Love in Chains - 19. Chapter 19

I was at home when I got the call. Kane was there too. Jon had insisted that we went home before he went to the police. He said he didn’t want us caught up in the backlash. Riz had taken Ben back to the safe house and so it was only the two of us.

The voice on the other end of the phone was cold and clinical. It told me that Nye had been found and that he had been taken to a hospital somewhere and asked if I wanted a car sent to take me to him. As if. The voice would not or could not give me any important information, not even whether Nye was still alive but kept politely repeating that they were not at liberty to provide that information. When I put the phone down I was numb.

Obviously Kane had gathered the gist of the conversation from my end and he was looking at me with pleading eyes. What could I tell him? I shrugged.

“They wouldn’t tell me anything. He’s in a hospital somewhere but they wouldn’t even tell me if he was still alive. What... what am I supposed to think?”

Suddenly Kane’s arms were around me and I was sobbing into his shoulder.

“Think that they are not able to tell you anything... that’s all babe... that’s all. Can we go?”

“They’re sending a car to take us.”

“Okay... then we should get ready. Do you still have any of Nye’s stuff here?”

“Some old stuff... I...”

“Put it in a bag... he might need it.”

“But...”

“Mir... it’ll give you something to do, something to think about.”

I was about to answer when I looked into his eyes and so I just nodded and got on with it. He was right... it did help... for a while.

The car took less than fifteen minutes to get to us but it was the longest fifteen minutes of my life... I am sure it was the same for Kane.

The driver of the car was just that... an ordinary officer whose job it was to drive and nothing more. He had no information to give and it was pointless questioning him... although of course we did.

I lost all sense of direction and had no idea where we were heading. It was dark well before we got there.

The hospital was very normal. I don’t know what I was expecting but it was just a building full of people going about their business and living out their own personal dramas completely ignorant of ours. Kane put his arm around my shoulder and was practically supporting me by the time we got inside.

In the lobby the police officer spoke to the bored looking woman behind the desk and then escorted us into a room and left us. I sat on a chair and screwed my bag between my hands while Kane paced. He was like a caged lion and I kept expecting to hear him roar. The room was small with little room for pacing and I don’t know what would have happened if we had been kept waiting one minute more than we were.

When the door opened we both froze and looked up. The doctor was unsurprised by our reaction, I suppose he saw it all the time. He checked his clipboard and looked at me.

“I take it you are Miriam?”

“Yes, yes I am. Is my brother alright?”

The doctor frowned and perched on the edge of the table. My heart froze and plummeted at the look on his face and I was sure that the next words out of his mouth were going to be that he was sorry...

“Physically Anurin seems to be generally okay. There are some minor injuries, the most severe being lacerations and bruising to his feet. There was some suggestion that he might have been poisoned but it’s been several hours and he is not showing any adverse affects and so I would be surprised if that were the case.

“We have taken blood to run a full toxicology screening and will know more when the results come back but... I think he’s going to be fine.”

I felt like someone had hit me in the chest. Nye was okay... he wasn’t dead... he had sore feet but fuck that was nothing... he was okay.

“But...?”

I had been so overwhelmed with relief at what the doctor had said I hadn’t even begun to pick up on what he hadn’t said... not so Kane.

The doctor hesitated looking back and forth between Kane and myself. “Physically Aneurin is going to be fine but... mentally it’s a different question. The police have told us a little about what was going on in Aneurin’s life and it’s clear that he has been...” The doctor paused again and frowned. “As I said, we will know more when the blood tests come back but there is no doubt he has been given drugs of some kind, probably mind altering ones and he is...” For the third time the doctor paused and ran his hands through his hair.

“I am no psychiatrist but it’s clear that Aneurin is having some problems at the moment. He is very disassociated, doesn’t seem to know where he is. He’s having difficulty speaking and doesn’t seem able to rationalise.”

“And that means?”

“He’s out of it. He doesn’t know who he is, where he is or what happened to him. He can’t express himself in anything more than abstract words and phrases and he can’t remember anything that happened to him. I am fairly sure that most of that is the result of drugs but they should be wearing off and they aren’t. Although... there may well be an element of shock and PTSD... I understand that when the police broke into the room it was just as the man who was holding him was shot in the head by another. I suppose I don’t have to explain what standing in close proximity to someone whose head explodes can do to someone. As I said... we will know more when we get the results of the blood tests... but until then... ”

“I don’t understand.”

“You will.”

“Wait... Kane’s voice was commanding, more grounded than mine. “You said someone was shot... who was it? Was it Adam?”

“I believe that there were two men killed... one shot by the other and that one by the police on entry. I’m afraid I don’t have any more information about who they were.” He smiled at Kane in a way that suggested his conversation with him was over then turned to me. “Would you like to see your brother Miss Davies?”

“Yes... yes of course I would.”

Kane had to help me to my feet and we followed the doctor through corridors to stop in front of a door that needed a code put into it to allow us access. After that he led us along another corridor and paused outside the door.

“You have understood what I have said haven’t you, Miss Davies?”

“I... what do you mean?”

“I mean that there is a very good chance that your brother won’t recognise you. Are you prepared for that?”

“I... how could I ever be prepared for that? I... I’m as ready as I will ever be. Right now all I want is to know that my brother is alright.”

“There are many definitions of that word, Miss Davies and I can’t in all honesty reassure you that this is the case with your brother. Go and speak to him and we will talk again later. You can stay here tonight if you wish. I would like to keep Aneurin in the hospital for a few days to keep an eye on his feet and after that he can go... but whether that is home is another matter for another day.”

The doctor squeezed my arm and disappeared leaving me feeling unaccountably nervous. Kane put his arm around me and I looked up into his face. Although I am tall he is a couple of inches taller and I always look up to him. He smiled. He was very pale. Knowing that he was as nervous as I was made it easier.

Nye was asleep. He looked so young, so vulnerable lying in the stark white bed in the stark white room. A window was open and a breeze was playing with his hair, as stark and white as any of it.

There was no medical equipment, no beeping machines, no tubes or needles... no anything but my brother, and the window and the breeze.

It was dark outside and the sharp tang of rain blew in with the breeze, it made the curtains flutter and Nye sighed and stirred at its caress. He turned his head towards us and I gasped aloud, feeling Kane’s grip on my shoulder tighten. Even though I knew it wasn’t his, the sight of Nye’s pale hair dyed a deep red by the gory blood that had soaked into it, and seeing the pattern of tiny cuts on his face that I could imagine were caused by flying bone, made me go cold and my legs feel weak.

There was no one else in the room but I felt strangely shy as I approached the bed. Not so Kane. He practically flew across the room and, without pausing sat down on the bench at the side of the bed and took Nye’s hand. I was at his shoulder when Nye’s eyes fluttered open and stared up at both of us with wide but strangely empty eyes.

“Nye?”

Kane spoke eagerly even as my own voice was trapped in my constricted throat. Nye’s eyes wandered to him and then back to me. He did not look pleased to see us. Neither did he look concerned or even remotely curious. He just looked blank.

“Nye?”

Kane looked up at me and I squeezed his shoulder. I forced myself to smile at Nye and he mirrored it with a tiny smile of his own.

“Do you know who we are Nye?”

He stared at me as if he didn’t even understand the question and I began to see what the doctor had been getting at. Kane swore softly.

“Fuck.”

Kane was holding tight to Nye’s hand and I could see that Nye was gripping back, not just letting himself be held. He wasn’t... entirely passive.

I reached out and brushed his hair out of his face. It made me feel sick to see the blood stain his lips when it touched them. Nye sighed with pleasure at my touch and closed his eyes, a smile playing on the blood stained lips. So I carried on stroking his hair until he practically purred.

“Do you feel better now?”

He opened his eyes and looked up at me, still blank but slightly puzzled. After a while he nodded and closed his eyes again with a sigh.

“Nye... what happened to you? What did they do to you? I swear to god if I get my hands on Adam or Lian I swear I will fucking kill them with my bare hands.”

Kane’s voice was distraught and Nye reacted instantly by sitting bolt upright, staring into the distance. For a moment he was completely rigid and when he turned his head to look at Kane, Hell was in his eyes.

“Nye.” Kane leaped up and took Nye into his arms, still rigid and held him tight against him while he stammered.

“A...A... Ad...am.”

“Sssh baby... it’s alright. Adam’s gone. It’s just you and me now. You’re safe.”

“Adam.”

Kane had his head buried in Nye’s shoulder and he couldn’t see his face... but I could and what I saw there scared me. His eyes weren’t seeing me... they weren’t seeing this room and whatever it was they were seeing was not good.

I touched Nye’s hair and he raised his eyes to mine. For a long moment they were locked and then he started to shake and collapsed into Kane’s arms sobbing.

I climbed up onto the bed and both Kane and I held Nye while he sobbed soundlessly, his whole body shaking and boneless.

After what seemed like a very long time both the sobs and the shaking subsided and we lowered Nye down onto the pillows and smoothed the hair out of his face. There was a box of tissues on the table beside the bed and I used them to wipe the blood and snot. All the while Nye lay passive with his eyes fixed on the ceiling. I though we had lost him again.

“Nye... Please babe... don’t hide from us... you’re safe now.”

“Safe?” Nye let his eyes fall onto Kane and he gave him a long hot stare, then he shook his head and closed his eyes, struggling with the emotions that were swamping him as tears squeezed out from beneath his lids again. After a long pause he said. “Luke’s dead.”

“Oh God. I’m sorry Nye... I’m so sorry. I wanted to come back but he wouldn’t let me. I begged him. I swear. I saw you both fall and I was so scared. I was so scared that you were both dead. Jon told us that Luke was shot... but he said that when he left The Club he was alright. What happened? Did Adam kill him?”

Nye shook his head. “Lian. I... had... to ... watch. They said... they said... my fault.”

“You don’t believe that do you? You don’t believe it was your fault?” When he didn’t make a move to answer Kane pressed on. “None of this was your fault Nye, it was Adam’s fault. He did this. Him and that man... Lian. They were the ones who hurt you... and Luke. It wasn’t your fault. Luke knew what he was doing when he helped you... they all did.” When there was no response from Nye he repeated heatedly. “It was not your fault.”

After a long time when tears poured down his cheeks Nye gripped Kane’s hand and whispered. “I know.”

Relief was tangible in the room. It swept over us like a wave of pure energy and I started to shake all over. Kane leaned forward resting his forehead on the hand that held Nye’s and sobbed. For a long time Nye didn’t move and then, very slowly, he reached over with his free hand and stroked Kane’s head.

Kane looked up and their eyes met. For a long moment Nye looked more puzzled and confused than ever and then he smiled. It wasn’t the thin, pale smile that had touched his lips earlier, it was a bright, glorious smile that lit his eyes and brought his face to life again.

“Kane. I was scared.”

Kane leaped up onto the bed and took him in his arms. They clung together and, although I have to admit I did feel a little embarrassed and pushed out, I was grinning like the village idiot.

“Me too dude... me too. But it’s over now. It’s all going to be alright now.” Kane pulled away slightly so he could look into Nye’s face. “I was a super idiot Nye. I let you slip away from me because I neglected you. I am not going to do that again. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. Will you forgive me? Will you give us another go?”

Well, this was news to me but hardly a surprise and I was grinning again. I could feel the tension between them as they stared at each other and Nye frowned deeply. Despite his ‘awakening’ it was clear that Nye was still struggling to process things, and didn’t really understand what Kane was asking him.

“Kane...” He looked up at me startled as if he had forgotten I was even there. “Maybe you need to break it down a little. Nye’s... confused right now?”

“Break it down? I don’t... Oh...” He turned back to Nye and rested his hand against his cheek. I really should have turned away but the look on Nye’s face caught and held me and I couldn’t tear my eyes from it.

Burying his fingers in the fine, soft hair, Kane stroked Nye’s cheek and Nye closed his eyes leaning in to the caress.

“You don’t have to be scared any more babe. I’m gonna take care of you now. I’m never gonna leave ya again. Is that okay with you?”

Nye opened his eyes and smiled at Kane. Slowly he nodded his head, then more eagerly he nodded it again.

“Am I yours now?”

Kane bit his lip and shook his head at Nye’s soft words. There were tears in his eyes when he responded... in a whisper to, I suspect because his throat was too constricted for anything more.

“No babe... you’re not mine... you’re not anyone’s. You don’t belong to anyone... you never have and you never will. Do you understand that?”

Nye looked puzzled for a minute, his lips trembled as if he was going to say something, then he relaxed and smiled again. “Yes. It... it’s hard. I... they...” Nye sighed and squeezed his eyes shut. He looked exhausted and I was about to suggest that we call it a night and just let him get some rest when he took a deep breath and blurted out. “You were right. He... hurt me Kane... he... hurt me and it... it’s hard to... to... I can’t... I think he broke me.”

Kane hugged Nye closer. “He didn’t break you babe. He couldn’t. You’re just hurt and sick and exhausted. You’re gonna be okay, I promise. No one is gonna hurt ya any more. No one. Tomorrow is a new day and you are gonna be free and whole and well. I am gonne sit right here all night and watch over you and make sure of that. Got it?”

For a moment Nye looked uncertain and then he gave Kane the biggest grin ever and hugged him hard. Kane let him hold on for a while and then gently untangled his arms, pressing him back onto the pillows.

“You’re tired. You need to sleep. Things will look better in the morning. I promise.”

Nye stared up at him with a strange expression on his face for what seemed like a very long time before his eyes started to get heavy and he drifted off to sleep leaving Kane and I feeling shaken but hopeful. We sat in companionable silence as the breeze drifted in through the window.

***

“I want to kill Adam.” Kane’s voice was flat. It wasn’t the usual... ‘I want to kill someone’, it was a simple statement of fact.

“He’s probably in goal, or dead. Didn’t that doctor say that someone got shot? I mean look at the blood.”

“No thanks.” He made a face. For the first time he noticed that there was blood on him too and he wiped at it absently. “It’s too much to hope for that it was Adam who died. It would be a shame if it was... it means I won’t get the chance to do it myself.”

“You wouldn’t kill Adam, Kane.” He looked up at me and there was a look in his eyes that chilled me.

“I think you are mistaken there.”

I smiled at him and put a hand on his shoulder. “You wouldn’t kill Adam because you care too much about Nye.”

Kane blinked and looked slightly stunned for a moment then he shook his head and looked at my brother and the look changed, softening into a gaze of such adoring tenderness that my heart melted.

“I can’t believe that this happened. It was my fault Mir, I’m so sorry.”

“Sorry? What for?”

“We were... we were... together... for a time. He loved me and I loved him but I was lazy and stupid. When I went away I really meant to stay close and for the first two years I kinda did. But this last year has been so busy, with college work and I had to have a job to pay the rent, and it was hard to... I just...”

He looked up at me again and I was astonished by the pain in his eyes. If he had thought that the information about he and Nye being a couple would have surprised me he was wrong but the pain came as a shock.

“I let him go. I neglected him. I always thought that... that no matter what happened he would be here when I came back and I stopped working at us. I took him completely for granted and he felt abandoned and alone so that when that... when Adam came along he was already vulnerable and in pain.

“It’s not surprising really that Adam was able to wriggle his way into his affections when I had bruised them so much. If I had thought more about him and less about myself this would never have happened.”

I was startled when he started to cry, huge wracking sobs that shook his body. “O God Mir. He could have been killed. He could have died and it would have been my fault.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Nye is a big boy. He made his own decisions and it was not your fault. You weren’t here and you didn’t see what happened but Adam was clever, very clever. He saw what he wanted and he went for it. Nye never stood a chance and it wouldn’t have made a blind bit of difference if you had been the most attentive boyfriend in the world.

“Adam is a monster, he’s evil... but he is clever, and clearly very practised at this kind of thing. I think that if Nye had resisted more he would have been even more hurt. Besides... he didn’t die. He’s going be alright. He’s safe now.”

“But what if... I mean... That doctor said that...”

“He’s going to be alright Kane. He’s hurt, I know that and it is going to take some time for him to heal properly but he will. He is surrounded by people who love him and will support him and I saw the way he looked at you just now. There is nothing that Adam or anyone else could have done to him that would have made him forget the way he feels about you Kane. That will be his beacon and it will steer him home.”

“Do you think...?”

“Yes... I think...”

“I am so confused and frightened Mir. I don’t know what to do that will make it better.”

“You clearly have not been listening to a word I’ve said. You don’t have to do anything, just be here, be yourself, that’s what he needs.”

“I...”

“Kane, stop beating yourself up. This was not your fault. What happened was awful but it wasn’t your fault. Now for goodness sake go to sleep; you’re giving me a headache.”

He stared at me, shocked and then his face broke into a smile. “You can be a scary lady; do you know that Mir?”

“You ain’t seen nothing yet hun.” I said in a truly terrible American accent and he laughed, then yawned broadly.

“I am tired.”

“Then why don’t you lie down on the bed, it’s enormous. There’s plenty of room for the two of you and I am sure that it would be comforting for Nye too, if he wakes up in the night, to have some human contact.”

“Do you think that’s allowed?”

“Do you think I care?”

He grinned again. “Yep... truly scary.”

But he obediently got up onto the bed and cuddled close to Nye, who sighed and settled back against him. In five minutes they were both sound asleep.

Kane spent the night curled up next to Nye and at some point they found their way into each other’s arms. I sat in the chair and watched them sleep. They looked so right together, not like Nye and Adam had. They had never looked anything other than what they were, not a loving couple but a hunter and his prey.

At some point a nurse came in and made disapproving noises - until I removed her from the room and told her in no uncertain terms why she was not going to interfere. After that no one disturbed us and I fell asleep closer to being at peace than I had for a very long time, more than six months.

When I awoke next morning Nye and Kane were still asleep. Again a nurse tried to disturb them and this time she was older and a lot more persistent, with a lot of talk about ‘hospital policy’ and my brother’s ‘best interests’. I told her that I had known my brother for a lot longer than she had and I knew more about his ‘best interests’ than she ever would, which of course was a terrible conceit on my part but I was in full blown protection mode and I didn’t care.

After a fairly heated argument which attracted a lot of attention the doctor was summoned and tried to take me into a side room to discuss the situation. I refused to leave the door unprotected until I had elicited a solemn promise that no one would disturb the boys while we talked.

The doctor was a different one to the person who had spoken to us the previous day. He was young and initially condescending but I was having none of it.

“Look, I have already heard all the bullshit about ‘hospital policy’ and ‘my brother’s best interests’ but he is sleeping peacefully with a smile on his face and I think he deserves that unless his life is at risk which, from what I have been told so far, it isn’t so...”

“I completely agree with you.”

“What?”

“Natural sleep and rest are the best possible medicine for Aneurin at this time.”

“What? But then why... why all this?”

“Because I don’t appreciate a scene on my ward and it’s not fair on the nurses... who have their duties to perform.”

“I know but not at all costs. I tried to talk to her, to be reasonable, but that battleaxe was doing a ‘jobsworth’ on me and...”

The doctor was smiling. “I am sure that nurse Bryant won’t be best pleased to be referred to as a ‘battleaxe’ and she was carrying out her duties entirely appropriately... but she should have called me sooner. I’ll have a word.”

“Thank you.” I felt deflated. I had been spoiling for a fight and he had taken the wind right out of my sails.

“But now that you are here I would like to speak to you about your brother.”

That got my attention. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong. Don’t worry. We’ve had the test results back from the lab and it’s pretty much what we expected.

“There are traces of some serious drugs, heavyweight psychotics which have been administered over a period of time... at least a couple of weeks.” My heart flipped and my stomach dropped but the doctor smiled kindly.

“Don’t worry. Physically there doesn’t seem to be any long term harm done. He has a slight heart arrhythmia which I am confident will resolve itself with rest once the drugs are out of his system.”

“So he is going to be alright... for sure?”

“Physically yes... Apart from the cuts and bruises on his feet there really isn’t much wrong with your brother that good long rest won’t cure. But those drugs were powerful stuff and from what I heard from Doctor Myers about how your brother was when he came in yesterday I am very concerned about his mental condition. Something like this could take years to get over. How was he when you spoke to him last night? Did he know who you were?”

“At first he was very confused. He found it hard to form words or make sentences and looked like he didn’t really understand what we were saying to him but... he did open up after a while. He told us that his friend, Luke was dead and that he was made to watch and was told it was his fault...then he acknowledged that he knew it wasn’t.”

The doctor visibly relaxed. “That sounds very promising. I have worked before with kids who have been through this and after a time it literally breaks their minds, separating their personality from their consciousness. They can develop multiple personalities, or severe disassociation disorders or even schizophrenia. The fact that Aneurin is able to talk about what happened, even if it is in a disjointed and hesitant way, and especially to accept that it wasn’t his fault despite that he was told it was... these are all very promising signs.

“I would still like him to speak to the hospital psychiatrist but my original concern that he might need to be moved to the psychiatric wings seems less pressing.”

“What? That was never mentioned. No, that would be very bad for Nye. For fuck sake... he’s been a prisoner for long enough.”

“Calm down, Miss Davies. Haven’t I said that I don’t think that is going to be necessary.”

“Don’t think...”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. I will arrange for the resident psychiatrist to speak to him this afternoon and we’ll take it from there. Okay?”

“Okay... but I am NOT letting you lock Nye away in any secure unit or psychiatric hospital... not even a ward on this one.”

“Let’s just see how it goes.”