Shameful - 1. Chapter 1

Everything good is bad. Everything bad is good

- Good is bad, Headrillaz feat. Ricky Barrow

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Fifteen years earlier –

Jason was sitting in his bedroom with three of his friends. One of the boys had stolen a Playboy from his parents’ room. It wasn’t anything abnormal or unusual, four fifteen-year-old boys looking at a nudie magazine, but for Jason it felt abnormal. He felt abnormal. He just didn’t get it. What was the big deal? He looked at the glossy pictures of the women with their big breasts and their legs spread revealing their nearly completely shaved boxes, and he just didn’t get what the big deal was, but it wasn’t like that made him a queer. No way, he was not some sissy fag.

Growing up in rural Nebraska, Jason had heard about sissy faggots. There were a couple of kids in school that were homos, at least according to the rumor mill. There were also two men who lived together across town. They had that swish in their walk and that pitch in their voice, you could just tell. But Jason wasn’t queer; he just didn’t get his friend’s obsession with tits. That didn’t make him gay. Hell, he even played sports. Gays couldn’t play sports; they couldn’t catch a ball if their lives depended on it. Everyone knew that.

“Oh. Look at this one!” Nathan said, pointing at the picture before them.

“Wow. Look at those tits,” David marveled.

Jason said nothing, but noticed Nathan’s hard-on bulging against the front of his pants. He wet his lips, willing his eyes to look way from Nathan’s growing package and back to the magazine.

“Hey you guys, you will never guess who blew me behind the bleachers last week,” Jonathan boasted. He always had big stories to tell.

“Who?” Jason had to ask.

“Becky Thomas.”

“She did not!” David challenged.

“Did too.”

“I heard she would blow anyone,” Nathan spoke up.

“She will, all you have to do is ask. Swear to God,” Jonathan agreed.

Jason was intrigued. “Really?”

“Have you ever had a girl blow you, Jason?” David asked.

“Sure, a couple of times.” He lied.

“Really? Who?” Augh, that David could be such a brat.

Just then, Jason’s mother called from the living room, “Boys, it’s time for you to go home now. Jason has to eat dinner with his family.” She came and stood at the door, her once pretty faced seemed tired, drained of life. “You all can come back over tomorrow after school.”

David had grabbed up the magazine and hid it expertly in his book bag before she saw it, much to Jason’s relief.

“Okay, Mrs. Lawrence,” Nathan responded dutifully. “Come on guys. See you tomorrow Jason.”

“Bye,” Jason said as he watched his friends file out the door, hiding their smirks.

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Jason’s mother started in on him at the dinner table that night. “Just what were you boys finding so interesting in your room earlier?” She passed him a bowl of green beans.

“Um, we were just talking.” Jason scooped out a helping of the beans and passed the bowl on to his dad.

“Oh? I would have sworn I saw David trying to hide a magazine in his book bag when I came in.”

Jason shrugged. “Yeah, so? It was just a magazine.” His mother had that pinched look on her face, the one she got whenever the topic of sex came up.

“Yeah? It looked like a dirty magazine to me.”

Jason’s father perked up at the suggestion. “Oh, Helen, leave the boys alone. There isn’t anything wrong with teenage boys looking at a titty magazine.”

She was shocked. “George, how can you say that?”

“It’s a time honored rite of passage. Just be glad he was looking. I mean, at least we know he’s not gay.”

“And just what was that suppose to mean?”

Jason’s father shrugged, taking another bite of the casserole and then talking with his mouth full. “Just what I said.”

“Why would you think he was gay?” The indignation rang through in her voice.

“I don’t know. Have you seen him bring home a girl yet?”

“He’s only fifteen!”

“Guys. Hello. I’m sitting right here. Will you please not talk about me like I’m not in the room?” Jason could feel his face redden.

“Sorry dear.” His mother reached over and patted his hand, noticing his blush.

“So what kind of magazine was it? A Hustle? Cherry?”

“Dad!” God. How could he be related to these people?

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The next day Jason sat at his desk in his homeroom class. He was a sophomore at Lincoln High School in North Platte, Nebraska. His parents had moved there when he was five. Jason hoped to some day escape to a bigger city, where people had bigger minds, bigger ideas, but for now, he was stuck here. Jason was a nice looking kid. He had blond hair and pale blue eyes, a strong chin, and an easy smile. He made good grades and for the most part stayed out of trouble. He tended to be more of a loner, but he did have a small group of friends he hung around with. He played sports, but didn’t fit in with the jocks. He wasn’t a goat roper, a druggie, or a geek. He didn’t really fit into any of the social groups that made up Lincoln High. That was fine with him, too. He knew he walked to a different beat, even if he wasn’t sure just what that beat was.

Sara’s parents had moved to North Platte from Atlanta only last week. She was a pretty petite brunette. Back in Atlanta, she hung out with the popular crowd and had even been a junior varsity cheerleader. She couldn’t imagine why on earth her parents had decided to move to this Godforsaken backwater town. Even if her father was transferred; she was fairly certain she would hate it. But she had promised her mother she would at least try to make a few friends before declaring it an utterly hick city that had no hope whatsoever. Today would be her first day at her new high school. She tried to squelch the sense of dread she felt as the school secretary led her down the hall to her homeroom.

“Attention class,” Mrs. Johnson announced. “This is Sara Davis.” She turned to the brunette. “Welcome to North Platte, Sara. Please go ahead and have a seat.”

As she made her way to the nearest empty seat, all eyes were on her. All but one set, those belonging to Jason. He had his nose in a textbook, totally bored with the whole new student event.

The seat next to Jason was the closest empty desk and Sara fled to its sanctuary, hating having to stand at the front of the room on display as the new kid. It was all so juvenile.

“Hi,” she said as she took her seat. She had noticed Jason as soon as she walked into the room; she thought he had nice eyes.

He looked up at her and smiled. “Hi.”

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Jason had just picked up his lunch tray and was deciding where to sit when he heard a voice from behind him, over the usually noise of the cafeteria.

“Can I join you?” Sara had hoped to catch up with Jason again, but he had not been in any of her classes this morning other than homeroom.

“Oh, hi, Sara. Sure, um, we can sit over there.” Jason motioned toward an empty table over by the wall.

“I’m not keeping you from your friends am I?” Suddenly feeling like she was intruding.

“No. Most of my friends have lunch during next period.”

“So, who usually sits with you?” she asked as they took their seats at the table.

“I usually sit alone.”

“Oh. Really? That’s sad.” He seemed so nice to not have more friends.

Jason shrugged, “I like having time to myself.”

“So what is there to do in this Godforsaken burg?” she asked with a chuckle. She really was trying to make the best of it.

“Um, not much of anything,” Jason laughed. “Where are you from?”

“Atlanta.”

“Ah, a southern belle.” That would explain the accent.

Sara blushed and did her best Scarlet impression. “Why thank you, kind sir,” she giggled.

“And your parents dragged you here? Poor thing.” He couldn’t imagine living here after growing up in a place like Atlanta.

“Ah. You have to go where the jobs are. Or so my father tells me, so here I am in North Platte.”

“It’s not so bad.”

“Really?”

Jason started laughing. “Okay, yeah it is.”

Sara decided to cut to the chase. “So. Do you have a girlfriend? Boyfriend?” She watched as Jason entire demeanor changed.

“A boyfriend? Why would you think that?” He snorted.

“Oh. Um, sorry, no offense. I guess I’m just used to having to be more politically correct,” she shrugged, “where I came from and all. I had plenty of gay friends so I guess I just learned never to assume, one way or the other, but really I meant no offense. So no girlfriend either?” Jeez, she would have bet money on him being gay.

Jason visibly calmed. “No, no girlfriend.”

She nodded. “Okay, so I won’t get my ass kicked for sitting with you then.”

He chuckled, “No, I doubt anyone will care.”

“Cool. Maybe we can hang out some then. I have to admit, this isn’t the friendliest place on the planet.”

“Yeah, it is pretty cliquish. You have to be a jock, a stoner, a geek, or a tech head. I’m afraid I don’t really fit into any of those categories.”

Sara laughed. Jason thought she had a nice laugh. It was an easy laugh, like she was comfortable with herself. “I don’t like to limit myself to just one category,” she said with a wink.

He smiled back. He liked her way of thinking; maybe they could be friends; that would be nice. He thought he could use a friend like her.

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“Hey faggot. Want to suck my cock?”

Kyle looked towards the offending voice. Fred. Of course. This guy would not give it a rest. Kyle smiled at him, “Would you like me to?”

Fred’s face reddened. “Listen queer. You are dead. You hear me?”

“Yeah, whatever,” Kyle turned his attention back to his boyfriend. It was just after lunch break and the hallway was alive with the sounds of locker doors slamming, kids shouting and laughing as they hurried off to their next class. Kyle and Chris were standing in front of Kyle’s locker discussing what they planned to do after school that night when they had been interrupted. Kyle was fifteen, a sophomore at Washington High in New York City. He had known he was gay almost as long as he could remember and he had never seen any reason to hide it. Kyle was tall for his age; he had light brown hair and big expressive green eyes.

“So, Mom has to work late tonight. Can you come over?” Kyle lived alone with his mother. He father had disappeared from his life many years ago. Kyle had shrugged it off as no great loss. As a single parent, Kyle’s mother, Melissa, worked two jobs to keep a roof over their heads and some food in the refrigerator.

“Yeah, I’ll tell my parents we’re studying.” Chris wasn’t out to his family yet, but he was so infatuated with Kyle he would risk just about anything to be alone with him. Chris was just a freshman this year. He had blonde hair with steel blue eyes, and stood about six inches shorter than Kyle.

“Okay, see you tonight then.” Kyle bent his head down and stole a quick chaste kiss from his boyfriend before heading off to his next class.

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Later that evening he and Chris were lying on the sofa watching some movie on the television. All the lights were off in the apartment and the glow from the TV gave the room a warm peaceful feeling. Kyle’s hand was resting on Chris’ thigh as he lay with his head resting back against Kyle’s shoulder.

Kyle grew bored with the show and decided Chris would be much better entertainment. He pushed Chris down on the sofa and covered his body with his own. The two boys began kissing and grinding their hips together. So far their making out had never gone any farther than blowjobs and jerking each other off. As Kyle unzipped Chris’ pants and reached in to stroke his cock, he hoped that maybe tonight would be the one they went further, maybe even all the way. He could feel Chris’ breathing become more labored as he began kissing down his chest while he reached down farther to handle his balls.

“Let’s get you out of these clothes,” Kyle whispered as he tugged on Chris’ jeans. In no time, both boys were naked and lying back in each other’s arms on the sofa.

“You are so beautiful.” Kyle’s hand was caressing Chris’ torso while he was kissing his neck and nibbling on his ear lobes.

Chris was too lost in the ecstasy of the moment to even speak. Kyle took Chris’ hand and brought it to his own cock. “Here. You want this?”

“Yeah,” Chris began stroking Kyle’s hard dick.

Kyle slipped his index finger in his month to slick it up and then began teasing Chris’ hole with it. The muscles of his anus twitched as Kyle’s finger circled lazily around the puckering hole. Finally Kyle inserted one finger, slowly as Chris bucked his hips up to meet him.

“Ahh. Kyle.”

“You like that?” Kyle’s finger snaked in farther, stoking Chris’ prostate.

“Ahhhh! Oh God.”

“Yeah. You like that.”

“I want you, Kyle. I want to feel you inside me.”

“Yeah?” Kyle’s finger brushed across Chris’ prostate again, causing Chris to shiver.

“Please, Kyle.”

“Okay, let’s go to my bedroom.” Kyle stood and gathered up their clothes. “Come on.” He led Chris by the hand to his bedroom in the back of the apartment.

Kyle laid Chris down on the bed. “You sure you want to do this?” Kyle was no virgin but he knew that Chris was.

“Yeah.” Chris’ voice was husky and rough with lust.

Kyle raised Chris’ legs up over his shoulders. He took a condom and a tube of lube out of the drawer in his nightstand. While he squirted some of the lube in his hand to let it warm up, he handed the condom to Chris. “Put it on me,” he said, and began applying the lube to Chris’ hole.

He began stroking Chris’ cock to prepare the boy to be entered. “This will hurt a little. Try to bear down on me as I push in.”

Kyle pushed his cock a few inches into Chris’ hole.

“Ouch. It hurts.”

Kyle stopped pushing in, giving Chris time to adjust. “Shh, just relax. Push down on me. Like you’re taking a dump.”

“It feels like I need to.”

Kyle smiled. “That’s because my dick is up your ass. Just relax, it will start feeling good in a minute.” He started kissing Chris again, trying to take his mind off the pain.

Kyle began thrusting in and out slowly as Chris began to relax and open up. In no time Chris was bucking his hips up to meet Kyle’s thrusts.

“Oh God. Kyle. I’m gonna cum.”

Kyle reached down and began stoking Chris’ weeping cock. He could feel his own balls begin to tighten signaling it would not be long.

“Aaahhhh,” Chris’ anus began to spasm around Kyle’s cock as Chris shot his load up over his chest.

“Oh Fuck.” Chris’ ass clamping down on Kyle’s cock was all it took for him to find his own release.

Kyle collapsed down on top of Chris as both boys tried to get their breathing back under control.

“That was amazing,” Chris whispered.

“Yeah, it was.” Kyle pulled out and rolled over to look at the clock by his bed. “Oh shit. Mom should be home by now.”

“Shit.” Chris sat up. “Do you think she’s here? I didn’t hear her come in.”

Kyle chuckled, “Yeah, she’s probably here but don’t worry -- she knows you’re my boyfriend.”

“Yeah, but she doesn’t know we do this.”

Kyle shrugged, “She won’t say anything.” Then sitting up on the side of the bed he said, “But we better get dressed before she comes knocking on my bedroom door.”

“Yeah, okay.” Chris was feeling plenty nervous thinking that Kyle’s mother was in the other room.

Kyle leaned over and kissed his boyfriend tenderly. “I hope it was everything you wanted it to be.”

Chris smiled. “It was.”

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The next morning Melissa was sitting at the kitchen table sipping her coffee when Kyle came in to grab some breakfast before heading off to school. He noticed she looked tired, her auburn hair pulled back off her face, her brown eyes still puffy as they usually were first thing in the morning.

“Kyle. I don’t think it’s a good idea for you and Chris to be having sex in your bedroom while I’m at work.”

Kyle stopped in the middle of pouring himself a bowl of cereal. “Where would you like us to have sex while you’re at work?”

Melissa rolled her eyes. “I am doing the best I can here honey. I could use a little help from you.”

“Mom, c’mon, I don’t know what you want. Would you rather we find some alley to have sex in? God, I’m a teenage boy, what do you expect?”

“Well, at least be a little more discrete about it.”

“Okay, we’ll try to be finished before you get home.”

“Yes. Please.”