City Under the Waves - 9. Chapter 9

When she had gone the room was very still and silent apart from the invasive beep of the monitors. The sound cut into Mererid’s head and set her teeth on edge, all the more so because she was hyper aware that at any minute they could change.

They sat in silence and time stretched interminably. It all felt wrong; horribly wrong. Mererid was restless but she couldn’t bring herself to move; to let go of Marc’s hand, as though by holding it she was holding him to her, stopping him slipping away. He was so pale and so still, like a statue carved from marble; a statue of an angel. It occurred to her for the second time that he was beautiful. Strange that she had never noticed before. They were so very alike that looking at him was like looking at herself and she had always been as careless of his beauty as she had been of her own.

But now… she reached out and touched his face; it was perfect. She smoothed the tangle of his raven black hair feeling its silkiness even through the knots. Everything was perfect.

“It’s not fair.” Both grandparents jumped. The petulant words sounded loud in the silence. They did not respond and she pressed on. “All my life he’s been there. Every day; every moment; everywhere I went; everything I did: he has been there. But I never saw him before. He was never a person; not really: he was just Marc, as familiar as my own face. I never looked at him and I never saw him. And now…now I have looked and seen how beautiful he is… it’s too late.”

“It’s never too late Meri. It isn’t over until it’s over.”

Wordlessly she nodded and bowed her head as tears welled over and splashed unheeded onto Marc’s arm as she held his fingers pressed to her face.

Exchanging glances over her head John nodded slightly and Gwen responded without words. As one they stood. John laid a hand on Mererid’s shoulder.

“Let us go and get you a drink of something hot and sweet. This is hard on you; I know it is. This might sound weird but why don’t you take some time on your own with Marc and talk to him. I don’t know if he can hear you but I think it would make you feel better. Just… tell him anything… everything. It doesn’t have to make sense. We won’t be long.”

Wordlessly she nodded, her gratitude shining in her eyes, but when she was alone she was suddenly afraid. What if…? Mentally shaking herself she berated herself… How could she be afraid of her own brother?

“I’m so sorry Marc. I am thinking some crazy things right now. I… I don’t know how to deal with this. It’s so strange, I mean I… suddenly I am seeing so many different things in you. I’m finally opening my eyes and realising that you are actually a person… separate from me. And… I know it sounds mad, maybe it is; but it’s like, after nineteen years I am finally waking up to you and you…

“I don’t know what’s happening to you. I don’t know where you are or what that witch is doing to you but I won’t let this happen. I don’t know what I can do about it but I will find a way; somehow I will find a way. I WON’T let you die. Please, don’t leave me. I can’t be without you, I can’t… you are my soul mate; my protector; my teacher; my confessor; my best friend. Please, please come back to me. I love you so much. Please…”

“How touching.” Mererid had been leaning close to Marc, gazing into his face and had not been aware of the arrival of the woman who now stood smiling at her on the other side of the bed. At the drawled words her head snapped up; her eyes flashing.

“Before you think of laying a hand on me just remember what I hold in mine.” She held out her hand and the flickering flame was barely visible; pale and dim in her palm. It frightened Mererid to see how diminished it was. “Yes, it is pathetic now isn’t it? One puff and it’s gone. What do you think would happen then?” Slowly she closed her hand around the flame and, although there was no movement from the still figure on the bed Mererid’s eyes were drawn to the monitor over his head where there were numbers flashing and a dramatic change in the pattern on the screen

“No! Please don’t. Stop it, please. I don’t know what you are doing to my brother but please, please stop. You are going to kill him and I… I couldn’t… Please, please don’t do that.”

“Where has all the fight gone; sister? Last night you were prepared to fight me to your last breath. I asked you a question then and you didn’t answer. Answer me now. Are you prepared to fight me to his last breath?”

“Please don’t do this. If you do I swear that for every second you make him suffer; I will make you suffer a hundred years.”

“Really? Then perhaps I should end his suffering: right here; right now.”

“NO! That is not what I meant. You know that is not what I meant. Stop it! Leave him alone.”

“Or what? What do think you could do to me? In this world I barely even exist. You can’t touch me, but I can touch you… and I can touch him.”

For the second time she gave him a look that was almost affectionate and reached out to touch his face.

“Whatever you may think, it gives me little joy to see him like this. You may not believe me but I never really though it would come to this. I underestimated him, considerably: and I regret that. But now it is down to you, and you are not as strong. I will put a proposal to you. Think on it carefully. Your mother is on her way here. What will she find when she arrives? Her family in mourning… or her son awake and recovering. It is really up to you. All you have to do is to give me your word that you will walk away. Just walk away. Go home with your mother and never come back.”

“You know that I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“Because He won’t do that. No matter what I promise you Marc won’t walk away from this; no matter what: even if it means his life. I know him well enough to be sure that there is nothing I could do; nothing I could say to make him walk away from this… so that means that I can’t walk away from it and I can’t make that promise to you.”

“Not even to save his life?”

“But it wouldn’t. He wouldn’t leave this alone, I know he wouldn’t. You are right, absolutely right… he is the strong one. He would insist on seeing it through and even if I kept my promise he would do it without me. And then what? No, I am not prepared to allow him to do it all alone. I will be in it with him to the end, whatever that may be.”

Aerfen gave her a strange look, with her head tilted to one side. Then, with surprising tenderness she brushed a stray lock of hair from Marc’s face and was gone.

Mererid was shaking all over, feeling sick her stomach. To see her here… in this place with all of its modern equipment and with doctors and nurses just outside; all helpless, unaware, unable to understand let alone stop what was happening. She began to cry, resting her head on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Marc, I can’t protect you from her. I can’t do anything. I can’t save you.”

She was still holding his hand and almost jumped out of her skin when briefly but firmly his fingers twitched and then he squeezed it.

“Marc?” she scanned his face but there was no flicker of awareness there; neither did his hand move again but it was enough. When their grandparents returned five minutes later Mererid was asleep with her head resting on his shoulder, his hand held tightly in hers.

It was mid morning when Mererid awoke. She was lying along the bench with a pillow under her head and a blanket over her. At first she had no idea where she was and when memory crashed in on her she sat up in a complete panic. How could she have fallen asleep? How could she have let go of Marc when she had promised him she would not?

Gwen was asleep in a chair on the other side of the bed and John was sitting watching her. First she reassured herself that Marc was alright… or at least was no less alright than he had been before she went to sleep. When she was secure that nothing dramatic had happened or was about to happen and she was holding tight to her brother’s hand again she allowed herself a brief smile for her grandfather.

“Are you feeling a little better now?”

“Yes, thank you. Grandad... do you remember what I was telling you yesterday; who I was telling you about?”

“Yes, I remember.”

“She was here, Grandad. That woman was here. She said that if I walked away and didn’t look back she would… she would release him and he would be alright. I…I couldn’t do that. I said no. I couldn’t just walk away.”

“Meri, whatever happens here, it is not your responsibility; not you fault. I know that you will do what you think is right and I know that Marc would want you to carry on doing that no matter what. I can’t explain what you are experiencing but I do know this. What happened to Marc was and is not your fault.”

“I know, and I know that if I did make that agreement with her he wouldn’t stop. He would have to go on no matter what and if I had promised to walk away he would be all alone. I promised I wouldn’t leave him alone so I can’t. But… what if... what if, because I said no she... what if …?”

“No Meri; ‘what if’ and ‘if only’ don’t help. Not ever. You have to do what you think is right and as long as you are true to yourself you should have no regrets.”

“I know but…”

“No but’s either Meri. What will be must be; and it won’t be because of you.”

“It’s so hard. I know I can’t walk away; but I don’t know how not to. I mean; I can’t leave him: I just can’t. I promised I would be here for him, with him and so I have to but then… how can I… do anything?”

“You can’t. But that woman clearly believes that you can and will do something so; no doubt the opportunity will arise sooner or later.”

And in fact it was sooner. She had barely finished speaking to her grandfather when there was a tentative tap at the door and it swung open to reveal an enormous bushy beard and two eyes that were unusually wide and fearful.

Gwyon looked out of place in the room; he seemed to suck space from all around him and he looked so big and the room so tiny. His face was grave and his eyes glittered darkly as they looked at Marc.

“I am sorry, little lady. There was a part of me that knew; a part of me which has always known. I even tried to speak to him about it; and yet I did nothing. Not that I know what I could have done but, nevertheless I let it slip by me. I did not think that she was a danger to any of us; at least not yet, not until we were closer. And then I though that I would be with you and could protect you from her. I failed; yet again I have failed.”

“Don’t be silly. You have done nothing. I didn’t see it either. I failed too.”

He put his huge but gentle hand on her shoulder. “Don’t worry, little lady. I will help you to find him. I will help you bring him back.”

“Can we do that?”

“I believe so. He is very close to the path that leads to the other side but he has not set foot on it yet. There is time. I sense that his spirit is lost; wandering in her darkness but we can find him: I am sure of it. We must complete the quest: when we are done her power will be broken and we will be free to enter the darkness. We will find him.”

“Are you sure? Because… because…”

“Fear not, little lady, I have walked the path between many times and I know the way.”

“”Do we have time?”

“No, but what is time but an illusion? We must hurry.”

He looked at her expectantly and she was confused.

“What?”

“We must go; Celyn is waiting for us. The sun is already high.”

“We must go? I can’t go anywhere. I can’t leave Marc.”

“Then all hope is lost. I shall wait with you to say goodbye.”

“What…what do you mean?”

“The endeavour requires your input. It cannot be done without you. And if we do not succeed in the endeavour then there is truly no hope for your brother. In his own way he has been a friend to me; I respect his bravery and his strength and I owe it to him to watch over his passing and therefore I shall stay and my harp shall play his feet onto the path.”

“That’s not fair.”

“Fair or not, little lady, it is truth.”

She stared at him in horror then glanced at her grandfather for support. He shook his head and shrugged; out of his depth.

“How can I leave him? I promised I wouldn’t leave him”

“You are not leaving him, little lady, you are simply searching for him somewhere else.”

“But what if… what if... something happens when we are gone.”

“If we succeed then nothing will happen.”

“And if we fail? If we fail then there is nothing you can do to save him wherever you are.”

“There’s that truth again.”

Gwen leaned over the bed and laid her hand on Mererid’s hand. “I don’t know what you are talking about but… if you have a chance to do something; to help him, do it. If there was something, anything I could do I would not hesitate for a moment: even if it meant walking deserts, climbing mountains… anything is better than just sitting here, watching and waiting. Your mother will be here shortly; she and I will do the watching and waiting. At least now we have something more hopeful to wait for.”

Torn and in pain she turned to her brother, searching his face. “I don’t know what to do. I want to come with you but… how can I leave him? How can I? If he… if something… if I’m not here... how could I ever forgive myself? How could I live with myself?”

“And if you sit here and watch him die knowing you could have saved him…what then?”

“That’s an awful thing to say.”

“Truth often is.”

“Alright; you win. I will come. I have to.”

She leaned over and kissed Marc on the forehead and whispered. “I am so sorry. I promised that I wouldn’t leave you and I am but... but; I’m not really. I’m doing this for you.”

As she turned away she thought that for a fraction of a second, fleeting as a summer breeze, the ghost of a smile passed over his lips. But maybe it was only because she wanted it so much.

The outside air was crisp and fresh after the suffocating, recycled atmosphere in the hospital. The sun was already high in the sky and warmed her shoulders and back. It did not reach her heart. They walked in silence. Mererid was irrationally angry with him. Gwyon knew it and understood.

“Why did this happen?”

“What happened after I left last night?”

“It was her… Aerfen. She came in the night. I woke up and she was in the room; talking to Marc. She said that he was hers, had been from the start and there was nothing I could do to save him. She called me sister and said that she could not afford to have me clear headed to fight her and so she would have to distract me. Then she… I don’t really know what she did but somehow she put her hands on his chest and there was a flame in her hand. She clapped her hands together and it was gone and that is when… when he…

“And she came again… in the hospital. She said that she holds his life in her hands and if I would agree to walk away to go home he would be alright but if I didn’t she would kill him and there was nothing I could do to stop her.”

“That is her way. She believes in the old ways; that battles are won in the mind. She will do everything she can to sap your will and make you believe that the quest is hopeless. And if she succeeds; if you believe her, then she will be right.”

“You are so strong, Gwyon, so sure. I… I can’t be like that. I doubt everything; absolutely everything.”

“Do you doubt that your brother loves you?”

“No, of course not. I could never doubt that; I know it absolutely.”

“And do you love him?”

“How could you even ask it? He is part of me, my soul mate, two parts of the same soul. “

“And what of Celyn; do you love him?”

“Celyn? I don’t know him. I only met him yesterday.”

“But, do you love him?”

Thinking the question strange she nevertheless thought about it and was astonished to realise that, although she had known him for less than a day there was something about him that was achingly familiar, that called to her; that touched her soul. It wasn’t the same way that Marc touched her soul but it was close enough.

“I… don’t know. There is something so familiar about him; something... It feels as though he is... He is part of my heart. I don’t know how but... he is part of my heart”

“Do you really believe that you met him for the first time yesterday? Did you not hear the call of his soul across the centuries?”

“I don’t understand.”

“I cannot explain it to you. You must remember for yourself.”

“Remember? Do you mean that I have met him before? In another time?”

“What do you think?”

“I think… I think that... “ A memory flashed in her head; a memory that she had thought was a vision. Two children, a sunny shimmering courtyard; a little boy with strange shifting green eyes and silver hair looking upwards and his sister… “No! You can’t mean?”

“Can’t I?”

“But it isn’t possible. I mean… we are going to rescue them, right - the children? So, if we are rescuing them then how…?”

“Sometimes, the only person who can rescue you… is yourself.”

“I’m more confused than ever. Are you saying that somehow, part of them…. of those children, escaped and was… was reborn in us?”

“It isn’t as simple as that; but you have something of the idea.”

“Then if… if… Celyn and I; if we are… then Marc…”

“They were twins Mererid; they have always been twins. I should have seen it the moment I met you, I should have understood it then.”

“But Marc isn’t evil. Sure, he has been a completely shit to Celyn but… I mean… there is no way that he could be…”

“Make no mistake; we are talking of the barest essence of being here. It is only a tiny part of you that exists in the past; the main part of who and what you are has been struggling to recover that for a very long time. Over the centuries you have changed and become who you are now and that is what is true. That is why Aerfen fights so hard to keep you imprisoned; because that is the only place where she can now exist as she was. That is the only place where she is herself. Here, in this world she is nothing; she is just a memory. None of you are evil or ever will be, no matter what.” But he did not sound so sure of that part.