Brandon Smiling: From the Billy Chase Chronicles (2) - 8. Entry 8

Saturday

I was ultra-excited today about going to Corey Parker’s party!

My Dad was glad I was going out tonight and even made a comment about me becoming ‘quite popular’ at school! I don’t know about that, but it is nice to be included in teenage social life finally. High School is already turning out better than Middle School ever was! Being ‘adopted’ by the Crosses seems to be really paying off in that department!

But, what has really opened me up to all kinds of beautiful possibilities is my growing relationship with Billy! I can say, after tonight, we do have some kind of relationship going, be it friend or lover, I guess only time will tell.

The trip over to Corey’s was a bit, um, I think the word is harrowing! Jamie insisted on picking me up and driving me to the party. Even though he, himself, was not ‘lowering’ himself to go to a ‘Junior’s’ party, he was more than happy to show off his ‘driving’ skills. He’s only recently gotten his license…and it shows! I don’t know how many times he got distracted with something he was blathering about and almost blew through lights, stop signs, pedestrians!

Next time, I’m going to have to insist that either Chandler or Jamie’s dad drive us anywhere next time! Sheesh! On top of things, Jamie got a little lost finding Corey’s house so I arrived a bit late. There seemed to be ‘hundreds’ of people at Corey’s rather large house! It was probably only 50 or so, but things were already swinging by the time I got there with kids everywhere and the music going.

Jamie gave me a thumbs up and then screeched out of there after promising to pick me up before midnight, my cutoff per my Dad. So, I tried not to dread the ride home while enjoying the party. I didn’t get the impression anyone recognized me coming out of Jamie Cross’ car. No one would know what Jamie was driving anyway as I think he still gets a ride to school with his Mom or Chandler when he’s around. I wish Chandler had been my ride tonight…for a lot of reasons!

I was pretty nervous going in all by myself. Everyone else seemed to have friends or somebody, but I braved it alone. I am used to doing things by myself, so I just pretended I was going to the Mall by myself or some other crowded place alone. It’s a nice fake-out game I play with my ‘inner voice’ these days.

No, I’m not hearing voices!

Anyways, I needn’t have worried. I wasn’t alone for very long! Just as I entered the front door to get the lay of the land, I saw a very happy and expectant Billy wade forcefully through the crowd right toward me! Awww!

He looked so happy to see me! He was so adorable tonight! He was actually blushing when he came up to me and it didn’t seem like it was because of the giant effort it took him to get to me through the spastic dancers either!

Something in the way he looked - with his pretty shirt, tight-ish jeans, big sparkeling eyes, and big delicious smile with dimples - just made the goosebumps rise all over me! I was glad I was wearing my black pleated pants because I think I got hard just seeing that blush of his reach down his long neck and down into that bit of his chest I could see peeking out under his open collar. I felt myself go shy trying to contain myself from not picking Billy up bodily and kissing him right there with everybody watching!

Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on how you might look at it, Billy wasn’t alone and his choice of company was interesting to say the least! Jimmy LaPlane was right there with him…with a very similar blush to Billy’s! He’s Out and he looked a little school-girlish staring at me like a juicy hot enchilada! A look that, in a lot of ways, mirrored Billy’s look!

My mind immediately leaped to: ‘Billy’s Gay and he likes me! It’s GOTTA be!’

I swear it took all my will not to melt all over the floor with what felt like a soft Coming Out to me by Billy tonight. To keep myself under control and from making a complete fool out of myself, I excused myself to get some snacks. I needed a moment to breathe!

Billy’s Gay and he likes me just like Jimmy LaPlane, who is Out and Proud, seems to like me! In that way!

All the long lingering looks, the bashful smiles, the…increasing closeness in the Library - it was all starting to come together like one of Chandler’s photographs!

When I came back with snacks and drinks to share, I couldn’t help but see the mischevious look Jimmy had on his face along with the rather shocked look on Billy’s. What had they been saying about me behind my back and why do I think I would have loved it?

Then the girl Melissa showed up with an all too obvious charade of ‘feels’ for Billy’s situation with Sam and Joanna. Being pointed in that direction as they came in, I saw them pretty instantly. It was like they could feel me staring…especially Sam. They stared at me for a second and then at the back of Billy’s head as he was talking to Melissa. Joanna got a strange look on her face like she was slightly insulted. Sam…however…got a small smile on his face. Not a mean one…but one of fondness like ‘good for you, Buddy’. Melissa turned to direct Billy’s attention to the vile betrayers, but when he looked they quickly looked away pretending not to notice him. So stupid!

Billy did look sad, but I had to wonder if it was more for the loss of Sam over his loss of Joanna. In any case, he didn’t seem to let it get him down too much.

What did get him down was my needing to cut out early. I loved what was going on, I loved being with Billy, I even liked the music choices being played, but for some reason, it got my migraine started. I found that very disappointing. I wanted to stay and see how things developed between us tonight! Despite Jimmy being velcroed to Billy like lint on black pants, I think we might have been able to go off to be alone for a little while and maybe talk…about us!

But, my stupid headache had other ideas.

Thankfully, I had my new cell phone my dad got me for emergencies. I called him, he was concerned of course, but I told him I was ok besides my headache. He came and picked me up and I called to tell Jamie so he wouldn’t get stood up.

I think I’ll be having an appointment to see the doctor pretty soon. These migraines are getting out of control!

Ah, but before I left I did manage to take Billy aside and tell them what I’d been seeing of Sam’s behavior. I didn’t really care about Joanna, but I did let Billy know that ‘they’ looked like they missed him. By ‘they’ I really meant Sam…because I noticed the more Billy tried to ignore him, the more sad Sam seemed to look.

On a spur of the moment, you know what I did? It, basically, came from a place of needing to comfort Billy, but it also came from a need to touch him and love him tonight - so, I gave him a big ol’ hug! I…just couldn’t control it! I needed it and, more importantly, he seemed to need it. Oh, he felt so perfect in my arms like the perfect fit or something! I felt like I could hold him and never let go. I didn’t even get aroused doing it, I just felt this incredible warmth reach from me to him! Like a little piece of me felt a little piece of him and all I could feel was turmoil and angst mixed with this biggest rush of affection as Billy squeezed me back.

It was our first contact in this way! I hope it isn’t our last. Maybe, you find it weird that a mere hug should mean so much…but you have no idea if you’ve never been in love…

…and I am! I so am!

This is Brandon in love…