One-Shot, Shorts, And Ponderings - 5. Who am I?

The day began normally, the sun shone, the birds sang, the wind blew, and the leaves rustled, but something I loved had been torn away, my beloved Gabriel had slipped away in the night, and now I was all alone, left behind to face this world, and to raise my 6 month old Serenity, the only piece of Gabriel I had left.

I stood by his grave, counting every second, and hoping that I would wake and find this all to be nothing more than a dream, but time passed and still Gabriel lay inside his coffin, and still I counted every second with fervor and dedication. I cursed Gabriel in my mind for having left me behind, I cursed him for leaving Serenity behind, but most of all I prayed that he’d find his way to heaven, where he could wait for me and Serenity, where we would once again be a happy family.

Serenity laid still in my hands, not aware of the gravity of the situation, she gurgled and slept, just like a child would, as I looked into her face I felt Gabriel, and knew he was gone, he’d moved on into another plane of life, he’d gone on to rest, and now, I must assume responsibility for Serenity’s sake and my own. ‘I will give you everything in the world that I can’ I thought to myself, making this silent promise to Serenity.

The Pastor closed the service, and my family, and Gabriel’s family began to shuffle towards the cars, I stayed and watched, as the love of my life was buried beneath pound after pound of cold, unfeeling earth. Serenity stirred in my arms, her big blue eyes looking directly into my own gray ones, her smile, her nose, those were her father’s along with her eyes, from me she took her wild red hair, and freckled complexion, she would be a beauty, and I would make sure she’d be very happy.

--As long as I live Sery, you will be happy, I swear it on your father’s grave.--

The sobriety of the moment was finally too much for me to take, I felt faint, dizzy, I felt the world spinning around me, and my legs were like stings, swaying to the rhythm of the wind. I was spinning, spinning, falling, falling, I heard Serenity cry somewhere far off, and then I was gone.

The light, that warm, bright light, it called to me it begged me to come closer, it encroached everything that was my world. I could hear Gabriel, his voice calling to me like a tune, drawing m like a moth to a flame, away from the pain. I could see nothing but light, hear nothing but Gabriel.

Suddenly there was a booming sound; it reverberated over everything, bathing everything in sound, vibrating even the strings of the light. I could hear something beyond it, my darling Serenity, she was crying, I began to turn from the light, leaving Gabriel behind, choosing Serenity, choosing a hard life over a simple, happy life with Gabriel, he would wait, and I would come, but not today. Not now. I had to think of Serenity, my sweet child, what could have happened for her cries to be so frantic, so hurt? I ran away from the light and towards her, away from Gabriel towards Serenity, I would find her and I would comfort her, and she’d be ok. She’d be happy. She’d be safe.

Time moved sluggish in this light, I ran and ran and still I could not find Serenity, I could hear her cries, so much sharper. She was scared. She was hungry. She was cold. I had to hurry, but my legs would not move. I began to cry silently, frustration washing over me, enveloping me, suffocating me. All I could hear beyond the sound was Serenity’s incessant cries, her need to be held, I couldn’t take it anymore, her every cry tore at me, and I must reach her.

How much time passed I do not know, but now there was darkness, pitch black darkness, soon a steady beep beep joined the darkness, but this one was slow, faint, almost hypnotic. The darkness was joined by muffled voices, and echoing steps.

--She’ll be fine, though there may be some head trauma, but she’ll be fine. Just remember, you have to be very careful about how you break the news to her, this temporary amnesia can and will be hard to beat, but it is beatable. Please Mr. Pfeiffer, as your doctor, and as your friend, anything that’s too shocking, or too painful like…--

The voices drifted farther away and the beep beep came back. I waited.

Then as if in a dream the darkness was penetrated by a reddish tint, it became lighter and lighter, then I felt my eyelids, for the first time in a long time I felt my body, my hands ached, my feet were numb, my back felt as if it was twisted in every which way, my head throbbed. Light began to flow in as my eyelids began to flutter, trying to reveal the outside world, poor Serenity, she must be on the floor, cold. Has it started raining since I collapsed? I don’t feel wet, maybe it hasn’t rained.

I opened my eyes and was on a hospital bed, surrounded by sunflowers, a weird feeling slid over my body, and then it was gone. I looked around, wanting some water, my mouth was parched, and my throat felt as if I had been swallowing a desert.

A woman dressed in white came towards me, she looked joyful, and friendly, however I sat up a little straighter, hoping to be able to run should she attempt to do anything.

--Mrs. Wend, you’ve woken. How do you feel?--

I looked around the room, she was addressing Mrs. Wend and I couldn’t see her, perhaps the woman was crazy, addressing someone invisible.

--Mrs. Wend? Mrs. Wend are you ok? You look very pale. Is there something you need?--

I looked at her, was she nuts? She was addressing me as this so-called Mrs. Wend; didn’t she know who I am? I am…It dawned on me that I really did not know who I was, all I remembered were feelings. Loss. Confusion. Pain. I could not remember any name and all I wanted at that point in time was serenity, sweet simple serenity. But all I had was confusion, nothing more and nothing else.

--Mrs. Wend, do you want to talk to your husband?--

I had a husband, yes I did. His name was…oh I could almost taste the name on my tongue. David, Michael, no those weren’t it, his name was far more beautiful, that I knew.

--What’s my husband’s name? Do you know MY first name?--

The nurse looked at me, pity showing clearly on her face. She nodded and looked at a chart by the door.

--Your name is Johanna, Johanna Wend. You were admitted as a car crash victim. You and your baby son Brady your husband was the only one wearing his seat belt, he was admitted as well, but he only had minor cuts, and some bruises. You have been in a comma for 2 weeks. Are you feeling alright?--

I looked at her, my face frozen I could not distinguish what I was feeling, all I felt was a void. Johanna Wend, it didn’t fit, it felt weird. Alien.

--What’s my husband’s name?--

She looked at the chart again, read something then looked back up at me.

--Henry Elliot Wend. He’s actually at the cafeteria right now, he hasn’t left your side since we discharged him, and when he wasn’t discharged he requested the room next to yours. Quite a gem you’ve got there Mrs. Wend, many a woman would love a man like that.--

Henry Elliot Wend. H.E.W. hew, it seemed wrong, somehow less than what my mind put forth when I had reached for his name. Perhaps I had simply called him something different.

--Umm, excuse me, but…what about you, what’s your name?--

I looked at her pleading for the answer, hoping that if I talked to her long enough she might give me some clue as to who I was. I searched her eyes, they were serene, sincere, loving.

--I’m Elizabeth. Elizabeth Plum. Is there anything I can get you?--

She put the chart back on its hook and looked at me her bright yellow/green eyes contrasted against her almost transparent white skin. Her hair was spun gold, set in a perfect bun. She was not beautiful, she wasn’t handsome, if there was a word to describe Elizabeth Plum it would be bland. I nodded no, the gesture made my head throb, so I looked up at her once more.

--Maybe something for my head, it’s throbbing.--

She smiled and turned, and with that she was gone. The first person I had met when I had woken up and known nothing about me was Elizabeth Plum. I put her name in my empty memory, holding to it like a child holds onto a safety blanket. I felt alone, forgotten, though I was the one who had forgotten not those around me. It made my head throb; I lay down and closed my eyes, hoping that the throbbing would go away.

After some time, I heard steps come into the room, I thought it may be nurse Plum, but the voice that whispered was male. A doctor, or perhaps my husband, Henry. The name still had not stirred up any feelings or memories. The sound of his voice began to drift farther away and my body began to feel weightless, I could hear him calling my name, whispering things like sweetheart, darling, beloved, but it was drifting away, it was being carried away by the light, the glaring light that surrounded me, it engulfed me, crippled me. There was a baby crying, somewhere far off I could hear it crying, Elizabeth had said I had a son, Brady. Maybe his father had brought him in, to let me hold him. Brady, such a strange name for a child.