Shameful - 6. Chapter 6

Cool these engines

Calm these jets

I ask you how hot can it get

And as you wipe of beads of sweat

Slowly you say “I’m not there yet!”

Secret, Maroon 5

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The sound of the alarm buzzing pulled Kyle from his slumber. When he opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was Jason’s sleeping form next to him. The noisy buzzing hadn’t even caused him to stir. Kyle reached over his body and switched off the alarm. He lay there a few minutes recalling the night before. ‘Fuck. I just fucked my boss. My quasi-straight, married boss. I am so fucked.’

He let his eyes travel over to the sleeping body next to him. Noting the tent in the sheet he decided that since he was screwed anyway, he might as well make the best of it.

Jason awoke with a gasp as he felt his dick inside the warm, wet recesses of Kyle’s mouth. He reached his arms down and pulled Kyle up to his face. “I want you inside me.”

Kyle’s low moan said it all as he reached over, grabbing a condom and lube, handing the condom to Jason while squirting some of the lube into his hand to warm it up before using it to prepare his new lover.

Their lovemaking was heated and urgent and neither man lasted long. Afterward they lay in each other’s arms, enjoying a few moments before having to face the ‘real’ world again.

“I wish you were staying here today,” Jason finally broke the silence.

“Yeah, me too.”

“I want to see you this weekend.”

Kyle sighed. “Listen Jason, I don’t think I can handle hanging out with you and Sara anymore.”

“Who said anything about Sara? And I agree I can’t be around you in front of her. She has always been able to see right through me. No, I want to see you this weekend, just me and you.”

“Oh… When?”

“I don’t know; I’ll have to see. I’ll call you.”

“Yeah, okay.” Kyle could not believe he was saying this. What did he think he was doing? Was he supposed to sit by the phone all weekend waiting for Jason to get away from his wife? “You know you really should tell her.”

“Yeah, I know. I will too. I’m just not sure how.”

Kyle nodded, as much as he wanted to, he didn’t feel he should push it. Coming out was a very private decision. One Jason needed to make because he was ready, not because it was what Kyle wanted him to do. “We better get going. I have a plane to catch and you have a meeting to attend.”

Now it was Jason that sighed, “Yeah, but I wish we could just stay here. This is nice.”

Kyle smiled sweetly at him as he bent over to give him a slow gentle kiss; then pulling away, he got up from the bed and turned back to Jason. “Yes, but we can’t. Come on, out of bed.” He grinned and turned to head for the bathroom.

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Jason was almost to the Sun Fresh offices when the idea struck him. He picked up his cell and dialed the number for the airlines, asking if he could bump up his flight tomorrow morning to one this evening. He could surprise Kyle and stay with him at his apartment tonight. Sara would still think he was in Rochester. But, alas, the only seats available were on a flight that left Rochester at two in the morning. That would be too late or too early, whichever way you wanted to look at it. He would be stuck in Rochester alone tonight after all.

He was just putting his cell in his pocket when it rang. He hit the answer button without even bothering to look to see whom it was.

“This is Jason.”

“Jason? Are you okay? I thought you were going to call me.”

He could tell she was doing her best to keep her anger in check. “Oh, shit. Sara, I’m sorry. I guess I just got busy. I’m sorry.”

He could hear her sigh. “I was starting to worry is all. Did you get the account?”

“Yeah we did. I’m on my way to finish up the details right now.”

“So you’ll be home tomorrow then?”

“Yep, I fly out tomorrow morning, but I’ll have to be at the office the rest of the day. I’ll see you for dinner.”

“Okay, good. Well, um, I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“Yeah, bye.”

“Jason?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

He closed his eyes. Shit, this was going to be hard. “I love you too Sara.”

How was he going to get through this? How was he going to tell her everything about their marriage was a lie? He did love her, but not in the way she loved him; not in the way she wanted him to love her. Fuck.

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The flight back to New York was a time for reflection for Kyle. What the fuck was he doing? This guy was so far in the closet he couldn’t even begin to find his way out. Jason did seem to be coming to terms with his sexual orientation. But still, did Kyle really want to take on the guy and all his baggage? Plus, he really liked Sara. He felt they were becoming friends, and here he was banging her husband. How could he ever face her again? And then there was the issue of his job, his career. No, this probably wasn’t one of Kyle’s smartest moves. But damn, he couldn’t help but smile remembering the night before.

Once back in the office, he got caught up in all the busy work left on his desk after being gone for two days. There were dozens of phone calls to return, a few mock-ups to go over, make changes to, and send back to the art department. His meeting with the client that afternoon went smoothly and he was back at his desk a few hours later when Jason called.

“Just wanted to make sure you got back okay.” Yeah, it was lame, but he couldn’t tell Kyle he needed to hear his voice; that he couldn’t get the night before out of his mind, or the silly smile off his face.

Kyle chuckled, seeing through to the true meaning of Jason’s call. “Yep, made it back all by myself.”

“Smartass.”

“How did it go with Sun Fresh today?”

“Good. How about you with Anderson Accounting?”

“Good.”

“Good.”

Silence for a moment then they both burst out laughing at their own awkwardness.

“Kyle, I,” Jason paused, “I really enjoyed last night.”

Kyle waited. “But?”

“No ‘but’. I really enjoyed it, and I want to see you again.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Do you?”

“Do I what?”

“Want to see me?”

“Yeah. Against my better judgment, yes.”

“I’m going to tell her. I don’t know how, but I know I can’t live like this anymore.”

Kyle was silent again, then finally spoke, “Jason I don’t think we should have this conversation now.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Yeah, later.”

Kyle sat there with the receiver in his hand for another couple of minutes. Shit. He knew better than to get involved like this. But shit. He was a goner.

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Later that evening Jason was sitting in his hotel room. He had taken a shower and was now propped up on the bed flipping through the channels on the television. None of the programming could hold his interest; his mind kept going back to Kyle and the things they had done the night before. He couldn’t remember ever feeling that way. Even with Randy in college, it had never been like that; never been that intense.

Finally not able to resist the temptation any longer he reached for his cell phone and pushed in the numbers.

“Hello?”

“What are you doing?”

“Hi, Jason. I’m sitting on the couch, sipping a beer, and watching TV.”

Jason felt his body warm at the sound of Kyle’s voice. “Let’s see. I bet you are wearing an old pair of jeans and a tee shirt that’s two sizes too small.”

Kyle laughed, “It’s not too small. What are you doing?”

“Sitting in this hotel room wishing you were here.”

“Yeah?”

“I tried to get a flight out tonight to surprise you, but there were no seats available.”

Kyle felt his heart do a flip. Did he hear that right? Jason was going to drop by unannounced and surprise him? After one night he thought he could just stop by whenever? Okay, they would need to talk about that. “You were, huh?” Then Kyle realized he was disappointed to hear the plan failed. Shit, he really was a goner, and after only one night.

“So I guess we’ll just have to do the next best thing,” Jason’s voice had turned rough and filled with lust.

“Yeah? What’s that?”

“I am laying in bed naked, touching myself while I think of you.”

Kyle felt his dick spring to attention, “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” it was a rough whisper.

Kyle made quick work of the buttons on his fly, reaching in and grabbing his weeping cock. “Tell me more.”

“I’m pretending it’s your hand.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, and your lips are kissing me, licking my nipples. Kissing my lips.”

“And my finger is playing with your hole.”

The only sound coming through the receiver was a low moan. Kyle could tell Jason was close, and another moan like that and he would be done for too.

“Your dick is so hard. I take it in my mouth and begin sucking.”

Another low moan.

“I take it all the way down my throat; then I swallow around it.”

“Oh fuck, Kyle,” Jason hissed, then Kyle could hear him cry out as he came. That sound alone was enough to push Kyle over the edge into his own orgasm.

After they got their breathing back under control Jason finally spoke again. “Wow.”

Kyle chuckled. “Uh, yeah, wow.”

“I want to see you tomorrow.”

“You will. I’ll be at the office when you get back.”

“That’s not what I mean.”

“Oh.”

“How about we meet at your apartment for lunch?”

Kyle smiled. “I’m afraid I don’t have anything to feed you,” he said playfully.

“I guess I’ll just have to make do.”

“See you tomorrow then.”

“Yeah.”

“Later.”

“Later.”

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The next morning Kyle was sitting at his desk looking over an ad campaign they were getting ready to run next month for a local pizza place. He was so engrossed in his work that he didn’t notice Jason enter his office until he heard the door close. He looked up to see the blond standing there, leaning against the closed door, and staring directly at him.

“Jason.” He lay the folder he was looking through down on his desk. “You’re back.”

Jason smiled, “Yeah, so what time is lunch?”

Kyle leaned forward and flipped open his day planner lying on his desk. He scanned over the page with his finger, acting as if he wasn’t sure what he had on his agenda that day, as if he hadn’t already not only planned what time they would meet, but what they would do. “Um, how does twelve-thirty sound?”

“Twelve-thirty sounds fine. See you then.” Jason turned to leave.

“Hey, Jason?”

“Yeah?”

Kyle smiled. “Nothing. Just glad you’re back.”

Jason smiled back then turned to go back to his office and the tons of work that had piled up while he had been out of town.

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“Do you think we are going to hell?”

That brought Kyle out of his thoughts. They were lying in Kyle’s bed, cuddled up together enjoying a little post coital glow when Jason had uttered the question. “Probably, but not for this.” He sighed and started again, “Are you trying to ask me if I think homosexuality is morally wrong? A mental defect? No, I don’t think it is.”

“But it says in the bible,” Jason started.

“It says a lot of things in the bible and most of them no one pays any attention to anymore. It’s just a way for the zealots to justify their hate. This is the way I was made, I can’t be anything else, how can that be wrong or a sin?”

“But if you use that line of thinking that could be said about a lot of things. I mean a pedophile could say ‘I can’t help it, it’s just that way I was made.’”

Kyle huffed. “That is sick Jason. How can you compare what two consenting adults do to what some sicko does to helpless victims?”

“But some do. Some people do think we are sicko perverts that have mental defects.”

“Only because they fear what they don’t understand. Does this feel wrong to you?” Kyle asked as he rolled over pulling Jason closer to his naked body.

“No, it doesn’t,” Jason, whispered in response.

“Because it’s not wrong. It’s not wrong to love, to be loved.” He kissed the blond tenderly on the forehead. “Don’t let anyone tell you different.”

“I want to see you tomorrow. I’ll tell Sara I have to get some work done at the office and come over here. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, but what if she calls the office?”

“She won’t. And even if she does, I’ll just tell her I wasn’t answering the phone since the office was closed. But she won’t call.”

“Okay, so what time?”

“One?”

“I’ll be here.”

Jason sat up and began redressing. They both needed to get back to work. “I’m going to tell her this weekend.”

Kyle eyed him for a few moments. “How do you think she’ll take it?”

Jason stopped his movements and turned to look at Kyle. “She’ll be hurt, angry; probably devastated. Why?”

“I just want you to be prepared for the consequences. I want to make sure that you thought this through.”

“Are you trying to tell me to wait?”

“No, she should know. But I don’t want you to pretend it will be easy.”

Jason snorted, “Easy? Yeah, that is just what I think it will be.”

“Jason, that’s not what I meant.” Kyle rose to his feet and embraced his lover. Christ, they were lovers. The thought made him freeze for a moment.

He felt Jason soften in his arms. “Yeah, I know. You just don’t want me to make it worse that it already is.”

Kyle pulled back to look Jason in the eye. “No, I just want you to think it through know what you are facing and have a plan as to what you will do once she knows.”

Jason nodded, “We better get back.”

“Yeah,” Kyle sighed.

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“Jason!” Sara squealed as he walked in the door that evening. She ran over and threw her arms around him. “I’m so glad you’re home.”

“Hi, Sara.” He hugged her back.

“You hungry?”

“Yeah, and beat. I just want a shower, some food and a bed, in that order.” He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.

“Well, go take a long hot shower while I cook you some dinner then.”

Over dinner, she quizzed him over the new account and how his trip had gone. He seemed happier and more relaxed, even if he wouldn’t talk much about the trip to Rochester.

“I’m going to have to go into the office for a few hours tomorrow afternoon.”

She looked up at him. “You are?” She couldn’t hide her disappointment. “I was hoping we could do something this weekend.”

“We can, just not Saturday afternoon. What did you want to do?”

“I don’t know; maybe a movie, or dinner out?”

“Okay, tomorrow evening we’ll go out. Okay?”

She smiled at him. “Yeah, that would be great.”

Jason took a sip of his wine and thought to himself, ‘Then I’ll break her heart on Sunday, what a guy.’

After dinner, Jason went into the den to watch a little TV while Sara straightened up the kitchen. When she peeked in on him a few minutes later, he was asleep in the recliner with the television blaring and the newspaper lying in his lap. She stood and watched him for a while. He seemed happier this evening; more like his old self. Maybe it had all been pressure from work and maybe now he would be able to relax and they could reconnect again. Maybe.