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I want to know why the losses just keep piling up...
Take me to a place where the the vibrant melody of life is eternal and the din of chaos is silenced
I foresee a whole lot of mess coming in my direction in the next couple days.
When will the calm after the storm ever get here? I feel like I live either in the eye of the storm or the build up to the storm...when do I get my post-storm blue skies?
I have been derelict in my duties to my stroies and my firnds here, and I apologize.
School has been taking up most of my time, but I promise I have stuff for you, i just need to read through and make sure it's up to par.
I miss you all, and I hope to come back around soon.
Anger leads the mind down the narrow pathways of vengeance and hatred.
We must learn to expand our mind.
Play the long-con game, treat your revenge like a lover, caress it, hold it, kiss it, send it to school.
When it graduates high school, demand a Bachellors degree from it, and then let it go
I can't believe I live w someone so irresponsible!!! The gas and water have been cut off!!
@Dathi thanks so much, I hope you continue to enjoy it. @MacGreg thank you!! that so nice to hear @mogwhy I have quite the ride planned, we'll see how you like it @Defiance19 thank so much (: Thanks to all of you for the feedback!! I hope that the way this unfolds is to your liking.
Morning broke cold and dark over Philadelphia. My heat had been cut off sometime during the night and the apartment was like ice. I dragged my blanket with me as I ran to the kitchen to make some coffee. I plugged the coffee maker in, flipped the switch and ran back to my room. My com-link was buzzing, I touched the center and the picture unfolded. "Hey Kevin, are you almost ready? I'm 15 minutes away" Jose's smiling face came through so clearly, I could see the worry lines that had etched themselves into his face, I only had to worry about myself, Jose had three daughters and a wife to provide for. "Yea, I'll be ready by then, I'm jumping into the shower now." "Alright bud, I'll call when I'm outside" I smiled and waved goodbye. I pulled my clothes from the drawers and activated the ironing board. I jumped into the shower; I had to grit my teeth as the ice cold water started to fall on my body. It was making my head hurt, but I had to shower now, by tonight the city's draught law would go into effect and things like showers and coffee would become privileges we would have to pay extra to enjoy. I sat on my couch and sipped my coffee as I waited for Jose. I flipped my com-link on and checked my bank account. Mom had transferred $1000 into it, rent had been withdrawn, along with my electric and com-link fees. There was a $142 balance. Enough to buy a small amount of groceries, staples like milk, eggs, cheese, bread, and ramen. I would also transfer some to Jose for gasoline, and insurance. He had been kind in picking me up and dropping me off from work. He was a good man, with a good heart. The chill of the morning grew deeper, the little light that had been breaking through the heavy cloud cover was all but extinguished. I felt a pang of worry and flipped the TV on. "...and so all citizens are advised to stay indoors today. The government has issued a Cease and Desist order to all business not deemed as vital to either the economy or the public. Again, if you're just joining us there is a level 6 ichor storm headed to our area, for more on the possible consequences here is our own Matthew Thomas." I clicked on my com-link and dialed Jose, he lived close enough that he could turn around before the storm started. "Hey bud, I'm--" "Go home!! Level 6" "Thanks for calling. I'll see you tomorrow." I smiled and he ended the call. Seconds after my com-link received the official notice from my boss, we were not deemed vital to either the economy or the public; this meant we would not get paid for today, thousands of people were receiving this same message. Part of them would be relieved not to have to be exposed to the ichor that would fall from the sky soon, part of them would go out and look for a place that needed an employee for the day. This was life now, even the rain hated human-kind. I grabbed my Eco-suit from the closet and donned it. There was a market close by, maybe they needed someone, or the hospital perhaps. I couldn't afford the time off. I walked along the deserted streets as quickly as I could. If I could hit both the Hospital and the Market before the ichor fell I stood a chance. I kept my head down, walking fast, looking at nothing and no one, I may as well have been invisible, I wanted to be. Attracting notice to yourself in a storm was a bad idea. There would be no corpse left by morning, the high acidic concentration of the ichor would eat through any living creature. Trees, grass, and animals would be gone in the morning, the city would be gray, cold, and the stench would hang around for a couple days, but we wouldn't see another storm for at least 2 months. I made it to the Market in time, the thunder was starting to rumble, if I was told no here, I would have to face a choice: try at the hospital or take the pay cut and go home. "Oh thank the almighty!!! Kevin I was hoping you'd show!!" The manager, Aria, was a kindly old woman, some thought too old to deal with such a complicated position, but she was a tiger, she just hid her stripes well "please tell me you're here looking for part time!!" "I am Ms. Stoll, do you have anything?" "My dear I'm looking for everyone I can get!! Mary and Liza both have to stay home, they got babies you know, and Lance and Ian well, you remember their dad passed in the first storm, horrible." I nodded and pulled my com-link out. Jose might be in need of the cash. "Hey Kevin, you okay?" "Jose, the Market on 2nd needs people, maybe you and your wife can fill in?" "Thank you, we'll be there in 5 minutes." I looked at Aria and she nodded, she would keep the posts open for them. "Thank you Ms. Stoll, you don't know what it means.” "My dear I lived through the wars of 2097, and the uprisings of the 2106, I assure you, I know." The ichor had been a result of an endless stream of wars. Atomic bombs had become outdated technology, the use of toxic weapons became the crux of my generation, nothing on earth now looked at all like it had in the 21st century. The world had evolved, changed, adapted to things it never needed to. Thousands of species had been wiped clean from the planet, but God has a will, and in his Will life finds a way. "Where do you want me?" "Start at the till, I've got people ready to check out. Remember to use your com-link to establish the credit line okay?" I nodded and began setting up behind the register. Automatons had replaced humans in most jobs, but there were certain places they simply didn't work. Markets, hospitals, schools, and restaurants were still fully staffed by humans, and on days like today, a lot of us were thankful this was the case. I began working as quickly as I could, welcoming customers to the market, and being as pleasant as I could. I felt Marina's hand touch my shoulder, I excused myself and turned to greet the woman who had shown me compassion, generosity, and friendship. "Thank you for calling." "Anytime; you know that." I turned around, apologized to the customer who smiled and shook his head. The ichor had brought the world together in ways nothing had been able to before. We all valued friendships a little deeper, we all saw affection differently, things were bad and people had made themselves better to cope with the consequences of a million bad things all coming at once. Jose waved from the floor as he re-stacked the water and other drinks. I was thankful to count him among my friends; sometimes I wondered how he kept such a positive attitude in spite of everything. I tried, and I certainly faked my way through the bad days, but he seemed genuinely okay, every day. He seemed to be able to smile and laugh, even as we faced the possibility of a company shut down at the docks. I found it difficult to complain around him, he always sought the silver lining in everything, it was contagious. The thunder boomed loudly overhead, the lightning flashed super bright and then three more booms of thunder hit. The sky went from slate grey to black, and the stench of ichor rose from all around, the storm was coming, and I could feel it in my bones that it would be bad. I sent a silent prayer up and tried to hurry up so the people in Eco-suits could hurry home; the Eco-suits were only approved for level 5 protection, wearing one in level 6 storms was a calculated risk. "Will you be paying in cash or credit?" "Kevin?" The voice struck something deep inside me; it resonated through every part of me, it's echo bounced off of deep places within me, shattering me, tearing me into pieces: Bryan, my first love. The man I still compared others to, odd given that he was also my pimp, and the reason I had developed my drug addiction. "Kevin Páez?" "I'm sorry, sir?" "Is your name Kevin Páez?" "No sir, I'm Eddy Rivera." I looked into his eyes, those honey colored eyes that had always made me feel important, even when my safety and health were being put at risk. Those eyes that had always whispered loving words, tender promises. I missed those eyes, I missed the way I'd been made to feel by them in a life long ago. His face was sunken and pale, his once brilliant chestnut hair was dull and lifeless, the olive skin I'd spent hours kissing and caressing was pale and dry. Bryan had been one of the most handsome boys I'd ever seen, but the man who stood in front of me was a mere phantom; drugs had ravaged him, and by the small tattoo on his wrist, it would seem so had Thundra, a more vicious strand of HIV. "I'm sorry...credit please" I extended my hand and took his charge card. For a split second his finger brushed my hand, and I was surprised to feel that spark still lingering beneath the long-cold ashes. I had thought myself free of him, I had assumed he was a long-gone ghost, but here he was. I felt my mind and my heart begin their long battle; should I reveal who I was and risk falling into the abyss I had clawed my way out of for the chance to feel loved, desired, and adored once more? Could I risk my health and my life for just one night? I let the questions run through my mind as I finished his transaction. I was beginning to feel like the air was being vacuumed out of my lungs. The sheer emotional weight of his presence was creating a dull, thumping ache in my chest and head, my mouth was like a desert and my heart felt like it might beat out of my chest any minute. "Thank you for shopping at Mai's, be safe out there" I managed a smile and handed him his card. He looked at me, the question still roaring in his eyes, we both knew he knew who I was, but we both knew that being together was toxic for us. We were not good influences for each other. All the passion and lust were simply not worth the hurt, the pain, the fights, the heart break...they weren't worth the hell. I turned my attention to my next customer, trying hard to push aside the image of Bryan, the feel of his skin, and the completely irrational urge I had of going after him, of screaming at him, of saving him. I could barely keep myself alive, I wasn't in the position to save anyone, much less Bryan. I went through the day in a weird fog. I could hear the ichor coming down on the roof, I could smell it when the doors would open, but I wasn't present. I was in auto-pilot, my mind was busy re-visiting my relationship with Bryan, there had been beautiful moments there, moments of pure joy and pure love, moments that had made the bad times worth it. The problem between us hadn't been lack of affection, or lack of interest, or lack of common interests. The problem between us had been drugs, they'd consumed everything we were, they'd controlled who we'd become. We had allowed the darkness to suffocate the light out of our relationship, completely letting ourselves become consumed by the high, forgetting how much we loved each other. Four o'clock came faster than I thought it would. The ichor was still pouring from the sky in endless sheets. The outside world was bathed in the gray, and lifeless liquid. I felt like I was watching TV on an old set, stuck in the black and white world of the classics. Jose was kind enough to take me home, the car-ride was slow and nerve-wracking, the ichor seemed to be drowning the streets, it was flooding the narrower streets and it was making the drive hell on the bigger ones. I was thankful he'd offered to take me home, I wouldn't have asked, I knew he was anxious to get home to his girls. The car stopped on Scott Street and I ran towards the safety of my home. I could feel the ichor bouncing off my Eco-suit, the acidic concentration sizzling against the barrier. My feet splashed the toxic gunk everywhere, the courtyard had been dull this morning, now it was a pool of gray liquid. I stopped shot for a second, the entire courtyard was like a swimming pool and I hadn't taken my suit to get re-coated in almost a year, I measured the possibilities of my suit being strong enough to get me through the courtyard against how long I could stay out here in the pounding rain. I took a deep breath, focused on my door and began running as fast as I could through the calf-high pool of ichor. I could hear the material sizzling like crazy, I could smell rosemary and thyme, the trigger smell I'd chosen for my suit; whenever I smelled this sweet homey fragrance, it meant I was running out of time. The suit would be ruined if I didn't get home and activate the chemical shower. I wondered if it was still working. I felt the sting of acid hit my ankle and it gave me a second wind to run faster. I'd have to send the suit in for repairs, hopefully I'd be able to afford them. I found myself staring at a bowl of noodles, listlessly stirring the contents without much desire to actually eat them. I felt so defeated right at that moment. No money, no prospects, and a job that kept hanging by a thread. I put the noodles in the fridge and got into bed. Sleep was a friend I could always count on; it kept hunger away, it kept the chill of winter away, and it kept reality at arm's length. Sleep was the cure to it all, it just wasn't a solution. My dreams were a tangle of nightmarish scenarios where I could not win. I could feel the walls of my life slowly starting to close in around me, I was almost out of options, almost out of places to run and reality was pressing in on me, wholly dedicated on breaking me. I was the slave of my decisions, but I was the one holding the whip, I was the one punishing myself for the endless stream of idiotic assumptions I had made throughout my life. The alarm blared at around 4.30AM and I groggily rose from my bed. I stumbled around my apartment, half awake, completely disoriented. It was the sudden jolt of pain that shot from my neck to my heels that finally woke me. I felt like I'd been electrocuted, every inch of my body was suddenly on fire, and my head was pounding like a drum; I grabbed the wall to help myself stay standing, the sheer level of pain threatened to bring me to my knees. Oh God, I'm dying... "No, you're not. And no, I won't answer the question on your lips. Save your breath Kevin." I felt my body crumble under me, but I kept looking for the voice I'd just heard, looking for the one responsible for this agonizing pain. The man stood above me, his indigo hair framing his face, it's choppy layers falling perfectly to his shoulders. He must've been around 6 foot 5, his eyes reminded me of sunset, an amalgamation of colors creating a stunning effect. His olive skin was flawless, I was in absolute awe of him, every piece of him seemed to be carved to perfection, his muscles bulged against the dark grey suit, it stirred feelings in me that made my cheeks turn red. "I'm going to take the Geas off now. You cannot scream, or try to run, or reach for your com-link. Every time the Geas is put on you the pain becomes stronger. I don't want to hurt you, if I did I could've done so three hours ago when I first arrived." His voice was like the murmuring of a brook, it made me calm, it made me feel like no matter what, things would be okay. I nodded my head to let him know I understood, the sudden release from the pain made me feel like I'd been doused by cold water on a hot Indian Summer afternoon. "I know you won't answer" I said defiantly "but I'm still asking; who are you?" His eyes narrowed the tiniest bit, his head tilted to the left causing his hair to brush against his cheek and fall over his right eye. It was a simple movement, a commonplace occurrence, but on him it looked like the sexiest thing a man could ever hope to do. "In this culture? I'm just a stranger, the remnants of an organization long gone." He sat on the bean bag chair "We have a proposition for you Mr. Páez; we want to offer you a position." I realized I was still face up on the floor, in my pajamas, with morning breath and sleep crusts in my eyes. Here I was in front of the most attractive man I'd ever seen, and I looked like a total car wreck. I picked myself up off the floor, but my knees went out from under me, I felt like a marionette whose strings had been cut. I waited for the shock of the floor hitting my back and head, but instead I landed against soft fabric, and the most delicious scent I'd ever smelled on a man. His arms, though muscular, were soft and comfortable, his chest was defined, but welcoming, and his skin felt like warm velvet. My senses were completely confused by all the contradictory information; this man was like a puzzle, each part fitting perfectly together, creating a beautiful whole, even though each piece was itself a work of art. "Mr. Páez, unfortunately we don't have much time. There are certain factors that play into this offer. If you want to refuse us, I'd hate to make you late for work. That'll b Jose in a second." My com-link blared from my bedroom "Are you going to put that thing on me again if I answer that?" "So long as you don't mention me, or our conversation, you'll be fine Mr. Pá--" "Kevin. Please." I tried walking but my legs were still like rubber, I heard the voicemail notification and sat down. I looked at the man in the bean bag and questioned my own sanity. I was completely calm, save for my legs refusing to hold my weight, and my com-link being out of reach, I felt like I was talking with an old friend. "So, guy, I'm all ears." His eyes focused on mine just for a split second, it felt like looking into the sun "What's this position you want me to fill?" "We focus on finding individuals like yourself. Some may call you broken, or lazy, or stupid. The reality is that some people are put on this planet specifically to be of use to others, most often to their own detriment. My...employers find these people, and after a trial period either contact them, or are contacted by them. In your case however there's a glitch. You have ichor poisoning, your time is running out Kevin." I looked at him, and part of me wanted to laugh, part of me was truly amused at the sheer stupidity he was spewing. This guy was telling me the only reason I existed was to be a stepping stone for those around me. Here he was selling me a job, but he was telling me that I was just not good enough for the universe to want me to succeed. "You should revise your script. Insulting me and sentencing me to death in the same breath doesn't actually inspire me to work for your employers." "And that is perfectly understandable. Let me try things this way. We can help you achieve what you want to achieve, and we can get you the treatment you need for ichor poisoning" "There isn't a treatment on the market. I know; I've tried tracking something down for over a year." "Our resources are somewhat limitless. My employers provide the best healthcare anywhere. I assure you, you'll be cured." Ichor poisoning was a sickness caused by exposure to ichor. I'd been caught outside for a second without my Eco-suit, thankfully a neighbor had seen me running for the door and helped me inside. Symptoms ranged from splotchy skin to flu-like, it was a death sentence, but it was more like being on death row; you know you're dying, but no one's come to tell you when. "I don't know who you are" I said as I stood, my legs finally having regained their strength "and I don't know why you're here, but I'm asking you to leave." He stood from the bean bag in an extremely coordinated and elegant manner, he made it seem like he was getting up from a sofa. He took one step and closed the distance between us, I tilted my head up to look at his face. He was arrogant, cruel, and strange; however, denying his sex appeal, his magnetism, his beauty, would be like denying that the sun is bright. "I'm trying to help you Kevin. Sit down." His words were like stones, each one heavy and hard, but completely softened by the sound of his voice. He could be insulting me and I'd still feel as if I were deep in a forest on a bright spring day. "I have to get ready for work." "No. You don't." My com-link blared from my room, I moved to get it but his arm shot out and held me in place. There were a million tiny sparks dancing on my arm where his hand had grabbed me, I could feel my heart thumping a mile a second, I was sure he'd comment on it at any minute. "Let me go" "Just wait." New Message from Dennis Gigandet. Message reads: Hey kid, it happened. They shut us down. See you Monday. I'm writing the reference letters now. There it was, the last nail in my coffin. I was officially broke and jobless. I felt the dread rise from the bottom of my feet, slowly creeping up inside me like hypothermia; there was nothing left, I was done. "No. You're not."
I have to write 6 speeches for my public speaking class...6!!! Omg I'm gonna blow a gasket trying to keep it under 3 minutes, I'm so long-winded when I speak
I say post it. Molly makes a great point, maybe seeing the town revitalized through your story will keep some chins up, or bring some chins up. When 9/11 happened my fave fan-fics became the ones that had the heroes stopping it or helping in the clean-up. And if the story is set during spring break you have the chance to acknowledge the damage caused by the storm in a later chapter.
School starts back up today.
im equal parts anxious and nonplussed...
If I could turn back time
if I could find a way
I'd make sure you kept up with your meds, I'd convince you to not give up, I'd make sure to be your strength, I'd argue when you told me you wanted to die, I'd kick my fear aside and say yes.
if I could turn back time I wouldn't be afraid to love you, I'd make sure that you'd love yourself.
I miss you Mario.
I'd take back all the words that have hurt you, and you'd stay.