Shameful - 2. Chapter 2

How can I change the path that I’m on?

This is my destiny; this is my life

My own right or wrong; bring it on back to me

Destiny, Syntax

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By their senior year of high school, Jason and Sara were a couple who were rarely seen apart. Every one they knew assumed they would get married, have kids and live happily ever after. If Sara had thought Jason was gay when she first met him, she had given up on that idea long ago. He seemed totally committed to her. Jason on the other hand, knew he had desires for men but he had been raised to believe it was abnormal, a weakness, something he should work to overcome. Sara was his solution.

He took her virginity the night of their senior prom in the back sear of his car. They had fooled around before but he had been reluctant to take things further. That night the romance of the prom and the bottle of wine they shared at an after party loosened Jason's inhibitions enough for them to take the next step.

Jason had parked his beat up Ford on a dead end road leading to the North Platte River. He began kissing Sara while fondling her breasts. Their kissing grew more heated and passionate until finally Jason suggested they move to the backseat. Sara crawled over the seat, giggling as she fell into the back.

"Are you okay?" Jason’s voice showed his concern.

"Yeah, just maybe a little drunk," she continued to giggle.

"Just a little?"

"Okay, maybe more than that." She managed to get herself upright in the seat, as Jason swung his body over, "Jason?"

"Yeah."

"I want you to be the one. I want tonight to be the night."

"Yeah? Like this? In the backseat of my car?"

Sara smiled, "With you. I don't care where. I just want it to be you."

Jason leaned in and began kissing her again. She moaned into his mouth feeling the stubble of his whiskers against her face. He slid his hands down her back and began to unzip her dress, then reached in to unhook her bra. All the while Sara was unbuttoning his shirt and unzipping his fly. She reached in and began stroking his dick. Jason gasped as he felt her cold fingers wrap around his dick.

"Do you have a condom?" She was trying to free his dick from the compounds of his slacks and underwear.

"Yeah, in my wallet."

She smiled. "Good. Take these off," she giggled, still struggling with his pants.

While Jason was taking off his shoes, socks and pants, Sara made quick work of shedding everything under her dress. She laid back on the seat as he crawled up over her. She watched him as he donned the condom and couldn't help but giggle when he wobbled a bit from the effects of the alcohol. He smiled down at her. "Kiss me," she said breathlessly.

She felt the pinch as he entered her, then just the warmth of his body moving over her. The friction of their movements and the alcohol in their blood brought them both to their own climaxes quickly. Afterwards they tried to cuddle together in the backseat, but the cramped quarters and the falling temperature finally forced them to get dressed and Jason drove her home.

"I didn't hurt you too badly did I?" Jason reached over taking her hand.

"No, it was fine," she giggled, "It was more than fine. It was wonderful Jason."

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Kyle also had attended his senior prom, but with his boyfriend, Matt. He and Matt dated off on and on most of their senior year of high school. Matt was the first guy Kyle had really fallen for. For the first time he was the one doing the pursuing. Before meeting Matt he could take guys or leave them and for every pretty boy he brought home, there was another waiting in the wings to have their heart broken. Somehow, though, with Matt it was different, Kyle couldn’t get enough of him. He was the first thing he thought of when he woke in the morning and the one he dreamt of when he fell asleep at night.

They attended the prom together although they weren’t registered as each other’s date. They were both seniors so they both were listed as unaccompanied on the roster, but everyone knew they were together and for the most part no one said anything. A few kids rolled their eyes when the two took to the dance floor, but all in all the students had accepted Kyle and Matt as a couple and really thought nothing of it.

They attended an after prom party being held at a friend’s house. There were a few parents there to chaperone, but as most parties like that go, the kids found a way to sneak the booze around without the adults knowing, or maybe they just pretended not to know.

Matt and Kyle had been there less than an hour when Matt led Kyle up to the bathroom on the second floor. He locked the door behind them and leaned Kyle over the sink as he pushed their pants to their ankles. He entered Kyle from behind, staring into his eyes in the mirror hung over the sink. Kyle came moaning Matt’s name and professing his love. No matter how many times Kyle let Matt take him, he never grew tired of him.

After graduating, they were both accepted to NYU and Kyle envisioned the two of them sharing an apartment as they began their life together. Matt was relieved that he would know at least one other gay student in his new surroundings. However, once there, Matt and Kyle were not even in the same dormitory. Matt was sharing a dorm room with a jock from Virginia on one side of campus and Kyle was stuck with a geek from Texas in the new dormitory built on the other side of campus. It took Matt less than a month to dump Kyle for one of their professors. Kyle was devastated for a week or two, moping around in his dorm room, scaring his new roommate with his moodiness. Finally he shrugged it off and began having the time of his life going to parties and dating every beautiful man he saw.

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The week after prom Jason gave Sara his class ring. Things were easy with her; she was his friend, his confidant. She was patient and asked very little of him. They were both accepted to the University of Nebraska in Lincoln. They continued to date while they went there, eventually moving in together off campus. Jason majored in business, while Sara majored in education.

It was there during his second year of college that Jason had his first experience with a man. They met at a party Sara had been unable to attend. Jason noticed Randy as soon as he walked into the room. He had dark hair and impossibly soft brown eyes, not to mention an amazing body. A mutual friend introduced them. They spent the rest of the evening talking, getting to know one another. It was amazing how much they had in common. When Randy had to leave the party that night he asked Jason if he wanted to catch a movie that coming weekend. Jason agreed, telling himself that it was just two guys hanging out together, nothing more, but hoping that Randy felt the same flush of excitement.

That weekend when Jason told Sara he was meeting some friends to go see a movie she didn't give it much thought. Okay, maybe it was a bit strange that he didn't invite her, but then she didn't always invite him when she went out with her girlfriends.

Sitting in the dark theatre, Jason was acutely aware of Randy's every move. When Randy's hand brushed his while they shared a bucket of popcorn Jason could feel that familiar tingle in his groin. He could feel Randy's eyes on him, and feared what he would see in them if he dared to look back.

After the movie they walked to Randy's car, parked down the street. "You want to come to my apartment for a beer?" Randy asked. Jason felt his heart skip a beat. His mind played out scenarios of what might take place in a matter of moments as he struggled for a response. "I better not tonight."

"Oh, okay." Randy averted his eyes.

"But maybe we could walk over to that coffee house down the block and talk for a while. I mean, if you want."

Randy looked back up at him, "Yeah, that sounds good."

Over coffee Randy finally decided to put his cards on the table, "Listen, Jason, you know I'm gay right?"

"Um, no, but I kinda figured."

"So, you know I am interested in you. I mean, I think you are really hot, but, I'm getting mixed signals here."

Jason felt his face flush. "I, um, a," he stopped.

"Hey, its okay, if you aren't interested, its okay."

"No, it’s not that. I'm interested. It's just that... I..."

"Oh my God. You're not out, are you?" Randy's eyes grew wide.

Jason said nothing, just stared back.

"Well, I can keep a secret, you know."

Jason's eyes shifted away and his tongue poked out to nervously lick his lips. "I'm not even sure I'm gay."

"Oh.” Randy was taken back by this admission and suddenly felt bad for his flip comment. "Well, listen, why don't we go to my place, drink a beer and talk? I'm sure you could use a friend to talk to, right? I promise I won’t push you to do anything."

Jason's mind was telling him to run, to say 'No thank you' and go home to Sara, but despite what his brain was saying Jason nodded his head, "Yeah, okay."

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Once at Randy's apartment, Jason sat down on the sofa. Randy watched him from the kitchen, where he retrieved them each a beer, and thought Jason looked scared out of his head. He grabbed the beers and walked back to where his guest was sitting. "Here," he handed a beer to Jason.

"Thanks," Jason opened the bottle and took a long slow drink.

"So where are you from?" Randy sat down next to him on the sofa.

"North Platte. You?"

"Des Moines."

Jason took another long drink. "Your parents know you're gay?"

"Yeah."

"They okay with it?"

"Yeah, for the most part. Dad kinda freaked out at first, Mom's cool about it though. Dad's coming around."

Jason only nodded. He knew his dad would never 'come around'.

Then Randy leaned over and kissed him, catching Jason off guard. At first he didn't really respond, just let himself be kissed, feeling Randy's lips pressing his, Randy's warm tongue snaking into his mouth, tasting the beer on Randy's breath.

Jason sighed and then whimpered with desire into Randy's kiss. Hearing his own moan escaping his mouth seemed to wake Jason up to what was happening. Pulling back from Randy's kiss, Jason jumped up from the sofa. "I, um... I gotta go." He started for the door.

"Wait, Jason. It's okay. I'm sorry. Jason?" Randy watched as Jason fled the apartment.

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The next morning Jason was sitting in front of the television at his and Sara's apartment trying to forget what had happened the night before, when the phone rang. Sara had classes all morning; Jason's first class of the day wasn't for another hour and a half.

"Hello."

"Jason? Hey, it's Randy. I got your number from John. I hope that's okay, I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

John was the one that had introduced them the other night.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Sorry I freaked out."

"No, hey, I am the one that should be apologizing. So, um, I hope we’re still friends."

"Yeah, sure, friends," Jason smiled; he thought Randy was really sweet.

"Okay, well then, maybe we can catch a movie again sometime."

"Yeah, that would good."

"Okay, great. I'll see you around then," Randy sounded relieved.

"Okay, bye." Jason sat back down in front the TV, his mind replaying the kiss he and Randy had shared.

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The next evening Sara had a night class. Jason left their apartment about fifteen minutes after she did, leaving a note saying he was going to the library to study.

A half an hour later he was standing in front of Randy's apartment building wondering what the fuck he was doing. He was about to leave when he saw Randy walking up the street.

"Hey, Jason. What’s up?" Randy smiled warmly at him as he walked up carrying a bag of take out.

Jason shrugged, "I'm not sure, I guess I just wanted to say ‘Hi’."

"Well, come on in. I just picked up Chinese, I have plenty if you’re hungry."

Jason only nodded, then followed Randy into the building and up the stairs to his apartment.

Randy entered his apartment and continued on to the kitchen. "Come on in here. You want some of this cashew chicken? Or some fried rice?"

Jason followed him to the kitchen, walking up behind him as Randy was setting the cardboard containers on the table, the smell of the food filled his nostrils. Randy turned, surprised at Jason's close proximity; Jason pushed Randy against the table, kissing him hard. Randy pressed back into Jason's kiss, his hands reaching around to pull Jason to him. Jason's hand reached down, rubbing over the growing bulge in Randy's pants, causing Randy to moan.

Now is was Randy's turn to take things to the next level, as he reached up and began unbuttoning Jason's shirt and pushing it down off his shoulders. Jason broke the kiss, staring into Randy's eyes, his breathing ragged and his face flushed.

"Come on," Randy took his hand and led him to the bedroom, the food forgotten on the table.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Randy turned looking into Jason's eyes. Jason's answer was to press his lips back to Randy's with enough force that Randy had to take a step back to keep from falling over.

Randy's hands found the front of Jason's pants and undid his fly, then slid them down over his slender hips. Jason toed off his shoes and stepped out of his pants with out breaking contact with Randy's lips.

Randy took another step backwards, pulling Jason with him, then sat down on the bed as he maneuvered Jason to stand in front of him. He slid Jason's underwear down and licked the length of Jason's rigid cock. Jason gasped and his eyes drifted closed. Randy took his cock into his mouth and began to suck. Jason's heart was pounding in his chest so loud it echoed in his ears. "Wait," he pulled Randy's head back.

Randy looked up at him. "It's okay, Jason."

"No, I'm gonna cum."

"That is the point," Randy smiled. "It's okay, let's get the first one out of the way, then you can relax and enjoy yourself."

Jason allowed Randy to go back to work on his dick and in a matter of minutes he was crying out as he shot down Randy's throat. Randy sucked him dry, then pulled Jason down on the bed and slid in beside him. He quickly shed his clothes as Jason lay there watching him, recovering from his orgasm.

"Have you ever been with a man before?" Randy asked as he began kissing down Jason's neck and onto his chest.

"No."

Randy said no more, licking first one nipple then the other, then kissing down to his navel. His hand reached around and his finger began making lazy circles on the skin just under Jason's ball sack.

Jason's eyes drifted shut as he lost himself in the sensations, then flew open when he felt Randy's finger playing at his hole.

"Shh, just relax," Randy's voice was soothing.

Randy reached over to the nightstand and grabbed a tube out of the top drawer. He stood up on his knees and squirted some of its contents into his hand. "Here, this will help," he reached back down and began massaging the gel into Jason's hole. Jason moaned and bucked his hips up to give Randy better access.

Randy wondered how his guy could not know that he was gay. The guy was a natural bottom if he had ever seen one, but Randy kept his thoughts to himself; he could remember the fear and doubt he had seen in Jason's eyes the other night after the kiss.

"Put you legs up over my shoulders." Randy guided his legs up and then pulled out a condom Jason hadn't even been aware he had. Jason watched as Randy slid the condom over his own cock. "Okay, there will be a pinch at first. Just try to relax and breath until it passes, then things will start to feel good."

Jason nodded, trying to not tense up as he felt Randy's dick pressing at the entrance of his hole.

"That's it, just breath," Randy pushed in feeling the warmth engulf his cock.

"Ahhh!" Jason cried out, his anus clamping down and his breathing becoming ragged.

"Shh, shh. It's okay, just breathe," Randy leaned over and began kissing him while stroking Jason's dick. "Shh, just relax. You feel so incredible."

Jason could feel his muscles start to relax and his body stretch to accommodate Randy buried inside him. Randy felt it too and began moving slightly, starting a slow thrust in then pulling almost completely out only to slide in again. "Yeah, that's it. Feeling better now, isn't it?" Randy purred in his ear.

Jason was now totally lost in the sensations. He moaned again and reached his hand up to feel the smooth skin of Randy's chest. His other hand slid over Randy's shoulder and felt the muscles in his arm.

"You feel so amazing," Randy moaned as he said the words. Jason could feel the light sheen of sweat breaking out on Randy’s skin as he ran his fingers over his back and then over his chest again.

Randy could feel the tingle starting in his sack. He reached down and took Jason's cock in his hand and began stroking it. He watched as Jason's eyes drifted shut and mouth fell open. "That's it. Come for me," Randy could feel Jason’s dick growing impossible hard as he drew closer to his release.

"Ahhh," he long moan escaped Jason's lips as he let his body succumb to the pleasure. Randy felt his anus clamping down and let himself give into his own orgasm.

He collapsed onto Jason, pinning him to the mattress. After resting a few moments to get his breathing back under control he reached down and took hold of the condom as he pulled out of Jason. Jason watched as Randy tied off the condom and tossed it into the trashcan next to the bed.

Randy's eyes were then on him, watching him guardedly, not sure what Jason's reaction would be now. Jason only sighed and rolled closer to Randy, leaned up and planted a kiss on Randy's lips, then laid his head back down on the pillow, letting his eyes drift shut.

A few minutes later, he opened his eyes and watched Randy, lying next to him, peacefully drifting off to sleep. He watched the rise and fall of his chest, the way the features of his face softened, the way his hair fell softly around his eyes. After he thought Randy was sleeping soundly he realized that it was past time for him to get dressed and go home; Sara would be done with her class and wondering why he was at the library so long. Jason rolled over and sat up on the side of the bed.

"Where are you going?" Randy's voice was raspy, but he obviously wasn't asleep, as Jason had thought.

"Um... Home."

"Not yet, we aren't finished."

Jason turned his head, facing Randy, "We aren't?"

"Nope, we don't know if you are a top or a bottom yet," Randy smiled mischievously.

Jason furrowed his brow, "A what or a what?"

"Oh my God. You don't even know what that means," Randy's laughter was warm, not mocking. He found Jason's innocence to be very endearing. "Okay, we are most definitely not finished yet. C'mere." He took Jason's hand and pulled him down on the bed and began kissing him all over again.

Randy reached for the lube on the nightstand again, but this time he handed it to Jason. "Put some of this on your fingers and use it to open me up."

Jason squirted the cool gel in his palm and then rubbed it on his hand. Randy guided his hand to spread the lube on Randy's anus. "Slid your finger in," he whispered as Jason's finger passed over his hole.

Jason watched as Randy's eyes drifted shut as he probed his index finger inside.

"Add another."

Jason complied, feeling himself growing hard as Randy moaned.

"Grab a condom over there and put it on." Randy rolled over onto his stomach and pulled his knees up under him as Jason found the condom supply and quickly donned one. He moved around behind Randy and positioned himself at Randy's entrance. Randy's hand reached around grabbing hold of Jason's ass, pulling him in close, "Go ahead, push it in me."

Jason pushed in, relishing how tight and warm Randy was. A low moan escaped his throat. He started to pull back out again.

"Wait," Randy reached back, pulling him in tight, "Give me a minute to adjust."

Jason remembered Randy waiting for him to relax when they had been in opposite positions earlier. "Sorry."

"S'okay."

Jason could feel Randy shutter beneath him, then he felt Randy pushing back. "Okay, I'm ready, fuck me, Jason."

Jason began thrusting in and out of Randy's tight hole, listening to Randy's moans and whimpers. Days later he would think about all the ways it was different from being with Sara. Sara was gentle and soft, this was needy and rough, but right now he just let himself feel the sensations—the thinking would come later.

Randy began to stroke himself as Jason hung on to Randy's hips and thrust in and out.

"Lean down over my back."

Jason opened his eyes, then leaning forward, moving his hand up on the mattress beside Randy's shoulders. "Like this?"

"Ahhh, yeah," Randy eyes fluttered shut and Jason's cock rubbed over his prostate. "Oh fuck me, Jason."

Jason picked up the pace and suddenly he heard Randy cry out and felt Randy's ass clamp down hard on him. He honestly didn't think he had ever felt anything so good. His orgasm took him by surprise as he felt Randy quivering underneath him.

Later he lay watching Randy sleep again and this time when he rose from the bed, Randy did not stir.

Jason placed all the containers from the kitchen table into the refrigerator then silently left the apartment, the door locking behind him.

In his car, he realized there was no way we could look into Sara's trusting eyes, not yet anyway. He drove around aimlessly for hours. When he finally entered their apartment he was relieved to find Sara already in their bed asleep.

Jason took a long hot shower, trying to wash the guilt down the drain, until the water began to run cold. Sara found him the next morning curled up on the sofa, the TV still on.

"Jason, wake up. You’re going to be late for class if you don't get up soon."

Jason's eyes fluttered open, confused at first, then realizing he had fallen asleep watching an old movie the night before.

"You okay?" Sara watched him from the kitchen, where she was making coffee.

"Yeah, fine. Why?"

"You usually only fall asleep in front of the TV if something is bothering you."

"Oh," she knew him too well, "No, I just didn't want to wake you when I got home."

She knew that was bullshit, but decided to let it go for now. Jason stood up, stretched and headed to the bathroom. A few minutes later, she heard the water in the shower running. She went on about cooking them a light breakfast of eggs and toast. The phone began to ring just as she heard the shower turn off.

"Hello?"

"Um, is Jason there?"

"Yeah, sure, hang on," she laid the receiver down. "Jason, phone," she shouted to the bathroom door. Moments later Jason appeared wrapped in a towel, water still dripping from his hair.

He picked up the receiver she had left laying on the counter and watched as she began buttering the toast in the kitchen. "Hello?"

"Jason, hey. It's Randy. Why did you bug out last night? Are you okay?"

"Oh, Randy. Yeah, I'm fine." He looked up at Sara; she was watching him from the kitchen table. "Yeah, I can let you borrow that book. How about I bring it by after class?"

"Book? Class? What are you talking about? This is Randy, Jason. You know, from last night?"

"Yep, that would be fine. So I'll see you later, say around two?"

"Somebody’s there, right? You can’t talk?"

"Yes. Will that work for you?"

"Sure. I'll be here." Randy was beginning to realize that whoever answered Jason's phone was someone Jason didn't want to know about him.

"Okay, see you then," Jason hung up the phone and retreated back to the bathroom. Sara watched from the table, wondering what the fuck was going on with her boyfriend. She knew from experience that it would do no good to pry. Jason would tell her what was going on when he was ready, and not before.

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After Jason’s last class of the day, he made his way over to Randy's apartment, wondering just what the hell he was going to say.

Randy started in on him as soon as he let him in the door, "You have a girlfriend. Not only are you not out, you have a girlfriend?"

Jason stood, leaning against the door, no words coming from his lips. There was nothing to say.

Randy shook his head, "She probably has no idea, does she? Do you plan to tell her?"

Jason looked down, no longer able to meet Randy's eyes, he could not imagine telling Sara about what had happened between him and Randy.

"Well, I won't be your tawdry affair. I won't be the other woman. I can handle you not being out publicly, but not sneaking around behind someone's back, someone who thinks you love them. Who probably loves you."

Jason still said nothing, not moving from his place by the door.

Randy seemed to run out of steam, he sat down on the chair looking over at Jason. "Listen, Jason, I don't mean to queen out on you, but I thought I felt a connection with you last night. I think you felt it too, but I can't do this. If you want to be with me you have to at least break it off with your girlfriend first... So, you decide how you want it, but if you can't tell her it’s over, then don't come back okay?"

"..."

"Jason? Come on, say something."

Jason pulled himself up from leaning on the door, he sighed heavily and nodded his head. Then without a word, he turned and left the apartment.

That night Jason was subdued as he and Sara sat on the sofa watching TV. "You okay?" she asked again during a commercial break.

"Yeah," he knew she could tell something was up, "I'm just kinda down today. I'm okay though, really."

Sara nodded, "You know I’m here for you. If you need me, I'm here."

Jason reached over and squeezed her hand. "I know."

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As hard as Jason tried, he couldn't seem to put Randy out of his head. By Thursday night, when Sara again had a night class, he was close to driving himself crazy. He was out of their apartment within minutes of Sara's departure.

Randy was sitting at his desk doing an assignment for class the next day when he heard the buzzer. "Yeah."

"Randy, it's me," Jason wasn't sure what to expect, but felt relief when the door buzzed enabling him to open it.

Randy’s door was ajar when he reached it, “Hello?”

“Come on in.”

Jason walked in to see Randy sitting on the sofa, wearing only a pair of sweats. “I couldn’t stay away.”

Randy only nodded. Jason approached him, afraid of Randy’s rejection. He stood tentatively in front of the sofa looking down at the other man. Randy sighed, reaching up his hand to grab onto Jason and pull him down to sit beside him, “Did you tell her?”

Jason looked down at his hands in his lap. “No,” he whispered.

“You aren’t going to, are you?”

“No, I can’t.”

Randy nodded and fell quiet. The words came out finally, “You have to go.”

“But why?”

“Because Jason, I can’t do this. I told you that. I may be a queer, but I’m an honest one, at least. I can’t set myself up to be hurt like you would hurt me.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Oh yes I do. You will. Things will be fine until we graduate, we’ll sneak around and I will fall in love with you, then you’ll marry her and I will be some dirty secret from your past. Don’t you see? I can’t do that to myself. I deserve better than that.”

Jason could feel the tears welling up behind his eyes, the pressure from them cutting off his ability to talk.

“Please, Jason. Just go,” Randy’s voice cracked as he spoke.

Without another word between them Jason walked out of the apartment and back to his life with Sara.

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For the next few months, Jason, racked with guilt, showered Sara with gifts and attention. He renewed his promise to himself to overcome his desire for men. Sara was good to him, she was pretty, smart, funny and loving. They were friends and he did love her, even if he knew he wasn’t in love with her. He could do so much worse than to spend his life with Sara. He would see Randy around campus now and then; they would pretend they hadn’t met.

After graduation, Jason was offered a job with an advertising firm in Boston. He came home from the interview and proposed to Sara. They were married at a small, intimate ceremony in North Platte before moving to the east coast. Sara quickly found work as an assistant teacher in a Boston elementary school.

Their life there was fairly typical. If Sara noticed anything unusual in their marriage she never complained. Jason occasionally gave in to his desires and sought the company of men, but it was well hidden from his wife. If their sex life had waned over the years, well, whose hadn’t? Besides, there is more to a marriage than sex. They were the best of friends; they enjoyed each other’s company and had similar tastes in movies, books, and music. They spent vacations in the mountains skiing and weekends on the beach.

They lived in Boston for six years while Jason excelled at his firm. He was then offered a job with a firm in New York City as an advertising executive. After long talks with Sara about their future, they decided he should accept the position. The increase in his salary would be enough that Sara wouldn’t have to find work right away. She would be able to take her time and find a district in which she wanted to teach. Or maybe she could tutor or find work with special needs children, which had always been her dream.

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His senior year of college Kyle met and fell in love with Todd. Todd was an aspiring actor who quickly took over Kyle’s heart as well as his life. He was five years older then Kyle and was just starting to land a few small roles in some off Broadway plays. They met one night at a club. Kyle noticed him from across the dance floor. Todd was tall and lean, with a runner’s build. He had dark hair and a dark complexion, in complete contrast to his piercing blue eyes.

“Hey,” Kyle approached him from behind as Todd stood at the bar, ordering another drink. He turned and let his eyes roam up and down Kyle’s physique.

“Hey, yourself.”

Todd took him home that night, and Kyle never bothered to leave. He moved out of the dorm and into Todd’s cramped apartment within a month of their meeting.

Kyle graduated with a degree in advertising and landed a job in a small firm in the city. Todd was between acting jobs so Kyle’s new income kept them afloat. While Kyle’s career in the firm flourished, Todd’s acting roles had become sporadic at best. He began to resent Kyle’s success. Kyle babied Todd’s ego and down played his own achievements.

In Kyle’s eyes, they were happy and he thought it was just a rough patch until Todd’s career would begin to take off again. Kyle thought Todd was incredibly talented; it was only a matter of time until he made it big. And even if his big break never came, Kyle knew that he and Todd could be happy. So when Todd started staying out late with friends and making excuses for Kyle not to come along, Kyle chalked it up to being in a bad mood over not getting the latest part he was up for. He tried to step back and let Todd have some space to work out his frustration over his career, or lack thereof.

They had been together almost five years when Kyle came home and found Todd in their bed with another guy. Saying nothing, Kyle walked to the closet and pulled out a suitcase.

“Kyle?” Todd was still in bed, while his latest conquest was busy looking for his clothes.

Kyle silently walked over to their dresser and began throwing in his underwear and socks.

“Kyle, say something.”

He strode back over to the closet, taking out a few shirts and pants.

“Shit, Kyle. Don’t do this. Don’t just walk out.”

They both heard the door slam as Todd’s trick fled the apartment. Kyle turned and walked into the bathroom, gathering up his razor and shampoo. Todd followed him, “Kyle?”

Finally Kyle stopped. He turned and looked Todd in the eyes, looking for the answer to his question, why? Not finding the answer he was looking for, he pushed by and walked out the apartment door, leaving Todd standing behind, begging him to stay.

When his cell phone began to ring, he reached down and turned it off without even looking to see whom the call was from. It was Todd, and he had nothing to say, nothing Kyle wanted to hear. He checked into a local fleabag motel a few blocks away, sighing as he walked into the depressing little room. He flopped down on the bed and finally let the tears come.

The next morning Todd called him at his office and begged for his forgiveness. Kyle relented and went back home that day. A few weeks later Kyle came home to find Todd and his things gone. There was a note on the kitchen counter telling Kyle where to forward his mail. It seemed Todd had moved in with his new boyfriend.

Kyle’s mother, Melissa, tried to console her son. He always seemed to be attracted to the wrong men. Maybe he had learned that from her, she hadn’t had much better luck in love.

Kyle’s pain and hurt hardened him. Now bitter and through with love and romance, he threw himself into his job and in a short while, he climbed to the top of the ladder in his small firm. It was time to find himself a taller ladder.

He heard an opening for an ad exec’s assistant. It was a step backwards, but in a major firm. So many more doors would be open to him there. He made the decision to apply.