My Jump Off - 1. Chapter 1

"You know what, Jarred," Phillip, my boy friend since the start of the school year said in a nasty tone. "I'm getting sick and tired of your crap. Why can't you treat me like I matter?"

"God damn it, Phillip," I shouted back at him as we walked away from the 7-11 I had just walked out of with two Coke Slur-pees. "It's a fucking, Slur-pee, man. Why does everything I do have to symbolize something wrong in our relationship?"

"Because you never think about me," he said, sounding like a whiney bitch

"Oh, Jesus, babe," I sighed as I dropped his Slur-pee in the trash can and handed him mine to hold. "I'll be right back."

I'm Jarred Fedina, and my boyfriend, Philip Cassiante and I are about to break up. Of course, he doesn't realize it yet. We've been together since September, and now it was nearly Easter and I was sick of him. Today, he was really trying my nerves. It seemed like everything I tried to do for him lately was never enough. I bought him a Coke flavored Slur-pee, and he was pissed because he wanted cherry. Earlier, I bought him an A&W Root Beer, and he was pissed that it wasn't Barq's.

So as I stood in front of the Slur-pee machine, getting him his stupid cherry Slur-pee, I was making plans in my head about how to break things off. I mean, I could end it with an argument. That wouldn't be hard at all considering the fact that he had been picking them all day with me.

There's something else, though, that Phillip doesn't know about. Actually, it's someone else. More to the point, it's Andrew Stout. He wasn't out, and neither were we. But gaydar works in mysterious ways, and mine was definitely on point with him. He was cute, like Phillip, but he was a boy scout. I met him in front of Food Lion selling popcorn for his troop. We started talking, and before I knew it, we were making plans to hang out.

Of course, I kept this from Phillip because he would get ferociously jealous, and I didn't need that then. Just in case my gaydar was off, I needed to wait. But as soon as I got to his house, I knew he was gay. We sat on the couch and watched a few episodes of Will and Grace out of his box set of the complete first season. Then we went into his room to listen to CD's. I was shocked to see that he had a Pansy Division CD in his collection. That was it. I knew right then and there. So I came out to him.

Since then, we've been secretly hooking up whenever Phillip goes to his goofy choir practice, which I think totally sucks. I guess the good thing about Andrew is that for now, he's content just to see me. He never asks me for more time, or for me to show him more affection. He doesn't expect gifts from me on Christmas or Valentines Day, and he doesn't mind doing whatever it is I want to do. What I really appreciate though, is how content he looks when we're cuddling. He has this cute sigh that I can't describe, and the way he bats his eyes my way completely melt's my heart.

As I walked out of the store to hand Phillip his Slur-pee, I realized that breaking up with him might not be an option right now. It might turn around on me instead. Andrew just got out of the passenger side of a Jeep at the gas pumps, and he's walking toward the entrance that I'm walking out of. Even worse, he's smiling at Phillip.

"Oh, shit," I say to myself as I try to dip right so he doesn't see me. It's too late.

"Hey you," he said as soon as he spotted me. It doesn't help that Phillip's looking and listening as he greets me.

"Hey, Andrew," I said, trying to remain casual. "What's up?"

Just then I hear Phillip clearing his throat as he approaches us, reaching out for his Slur-pee.

"I'm just here with my dad getting gas," he answered. "I've got to get in there and pay. Talk to you later?"

"Sure," I say nervously. "I'll give you a call."

"Who's this?," Phillip suddenly interrupts

"I'm Andrew," he answers for me as I feel my stomach rising up into my throat.

"Do you go to our school?," Phillip asks.

"No, I go to Princess Anne," Andrew replies

"How do you two know each other?," Phillip asks suspiciously.

"We're just friends," Andrew says, looking nervous. Thank God he's still in the closet and probably think's I am too. "We go to the same church."

Good lie.

"Oh," Phillip says non-chalantly as he shrugs his shoulders. "I'm Phillip, Jarred's friend."

"Cool," Andrew replies. "So, I better get inside. Talk to you later, dude."

"Alright," I say.

That was a little too close for me. I guess I may have forgotten to mention Phillip when I was getting to know Andrew, but when I'm with him, I want to forget about everything else in my life except feeling good about who I'm with.

"He's cute," Phillip said as we walked into the wooded area next to the 7-11 that empties into our neighborhood.

"Yeah," I said. "Too bad we lost him to the other side."

For a moment, I remembered what I found so attractive about my boyfriend. He turned and smiled at me affectionately and reached for my hand. We were alone in the tree's and no one could see us as we walked, so neither of us had a problem with holding hands this way. Before we reached the edge of the woods, Phillip turned to me and put his head on my shoulder.

"I love you Jarred," he said softly. Shit, why does he have to make it so hard for me to stop liking him.

"I love you too, honey," slipped out of my mouth. Damn! I don't know how I'm going to break this off.

Then I stop and think to myself that maybe I won't have to break it off. Maybe I can keep Phillip as my main guy, and Andrew can be my jump off. Phillip can be the main course, and Andrew can be the side dish.

"Give me a kiss," I said, realizing that I was a genius. "I'm going to miss you tomorrow."

As soon as I said that, Phillip's smile got bigger and he pressed his lips to mine, so I opened my mouth and allowed his tongue to enter. That was one thing I loved about Phillip Cassiante. He could kiss so good, and our kissing always led to us doing other things he was good at too.

Personally, I was looking forward to the next day. It was Saturday, and Phillip and his loser choir class were headed to Washington DC for the day. That meant I had all day to spend with Andrew. I wondered what we would be talking about. You see, Andrew and I could talk for hours at a time and never run out of things to say. That's how it was with Phillip when we first hooked up, but pretty soon his compliments turned to criticism, and before I realized what was happening, he started to over analyze everything I did as a sign about our relationship.

When we got back to my house, my parents were gone, as usual. My mom had a part time job at the flower shop and my dad was gone all day for work. We sat down on the couch and turned on the TV, and soon, our kissing continued.

The next morning, as I laid in bed thinking about what I should do about Phillip, my mom knocked on the door.

"Jarred, you have a phone call," she said.

"It's unlocked mom," I called out.

She opened the door and tossed me the phone, which landed on my bed, then she closed the door again. My parents respected my privacy, and I appreciated that about them.

"Hello," I said as I out the receiver up to my ear, expecting to hear Phillips voice on the other end calling with his cell phone.

"Hey dude." It was Andrew. I was shocked, but at the same time I was happy to hear from him.

"Hey bro, what's up?," I said. Of course, I already knew what was up. He wanted to see me today. I wanted to see him too.

"I was just wondering what you were doing later," he said

"Nothing, really," I said. "I was kinda hoping that maybe I could see you today."

"My parents are gone for the day," he told me. "I was wondering if maybe you wanted to come over early and hang out."

That's all it took. As soon as I got off the phone with him, I hopped out of bed and into the shower. I got out, got dressed, sprayed some Hugo Boss on my balls, and I was out the door. I got on my bike and rode the 5 miles or so to Andrew's house in no time flat. When I got there, I rang the doorbell and he answered it almost immediately.

Damn he looked good. So good, in fact, that I wanted to kiss him right away. Of course, I wasn't sure if his parents were home still or not, so I waited patiently. As soon as he closed the door, I found out he was alone.

Andrew was a really good kisser. Not quite as good as Phillip, but he was getting better. He had zero kissing experience when we first hooked up, and now he had a few months worth. The thing about it was that I enjoyed kissing Andrew more because I knew that he was going to appreciate my kisses. We made our way up to his room and to the top of his bed where our make out session went into over drive.

For the rest of the day, we talked. We talked about baseball, we talked about the Redskins, we talked about math and we talked about dirt bikes. One thing we never talked about was our relationship. I was grateful for that.

When we were done taking, we made out again. When we were done making out, we cuddled and talked some more. It was as if we had a silent understanding about what we were doing. We were both in the closet, and the best way to keep things that way was to have minimal drama. The best way to have minimal drama was to avoid uncomfortable topics. It all seemed to work out for us.

Unfortunately, the day was turning into evening, and I had to go. Not only because his parents would be home soon. But because I had to go home and wait for Phillip to get back from DC. I had to face him again, and I had to find a way to deal with his constant nagging.

The bike ride home was almost depressing. The only good part about it was the fact that I thought about the goodbye kiss I got from Andrew the whole way back. When I made it home, I parked my bike in the garage and went inside to sit down for supper.

Eventually, Phillip called to tell me he was home.

"I missed you, babe," I lied.

"I missed you too, Jarred," he said lovingly. "So, what did you do today?"