A Grain in the Sands of Time - 9. Family

“Matt?” Andrew asked as they were drying off back in Matt’s room.

“Ya Babe?”

“What should I expect at dinner tonight?”

“Oh… well…” Matt sat on the edge of his bed thinking. “You will see people popping in and out of the room, so you should probably be prepared for that.”

“That’s going to take some getting used to.”

“Well don't get too used to it. I’m going to be just an ordinary guy soon.”

“I don’t mind. In fact I quite look forward to that. This all seems a bit sudden to me, and I find myself thinking that I might wake up soon.”

Matt got up and approached Andrew to draw his arms around the back of Andrew’s neck. Nose to nose, Matt looked deep into his eyes. “I hope you still see me when you wake up Andrew.”

Andrew smiled. “I have a feeling I will.” The smile faded and he drew away with a troubled look on his face. “Will your brother be there?” he asked hesitantly.

“Yes… but don’t worry about him Andrew, he really is a nice guy, once you get to know him.”

“Ya… well… I will have to take your word for it. He didn’t come off all that nice when I last met him.”

Matt left Andrew to his thoughts as they moved together in silence into the large bathroom. It was comfortable for both of them, like they had done this a hundred times before. Matt couldn’t help himself and he simply watched Andrew prepare himself for meeting his family.

Andrew looked at himself briefly in the mirror and Matt wondered what he saw, and what he might be thinking. He hoped it was only positive thoughts. He watched him from behind. Andrew still fully undressed, but not an ounce of self-consciousness about his body. He carried himself with a strength he rarely saw in humans. Distracted by Andrew’s perfect rear end, he found it difficult to will his eyes away from the sight.

Andrew was washing his face gently with the creamy soap that occupied the dish next to one of the two sinks. He spread the lather evenly over his face and worked it into the dark stubble that had formed over the past hours. Sitting back in a plush chair by the entrance to the bathroom, Matt relaxed into its softness and was intent on watching Andrew methodically scrape the stubble from his face. An apparent expert with a razor he ignored the new supplies that Jacks had purchased him and used the straight blade that hung beside sink. Matt recalled purchasing it many years earlier when the land he was in was altogether different and the men here all used a razor similar to the one Andrew held. He tested the blade cautiously by running his thumb across the keenly honed edge. Satisfied, he moved the blade swiftly up and down the strop a few times and rinsed it under steaming water before he slowly and at a precise angle drew the blade down his cheek from ear to chin. The other side was just as precise and Matt saw not one drop of blood rise to the surface of his smooth skin. He reversed the grip on the blade and drew the steel from Adam’s apple to chin and cleaned up the few areas he missed. It took him under a minute to finish. Matt’s admiration was clear as he watched his lover, he had obviously done this before. Andrew held his gaze in the reflection of the large antique mirror he was using.

“You’ll find a few things about me that may surprise you Matt,” Andrew said in all seriousness still glued to his eyes in the mirror.

“I don’t doubt that in any way Andrew.” Matt replied with all the admiration he could find.

A small smile played on Andrew’s lips and he nodded in thanks. “Now stop staring at my ass and come here. I have some more questions.”

Matt made his way to the small wooden bench beside the sink Andrew was using and sat down. “What can I answer for you?”

“Can you read my mind?” Andrew was obviously concerned about this showing his emotion as he scraped another bit of stubble from his chin carefully.

“I can,” Matt answered seriously, “but I don’t. It’s not common for us to use this ability on the humans we interact with. I can also limit myself with connecting with your mind.”

“What do you mean?” Andrew stopped wiping at the left over shaving cream on his face and looked curiously at Matt.

“Well it’s a little hard to describe, but you can imagine that there are different levels to the human mind. What you are thinking is at a different level then what you know. What you know is at a different level then what you unconsciously know. Does this make sense?”

“I think so, yes.”

“So, I would never consider invading your body in such a way as to read your thoughts or your unconscious. They are often so contradictory that most of the time it is pointless to even try. We know that the mind is a very complicated thing, and sometimes it’s necessary for the unconscious to contradict the conscious. It protects people, gives them a way to justify doing what they are doing. These things may need to be done, so the contradiction is necessary.”

“I don’t really get that.”

Matt thought for a second before answering. “Consider what it must be like for a young man of 18 or 19 years old, to find out that he has managed to get his girlfriend pregnant. What was an act of joy and loving, for him has turned into an act of horror. If he had one level of consciousness, he may just simply react to being upset and never see the girl again, leaving her on her own to raise a child. But his morality, rooted in his unconscious, will assert itself over his conscious thoughts, to the point where he is uncomfortable enough with his thoughts to change them.”

Andrew nodded thoughtfully, “So his struggle is what brings him forward, if there was no struggle, no moral decision making.”

“Yes exactly, human beings are beings of morality, it is a guide which moves them forward through time. The struggle can be a difficult struggle, and people will make mistakes, but they are necessary.”

“Ok, so tell me how this connects to my question.”

“Well, reading your thought is half of the equation, so it’s not information that is actually useful. Reading your thoughts and your unconscious, would give me the other half of the information, but this is only information on the struggle. I cannot predict the future and so what use is it to me to know what your struggle is?”

Andrew was considering Matt’s words, and so he continued.

“I cannot determine what decision you will come to. If any one of us really thought about it, we would know what other people are struggling with, it’s typically written all over our expressions anyway, so your view of me is pretty much just as accurate as my view of you. So it becomes unnecessary to read your thoughts.”

“Death heard me call him a freak in my mind when he came back to your apartment the other night.” It was clear this disturbed Andrew a great deal.

Matt nodded thoughtfully, “Death has an ability to walk in the mind, because of his role. He is there to comfort others when they pass from this world. He takes away pain, and people talk to him through their minds in their last moments. Some are not be able to speak anymore. He is burdened with a keen ability to read the mind, and when people direct thoughts toward him, it is often impossible for him not to pick them up. The more emotional the situation, the more likely people are to express intense thoughts.”

“Ok, I get it,” Andrew considered his words, “but I don’t like it, and I don’t want you to do it to me.”

“You have my word. If you like, I can shield your mind from anyone that wants to access your thoughts.”

“You can do that?”

“Yes, it’s subtle, and you wont know that I am doing it, but it will be enough to rebuff anyone in the Arcana from accessing your thoughts. I am not saying they would, but to make you feel more comfortable, I will do this, but only if you agree.”

“Will you have access to my mind when you are doing it?”

“No, it would be like me throwing a blanket over a light bulb, just because I have thrown the blanket on it, doesn’t mean that I can see the light through it.”

“Okay do it.”

“There’s one more thing I should tell you,” Matt hesitated.

This instantly raised Andrew’s anxiety, but to his credit he didn’t react. “Go ahead,” he said nervously.

“I have accessed your mind on one of those different levels.” He read Andrews expression and it was one of annoyance, but willingness to hear him out so he continued. “When I returned to my apartment where I thought you were waiting for me, you weren’t there. I sort of panicked and reached out to you, to find you. I can connect with your energy wherever you are I just have to look for you. If I know what I am looking, for I can find it.”

“Must come in handy when you lose your keys.” Andrew’s comment relieved some of the tension in the conversation. “Look I don’t like that I can be found, especially if I don’t want to be found, but if you agree to not do anything to violate my personal space or my mind, then I feel okay with you finding me, when you need to. As long as you are doing it, because you know I want it, not if I don’t.”

“You have my word,” Matt said sincerely.

“Ok, do your shieldy thingy.”

Matt chucked as he mentally blocked anyone from connecting with Andrews mind. “Ok, done.”

“That’s it?”

“Yup.”

“Hm… not so bad.” Andrew leaned over with his now shaven face to give him a kiss. “Thank you.”

“I love you.” Matt was stunned with what he said, “Oh my God I’m so sorry! I don’t know what I was thinking!”

Andrew laughed, “Well maybe you need to spend some time listening to your own thoughts. But I’m glad you said what I was thinking.” He looked intensely in the eyes of a man he knew very little about, but he did know that he too was falling in love. They shared a passionate kiss, before parting reluctantly.

“We should get dressed, dinner will be ready soon,” Matt said.

“Oh man, this should be fun,” Andrew responded nervously.

“Cheer up, you’re getting this over with early!”

“That doesn’t comfort me in the least,” Andrew said with a distinct lack of enthusiasm.

Jacks was certainly thorough. The clothes she chose for Andrew fit him amazingly well, and Matt still had a difficult time not watching him as he pulled up the soft, white cotton briefs that hugged the curves of his butt so perfectly. He thought he might faint at the sight. Eventually, they were both dressed in formal attire, and Matt was delighted to let Andrew knot the tie he had chosen to wear. Andrew had insisted that Matt allow him to tie it, saying it would remind him at dinner tonight just who was pulling the strings in the room. Matt silently acknowledged that Andrew was much more intelligent than even he had given him credit for, and made a mental note to investigate this further with him in private.

Making their way to the second floor of Eagle’s Nest, Matt took the opportunity to tell Andrew of the origins of the different paintings that they passed along the way and down the curved ramp they took instead of the elevator. Andrew was beginning to understand that everything in the house, if one could call it that, had some special meaning to Matt.

“Why don't you live here Matt? It seems a shame to not be surrounded by the thing you love.” Andrew watched Matt ponder his question as he stared at what appeared to be a painting of a rather depressed looking couple sitting in what must be a pub, pondering their circumstances. Andrew saw the name Degas, but it meant nothing to him. Art was not something he took much notice of.

“It’s exactly for that reason that I don’t live here,” Matt offered. “These things are everything that I love, and being surrounded by them reminds me that I don’t have the one thing I truly desire - someone to share them with.”

Andrew saw the emotion in Matt’s eyes and smiled as he gave his hand an affectionate squeeze. So powerful, and so fragile, thought Andrew to himself. Christ he makes it hard for me not to love the man.

Andrew’s fear rose immediately upon entering the dining room as he saw others began to arrive. True to Matt’s prediction, people began appearing out of thin air, although none as dramatically as Death had when they first met.

The dining hall was prepared as it always was for a formal gathering of the Arcana. The large table which dominated the room was set for twenty-four. Staff busied themselves with filling wine glasses and setting out trays of hors d’oeuvres. Andrew counted 16 women and men all dressed in smart black attire. These servers knew their job, and didn’t bat an eye when someone appeared in front of them suddenly. They obviously worked for Matt’s family and Andrew found himself wondering just how many people knew of their existence.

The large hall was similar in size to Matt’s space one floor above, and Andrew could hear the going’s on in the adjoining rooms and smelled the preparations for dinner. The elegance of the room made Andrew silently offer his thanks to Jacks for knowing what he needed to not look like a complete outcast on the outside even though he felt it on the inside. He clung to Matt’s hand.

A brief flash right in front of him startled Andrew and he recoiled slightly as Death came face to face with them. He was the first to acknowledge Andrew with a slight bow toward him. He quickly turned to Matt. Andrew wasn’t sure what to think of the greeting, but appreciated knowing that Death could not read his thoughts.

“Greetings Fool,” Death said in deference.

“Brother,” Matt acknowledged, “It’s good to see you.” He embraced Death and they let their formality drop. Andrew could see how much they cared for each other. He saw something else as well.

“Well Andrew,” Death turned to him again, “welcome to the family. Come along, I will introduce you to everyone.” He slipped his hand into Andrew’s and pulled him out of the reach of Matt. Andrew looked back at Matt in shock, but all Matt could do was shrug and smile. He knew Death would take care of him.

As he watched them walk toward others of his family that popped into the space, a new being came into existence beside him.

“Fool,” she acknowledged him formally as was custom, and bowed deeply.

“Moon, my sister, how are you? It’s been so long.” He looked at the small woman affectionately. Her slight stature if viewed through human eyes, would not see the wisdom and power she carried. One of the youngest in the Arcana, he was respected by all, and had enough mystery about her existence that no one was ever really sure what her part in the larger order was. She acknowledged most as her elders, but it never felt quite right to Matt knowing that her intelligence was so honed, that he always felt like he was one step behind her. She was clothed in a beautiful brightly coloured sari, with henna tattoos covered her arms, legs, hands and bare feet.

“I seem to have missed some excitement in my recent retreat,” she smiled softly at her brother. “I am happy for you. Love is a fleeting thing brother. Enjoy what you have.” She moved away from Matt and entered the now full room. Matt was somewhat disturbed by what Moon had said, but put it out of his mind, as his eyes had found Death and Andrew making the rounds of the new arrivals. He marveled at how Death included him in the conversations, and made sure Andrew knew exactly what he had to do to make him fit into the conversation as a human among the Arcana. Matt decided he needed to thank Death later in the evening.

Dinner passed as all dinners do. The members of the Arcana caught up with each other as they hadn’t seen one another, in some cases, for decades. A meeting of the entire Arcana was rare, and lots of news travelled back and forth about where each member was staying in the world, what they were up to, and introductions of newly reborn members were the focus on much conversation. Andrew was entirely overwhelmed, he met more archetypes than he thought possible and made a point to try and remember who everyone was, but it was nearly impossible for him, as the conversations shifted quickly.

He was most shocked, however, by the abrupt change of heart that Death had toward him. He felt like he could have a good friend there, if only he wasn’t so damn intimidating. Death had introduced him to every one of his siblings and his mother, Sun, the obvious matriarch of this collection of powerful beings, the likes of which Andrew had never dreamt existed prior to a few days ago. He was in awe. Not so much so, however, that he couldn’t pick up the air of tension that ran its way through every glance at him, or conversation he engaged in. Something was happening that he wasn’t aware of, but the undercurrent was there, and he just wished he knew if it was because of him, or if it was always like this.

Three hours and endless conversations later, Matt made his excuses to his family, and led Andrew away from the fray. He knew his family would be together for hours yet, but it was obvious that Andrew was getting to end of his ability to manage the situation. It would be overwhelming for anyone in that situation.

So he led Andrew back upstairs to his bedroom, and they sealed themselves in for the rest of the evening.

*****

“Well he’s perfect isn’t he?” Sun asked the room. Matt and Andrew had left over an hour ago and the Arcana were settling their conversations when things turned more serious. She was met with silence, as all awaited to hear from her.

One, however, refused to let the silence linger. “Sun, you can't let this go on,” Death looked intently at his mother. “It’s going to kill Matt, and break his spirit, you can’t do this to him. Look at the way they look at each other, their relationship was meant to be. The human,” he paused and considered the way he just referred to him, “Andrew… loves him, that much is clear I have seen it in his eyes mother. There must be another way.” He looked around the room at his siblings for support, but was again met with silence.

Death’s words were about as harsh as any that had ever been directed at Sun and she sensed the feeling behind them. “There is no other way. Don’t be blinded by your emotional attachment to your brother, my son. This has already happened, and the Time now is not to mourn it happening, but rather accept the fact and work toward what we all know is more important. The human race needs the Fool for a greater purpose, his role is larger than any one of you know.”

Death began another protest, but was cut short by Sun standing up. Everyone in the room followed suit and bowed their heads in deference to her. She stood until Death looked her in the eye. “Seven nights from this one Death.”

With finality she winked from existence and left the room in silence.

“This can’t be happening.” Death looked around the room at the others who remained as silent as always. His frustration getting the better of him he slammed his fist against the large table and rose to his full height. “Will you do nothing? Any of you?” Those remaining quickly returned to whatever realities their lives were presently. Only one remained.

“Justice, please, you must help me, I cannot be the one who brings this upon my brother. He is the reason I am who I am today. Without his help, I would be long dead.”

“Our hands our tied brother, we cannot offer him assistance. What will you do?” Justice asked.

For a long time Death considered the question knowing there was but one conclusion. “I’ll do what I am meant to do sister. I will kill the only true love my brother has found while walking this earth for the past 12 thousand years… and then I will die in his vengeance.”

Justice popped out of the room and Death stared at her departure lost in his own tortured thoughts. He was needed elsewhere, however, and began his jump by visualizing the location. He suddenly stopped in mid movement.

He was frozen in Time, and completely unaware of his predicament. The air had stopped moving. In fact, the particles that make up every moving thing stopped their endless vibrating, as the figure of a man materialized into the room. He sat at the head of the great table. All other chairs save the one on his right oriented to him. He appeared a small man, but any who saw him would not mistake his power.

“Fear not Death,” he spoke softly to his son, but his voice resonated throughout the space, “the Fool’s vengeance will spread far beyond your life.” He brought his thoughts closer to home and spoke softly into the dead air. “And in Time, he will come to realize that what you did was necessary.” Smiling to himself Time was gone again, and with his departure the movement of existence returned, and Death finished his jump to another location, leaving only the silent dust as witness.