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63 Getting There!

About Mellicat

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  1. Mellicat

    Chapter 1

    Nothing turned Jason on like money- especially when it was his. Every time he closed a big deal or saw one of the stocks he owned take a big jump, his dick got hard. For him making money was the definitive aphrodisiac. His ultimate fantasy was to make love on a bed covered with hundred dollar bills, like the scene in the movie Studio 54. So when he actually had the opportunity to fulfill his fantasy he leapt at the chance. One of the stocks he owned had doubled and suddenly he was flush with money, so why not? He withdrew the funds, promising himself that he would be depositing them back the next day. So what if he had to go with fifties instead of hundreds in order to have enough bills. He took the cash home and began spreading the bills across his bed, then he lit a few candles and picked up the phone. “Hey, come over,” he asked his boyfriend. “I want you.” Jon lived in the same building, they had been seeing each other for just over a year now, and lately Jason had been thinking of asking Jon to move in. “Knock, knock,” Jon called out as he let himself into the apartment. “In here,” Jason called from the bedroom. “What’s up?” Jon stood in the doorway of the bedroom, watching his boyfriend lying on the bed drinking from a flute of champagne. “Besides the obvious?” “I finally did it,” Jason said, picking up the other flute from the nightstand to hand to Jon. “Did what?” “One of my stocks split.” “And that’s a good thing?” Jon asked. He was pretty, but when it came to money and finances, well, that wasn’t where his talent lay. “Oh yeah, that is a very good thing,” Jason smiled at him. Jon smiled back, “So you’re going to fuck me on a bed covered with cash?” “Yeah.” Jon walked over to the bed and pulled Jason up into his arms. “Sounds hot.” Jon’s lips met Jason’s as they began a slow sensual kiss. Their hands roaming over hard bodies, unfastening buttons, unzipping zippers, pushing and pulling until both were naked and hard. “Lay back,” Jon said once the clothes were shed, then he crawled up over Jason and resumed their kiss. He grabbed the bottle of lube on the nightstand and poured some in his hand, then reached down and began stroking Jason’s cock, slicking it up with the cool liquid. “I want to suck you,” Jason whispered, rolling Jon over onto his back and sliding down to take Jon’s cock between his lips. “Mmmm,” Jon sighed as he felt his dick slide into the warm wet mouth. He ran his hand down Jason’s back. “You have money stuck to you,” he said, brushing it off, back onto the bed. Jason pulled off of Jon’s dick, “What can I say, money sticks to me like glue,” he said with a smile. “Oh, don’t you wish,” Jon chuckled. Jason’s attention went back to Jon’s dick, taking it back into his mouth and sliding it down over his tongue until it reached the back of his throat. “Ah,” Jon moaned, feeling Jason’s throat swallow around him. “Oh God, that feels so good.” Jason buried his nose in his lover’s pubes, loving the smell of him mixed with the smell of the cash they lay on. Jon felt his balls tighten, “Jason, I don’t want to come yet, I want you in me,” he said, pulling Jason’s head from his cock. “I want to feel you from the inside.” Jon put his legs up over Jason’s shoulders as Jason moved up over his lover. “Put it in me, baby,” he whispered. Jason pushed in, watching his lover’s face as he did. The grimace at the initial pinch and then the look of bliss that washed over his features as the pain gave way to pleasure. “Oh Jon, you feel so good.” He began thrusting in and out, their bodies joined as one. Jon reached between them to take hold of his dick, pumping it in rhythm with Jason’s movements. “I’m not going to last much longer,” Jon said. “That’s okay, we have all night,” was Jason’s reply as he continued pumping his dick into the warm ass of his lover. “We can make love over and over.” “Ah,” Jon moaned as his orgasm took him. Jason’s release was not long behind as he felt his lover’s ass clamp down around him. Both men lay together trying to catch their breath. “Jason?” “Yeah?” “We have cum, sweat, and money stuck to us. Not a good combination.” “Oh yeah? I think it’s a great combination. But we will need to clean the money off before I take it back to the bank.” “Gives a whole new meaning to the words ‘money laundering’, doesn’t it?” Jon laughed.
  2. Mellicat

    Chapter 1

    My boyfriend loves to have sex in public. He loves the idea of being watched, but even more he likes to watch other couples. Not the cheesy scenes in the typical porn movie, but real men having real sex. He loves going to smoky night clubs, drinking a few drinks, dancing to a few songs, and then going to the back room and letting me suck him off while he watches all the men in various acts of sex. His favorite to watch is frot, or dick-to-dick action. He loves watching two guys doing the cock rub while his dick is buried deep in my ass. Last Saturday night was particularly hot. We had gone out to our usual club, which is always packed with hot guys; that night was no different. We sat at the bar and downed a few shots while checking out the numbers on the dance floor. One couple caught our eyes. They were both tall and lean, one with fair hair and skin; the other was dark skinned with long gorgeous dreadlocks. Their contrast was only made hotter by their sensual dancing. We watched them for a while, or rather my boyfriend watched them. I preferred to keep my gaze on him as he observed them. Finally, he took my hand. “Let’s go cut a rug,” he said. That has always been his less than flattering way of asking me to dance. We took to the floor and he led me over close to our favorite couple. He pulled me close to him and began grinding his body into mine. I didn’t have to look to know whom he was watching. “Maybe they’ll go to the back room,” I said in his ear. “Maybe we’ll follow them if they do.” We continued dancing, our bodies getting hot and sweaty in the process. I glanced over at our couple and saw that the dark one had shed his shirt. His dark skin taught over his muscular frame. The blond beauty was still wrapped tightly in his arms. “They are a pretty sight,” my boyfriend remarked. “Oh yeah, they most certainly are. Do you think they know we are infatuated with them?” “Hmm, maybe. Maybe they think it’s hot,” he said with a wink. The thumpa-thumpa gave way to something a little slower and our pretty couple left the dance floor, making their way to the back room. “Come on,” my boyfriend took my hand and pulled me with him, following their path. In the backroom the smell of sweat and testosterone filled my nostrils. The lights were dim, just enough to make out the hard bodies. I saw our boys standing in the corner, their lips together, their hand roaming each other’s bodies. My boyfriend positioned up so that we both had a good view as he pulled me to him from behind. He wanted me to watch the show while he rode my ass. I was more than willing. I watched as the dark skinned beauty pushed down the jeans of his lover, freeing his cock. His blond boyfriend did the same so that both men stood with their exposed dicks touching. Both had already shed their shirts on the dance floor. My lover had pushed my pants down as well. He was applying the lube to my hole, then a finger; opening me up, stretching me for his dick. The two lovers stood face to face; their kissing grew more intense, more urgent. The blond one’s hands roamed over the muscles of his lover’s back. I felt the pinch, as my boyfriend slid into me, just past my first ring of muscles. He stopped there, letting me adjust. I closed my eyes and focused on relaxing, on the feel of him inside me. When I was ready for more, I pushed back onto him, letting him slide the rest of the way in. When I opened my eyes I saw that our boys had stepped things up too. They continued their lovemaking as if no one else was in the room. I don’t think right then they were aware that anyone else was even on the same planet. The dark one had reached down and had both of their cocks in his powerful hand. He was stoking them together, sliding his hand up and down, as the tender skin of their heads rubbed together. Again I marveled at the contrast of their skin and how beautiful they were together; so light, so dark. My lover was watching them too and I could feel his excitement grow with theirs. His breath in my ear grew heavier, his fingers on my waist gripped tighter. The fair one broke from the kiss; his head tilting back, his eyes closed, lips parted, obliviously in a state of bliss. His lover leaned into him, whispering something in his ear. Whatever he said, it was enough for the blond. He let out a cry as his orgasm erupted. The milking white spunk shooting up onto his lover’s dark chest, and running back down over their cocks and the fingers of his lover’s hand. I continued to watch as the dark beauty continued to pump their cocks, bringing on his own climax. I knew I wasn’t far from reaching mine and I could feel my boyfriend’s dick grow bigger inside me as he was close too. I felt my lover’s teeth on my shoulder, biting that tender spot with just enough pressure to send me to my release. My knees grew weak as I pumped my dick and felt the warm jiz hit my chest. I heard my lover moan as he also reached his goal. The two men we had been watching finally turned and looked at us. The both smiled and the blond raised an eyebrow, as if to say ‘did you enjoy the show?’ What can I say? My boyfriend likes to watch.
  3. Mellicat


    An apartment with a view.
  4. Mellicat

    Chapter 1

    I've never been much of a country guy. I'll take the city any day. All that fresh air bullshit never did much for me. So when my roommate asked me to come with him for a weekend retreat to a friend's ranch, I thought he was crazy. "Come on, it'll be fun," he said. "What? Stepping in cow shit?" "So, watch where you walk. Besides there will be cute guys there." That got my attention. "There will?" "Yeah, this is an annual thing that Terry and Brian have. They invite a bunch of their friends out and we enjoy a weekend in the country. There are usually ten to fifteen of us." "Their place is that big?" "Yeah, well, it's more like a slumber party than a bed and breakfast, but yeah, their place is pretty big. Come on, you'll have fun." "I'd settle for just getting laid," I answered. "That too." So Friday night after work, we loaded up and headed out of town. It was only about an hour's drive, but the last twenty minutes or so was on a lonely winding dirt road. "Are you sure we're not lost?" I asked. My roommate just chuckled and shook his head. Finally we pulled into the driveway of a huge white farmhouse, just like you see in pictures. There was a big red barn over to the left and a metal building that served as a garage for their vehicles. I noted the cows in the pasture on the other side of the house and vowed if I did step in cow shit someone would never hear the end of it. Three big dogs came running from behind the house to greet us, or eat us, I wasn't sure. There were chickens and a couple of geese in the yard and more than a few cats on the porch. "Are you sure these people are gay?" I had to ask. "Terry and Brian? Yeah, they've been together for going on seven years now. Isn't this place beautiful? Come on, I'll introduce you and then show you around." "What about the dogs?" "Oh that’s just Blue, Cy and Topper. They won't bite. Come on." We got out of the car and made our way up the walk to the house. Before we even reached the porch the screen door opened and Terry or maybe it was Brian appeared. I had never met either of them, but I recognized this guy from pictures my roommate had shown me. They both were decent looking; nothing to write home about, but nice enough that if you saw one of them in a singles bar you'd at least consider hitting on him. "Andy, you're finally here. We were starting to worry," Terry, or maybe Brian, said. "Brian, I'd like you to meet my roommate, Dylan. Dylan this is Brian." I sat my suitcase down and extended my hand. "Nice to meet you." "The pleasure is mine. Make yourself at home." His smile was sincere. "Come on, Dylan, lets get our stuff unpacked so I can show you around," Andy said. Brian stepped aside, holding the door for us. "Terry is in the kitchen, stop in and say hello to him." I had to chuckle to myself. I swore he was going to say Terry was in the kitchen, rustling up some grub. Andy led me through the front room of the house and over to the staircase. It was one of those grand staircases that you would see on TV in those old westerns. I had to admit, this house was amazing. As we were walking up the stairs, there were two guys coming down. "Hey, Andy. Good to see you," the blond said. "Hey, Tom, Steve." "Who's your friend?" "This is my new roommate, Dylan. Dylan, meet Tom and Steve. They're from Chicago." "Nice to meet you." "Is everyone else here?" Andy asked. "Yeah, I think so. Todd isn't going to make it this year, but I think everyone else came in this afternoon," Tom replied. "We'll put our stuff away and be down shortly," Andy nodded to me and we made our way up the remaining stairs. The second floor was open, like a loft or an attic. It had a huge entertainment center over against the far wall, with a sofa and a few chairs placed around it. The other side of the room had two beds and a few cots. "I told you it would be more like a slumber party,” Andy said smiling. "Just put your suitcase over there with everyone else's." We returned to the main floor and Andy led me to the kitchen to meet Terry. "Hi, sweetie," Terry said as we walked into the room. "This must be Dylan." We shook hands and Terry proceeded to introduce me to the five people that were sitting at the table playing cards. "You two hungry?" Terry asked after everyone had said hello. Andy shook his head and looked at me. "I'm fine. Dylan?" "No, I'm good." "Well, there is sandwich meat in the 'fridge, so help yourself if you get hungry later. Tomorrow night we’ll have the pig roast." Pig roast? I had visions of a pig on a skewer, spinning slowly over a fire. Like I said, I'm just a city boy. This was all very foreign to me. "I want to show Dylan the stables," Andy said. "Oh, sure. You two go on. Make yourself at home." "Thanks, Terry." Andy led me out through the kitchen and out the door off of the back porch. "The stables are just out back here." We walked down the path leading to the barn. Once inside the smell of hay washed over me. "How many horses do they have?" I asked. "Four, I think." "Who's that?" I said nodded to the hunk at the far side of the stable. "I don't know, I've never seen him before, must be new,” Andy said. "Want me to leave you to him?" I chuckled, "Sure, why not." Andy turned and headed back up to the house. I stood watching the man at the other end of the barn. He was stroking a horse's nose, talking to him softly. From here I could see his silhouette. He was as tall as me, maybe an inch or two taller. He had a muscular build, but not bulky. His dark wavy hair framed his face. He looked over at me as I approached. I noticed he had pale blue eyes; they stood in stark contrast to his dark hair and skin. "Hey," he said. "Hey," I returned. "Do you ride?" he asked, still stroking the horse's long nose. "No. Do you?" "Yeah, I love horses. I think they’re my favorite animal." "Why is that?" "Why is what?" He turned to face me. "Why are horses your favorite?" I clarified. "They are so confident; so beautiful, so graceful." His eyes roamed my body like fingers as he spoke. "Is this your first time... here?" I asked, figuring if Andy didn't know him it must be. "Yeah. You've done this before?" "No, this is my first too," I said softly, stepping closer. "Are you here with someone?" "Just a friend. You?" "No, a friend talked me into this. I'm not usually much into the country stuff." He chuckled, "No?" "No." I moved closer still, invading his personal space. He reached out placing his hand on my chest, but not to push me away as I first thought, but just to gain contact. He closed his eyes as he let his hand trail across my pecs and over my abs then over to my waist and around to my back. I leaned in, capturing his lips. I heard the horse whinny and stomp its foot, but those sounds were only background noise. Our kissing grew more urgent, more passionate as I slid my hand down the back of his pants, squeezing his ass, and pulling him closer to me. My other hand moved to the front of his pants and began unbuttoning his jeans. I opened my eyes, looking for a place we could move this to. "Here," he said. "In here." He led me over to an empty stable. "It seems clean." He pulled a blanket from where it hung over the stable door and spread it out over the pile of hay on the floor. "This should work." He sat down on the blanket and looked up at me. I tried to not think about the bugs and mice and who knows what else that could be crawling around in the hay under that blanket as I sat down next to him. He leaned over and began kissing me as he cupped my crotch. We both began working on removing the other one's jeans and freeing each other’s cocks. He had a nice thick dick. I like the boys with thick ones. Length matters, but for some reason circumference is my thing. He lay back on the blanket and I began kissing him down his neck and on to his chest. The smell of the horses and hay filled my nostrils. I stroked his cock and then moved on to fondle his balls. He moaned as I ran my fingertip over his hole. I reached over and pulled the small tube of lube and a condom from my pants pocket. Opening the lube, I squirted it, on his dick and let it dribble down over his balls. He groaned as his body shivered. I let my hand spread the gel over him and felt him growing harder at the warm, wet sensation. My hand drifted down, back to his hole. I slid one finger in, feeling the circle of muscles clamp around me. I pushed on in as he relaxed into my intrusion. Another finger was added, scissoring them to open him up further. I watched his face as he reveled in my ministrations. His eyes were closed and his head pulled back somewhat, his jaw slack, his lips parted slightly. I pushed my hand in a little further and brushed against his prostate. He pulled in a ragged breath, moaning as he released it. I could take no more. I wanted to be inside him, now. I rolled the condom over my dick and squirted more lube on his hole, then I move to position myself over him, placing his legs on my shoulders. We didn’t speak, but stared intently into each other’s eyes. I placed my dick at his hole, watching his eyes grow dark with desire. As I pushed in his eyes fluttered shut and he grimaced at the pain. I held him there, and watched as his pain was replaced by pleasure. His hand trailed down my back and grabbed my ass, pulling me in to him harder, signaling me he was ready for more. I began pumping in and out of him, angling to hit his prostate with every stroke. He writhed under me, his head rolling from side to side as the pleasure engulfed him. His hand snaked around and grabbed his cock. I pushed it away. He opened his eyes, looking at me in question. “I want to watch you come without touching yourself. I want to make you shoot just by having my dick up your ass.” He moaned at my words but didn’t reach for his dick again, so I figured he must have liked my suggestion. I took his wrists and held them over his head. Pinning them with my hands as I continued to pound into his ass. “Talk to me,” he said. “You want me to talk dirty to you?” I asked. He nodded his head. “You like my big dick in your tight little ass?” He nodded again and moaned. “You like the feel of my balls slapping you ass with every stroke. You like my dick rubbing over your prostate and sending chills down your spine.” “Aaahhhh,” he moaned, rolling his head from side to side. “You want to come while I pound into you, over and over again.” “Aaaaaahhhh.” “You want to touch yourself so bad. You want me to touch you even more.” “Please,” he begged. “Please what?” “Touch me, please.” “You want me to stroke your dick?” I whispered, still riding him hard. “Yes,” he cried. “Oh God, please. Jerk me off, please.” “No. I want you to come without being touched. I want you to spurt your spunk all over your chest with just my dick in your ass.” “Ooooohhhh,” he moaned. “Come on, let it go. Come for me.” I could tell he was right at the edge. “Oh God, I’m so close. Oh God.” I let go of one of his wrists and ran my fingers lightly down his dick. That was all it took. “AAAAhhhhhh!” he cried out as he shot his load. His anus clamped down hard around me and sent me to my own orgasm. “Ooooohhhhhh!” I collapsed on him and rolled off to the side, pulling out of him as I did. He groaned at the lack of contact. I listened to the horses snort and whinny as we lay catching our breath. This weekend had already turned out better than I expected. Who knows, maybe I’ll even let him teach me to ride one of these beasts.
  5. Mellicat

    Chapter 17

    Toby’s funeral was held in Steven’s Point, Wisconsin, his hometown. The First Methodist Church was filled with friends and family as well as flowers sent from college friends that couldn’t make the trip. The mahogany casket sat in the front of the pews, near the altar. The casket remained closed with a large picture of Toby, smiling in happier times, setting atop. Seth and Cole sat with Samantha and Jason in the front row on one side of the church while Toby’s parents sat on the other side. Seth was sure that they blamed him for what had happened. Hell, he blamed himself. The pastor delivered the eulogy and Toby’s younger sister got up and said a few words. Hymns were sung and prayers were recited, but nowhere in the service, as moving as it was, did Seth see anything that reminded him of his friend. It was like his family had known a different person. None of Toby’s college friends had been asked to speak and definitely Seth was not asked. He supposed he was lucky they even allowed him to attend. After the service they moved on to the graveside and had a smaller service there. Toby’s mother fell apart as they lowered the casket and Seth felt his heart being ripped from his chest. The four friends had flown into Green Bay and then shared a rental car out to Steven’s Point. They now had the trip back to discuss the events of the day. “So was there anything in that entire service that was Toby?” Samantha asked as Jason steered the car out to the highway. “No. It’s like I was at a funeral for some other person,” Seth responded. “It’s really sad how little his parents knew him.” “But very typical,” Cole joined in. “What sort of a funeral would your parents have for you? I fear mine would look much like the one we attended today.” Samantha pondered that thought. “I’d like to think my parents would do better, but you’re probably right.” Seth decided to change the subject and take time to remember his friend in better times. “Remember the time Toby got lost coming back from ER?” Seth asked, a smile spreading across his face. “Oh yeah,” Samantha said with a laugh. “You had sliced your hand on a broken glass and he had to take you to the hospital to get it stitched up.” “Yeah, and by the time we got out of there is was dark. It was our first semester at Green Bay and neither of us knew the city very well.” “So I get this call from Toby,” Samantha continued, “He says ‘Sam, I think I took a wrong turn and I’m clear up by Howard. Will you get on line and look up some directions to get me back to campus?’” “Howard is a suburb north of the city,” Seth explained. “Yeah, and so before I can look up where he’s at and call him back he calls again. They had run out of gas and wanted me to come bring them some, but my car was in the shop so they had to resort to plan B.” Seth picked up the story there. “So we are out trying to flag somebody down to take us to get some gas, but I still had on the shirt I was wearing when I cut my hand and the front of it was covered in blood. So what happens is instead of some one stopping, some one calls the police and they show up to see what kind of mass murders are standing on the side of the road in Howard trying to flag down their next victim. “Toby goes over to the cops and starts trying to explain what was going on, but they insist on running our licenses and they even call Toby’s parents to verify that he is in fact in college there because at that time Toby’s car was still in his parent’s name. “But by the time they were done with us the cops felt so sorry for Toby, that not only did they help us get gas in the car, the lead us back across town to campus.” “We teased him forever about getting a police escort home,” Samantha added. “He had that way with people. All his professors at school would be bending over backwards for him. He was like the little lost puppy and you couldn’t help but want to take him home and care for him.” The conversation went on for the two-hour drive with Samantha and Seth recalling events of their time at Green Bay with Jason and Cole a willing audience. Once in the city they decided to stop off for a bite to eat. “I was disappointed that his parents chose a closed casket service,” Samantha said as they pulled into a diner near the airport. “I don’t think they had a choice, Sam. And thank your lucky stars that you can just remember him the way he looked the last time we were all together. I wish I could get the image of his body lying there in that dank apartment out of my head,” Seth admonished. “It wasn’t a pretty sight,” Cole agreed. Samantha only nodded. “What time is your flight?” Seth asked wanting to change the subject. “Seven. Yours?” “Seven-thirty. We probably need to go to the airport when he finish eating.” Samantha chewed her bottom lip at the thought of leaving Seth. She had promised herself no crying when she told him goodbye. There had been enough tears over the last few days. But all promises fell by the wayside once they were at the airport and she slipped her arms around her friend before they parted. “Promise me that we’ll do a better job of staying in touch,” she said as she tried to pull herself together. “Promise,” Seth whispered. “Promise me that you’ll take care of yourself and nothing will happen to you.” “Promise,” Seth whispered again, still not trusting his voice to not crack. “Samantha, we need to get to our gate,” Jason said when he saw that she couldn’t pull herself away. She nodded and gave Seth one last squeeze then latched onto Cole pulling him into a tight hug. “You take care of him,” she whispered in his ear. “I will,” Cole answered. Samantha stepped back to Jason’s side. “I’m glad I got to meet you,” Jason said, extending his hand to Seth. “Sorry it wasn’t under better circumstances.” “Next time,” Seth answered. “Pardon?” “Next time we meet it will be under better circumstances.” Jason nodded. “You’ll take care of her.” Seth said. Not a question, more of a command. “Yeah, I will,” Jason replied and turned with Samantha to walk to their gate. “Ready?” Cole asked as they watched the couple walk away. “Yeah,” Seth said and they turned to walk in the other direction to their flight home. **** After the flight was in the air Jason turned to Samantha. There was something he was dying to discuss with her. This probably wasn’t the best time, but he couldn’t wait any longer. “Samantha?” he started. “Yeah?” “Um, when we where seeing each other before.... We ah... I think....” This was so much easier when he went over it in his head. “When we were seeing each other before I think we were looking for different things. I think that maybe you were wanting something more casual.... And I don’t do casual. So if we’re going to try this again we need to make sure we are on the same page.” “Okay...” Samantha had no idea where this was going but she liked to hear him talk of ‘trying again’. “If I’m seeing someone I have to think that there is at least a chance for a future. I have to feel that there is a connection and we both want the same thing.... So.... What do you see for us?” Samantha gave him a small smile. “Jason, you’re right. When I first met you I didn’t think I wanted anything serious. I had just moved to the city and I thought I was ready to take on the world. But some times when you aren’t looking for something, that is exactly when just what you need comes along. And it would be stupid of me to let it pass because I think I want to hang on to some silly college days. “I know that I really screwed things up with you, but I have realized just how special this is and I want there to be an us. I want us to have a future. I want us to be moving in the same direction too.” Jason smiled. “Good, because I think I’m falling for you, Samantha.” Samantha smiled back. “I know I’m falling for you.” **** “You okay?” Cole asked for what Seth felt was the hundredth time. “No, but yeah.” “It wasn’t your fault,” Cole said for what he was sure was the hundredth time. “What kind of fucked up world is it where a kid like Toby gets hooked on meth and dies of an overdose?” Cole knew there was no answer for that question so he decided to try and change the subject. “You know, you stay at my place most every night...” “I know, and you need your space. I’ll start staying at my place more,” Seth interrupted. “That’s not what I’m saying. What I’m trying to ask is why not save the rent and just move in with me?” “Really?” “Yeah.” “Don’t you think it’s too soon?” Seth asked. “Yeah, probably. And we’ll probably end up making it way harder than it needs to be, but I also know that I want to try.” “Are you sure?” “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.” Seth gave a shy grin. “Okay, let’s see how bad we can screw it up.” He laced his fingers with Cole’s and looked out the window. “What kind of fucked up world is it where a guy like me moves to Texas and falls in love?” End
  6. Mellicat

    Chapter 10

    I’ll never leave you behind Or treat you unkind I know you understand And with a tear in my eye Give me the sweetest goodbye That I ever did receive Sweetest Goodbye, Maroon 5 λλλλλλλλλλλλλλ The next day Jason returned to work and by the time he had gone through all of his phone messages and emails, the morning had passed. He looked at the clock and realized that he hadn’t thought of himself or Sara once all morning. Maybe he was making progress. For the next few days Jason buried his pain in his work. For the ten to twelve hours each day he was at the office he could pretend that nothing was wrong. The evenings with Kyle were a different matter. Kyle was dismayed by how withdrawn and distant Jason had become. He tried to stand back and let Jason work through his pain, but when he was honest with himself he had to admit he wasn’t seeing much progress. Jason feared that his relationship with Kyle would not be able to withstand all the added pressure his coming out had placed on it. He knew this was not what Kyle imagined when he asked Jason to move in, but Jason couldn’t help it. He felt so much guilt over all the pain he had caused Sara, so much shame for all the years he lived a lie. It was as though the weight of the world was on his shoulders and he didn’t know how to make things right. λλλλλλλλλλλλλλ It had been close to a month since Jason had moved out and Sara was adjusting to life on her own. She hadn’t talked to Jason in a couple of weeks, not since she asked him to give her some time. Now, sitting at the kitchen table going over their checkbook and bills, she was wondering what she could do about the mortgage due next week. She hadn’t found a job yet, hadn’t even been called in for an interview. She hated the thought of calling Jason to ask for money. She had rehearsed any number of conversations with him in her head, but calling to ask for money wasn’t one of them. Just as she sighed and reach for the phone it rang, startling her. “Hello?” “Hey,” Jason spoke so softly she barely heard. “Hey. How are you?” “I’m okay,” his voice wasn’t very convincing. “How are you?” “I’m doing better.” “You are? I’m glad. Listen, Sara, I just wanted to let you know I deposited my paycheck into your account. I know the mortgage is due soon, and you probably need some groceries. So, anyway, I deposited it yesterday so you should be able to pay some bills now.” He was rambling. Your account, not our account; she couldn’t help but feel the sting of those words. “Wait, Jason, didn’t you keep some money for yourself?” “Yeah, I kept a little,” his voice dropped again, as if he were ashamed that he hadn’t given it all to her. “You need some to live on too.” “I don’t have much in the way of expenses right now. Besides, you need it, right?” Sara sighed, “Yeah, I do. I’m looking for a job, but I’m afraid I haven’t had much luck yet.” “That’s okay. I’ll support you until you do.” “Are you still living with Kyle?” “Yeah, why do you ask?” his voice was still soft and quiet. “I just wondered. I mean, I didn’t think you could afford to give me the money if you weren’t. Is he okay with this? With you giving me your paycheck?” “Yeah, he’s fine with it.” Sara decided to press on. “Is he good to you?” Jason was silent. He wasn’t sure how to talk to Sara about Kyle. It seemed like throwing water in her face. “Yes,” he finally whispered. “Good, ‘cause I want you to be happy. You deserve to be happy, Jason.” Jason didn’t answer. How could he agree after what he’d done to her? How could she think it herself? “But you’re not happy are you?” she continued. “Not because of Kyle. Don’t blame this on him.” “Talk to me, Jason. You sound so sad.” “I’m fine, Sara. Really, I’m just busy with work and all right now. I need to go. You’ll let me know if you need anything, right?” “Yeah, I’ll be fine. Thanks, Jason.” “Yeah, okay. Bye, Sara.” λλλλλλλλλλλλλλ For the next couple of days Sara played their last conversation over and over in her head. This wasn’t how it was suppose to go. Jason was supposed to be relieved. He had finally come out, had finally come to terms with who he was, and had a beautiful guy he might, maybe, be in love with to be there for him. Why was he so sad? Sara had been seeing a psychologist for the last few weeks, a doctor Kathy had recommended. Dr. Buehler had really helped Kathy when she was going through her divorce. Sara had agreed to give him a try and much to her relief she found him to be very open-minded. He understood Sara’s anger, but also could help her to see what Jason was going through at the same time. At her next appointment she decided to broach the subject of Jason’s demeanor with Dr. Buehler. “He just seemed so sad. I thought he would be happier, more relaxed.” “He will in time, but right now I imagine he is experiencing a lot of guilt and shame. He was raised believing his sexuality was wrong, those beliefs are very ingrained; they don’t change over night. Not to mention his feelings for you, at the very least you two had a close friendship. I am sure he has a tremendous amount of guilt over what he has done to you, your life.” Sara nodded, “What can I do?” “Is he in therapy?” “I don’t know, I doubt it.” “He probably should be.” λλλλλλλλλλλλλλ That afternoon Sara stood pacing back and forth in her kitchen. She held the cordless receiver in her hand. She kept going over what she wanted to say, but she was sure once she got him on the phone, none of it would come out the way she had rehearsed. Finally she started punching in the numbers. “Here goes nothing,” she whispered. “Kyle Sutton.” “Hi, Kyle. It’s Sara.” Kyle froze, his mouth suddenly dry and the color draining from his face. “Um, hi, um, Sara. How are you?” “I’m okay, Kyle. I am just wondering… “ She paused, no, she couldn’t do this over the phone. “Um, would you meet me for coffee somewhere?” “Um, coffee? Sure. When?” “The sooner the better.” Sara was afraid she would lose her nerve. “Okay, I have some time in about an hour. I could meet you at the diner down on the corner.” “Great. Thanks, Kyle.” “I take it, you don’t want Jason there?” “Would that be okay? I would like to talk to you alone, if you don’t mind?” “Yeah, sure, whatever you want, Sara, but I’m not comfortable doing this behind his back.” “I’m not asking you to sneak around. Tell him I want to talk to you, I’m fine with that.” “Okay, I’ll see you in an hour.” “Thanks, Kyle.” Kyle hung up the phone, staring at it while wondering just what on earth Sara wanted to say to him. Did she want to bitch him out, tell him this was his fault? Did she want to draw a line in the sand? Maybe she wanted a truce. Shaking his head Kyle walked down the hall to Jason’s office. “Hey.” Jason looked up. “Hey. What’s up?” “Your wife just called me,” Kyle stated as he sat down in one of the plush chairs in Jason’s office. “Sara? What did she want?” “I don’t know yet, I am to meet her in an hour at the diner.” Jason stopped. “Wow. She asked to meet you?” “Yeah.” “Without me?” “Yeah.” “So either she doesn’t want me to hear what she has to say, or she wants to discuss me.” Kyle shrugged, “I guess I will find out soon enough. Are you okay with this?” Jason chuckled, “Better you than me.” λλλλλλλλλλλλλλ Sara walked into the diner to see Kyle sitting in a booth toward the back. “Thanks for meeting me.” They both ordered coffee from the waitress. Kyle rolled his lips into his month. “How are you doing?” She smiled at Kyle, “I am doing good. I am. How are you?” Kyle looked up in surprise, “Me? I’m fine. I figured you were here to talk about Jason.” “I am. But first tell me, do you love him, Kyle?” She looked him straight in the eyes as she asked. “Yes.” “Cause he deserves to be happy. I want to know that he is with someone who truly loves him.” Kyle nodded, “I do, Sara.” She nodded back as if she were relieved. “Is he in therapy? I mean, I think it might help him deal with… everything right now.” Kyle shook his head, “I have tried to suggest it, but he won’t hear of it.” Sara frowned, that sounded like Jason. “I’m not mad at him you know. I’m not even mad at you. I tried to be, mad at you that is, but-... well, there’s no point. Jason has been my best friend since I was fifteen. That doesn’t change, I still love him, even if he no longer loves me.” “But he does, Sara. Jason’s feelings for you haven’t changed.” She frowned again, “Yeah, they were just never what I thought they were to begin with.” Kyle looked down, that had not come out like he meant it. “… That may be, but he still cares for you. He always will and we all know that. If you don’t believe anything else, you know you can take that to the bank.” “I just want him to be happy, and I want for he and I to be friends again. At least in some semblance of what we had. Can you handle that?” “You and Jason being friends? Yes, absolutely.” “So will you please tell him that I don’t blame him, and ask him to see this guy? To do it for me.” Sara pulled out Dr. Buehler’s business card and slid it across the table toward Kyle. “Who’s this?” Kyle picked up the card, reading the name. “He is my shrink. He really has helped me a lot and when I asked if he would be willing to take on Jason as a patient, he said he would. Please, try to get Jason to go.” Kyle shook his head and slid the card back to Sara. “He needs to hear all this from you, not me. I’ve already told him all of this. He won’t believe it until it comes from you.” Sara looked down at her coffee. “Okay, invite me to dinner,” she looked up at him. “I think it would be better at your place. To show him I’m okay with this.” Kyle grinned; this was some kind of weird; sitting in a diner with his lover’s soon to be ex wife. “When?” “Tonight? Before I lose my nerve.” λλλλλλλλλλλλλλ ”Well? What did she want?” Jason was in Kyle’s face as soon as he was back at the office. “An invitation to dinner.” “What?” “Tonight. She wants to come over for dinner tonight.” “Why?” Jason was suddenly very skeptical. Kyle shrugged, “She’s worried about you.” “So why did she have to talk with you first?” “To make sure I was okay with it,” he stated as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “That you were okay with it? What the fuck is that about?” “Listen, Jason, she is the ex. She doesn’t want to do anything to cause us problems, she just wants to know that you are okay; that we’re okay.” Jason stood looking at Kyle, not believing a word of it. λλλλλλλλλλλλλλ When Sara arrived at their apartment that evening, Kyle was in the kitchen finishing up the stir-fry. Jason opened the door. “Hi, Sara.” “Hi, Jason,” she answered warming while pulling him into a hug. “How are you?” “I’m okay. Come in and sit down. Want something to drink? Kyle has some wine chilling.” “That’s sounds great.” She sat down in the living room, hoping to get a chance to talk with Jason alone. Jason came back in carrying two glasses of wine. “Kyle said you are worried about me.” He handed her a glass and then sat down across from her. She took in a deep breath, “Jason, I don’t blame you for any of this. I am not mad at you, or upset with you or anything. I was hurting for a while, still am to some degree, but I don’t blame you for that pain. I want you to be happy. I want us to be happy; all three of us. You have been in my life, hell, the center of my life for the last fifteen years. I can’t imagine my life without you in it in some way. I just want us to be friends, to try to repair our relationship so that we can be together without it being so awkward.” “Sara, I’m still gay.” “I know that, I’m not asking you to come home. I know our marriage is over, but does our friendship have to end too?” Jason looked down at his lap, then back up at Sara with tears in his eyes, “No, the friendship doesn’t have to end.” Suddenly he knew why she had talked to Kyle first. She wanted him to know where she was coming from, that she wasn’t a threat; she just wanted to still be in Jason’s life. Jason stood up and went over to where Sara was sitting. He pulled her up to her feet and into an embrace. “Of course the friendship doesn’t have to end.” When Sara finally pulled back from the hug they both had tears in their eyes. “One more thing,” she reached into her pocket handing him the business card. “Please, make an appointment to see this doctor. He has helped me so much, please, Jason. Do it for me?” Jason took the card from her. “A shrink?” “Yes, please, give him a chance.” Jason frowned, “Did Kyle put you up to this?” “No, this is coming from me. One appointment, if you don’t like what he says you don’t have to go back.” Finally, knowing it would make her happy, Jason nodded, “Okay, I’ll go.” "Oh, and please call your parents and at least let them know you moved out." "Why? Have they called you?" "No, they have called to talk to you. Twice. I don't feel I should be the one to tell them that we are separated. Please call them." "Yeah, okay. Did they say what they wanted?" He spoke with his family a few times a year. "No, they asked for you and I told them you were out of town the first time the called, and that you were working late the second time. I said I would have you call them back. You know how they feel about me, if you're not here the conversation is pretty much over." Jason's parents had never been too fond of Sara, for more reasons that she could count, but probably more than anything, they seemed to feel she was of a lower class. "What have you told your folks?" Sara was close to both her mother and father. She usually spoke to them on the phone three of four times a month. "I have told Mom everything, I presume she has told Daddy, but I did ask them to keep it to themselves until you had a chance to talk with your family." Jason rubbed his hand over his face. "What did your mom say?" "Actually she made a lot of sense. She said you are who you are and trying to be something else was only asking for trouble." "Some how I don't see my mother being so understanding." "Listen, Jason, if you aren’t ready to come out to them, then don't, but please at least let them know where you are living now." "Yeah, okay, I'll call them." "Promise?" "Yeah, I promise." He looked forward to that conversation. His parents my not like Sara, but he knew they would be upset to hear his marriage had failed. He couldn't even begin to imagine their reaction as to why his marriage had failed. It was then that Kyle stuck his head in the doorway. “Dinner is ready.” As they were sitting down to the table Sara couldn’t hold it back any longer. “I have a job interview Monday. I got the call when I got back home this afternoon. If I get it I will be working with the learning disabled kids at the elementary school just a few blocks from my apartment.” “Wow, Sara, that’s great,” Kyle smiled at her. “You’ll get it. They would be fools to not hire you.” Things were looking up. λλλλλλλλλλλλλλ Monday evening Sara was sitting at her favorite restaurant. Her interview had gone well and she felt she deserved a little celebration. She resisted calling Jason, telling herself to wait until she actually got the job. As the waitress was walking away from taking her order, Sara looked up to see a familiar face walking across the room. As he walked by her table he looked over at her. “Sara?” “David. Hi. How are you?” She had met him at one of the schools where she had subbed. They had struck up a conversation in the teacher’s lounge her first day there, and she had learned he taught fourth grade. By the end of her week of substitute teaching, she had come to think of him as a friend. “I’m good. Are you here alone?” “Yes, just me.” “Would you care to eat with me?” “That sounds great, why don’t you join me? Have you been seated yet?” “He pulled up a chair at her table. I have now.” He waved to the maître d', who brought over a menu for him. “So how have you been?” Sara was truly glad to see him again. “I’ve been good. How about you?” Sara frowned, “Well, let’s see, where should I begin? Jason and I are separated. And I had my first job interview today, I think it went well.” She had always found him so easy to talk to, but she wasn’t ready yet to tell him just why she and Jason split. “Oh, Sara, I’m sorry to hear that, I mean, about your marriage.” Sara looked up at him. “Thanks, but it was for the best, really. So enough of me, tell me about you?” They spent the rest of the evening catching up on each other’s lives. It had been a few months since the last time Sara had subbed at the school, so they had plenty to talk about, especially Sara. By the time dinner was over David had her laughing over another silly joke he had told. “Sara, I would love to do this again some time. Would you like to go out to dinner with me?” Sara’s eyes grew serious, “Oh. David, I don’t know if I am ready for that.” “Ready for what? Dinner with a friend? I had a nice time tonight. I thought you did too.” “Yeah, I did. Well, okay, yes. I would love to go to dinner with you again,” she smiled at him. “I really would.” λλλλλλλλλλλλλλ It was another week before Sara got the word telling her the teaching position was hers if she wanted it. The first call she made was to David. After they made plans to go out that night to celebrate she dialed Jason’s office. “Jason Lawrence” “Guess what?” “Oh, hi. Sara, you sound happy. So, what? Good news?” “I got the teaching job.” “You did? That’s fantastic. I am so happy for you.” “Yeah, I am so excited about it, I think I will really like working there.” “That is terrific, Sara.” “So how are you doing? Have you seen Dr. Buehler yet?” “Yes, I have and I like him. I’m feeling much better about everything, thanks.” She smiled. “Wonderful, I’m glad to hear that.” “So we need to celebrate this new job of yours. Want to get together tonight?” “Um, I can’t tonight. Tomorrow?” “What do you have tonight, a hot date?” Jason teased; he thought that maybe she was getting together with Kathy. “Um, yes. As a matter of fact I do have a date.” “….” “Jason?” “A date? Really?” “Yes, it’s not totally out of the realm of possibilities, you know.” He chuckled, “No, it’s not. A date, huh? That’s great. Anyone I know?” “Nope. Some one I know from subbing.” “So when do I get to meet him?” Sara giggled, “I don’t know. I’m not sure he is ready to deal with the ex yet. We’ve only seen each other a few times.” “Well, he better get ready. You know I’ll have to check him out for you,” Jason teased. “So where is he taking you?” “Ben Yung.” “Oh that Chinese place you love.” “Yeah, I haven’t eaten there in ages.” “Well, you have a great time, and call me tomorrow to tell me all about it. I want all the details.” “Deal.” “Bye, Sara, Love you.” “Love you too, Jason.” λλλλλλλλλλλλλλ Kyle looked up from his desk to see Jason standing in the doorway. “What’s up?” “Sara got the position.” “Great. Did you invite her over to celebrate?” “Yes, but she already had plans. She has a date tonight.” Kyle smiled broadly. “Really? Wow. That is great.” “Yeah, so I’m thinking, we should go out to eat tonight. Maybe Chinese?” Kyle eyed him, “Why? You don’t even like Chinese that much.” Then the light came on in his head. “Is that where Sara is going tonight?” Jason only grinned. “Oh you are bad. So bad.”
  7. Mellicat

    Chapter 1

    He takes my cock into his mouth. His tongue twirls and teases all the way down to the base. My balls brush his chin. He slides me back out until only the head of my cock remain between his warm lips. He sucks on the tip, driving me insane while his fingers play with my balls. My eyes drift shut as he slides my dick back into his mouth, not stopping until it hits the back of his throat. He shallows around me and I shudder at the sensation. "Ah fuck," I mutter feeling my sac tighten. He chuckles at my lack of control. The vibration caused by his laugh sends a new wave of ecstasy over me. "Ah," I cry out again. I know I'll shoot soon if he keeps this up. "Stop." I pull his head back, off my dick. He sucks harder as I do so that there is an audible 'pop' when my head leaves his lips. "I'm gonna fuck you so hard," I growl at him. He shivers in response, anticipation of what is to come. I grab him, pulling him to me in a kiss as I lay back on the bed. He crawls up over me while I pull his briefs down, freeing his cock. He reaches up onto the headboard for a condom and the tube of lube. I watch him as he sits back, straddling me and rolls the condom over my dick, applying the lube to it once it is on. "You are beautiful," I whisper. He smiles at me as he rises up, positioning himself over my cock. He lets the tip slip in to his hole, then stops; holding himself over me, teasing me by going no further. It takes all my restraint to not buck up into him; to let him set the pace. I feel him opening up, adjusting to my size. He slides down until his ass is sitting flush on me, his balls lying on my groin. He sits like that for a moment, giving us both a chance to regain control. I watch him, his eyes closed, head tilted back, lips slightly parted. Right now, at this moment, he is the most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen. His eyes flicker open, he catches me watching him. I get a shy smile from him in response. "Ready?" he asks. "Yeah." He begins to rise up and slide back down on my cock. His tight ass is so warm and wet. I feel my sac start to tighten up again but I'm not ready for this feeling to end. He leans down to kiss me and I roll him over onto his back so that now I am riding him. I angle back so that I am brushing across his prostate. He is putty in my hands, whimpering and moaning in bliss. "You like that?" I ask. "Oh yeah, yeah." "You like my hard dick in your ass?" "Oh yeah," he whimpers. He takes his dick in his hand and begins pumping it; the sight is almost enough to send me over the edge. "I'm close," I say. He looks at me and nods; stroking his dick a couple more times then all conscience thought leaves me as his ass clamps down on me. His orgasm takes him and he arches his back as he rides it. I slide in to him one last time and then my own ecstasy washes over me. I lay over him, waiting for our breathing to return to normal. I finally break the silence, "That's one hell of a way to start the day." He grins that sheepish grin at me. "We better hurry or we'll be late for work."
  8. Mellicat

    Chapter 19

    Six months later… “Sammie?” Tyler shouted as he entered the apartment. He still held the same job he’d gotten a year ago although Sammie had quit the company to start his own web design business. As soon as Sammie got it off the ground, Tyler planned to join him, working from home. “Sammie?” he called again. “In here,” Sammie called from his office. They had converted the spare bedroom, Steve’s old room, into an office. “You said you had something to show me,” Tyler walked over to where Sammie was seated in front of his computer. “Yeah, which of these do you like better?” He pointed to the screen, “This one?” Tyler looked at the screen at a two story Victorian style house. “Or this one?” Sammie tapped the mouse and the screen changed to a picture of a cozy brown and white Tudor. “Sammie?” Tyler was confused. “You’re right, we need a bigger place and Steve would be furious if he knew I was still here, hanging on to him. Besides, he’ll always be with us, right?” “So you’re saying we can move?” Tyler had been trying to convince Sammie for the last few weeks. It was time; they needed a place that was their own. It wasn’t healthy living in Steve’s shadow. “Yeah, that’s what I’m saying. So which one should I put the down payment on? They’re both in the suburbs.” “Wait. You’re talking of buying? Are you sure? I mean with the business just getting started and all.” “Steve had an insurance policy from work that I wasn’t aware of and I’m the sole beneficiary. It was separate from the one he and I had. It finally settled today.” “How big was it?” “Well, let’s just say it will make a very healthy down payment.” “Oh, my God,” Tyler exclaimed. “So? Which one do you like?” “I don’t know. I can’t possibly choose from a picture online.” “Well, then grab your keys. We’ll go see them.” “And get something to eat?” Tyler asked. “Yeah, yeah. You and your stomach. But I get to pick where we eat.” “As long as it’s not that place that serves duck, you know I hate duck.” “You don’t have to order it.” “But I have to smell it from your side of the table.” “How about sushi?” “Italian?” Sammie rolled his eyes, why did he even try? All Tyler had to do was look at him with those big blue eyes and Sammie would take him wherever he wanted to go. “Oh, listen. I think we can move up the date you leave your job.” “Yeah?” Sammie shrugged. “If I get the account I bid on today I think we can afford it, plus I’ll need your help with the design.” Tyler smiled, “I love you, Sammie.” He leaned over to plant a kiss on his lover’s mouth. “I love you, too.”
  9. Mellicat


    Thomas, Jamie, and Robbie stood with Susan by the casket at the front of the chapel while people filed in to pay their respects and give their condolences. “Your father was a fine man,” the boys were told over and over again. Thomas looked out at all the people that were mingling around the room. Lisa, Sara, and Koi were standing together on the other side of the room. Many of the well wishers were stopping to give their condolences to Lisa as well. She had been a part of the family for some time now and many knew her. Thomas began thinking of their years together; maybe he shouldn’t be so quick to throw it all away. Another person walked up, “You father was my doctor for years. I just loved him. I’m so sorry for your loss.” “Thanks,” each of the brothers mumbled. Robbie looked across the room at Koi who caught his eye and winked. Koi seemed to be fitting in with the family. Sara and Jamie already loved him; Lisa and the kids had fallen for him too. Thomas was the only hold out; but then again, Thomas was the hold out on pretty much everything. To Jamie the three hour wake seemed to last a lifetime. He stood, as always, between his two bothers, hoping to keep the peace. Their mother seemed to be holding up well, but Jamie wondered if she really was, or was it just a show, keeping up appearances. Some days when he looked at his family he had to wonder who these fucked up people were. Koi seemed to be getting along great with Lisa; so did Sara. Maybe Lisa’s affair had made her more human to Sara. Whatever the reason, it was nice to see that the competition between them seemed to have been put to rest. Finally, the wake was over and the well-wishers have gone home. Lisa went to pick up the kids, who had been left with a neighbor. It had been decided to let them skip the wake. Tomorrow TJ would go with Lisa to the funeral while Ella stayed with the neighbor’s teenage daughter. Once home, Susan announced she was exhausted and going to bed. Lisa went to get the children settled. Thomas, Jamie, and Robbie took a seat in their father’s den. Sara and Koi joined them. “Name your poison,” Thomas said opening up Fred’s liquor cabinet. “Nothing for me,” Sara said. “I think I’ll turn in.” She had no desire to witness the train wreck that would happen if Thomas started drinking. “Jamie?” Thomas asked. “Chivas,” Jamie answered. “Robbie?” “Same.” “How about you, Koi?” “I think I’ll pass this time,” Koi answered. He knew if he started drinking and Thomas lipped off he wouldn’t hold his tongue, and while he looked forward to a confrontation with Thomas, now wasn’t the time. Thomas shrugged, “Suit yourself.” He poured a few fingers into three glasses and handed one to each of his brothers. “To Dad,” he said raising his glass. “To Dad,” Jamie and Robbie echoed and downed their drinks. Thomas picked up the bottle and poured each another. “By the way, did any of you know the fine man we kept hearing about all night?” Jamie sighed and shook his head. “Thomas, give it a rest, would you?” Koi leaned over to Robbie, “I think I’ll pass on this show.” He stood. “Good night, boys. I’m calling it a night.” “Night,” Jamie said. “Robbie? No comment from you?” Thomas said, ignoring Koi and turning the conversation back to their father. “What? On how terrible Dad treated you? No, I think you have that song and dance down pat.” “And what? He wasn’t hard on either of you?” Thomas asked. Jamie shrugged. “It wasn’t that bad. Besides, I believe he always had our best interest in mind.” “Robbie? You agree?” Thomas turned to their younger brother, wanting to start a fight. “Dad and I had our issues, but he wasn’t nearly as tough on me as you were. You were the one that made my childhood hell.” “Oh no, don’t blame your problems on me, dear brother. I was the one who tried to help you.” “Thomas, you were an asshole then, and as far as I can tell, you still are.” Thomas stared at Robbie, looking truly stunned at his words. He turned to his other brother. “Jamie?” Jamie shook his head. “Thomas, yeah, you have always been a dick to Robbie. And now you try to deny it. I really don’t get you. You bitch about the way Dad treated you, when you treated Robbie in the same way, if not worse.” Thomas sighed and slumped down in his chair. He looked at his hands in his lap as he spoke. “I didn’t mean to be an ass. I just didn’t want you to be a sissy, Robbie.” He stopped and looked Robbie in the eye. “I’m sorry.” Robbie nodded. “Maybe you were trying to help me, but you had a shitty way of doing it.” Thomas looked back down at his drink. “I’m sorry; I was just a kid. I didn’t know better.” “And now?” Thomas looked back up. “Now what?” “What’s your excuse for being an ass now?” Thomas frowned. “I… um….” “That’s what I though,” Robbie said, standing up. “I’ve had enough.” He left the room to join Koi in his bedroom. Thomas poured another drink and held the bottle out to Jamie. Jamie shook his head. Thomas shrugged and downed his. “This Koi, he’s a good guy?” “Yes, Thomas. He is.” “Ella’s taken a shine to him.” Thomas gave a slight grin thinking of his baby girl. “So has TJ,” Jamie said. Thomas nodded. “Robbie’s happy?” “Yeah.” “I’m thinking of giving Lisa another chance.” “What?” That seemed to come out of left field. “I’ve asked Lisa for a divorce, but now I’m thinking maybe I should give it another shot with her. What do you think? Am I a fool?” “No Thomas, you’re not a fool. But as for your marriage, I can’t say. Only you know the answer to that.” Thomas nodded. “I suppose so.” He stood. “Come on, dear brother, we have another long day ahead of us.” The next morning every one was subdued. Susan had asked Thomas to take her back to the funeral home. She wanted to sit with Fred alone for a while before the ceremony. Finally everyone was dressed and ready and it was time to meet up with Susan and Thomas for the funeral. The director took the family in to a private room away from everyone. He explained that they had Fred in the foyer for people to have one last chance to pay their respects. He went on to say that soon they would close the casket and the pallbearers would carry it into the chapel. The family would follow behind. “Thomas, maybe you should escort your mother,” the director suggested, “then maybe Robbie can walk with Lisa.” “No, Robbie will walk with Koi,” Susan said. “Mom, I think it would be better…” Thomas started. Susan interrupted. “Better than what? No, you will walk with me. TJ can escort his mother, then Jamie and Sara, and then Robbie and Koi.” “What will people think, Mother?” Thomas argued. “They will think that I have a gay son and if they have an issue with that they can go fly a kite.” She turned to the director. “We’ll do it the way I said.” “Very well. You’ll follow the casket down,” the man continued. “Then take your seats in the first row. After the service you’ll follow the casket back out in the same order. There will be a limo to take you to the cemetery for the graveside service. Everyone ready?” The funeral was beautiful. The chapel was filled to capacity. Susan had asked a family friend and colleague to give the eulogy. He gave a fitting tribute to the man. After the funeral and burial, the family returned home where a few of Susan and Fred’s closest friends stopped by to share a few memories. Later that evening after everyone had left Susan sat at the kitchen table sipping a cup of coffee. Robbie came in and sat beside her. She knew he was taking Fred’s death hard; harder than his brothers, but she was waiting for him to start the conversation. Then she remembered his reaction to her knowing he was gay; she had been wrong back then to not say anything, she wouldn’t make the same mistake again. “Robbie, talk to me,” she said. “About what?” “About what’s on your mind.” Robbie frowned. “Dad never woke up.” “I know sweetie, we all wanted a chance to say goodbye.” “But I hadn’t seen him in years. Our last words were cross. I never got the chance to make that right. He died without knowing I was here.” “Oh Robbie, my sweet child. He knew you loved him and he knew you would come home. He understood you better than you ever thought and he was so so proud of you for following your dreams.” “Really?” “Yes,” she looked at her other two sons who were standing nearby. “He was very proud of all of you. He knew he had pushed too hard when you were younger and he regretted it, but he only wanted you to challenge yourselves; he only wanted what was best for you. He may not have been the perfect father, but he did love you with every fiber of his being. That you can rest assured.” Robbie, Jamie, and Thomas looked from one to the other, each with tears in their eyes. “Don’t think that I don’t know what happened in my own house. I know you boys resented a lot of things your father did. But you can’t undo the past, so it’s time to put all that to bed.” With that, she rose from the table and took her cup to the sink to rinse it out. The men watched as she left the kitchen, each feeling a bit different about their childhood. That evening Susan was in the den with Jamie watching the ten o’clock news. Robbie and Koi were curled up together on the sofa where they had fallen asleep earlier watching a movie. Thomas had been helping Lisa bathe the kids and get everything gathered up for their trip home the next day. He went to the den to see if his mother needed anything while Lisa was getting the kids settled into bed. “What are we watching?” he asked, taking a seat beside Jamie on the love seat. “The news is getting ready to start,” Susan answered. Thomas looked over at Robbie and Koi. “I still can’t believe you let them walk in together at Dad’s funeral. I can just imagine all the whispering going on after the service.” Susan furrowed her brow. “Thomas. I didn’t raise you to be so judgmental. What is your problem?” “Oh come on, Mom. You think Dad would have allowed this in his house?” Thomas asked, gesturing to his youngest brother. “As a matter of fact, I know he would have been fine with it.” “What makes you think that?” Thomas challenged. Susan sighed, shaking her head. “Thomas, oh Thomas. Where did we go wrong? You remember George don’t you?” George had been a close friend of Fred’s. When the boys were young George was a visitor in their home often. He spent many holidays with them and even went on vacation with the family once. Fred and George played golf many weekends at the local country club. Around the time Thomas was fourteen George became sick and died. Fred had been inconsolable. “Yeah, I remember him.” “Do you, Jamie?” she asked. “Yeah, he used to bring us candy and some times he would play catch with us too.” “Well, you see boys, George was gay. He was the best man at our wedding, Fred’s closest friend, and he was gay. He died of AIDS and I don’t think there was a day after that that your father didn’t think of him. So, yes, I know for a fact that Fred would have had no problem with your brother and his lover staying in our house or walking behind his casket, together as a couple. For the second time that day Thomas sat shocked by the lecture he had received from their mother. “Wow,” Jamie said. “Good old George. That is too cool.” Susan shrugged. “It wasn’t cool. It was very hard for George. Things are better today, but back then George had to be very careful and keep so many things a secret. At least now, homosexuals have some acceptance, even if they still have few legal rights. “You boys should stop for a minute and think about how much harder it is for Robbie and Koi. Their relationship can never be made legal. They can’t even be certain of visitation rights should one of them be hospitalized. The world is a very cruel place if you are gay.” “Now look, you’ve made me miss the weather report,” she said tossing the remote aside and standing up from her chair. “I’m going to bed. Jamie, will you please wake those two up before you turn in? I don’t want them to wake up with a stiff neck from sleeping there.” The next morning Ella woke Lisa and Thomas up much earlier than they had planned. “Come on, baby girl, let’s go get some breakfast and let your mother sleep,” Thomas said. They hadn’t been in the kitchen long when Lisa came in. “I couldn’t sleep,” she admitted. “You can go back to bed if you want.” Thomas shook his head, handing her a cup of coffee. “Nah, that’s okay.” He paused. “Lisa?” “Yeah?” “Do you love him?” She stopped, sitting her coffee down. “No. I don’t, Thomas. I love you.” “Do you want to make our marriage work?” “Yes. Do you?” “Yeah.” She took in a deep breath. “We have so much to fix.” “We probably should find a counselor.” “You would do that? You would be willing to go into therapy?” She was genuinely surprised. “Yeah, if you’ll go with me,” Thomas said. She smiled. “Yeah, I’ll go with you.” A few hours later Sara awoke in bed next to Jamie. She rolled over and snuggled as close to him as she could get. “Hmm.” Jamie stretched and yawned. “Morning,” he said, kissing her on her nose. “How are you this morning?” she asked. “Hm, ready to be home.” “Are we leaving today?” “We’ll see what everyone else is doing. I don’t want us to leave Mom all at once.” She nodded. “I was thinking,” she started. “Yeah?” “Well, I think I’ll sublease my apartment until my lease runs out.” “Oh? And where would you live?” he smiled. She smiled back and playfully slapped him on the arm. “I set a date. How does the first weekend in October sound? I’ve already enlisted Koi to help me plan.” “Are you sure?” “I’ve never been more sure of anything. I want to be your wife; I want to be part of this family.” That afternoon everyone was moving around through the house as though they were lost. Thomas had called the airlines and gotten a flight back to Boston for him, Lisa, and the kids that evening. Jamie decided he and Sara would stay another day and had booked flights for the next afternoon. Koi, Robbie, and Susan were sitting on the sun porch sipping tea. “Robbie, you’ve never taken me on a tour of that big backyard.” Robbie smiled. “Maybe next time.” “You mean I get to come back?” he teased. “Maybe…” Robbie chided. “Susan,” Koi turned to her. “Why don’t you come stay with us in New York? We have plenty of room and you and I can get to know each other better.” “Well, I don’t know…” “Yeah, Mom. That’s a great idea. Come to New York with us,” Robbie agreed. “For how long?” “I don’t know, as long as you want; a week, a month, whatever. We have plenty of room,” Robbie answered. “Well, I suppose. Sure, why not?” Susan talked herself into it. “It would be much better then wandering around in this lonely house.” “Then it’s settled. I’ll go book the flight,” Koi said. “Would Friday be too soon to go back?” “Friday would be fine, dear.” Susan answered. That evening everyone was telling Thomas and Lisa goodbye before they left for the airport. Lisa promised to email Sara with some online sites for wedding plans. Thomas warned their mother about the weather in New York this time of year. “It will be hot and muggy, Mom, so drink plenty of water and stay in the air conditioning as much as possible.” Then he turned to Robbie. “I’m glad you’re taking her with you. I hated to think of her being here alone.” “It was Koi’s idea. I didn’t think she’d agree to it, but he convinced her.” “Listen, Robbie, if you and Koi ever need any legal… I mean, if you wanted…” he sighed and started again. “I would be happy to draw up any legal documents for you, you know, power of attorney, will, stuff to make your relationship more binding legally; give you more rights.” Koi had been standing beside Robbie and how held his breath, not sure how his lover would take the offer. “Wow, thanks, Thomas,” Robbie said, then turned to Koi. “So, what do you think? Should we make it official?” Koi let out his breath and smiled. “Define official,” he challenged. “Well, Sara and Jamie are planning a ceremony, let’s have one too.” Koi looked at him warily. He had always told Robbie there would be no ceremony unless they agreed to be monogamous. “Um, Robbie,” he wasn’t sure how to broach the subject in front of everyone. Robbie smiled. “Koi, if I agreed to be yours and only yours, will you marry me?” Koi’s face lit up. “You mean that?” Lisa leaned over and nudged Koi with her elbow. “Say yes.” “Yes,” Koi finally said. Thomas smiled, reaching over to slap Koi on the back. “Welcome to the family.” Jamie smiled. “Yeah, as fucked up as it is.”
  10. Mellicat

    Chapter 1

    On the crowded sweaty dance floor, Jason and Kyle ground their bodies together to the slow seductive tempo of the music. It was late and they had consumed just enough alcohol to loosen their inhibitions. I know you like me I know you do That's why whenever I come around she's all over you. Jason could feel Kyle's rock hard dick against his thigh as he pressed his own rigid cock against Kyle. Kyle's lips covering his, his tongue exploring Jason's mouth. Kyle's hands on the small of Jason's back, pulling him closer, grinding their bodies against each other with more force on every thrust. The alcohol making Jason’s head spin, or maybe it was just Kyle; the feel of Kyle’s erection against his body. I know you want me It’s easy to see And in the back of your mind I know you're wishing for me. Kyle's hand slipped down the inside of Jason's pants, sliding over his ass, squeezing his cheek as he pulled Jason closer still. Jason gasped as he felt Kyle's finger circle his hole; Kyle's lips moving over Jason's neck; tasting the salty skin just below his ear. His tongue making a lazy figure eight over Jason’s sensitive neck. Doncha wish your girlfriend was hot like me? Doncha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me Doncha? Doncha? The smell of sweat filled Jason's nose, and the sound of the music coursed through his brain. Kyle's body pressed tightly to his. "Fuck, Kyle, I'm going to come in my pants," Jason whimpered. "Do it," Kyle whispered back. "Come all over yourself." Kyle continued grind his body into Jason’s. His finger continued to play at Jason’s hole, his tongued at Jason’s neck. Their bodies swaying along with the music, “You want me to talk dirty to you? Tell you what a slut you are out here on the dance floor with my finger up your ass?” Kyle asked. Jason’s eye lids drooped closed as a moan slipped from his lips. Doncha wish your girlfriend was wrong like me? Doncha wish your girlfriend was fun like me? Doncha? Doncha? Kyle's finger teased around Jason's hole as he pulled Jason's body closer to his, grinding their cocks together. He slid the tip of his finger in, just past the first ring of muscle. "Fuck, Kyle," Jason groaned. "Come for me. Cream your jeans like a teenager," Kyle replied. Jason felt his knees begin to buckle and Kyle's arm pulling him closer, holding him up as his other hand continued to taunt Jason's hole. "Take me to the back room and fuck me," Jason pleaded. Kyle shook his head. "I want you to come right here. I want you to come just from me touching you, dancing with you, whispering into your ear." Kyle pulled his finger out, then slid it back in, wriggling it from side to side. Doncha wish your girlfriend was hot like me? Doncha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me? Doncha? Doncha? Kyle leaned in, kissing Jason's neck, working his way up to the sensitive spot behind his ear. He pushed his finger up inside Jason a little further. Then pushed in far enough to stroke it over Jason’s prostate. Jason’s knees gave out again, Kyle's breath on Jason's neck was more than he could take and as Kyle's finger made a lazy circular motion inside Jason's hole, he cried out. "Oh Fuck." Kyle held him close as he recovered from his orgasm. The thump-pa thump-pa still pounding in their ears. Doncha? Doncha? "I think I need a drink now," Jason said as a shy smile washed across his face. "I think we need to go find the back room," Kyle replied. "Yeah?" "I want to see my dick in your mouth." "Ahhmmm," Jason moaned, feeling his cock twitch at the thought. "Okay, follow me." As they entered the small dark room near the bathrooms, the smell of sweat and sex engulfed them. Jason led them over to a corner, turning his lover so that his back was against the wall. He smiled at Kyle and reached out to unbutton Kyle's pants. Jason watched Kyle's eye slide close as his hands worked the buttons on his fly. He pushed Kyle's jeans down far enough to free his cock and started to lower himself down to take the weeping dick in his mouth. He was stopped by Kyle's hand; reaching out, holding him up. Their eyes locked. "I love you," Kyle whispered, his hand cupping Jason's face, his thumb sliding across Jason's lower lip. Jason gave a shy smile and dropped to his knees. It’s 4am and you hate your life Alone again just you and too much time If only you would know you had a guide in your life Kyle hissed in a breath of air as he felt Jason's warm mouth envelope him. Jason's tongue twirling and twisting around the base of Kyle's cock. His nose pressed up against Kyle's pubic hair as one hand fondled his balls. The other hand snaked around Kyle's buttocks to find his sweet spot; playing lazily with the bud of Kyle's hole. Kyle opened his eyes, and gazed around the room. Sex in public had always been a big turn on for him. He watched as a dark skinned man rammed into his lover a few feet away. Their well-developed muscles glistening with sweat. Kyle's eyes continued around the room, locking on a pair of blue eyes staring back. Straight across from Kyle stood a striking blond; his dick being serviced by someone as he watched Jason and Kyle. Kyle licked his dry lips and let a soft moan escape his lips as Jason slipped his finger into Kyle's hole, up to the first knuckle, then back out. It’s raining again No stars tonight You tell yourself you need a satellite Drive away drive away, Until you shine Kyle stared at the blond across the way as he was being sucked off. His blue eyes drifting closed in pleasure, then opening back up to watch Kyle and Jason. Jason opened up his throat and let Kyle's dick slide in deeper. Kyle moaned again as he felt his cock hit the back of Jason's throat. Jason's tongue spread flat and warm across the base of his dick. Kyle could feel his balls tighten in anticipation, knowing Jason's next move, knowing that Jason would hold off as long as he could, teasing Kyle. Then he would have to give into his reflexes. Kyle's eyes fell shut and the sensation of being swallowed took him over. The combination of the smell and sounds of sex along with being watched by the beautiful blond across the room, not to mention Jason's talented tongue and finger playing at his hole, all proved to be too much for Kyle. He came with such force that the first stream almost gagged Jason before he could pull Kyle far enough out of his mouth to catch his spunk and drink it down. ‘Cause you know it’s a great big world and we are still alive Yeah, it’s a great big world, so baby, come on, Dive Dive on in After Kyle's orgasm had subsided Jason rose to his feet and tucked Kyle back into his pants, buttoning them back up for his lover. Kyle reached out, pulling Jason into a urgent kiss. "I think I've had enough dancing. Let’s take this home. What do you say?" Kyle asked. "I'm all yours," Jason smiled. "Lead the way."
  11. Mellicat

    Chapter 4

    In the end it wasn’t really HIV or AIDS that got him, even though that is what is listed on the death certificate. It was the drugs he was on to keep him alive. Ironic huh? See, while the advances that have been made in the fight of this disease have been amazing, people are living longer and living better, the fact remains that these drugs are toxic, with terrible side effects, one of which is heart damage. That’s what got Dylan in the end. I know that this is what Dylan would have wanted, preferred even, albeit, maybe not so soon, but he wouldn’t have wanted to waste away, to linger in a hospital bed. He would have hated that. So I tell myself this was better for him, if not for me. It was quick and more than likely relatively painless. A sudden heart attack; he was probably dead before he hit the floor. I called the paramedics, I did CPR, but it was all of no use; he was gone. So once again I get to try to figure out how to live my life without Dylan, only this time there is no hope. We aren’t going to have another chance. Ever. My anger helps to numb the pain, because I am so so angry. Angry at fate for dealing me this hand. Angry at Dylan for being weak. Angry at myself for not being able to fix him, for not being enough for him. I know, I know, it’s not my fault, but right now, that’s not how it feels. How do I recover from this? How can I possible pick up all these broken pieces and go on? I have no idea. I take it one day at a time and thanks to my friends and support group that is all I have to do; just get through today. Tomorrow can take care of itself. If I try to think too far ahead, farther ahead than today, my sense of loss and hopelessness swallows me. So I can only focus on today, on now. I remember reading a quote somewhere. I’m not sure who said it, but it said some thing like: just because someone doesn’t love you like you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have. Dylan’s mistakes, his weakness, took from me what should have been my happily ever after. But I don’t regret having known him, having loved him and I do believe that he loved he as best as he was able. Oh, I finally got tested. I’m negative.
  12. Mellicat

    Chapter 5

    I've spent the last four years in recovery. I wish I could tell you I've been successful, that I've been monogamous with Christian, but I can't. I've slipped, more than once. I’ve been able to hide my work with SAA from Christian for the same reason I could hide my tricking; Christian is the most trusting soul on the planet. He never questions my excuses to disappear for a few hours to attend a meeting. Never asks who was on my cell. Just as he never questioned me when I would go out tricking, coming home and heading straight to the shower. Maybe it would have been better if he had; maybe if he had asked more questions I would have told him. They say one key to success is to have someone to be accountable to. Maybe if I had been honest with Christian I wouldn't have slipped up so often. But then again maybe if I had told him he would have simply left. Up until six months ago, I had been doing pretty well. I think I had gone close to ten months without tricking. I had honestly begun to think that I finally had my addiction under control; that I could be the person Christian saw and we could live out our lives together. Then the proverbial shit hit the fan. My homophobic right-wing religious zealous parents re-entered my life. Ever so often they decide to try once again to save my soul. I do my best to ignore their attempts to 'fix' me; but inside me there is still that little boy that just wants his mother to love him. I'd be lying if I said their words and actions didn't hurt, no matter how hard I try to brace myself against them. Around the same time I started having issues with my job. We had a change of management and the new boss wasn't as impressed with me as the old boss had been. This guy thought I was a snot nosed know-it-all. It seemed no matter what I did he was on my ass. Nothing was ever good enough. Finally, the day came when he walked into my office and said enough was enough. I was fired from a job I had held for most of my adult life. Out on my ass without a clue where to go or how to start over. I didn't buckle then, not yet. I was tempted, the first thing that always enters my mind when I have a bad day is to just say 'fuck it' and go find a trick, but I've learned to not give into all these impulses. I've learned how to hold onto the good things in my life instead of falling back on my old crutch. I called Christian from my cell on the commute home. "He finally did it, he fired me." I had told him I thought it was coming, but we both had hoped I was over reacting. "Oh, Dylan. I'm so sorry. Are you okay? Where are you?" "Yeah, I'm fine, I'm on my way home." "I wish I could take today off to be with you, but there's just no way." "No, don't be silly, besides, we need your job now." "You'll find something else soon, I'm sure." "Yeah, well I just wanted you to know so you didn't freak if you called the office." "Are you sure you're okay?" "Bummed, but yeah, I'm fine. I'll see you tonight." "Love you, Dylan." "I love you too, Christian." I walked into our empty apartment feeling totally out of place being home at that time of day. I had no idea what to do, the thought of trying to find another job, or even applying for unemployment seem daunting to me. I craved a drink, a joint, a hot ass, anything to numb me, even for only a moment or two. But I knew that wasn't the answer. I had come too far to let this trip me; I vowed to stay strong. The phone rang and I picked it up without even looking at the caller I.D. It had to be Christian; he was the only one that knew I was home. "Hello." "Oh, Dylan, I wasn't expecting you." It was my mother. "Who were you expecting then?" "Um, your machine I guess. I was just planning on leaving you a message. Julie is graduating this year, you know, and I was wondering if we could count on you to attend." Julie was my baby sister and the graduation wasn't for three more months. "Mom, whatever. I just lost my job today, so I don't really feel like thinking about something that's not even happening for months." Mom was silent on the other end of the phone. "This would be where you expressed your sympathies and concern for me." "Oh Dylan, when will you see that all these things that happen to you, they’re simply a result of your lifestyle." "First of all, what are you talking about 'all these things'? The only thing that has happened is that I lost my job, and second it isn't a 'lifestyle', it's who I am, who I've always been, the way I was born." "I can't even talk to you anymore," she said. I rolled me eyes. "I need to go Mother. I'll talk to you later." Or not. I hung up before she had time to respond. I walked into the kitchen and pulled the bourbon from the counter. It was ten a.m. When Christian got home that evening I was passed out on the couch. But I had stayed home; my dick had stayed in my pants. It could have been so much worse. It happened about a week later. I had been growing more and more depressed. My mother's incessant phone calls only added to my feelings of worthlessness. Christian was very understanding and supportive. He kept encouraging me to get back out there, never losing faith in me. That should have been a comfort to me, right? I should have counted myself lucky to have such a caring boyfriend, but no, I found his cheeriness and encouragement irritating at the least. I would lash out at him, and then get even more upset when he wouldn't rise to my bait. Finally one evening I knew if I stayed there any longer I would say something I couldn't repair. I kissed him and mumbled something about needing to get out and maybe see a movie or something, for him not to wait up. I knew where I was going and I knew it was a huge mistake, but at that point, I was so low I didn’t even care. I went to a dumpy little dance club with a dingy backroom and grabbed the first twink that gave me the time of day. I hauled him to the back and rode his hot little ass like there was no tomorrow. After I came, I pushed him off of me and ran out of the club as if it were on fire. I lost my supper in the alleyway, knowing I had fucked up. Major. I drove myself home and slunk into the apartment, making my way straight to the shower and then to sleep in the spare room. There was no way I could handle Christian's understanding gaze. I didn't deserve it. I didn't deserve his love, his concern, his care. I was shit and I knew it. I awoke the next morning to a piece of paper on the pillow next to my head. In Christian's writing it read: Get help, Dylan. Please. Love, Christian. I fell back onto the bed and sobbed. He was right. After I had cried myself out I picked up my cell and called my sponsor. Then I called my therapist. I knew I had to pick myself up. That was five and a half months ago and I've been back on the program since. I haven't been out tricking, haven't had a drink or done any drugs. I’ve found another job, a better job and for the first time since I lost my job six months ago, I felt that things were back on track. And now this. Now you tell me I'm positive. Now I have to go home and tell my partner, the love of my life what I've done. After all this time of getting away with it, I'm caught now. The jig is up. He'll leave you know, and I can't say that I blame him. He should leave. He should find someone that is worthy of his love. I can only hope that I haven't infected him. That would be it for me. There is no way I could live with myself if he turns up positive too. No way.
  13. Thanks for all the good wishes. Wish for me to have some time to write... oh wait, no don't. I need my job too bad.

  14. Happy Birthday ~!!~

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