to get an answer.
“We’re afraid that the new test results have shown us something that we’ve feared from the moment you were diagnosed.” The doctor doesn’t answer the question.
“Which is?” I insist.
“The illness has also started to affect your brain. Instead of spasming your muscles parts of your brain flare up, becoming hyperactive for an onset of time. This, like the spasming of your muscles, is not something that can be controlled or predicted. We can up your dose, but we’re not sure how useful it will be.” The doctor is silent for a while. “I’m sorry. I’m not sure there is anything we can do that we’ve not already tried before.”
I nod, dazed, trying to comprehend what is going on. “Thank you.”
The doctor nods and then leaves us alone.
I look around, everybody in the room stares at me. My brain slowly seems to catch up with itself. It had gotten worse. My time now had an expiration date. I knew everybody was scared this might someday happen, but I don’t think any of us expected it to happen now.
Adam is crying again and I pull him close, hiding my face in his hair to let a few tears escape before I look at the others. Dad holds Mum close while Tom holds Kevin. Everybody is silent, waiting for me to say or do something.
“Mum, I want to go home.” The last word is no more than a squeak but she nods vigorously and pulls me close.
“Of course, we’ll take care of that. I think it is about time to get the whole family back together.” She whispers the words as she shakes.
Yes, it is time.

The move back home was set up quickly. Dr West released me from his care, he knew this moment would come and we had expected it when we set up our plan weeks ago. Even though the timing was a surprise the fact I had gotten worse wasn’t. The hospital gave me a slightly higher dose but I knew that I wouldn’t be able to do anything about it anyway so I was not about to take a dose that would tie me more to my bed than was necessary. When the others found out how poorly I had been doing for weeks they were really angry with me. But I never regretted my decision, they were getting on the road to happiness and I was not about to let that fail. I sat out the anger until everybody came to their senses and realised that from my side of the story it had been the best thing to do.
Dad moved in with Mum. He gave up the job he had and stayed at home to care for me during the day. It was not that I needed the help all the time but with the increased attacks it was unpredictable when it would happen and the new types of attacks came on faster than the old ones. Though nothing kept me from trying the hardest to stay on plan for happiness. Mum and Dad were still figuring out the new arrangements but it seemed that it was going well, they glowed when they were together, you could really see that they had always loved each other. Chris was going between really happy and really sad constantly, she was happy Dad was back in her life, but the whole thing with me had her in constant bouts of depression. At first I did not know what to do about it but I got used to it and now we’ll celebrate when she is happy and she comes sit with me for a while when she is not doing well. We’ve gotten into a system and I’m sure she’ll be okay for a while. They were not happy yet but I was sure that would come.
After Anne moved in with Steve I had drawn them and Kevin into the picture I had started weeks ago. They were happy. Anne now really started her own life and Kevin was so excited about calling Steve his Dad. They made a lovely couple. And even Sarah seemed to be happy with the new arrangement, she apparently loved having Anne around because they were the same age and Kevin because she could mother him. The house looked lovely and they all seemed so happy.
I sigh and pick up a pencil. Before me is the drawing. There is a definite distinction between Jack and me and Steve, Anne, Sarah and Kevin. The muscle relaxers I have to take have their effect on my drawing skills but I’m not giving up. This is my happiness picture and I will complete it. I breathe deeply and start to draw Adam.