My Jump Off - 10. Chapter 10

The delicate touch of fingers running through my hair was enough to arouse me, as if I wasn't already to that point. Skin to skin contact was sending a chill through me that I could never measure. From the base of my neck to the tips of my toes, my whole body was begging for more of the physical contact that I was receiving. Moving to and fro, it was as if we had morphed into one being, formed at the very depths of ecstasy.

I gently moved in for a lasting kiss, closing my eyes for a moment that seemed to be cemented in time. As our tongues slid back and forth in perfect time and motion, I felt his fingertips pressing against my own, heightening my senses. His energy was the water and I was the soil, waiting to be enriched with his nutrients. Our love was the seed, and it was quickly blossoming into a beautiful, fragrant flower.

Sitting alone with him, exposed to the elements of nature and all of its beauties and ravages made my heart pound. There was nothing more perfect, nothing more pure and nothing as fulfilling for me that to sit alone with Phillip on this Monday morning, listening to him breathe as we slowly swung back and forth. The morning air was crisp, and the ground was moist. The sprinklers came on automatically, and the water was barely missing us.

The day before had been somewhat of a nightmare, but I had persevered. I had done what I had to do, and we were all better off. This morning was my reward. The payoff for finally thinking clearly enough to do the right thing. My conscience was clear and at this moment, I hadn't a worry in the world. I could finally say that everything was okay.

Doing the right thing when it came to Andrew wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be. As a matter of fact, I could definitely say he was one of the coolest guys I had ever met. No matter what, I was always going to be his friend. He didn't reject me. He didn't judge me. He didn't even get angry with me.

Instead, he was sweet, caring, understanding and even sympathetic. I don't think I could have asked for more than that. I was so scared of his reaction that I guess I never considered that he might understand. I felt like I had done such a disgusting thing to him that there was no way he'd ever forgive me.

When I first got there, actually getting the words out was much easier said than done. Especially since he had attacked my mouth with his almost as soon as he closed the front door. And I was weak. Way to weak to resist. As soon as I saw him moving toward me with his arms out, I gave in to my demons and reciprocated, tilting my head to the right and accepting his passionate invocation for romance. Tasting his sweetness was almost enough to make me forget what I was there to do, but I snapped myself back into reality soon enough to stop the momentum of our journey before it took us to the point of no return.

Breaking our kiss was no small task, either. Andrew had a whimper that I found irresistible, and it was as audible as it had ever been as the reality of what I had to do sunk in. I moved my arm from around his neck and gently brushed his cheek with my hand as I broke our kiss, causing him to smile and blush as I looked deep into his eyes, my heart breaking at the inevitability of the pain I was sure he would feel.

"What's wrong?" he asked knowingly. I opened my mouth to speak, but my voice faltered and I actually started to cry. I had an idea that this was going to be an emotional experience, and yet, I found myself startled by my own tears.

Andrew simply wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly, running his hand up and down my back. I found a sense of security in his embrace that I needed at the moment, but at the same time, I also feared that this would be the last loving thing he would ever do for me.

"Andrew, I...," I started, but once again, my voice failed me. This time, though, he shocked me with his response.

"I know, Jarred," he said softly. "It's okay. I understand."

"You do?" I asked, feeling a sense of bewilderment.

"Yeah," he answered with the voice of a person who was obviously fighting pain.

"I'll always care about you, Andrew," I said, gathering my senses and regaining my composure. His response was to hug me tighter.

"Let's go sit down," he said. We moved to the couch where I reached out for his hand. He smiled shyly at me and slipped his hand in mine, then we sat quietly together with his head resting on my shoulder. I could hear his light breathing by my ear as I nuzzled my body closer to his, almost leaning into him for support.

It wasn't fair, and I knew it. I had caused this pain. It was my own fault. My tears were a product of my own actions. My confession to Andrew had been easier than I ever imagined it would be, and I knew that once again that I was sitting in the presence of someone I didn't deserve. Someone who still cared about me, even though I had deceived him.

I felt Andrews arms wrap around my chest and stomach, and when I looked down, I noticed he had locked his fingers together where his hands met on my left side. I slid my right arm around his back and reached over with my left, pulling him even closer to me so I could feel the warmth of his body as we rested together in the familiar position we had enjoyed so many times before.

We were cuddling again. I knew it, and I was sure Andrew knew it too. He turned his head so that he was looking at me, and our eyes met. Then we kissed. It was that simple. Our lips met, and our tongues danced. As we picked up momentum, everything just felt right, and I ended up on my back. Andrew was on top of me, grinding his raging hard on into my own stiff cock. I opened my legs to give him a more comfortable place to rest against me as we kissed. I suddenly realized what we were doing but I found myself unable to stop. Fortunately, Andrew pulled off me and sighed before he rested his head on my chest and ran his hands up and down my sides.

"What's his name?" he asked quietly.

"Phillip," I confessed. "You've met him before."

"I remember him," Andrew said. Then, meeting my eyes, he asked, "Does he know about me?"

I quietly shook my head no, and from the look in his eyes, I knew that the rest was painfully clear to him.

"You were with him first, weren't you?" he asked as he laid his head back down on my chest and reached out to take my hands in his.

"Yes," I said, feeling like I had just betrayed my best friend. "We've been together since September."

"Do you love him?" he asked, once again lifting his head to meet my eyes.

"Yes," I said as I nodded slowly. His eyes moistened a little, but he gave me a small smile and put his head back down on my chest. I felt his grip on my hands and he seemed to be digging into my chest with his head, as if he didn't want the moment to end. Finally, treacherously, he looked at me and confessed his need.

"Can we still see each other?" he asked in the sweetest, most innocent voice I had ever heard in my life. I nodded my reply, knowing how stupid I was to do it. But instead of breaking Andrews heart and my own, I opted for something else. It wasn't what my parents would have wanted me to do. I knew it wasn't fair to Phillip, either. It certainly wasn't what Andrew deserved. But it was the right thing for me to do.

I knew in my heart that I would never be able to give up on Phillip. He was my everything. My whole world seemed to revolve around him. I loved him. But it wasn't enough. Because as much as I loved Phillip, Andrew gave me something that I couldn't get from Phillip. I couldn't place it, but it was there. It was more than sex, but it wasn't quite love. Maybe it was a deeper, more intimate friendship that I was after. I still can't say.

But my mind was made up. Maybe one day I could break it off with Andrew, but I wasn't going to be in a hurry. Right now, we were enjoying each other's touch. The warmth of our bodies was connecting us, and we both knew what was happening.

"Do you want to go upstairs?" he asked hopefully. I responded by lifting his head from my chest and pressing my lips to his. Then we got up and I took his hand once more, letting him lead me to the stairway that would take us to his room.

The sound of the sliding glass door opening snapped me out of my thoughts and caused Phillip and I to break our marathon kiss. It was my dad, probably looking for me. It was still early in the morning when Phillip came over, and to tell the truth, I was barely awake myself. My cell phone rang just after 5 in the morning, and I picked it up out of instinct more than anything. When I saw Phillip's cell number on my caller ID, I panicked a little. My first thought was that something had happened. The night before he was out with his parents and I didn't get to see him, but we had made plans to get together and go to Pungo on Sunday.

I smiled a little to myself when he told me that he wanted to come over and see me right away. Once we hung up, I tried to get myself together but failed miserably. Instead, I wound up laying down on the edge of my bed with my feet planted on the floor and falling asleep. His light tapping on my window snapped me out of my slumber, though, and as soon as I rinsed with Listerine, I was out the back door.

"Hey guys," my dad said as he pulled open and stepped through the sliding glass door in his morning robe. "You're up awful early for a three day weekend, aren't you?"

"Good morning Mr. Fedina," Phillip said politely with a small grin. "It's my fault. I called and got Jarred up."

My dad smiled and shook his head as he walked away from us and toward the faucet that controlled the soaker hoses he had laid down in the flowerbeds. We waited patiently for him to finish and go back in so we could resume our kissing, but as luck would have it, my dad had other plans.

"So, Phillip," he started as he made his way back toward the patio. "Can you stay for breakfast?"

Phillip looked at me for an answer, as if he weren't sure whether it would be okay with me if he said yes. I gave him a warm smile, then I smiled up at my dad.

"Yes sir," Phillip finally answered politely, "Thank you for the invitation, Mr. Fedina."

The uncomfortable feeling of sitting at the table with Phillip and my parents was something I could have never prepared myself for. A thousand paranoid thoughts were swirling through my head as we ate, and I suddenly realized that this hadn't been such a good idea. I think Phillip could pick up on my uneasy vibes, because he suddenly looked uncomfortable. I looked across the table at my parents, who were exchanging glances, and my heart dropped into my stomach. When my mom looked expectantly at me, I almost got sick.

I knew what she wanted me to do. It wasn't something either of my parents had communicated to me, but now it was clear to me. They wanted me to come clean to Phillip. That was not going to be happening any time soon.

By the time we were finished and my parents had gotten up to clear the table, I was half way expecting Phillip to tell me he was leaving. In fact, breakfast had been so awkward that every time I tried to look at him and smile, he looked down almost ashamedly. I was truly afraid that he thought I was embarrassed to have him over.

I decided to speak up.

"Let's go in the living room and sit together on the couch," I said, taking his hand and standing up. He smiled a little and stood up, and I swear it felt like a breath of fresh air had swept through the house and took all of the awkwardness with it on its way out. When we moved to the couch, I curled up next to him and wrapped both of my arms around him, suddenly realizing that I needed him to hold me.

"I love you Phillip," I said as I rested my head on his shoulder.

"I love you to babe," he whispered to me passionately.

"I'm glad you're here," I told him. "I missed you so much yesterday."

"I missed you too," he said.

"I have to tell you something," I said nervously, now realizing that I definitely should have mentioned to him that we had been caught on Saturday night. "I should have told you this yesterday, but I wanted to tell you in person."

"What's wrong?" he asked, now shifting nervously on the couch as I reluctantly loosened my grip on him.

"My parent's found out," I blurted out as fast as I could. He looked down at me with a look of, `Oh, shit,' then he turned his head back toward the kitchen, where the sounds of dishes being rinsed and loaded into the dishwasher were originating.

"You told them?" he asked in a voice that echoed his shock. I slowly shook my head and when he sat back and straightened up, I knew he got the picture. That's when he voiced the exact sentiments I had when I was first busted. "Again?"

"I'm not grounded anymore," I said, then watched as his eyes got as big as saucers. He stayed silent, though, as I went on.

"I got grounded on Saturday night," I explained. "But we talked yesterday and they ungrounded me. It was pretty ugly."

"I'm sorry, Jarred," he said, taking my hand in his. I could tell he felt bad about something. "It's all my fault."

"No it's not, Phillip," I said gently. "I wouldn't have been grounded if I hadn't yelled and acted like an ass."

I felt like I owed him that much. There was no way I could let him feel like he was to blame for anything that had happened with my parents. I felt bad enough only giving him half of the story. If I had allowed him to shoulder any of the blame, I couldn't live with myself.

"I want to make it up to you," he said softly.

"Then just hold me," I said as I snuggled back up to him. "That way I can forget about yesterday."

Phillip wrapped his arms around me and I curled my legs up under the rest of my body as I relaxed in his embrace. I reached up with my lips and offered him a kiss, which he reciprocated. No tongue, though. Just two longing pairs of lips, anxious for contact with each other. When we broke the kiss, I felt his hand move slowly up and down my back as he lovingly stroked my hair and gazed down at me.

I had been feeling so vulnerable all morning that this was what I needed. I needed to be held, and to be loved. I had to know that things were still okay with Phillip. I knew that was silly, especially considering the fact that he had no idea what was happening behind his back. But I think I needed that moment to decipher the meaning of my relationship with him. It all seemed so clear when I was in his arms.

My mom and dad had wandered back into the living room at some point, completely unnoticed by me. When I finally did notice them, I felt a little self-conscience at first, but then I felt guilty when my mom gave me a look that told me that she knew I hadn't told Phillip the truth. I knew she was disappointed, but I decided to disregard that. This was my moment, not hers. She had no right to try to interfere. I simply looked up at her and grinned, feeling triumphant for a moment, then I smiled when she hooked my dads arm and turned to leave, going through the sliding glass door.

When the door closed, I knew I had won. Not that I was in any type of competition, but I knew what the score was anyway. There was no way either of my parents were going to tell Phillip the truth. It would accomplish nothing, and all three of us knew that.

What was done, was done. There was no changing the past. Dwelling on it would only cause trouble and cause pain not just for Phillip, but for me too. I knew my parents would never do that to me.

I looked up at Phillip's beautiful face and sighed. This was perfection. God's perfect will was holding me tight. All things Holy and good were in my presence and I was wrapped in the embrace of an angel.

"I love you Phillip," I gushed, feeling almost as if I had won a million dollars. "Promise me we'll always be together."

"I promise," he answered with the certainty of a faithful lover, confident in my devotion to him.

"No matter what?" I asked as I looked into his eyes, where the answer to my question lingered, comprehensible to me in so many ways.

His simple answer was to press his lips to mine, sealing his commitment to me with a kiss.

"No matter what," he said softly as our lips parted.

That was it. I hadn't another care in the world. If my life had ended that morning, in the living room and in the arms of the love of my life, I would have died a very content person. I reached up with my hand and ran my fingers through his soft, silky hair as he smiled at me.

I knew that I'd see Andrew again. That was a given. I needed his touch and his kiss as much as I needed Phillip to love me and be there for me. But I also knew that seeing Andrew again wasn't the worst thing in the world for me to do. It could get ugly if Phillip ever found out, but I was going to be careful. He hadn't caught me yet, and if he did, I'd deal with it when the time came.

In the meanwhile, though, I knew I was having another epiphany. I suddenly realized that for the first time since I met Andrew, I was exactly where I needed to be.

The End