Giants - 2. Occupation

I interrupted Pireno’s story again. "So Saghir left for the day, and you didn't try to escape?"

"No, I didn't."

"Just as you hadn't when he sent you to get straw."

"That's right."

"Why?"

"For one thing, it seemed risky. Also, and I know this is going to sound strange, I felt that the village owed him something after he lost his friend."

"But we lost men, too."

"Yes. I didn't feel any great personal tie to the smith, though, in spite of working for him all those years. But Saghir! The expression on his face when I first saw him. He was really heartbroken. I didn't want to add this his troubles. And there was something else."

"What's that?"

"I liked him. I knew I shouldn't, so it took a while for me to admit that to myself. And I was curious to see where this would go."

"As am I. Go on."

************

Saghir returned in the afternoon with another giant. He had pale skin and dark hair and was much taller than Saghir, and slender for a giant, almost the same proportions as a man, except for his massive legs. They carried a freshly killed goose and part of a big deer. I had boiled a pot of grains. Saghir was smiling proudly.

He said, "Finlar, this Bilinu. Slave by I."

Finlar smiled approvingly. He seemed easy-going and good-natured.

To me Saghir said, "Bilinu, this Finlar. Finlar friend by I. Bilinu--" and they dropped the meat on the table, "--food, meat. You, fire." He pointed at the fireplace.

I said, "Yes, I will cook them. Thank you, Saghir."

Both giants stopped moving. Finlar raised his eyebrows. Saghir blushed. They spoke to each other in their own language. Finally Saghir said to me, "Bilinu, you slave by I. You say word I, you not say Saghir. You say Master."

I looked from one to the other. Finlar was trying not to laugh. I tried to sound serious. "I am sorry. I will call you Master."

Saghir smiled and looked relieved. He and Finlar exchanged a few more words. Finlar seemed to be telling him not to worry about the incident. Well, you can't follow the rules if you don't know what they are. Was calling him by name too familiar, or was it only done between equals, or what?

I moved the meat out to a stone in the courtyard and began to clean the table. Saghir went out to the courtyard; I could hear water splashing. Finlar looked down at me and smiled. "You love wash. Good."

I shrugged.

"Saghir love wash. All time, wash wash wash." He laughed at this quirk of Saghir's.

"He likes things to be clean?"

"Ya. Clean. Wash."

I shrugged again. "So do I."

"Good. You good Saghir. You, Saghir," he moved his hands in parallel, "same. Good."

I wasn't sure what Finlar was getting at. "I'm just his slave,"

"Ya, you good slave by he." He pointed at me as he said this. It sounded like an order. "You love he? You good he? He love you."

I felt my face getting hot. Finlar's pidgin was even harder to follow than Saghir's, and this was getting weirdly personal. I shook my head. "I don't understand."

"I love Saghir. I see he. I--" He tapped his forehead.

"Think? Know?"

"Ya. I think know Saghir."

Well, that cleared that up.

Finlar did his best to explain. "He say word Bilinu, he--" Finlar moved the corners of his mouth up into a smile with his fingers -- "up." He pronounced it "ahb."

"He smiles."

"Ya. Smiles. He see you, he, here, --" he patted his chest, "up."

"Happy? Glad?"

"Ya, glad up. He see you, he --" he grabbed his crotch, "up."

That bothered me, I admit. "Did he tell you he fucked me? Did he say that?"

Finlar's smile disappeared. "He not say fuck. I not say fuck. And he not say love, I say love. I see he see you. He love you."

"Love's a big word for day one."

But he said, "Ya, day one. Saghir love fast. He see, he love."

He couldn't be saying what he seemed to be saying. "I'm not sure what you mean."

Finlar knelt down. "Other giant see khusla by he, they say khusla by he not much. Saghir not down, he say slave by he more good as khusla by they."

So Saghir had been bragging about me. 'Love' might simply mean that he considered me valuable.

Finlar looked at me steadily. "You good slave by he. You say thing, you do thing. You say word straight. You not say word not straight. You not, ah--" He showed a coin in his hand, palmed it as he closed his hand, and opened his hand again, showing it empty.

"Hide? Fool?"

"Ya. You not hide, you not fool on. You good Saghir. He love you."

Something was getting lost in translation. Was he saying I should be good to Saghir because he liked me? Was he saying that if I served Saghir well, then he would treat me well? I suppose he was telling me to be honest and do right by my new master. Right. Treat them well, these thieves, pirates, butchers, slavers.

He relaxed a little. "You work? Iron, gold, silver?"

"What? Yes, I'm still working."

"Good. You make jewel? I go home time, I wanta give wife. I give gold for you make."

"I can do it, but talk to Sagh-- talk to Master about it. Give him the gold and he will see that I have the materials. That's how the smith and I arranged things. Might as well keep the same system."

He didn't follow. "Syst--?"

"Give gold to my master, not to me."

An approving smile spread over his face. He nodded. "Good. You good." Finlar talked with Saghir as I cooked, then stayed and ate with us.

After he left, Saghir knelt down in front of me and said, "If other giant here, you say Master. If other giant not here, not hafta. You say Saghir, you say Master, you choose."

"I'd probably better call you Master all the time, just so I don't embarrass you by accident."

I think I saw a little disappointment in his eyes. But he smiled and nodded. "Now wash."

We bathed each other in the courtyard, as before, almost without a word. I concentrated on the feeling of the water, of his hands on my skin, and of my hands on his body. He ended as before, going on beyond getting clean. Finally I stumbled. Saghir saw how tired I was. He carried me to his straw bed and we slept as before, my back to his chest.

This night I woke first. I turned and lay staring at him, listening to his deep, slow breathing. I could feel his slow heartbeat. He opened his eyes and returned my stare, ran his finger along my jaw. Even in that dim light, his eyes were an amazing green, like leaves in early summer. I leaned across and kissed him. He smiled with surprise like a child receiving a gift.

He pulled me to him and kissed me with a force that made me wonder what I'd started. It didn't take long to find out.

************

I couldn't help getting stuck trying to imaging the mechanics of what Pireno was telling me. "I'm still having trouble seeing how sex with a giant is even possible. I know it's silly for me to think that way, given how many women they were keeping. But, I mean, did you enjoy it?"

"At first it was more like an athletic challenge. It was testing my limits, definitely. But he was very patient, he never forced me, and he always backed off it anything was getting to be too much. And he looked so happy. I enjoyed making him happy. And he always made sure we did some things that would -- that I enjoyed, too."

"Very thoughtful of him, I'm sure. Sorry to interrupt. Go on."

************

In the morning, before heading out to some meeting of the giants, Saghir talked to me about Finlar's commission.

"Finlar wanta jewel for wife. He say how he wanta. I show you. I draw you. You make?"

"Yes, I can make it. He mentioned it."

"He say you? He say much you."

"He asked me about the jewelry, and he spent a long time telling me to treat you well. He seems very concerned about you."

"Concern?"

"Um -- what happens to you matters to him. If something bad happened to you, he would be sad." I drew a finger down from my heart.

"Ya. Concern. Friend love. You make good jewel Finlar. I concern Finlar same. Was, long time, year year year, ten year, no hair on --" He stroked his face.

"Before you had a beard? When you were a boy?"

"Ya. I boy, Finlar boy, I with Finalr fuck-love. Now not fuck-love. Now friend-love."

Well, you learn something every day.

Before he left, Saghir again knelt down, gave a little tug to my cord, and whispered in my ear, "Khusla bik." He just had to rub it in. You're my little trophy, know your place, some day I'll make some real money off you.

While Saghir was out I made my way to the bakery, where the stock was disappearing fast. Fortunately the harvest had been good last year and the baker had plenty of flour. The blacksmith had standing credit and the baker managed to spare me a few loaves.

A number of women there were wearing new ivory tags and buying as much bread as they could carry. Some had no money, saying the giants took it all, and begged for credit. Most didn't want to look me or each other in the eye. The exception was Vella, a big, wide-hipped woman who had left her brood outside, laughing and yelling and pushing. Her husband was a soldier, off defending the Empire far away. She looked at me with a grim smile, held her ivory piece, and nodded toward mine. "I see you have a new owner."

I nodded.

"How is it going?"

"Could be worse."

"Has he fucked you yet?"

I blushed and stammered something.

"I see." She looked around at the other women. "All these women, acting like it's the end of the world. What are we supposed to do? Die of shame? Throw ourselves off a cliff? My man will understand. If he doesn't, screw him. I didn't ask for this." She came closer to me as she made her way out of the shop. "Pireno, let me give you some advice. Don't fight it. That just makes it worse. Also, wine helps. Strong wine." She patted my cheek. "We'll all get through this."

I like Vella. She's strong and sensible and she seems to know a lot about life. I wanted someone's opinion on what Finlar seemed to be telling me. I kept my voice low and asked her, "Vella, the giants -- do they think like us?"

She raised and eyebrow. "Some ways yes, some ways no. Anything in particular you're curious about?"

"Well -- do they fall in love like humans? Do they have the idea of love at first sight?"

She laughed. "Love? No. They like sex. They like it a lot. And if they have a convenient, steady fuck, they're all for that. But they don't get attached. Oh, their buddies, their 'comrades in arms,' they get real attached to them. But falling in love? They have no idea what it means. And if they throw the word 'love' around, it's because they don't know any better." She looked into my eyes, I suppose trying to figure out what these questions were about. "Good luck." Her eyes shifted and she yelled, "Tari! Stop that! Leave your brother alone!" and she was out the door.

On the street groups of children were crowding around giants who handed out treats: dried figs, raisins, almonds, and a candy in flat, hard pieces, glossy like amber, which shattered and was full of sesame seeds. The children went wild for that. The giants also passed out little wooden toys -- dolls and carved animals and wheeled carts. The tiny toys looked strange in the giants' huge hands. They seemed to get a kick out of such miniatures. The children's mothers looked on, clearly worried, but they didn't dare interfere.

When he came home, Saghir shyly and proudly presented me with some of that same sesame candy. "Bilinu, I want it can, ah, you can--"

"You hope?"

"Ya, hope. I hope you can like this."

I thought, I see the candy; where are my toys? I was uneasy with being given the same treats as a child. I was a man, doing a man's work: I was a smith now. But Saghir was so pleased with his gift that I didn't want to disappoint him. I said, "Thank you, Master."

"It good! Eat!" he urged me.

I broke a piece in two and nibbled some. "It's very sweet." I could see why the children liked it. I offered the other half to Saghir. He took it with a smile, though it was just a tiny taste for him.

He brushed a stray bit of it from my lip and kissed me, and said, "Sweet."

He sat on the table. "Giant say word, what wanta do after now. I say stay here, wait, food grow--"

"Until the harvest? You want to stay until the harvest?"

"Ya, I say stay until harvest. Some giant think that too much long time. But I say more, and giant choose, stay until harvest."

"But we haven't even planted yet. It's winter. I thought giants didn't like to stay in one place so long."

"Most time not. But this place good."

I thought, they're going to devour everything we have. We can't possibly feed them that long. "So you managed to talk them into this? This was your idea?"

"Ya." He smiled proudly. "I not say word by man good. But I say word by giant good. Other giant hear, they think same. I not more big as they, I not fight more good as they, but I say word good."

I said, "Yes, Master." Vella saying that we would all get through this was starting to seem optimistic.

"i wanta go place friend die. I wanta you come with I."

"Now?"

"Ya, now. Come with I."

"It's 'come with me.'" I don't know why I raised such a trivial point, but I felt like dragging my feet a little.

"What?"

"We don't say 'come with I,' we say 'come with me.'"

"I, me, not same?"

"No. I mean, it's the same person, but we don't use them in the same places --"

"Not mean same?"

"Yes, they mean the same."

"So why?"

"It's hard to explain."

He shook his head impatiently. "I, me, stupid word. Same and not same. Now come with I."

************

We were soon standing by the funeral pyre. Saghir stooped down to rub some of the ash between his fingers.

He sang in a deep, true voice, a completely foreign melody that varied and repeated over and over, like nothing I had ever heard. I didn't understand the words, but the sense of loss and longing in the music was like seeing faraway lands. He finished on a long, low note that shook my chest.

"Master, don't giants ever bury their dead?"

"Why? For what? Ishkandur, friend by I, done die. He go." Saghir waved his hand toward the horizon. "Leave--" He patted his torso with both hands.

"Body?" I suggested.

"Ya. He leave body here. Body not Ishkandur. I see body, I think, Ishkandur here. Body fool on. Fire-burn body, it not can fool on. Bad think Ishkandur here. Ishkandur go. Body like -- animal, on ground, not foot--" He made a slithering motion.

"Snake?"

"Ya. Snake leave, ah--" He pinched a fold of his skin.

"Snakes shed their skin?"

"Ya. Skin. Body like skin by snake. Not more."

"Then, where did Ishkandur go?"

He looked at me in surprise. "I not know. I not done die."

"Some men say that after we die we go to a good place if we were good, a bad place if we lived a bad life."

"How they know this?"

"I guess they read it or heard it from someone."

"Where this good place? Where this bad place?"

"Well, it's hard to say, exactly."

"Man go there, see all man done die?"

"No, nobody's actually been there and come back."

"Then how they know?"

"Maybe someone had a vision." He looked puzzled. "Think-see."

"Fff!" he scoffed. "Sleep-think-see?"

"Like a dream, yes, I suppose."

Saghir looked at me sidelong as if I were joking, then started laughing until he could hardly breathe. "Not go, not see! Only sleep-think-see! Say, good place! All man done die happy there! And other man think word by he straight!" Gradually his fit of laughter subsided, and he said with one last chuckle, "Man stupid." He patted my head. "I happy you say this. Laugh good."

Put that way, it did sound silly. "Master, why did you want me to come here?"

He sighed. "You make jewel Finlar. More. I want you make jewel I. For think-see Ishkandur."

"To remember him?"

"Ya, remember. I show you word. You know make word can see?"

"Yes, I know how to read and write."

"Write. Good. You know write."

"But I don't know how to write in your language."

"I show you. Now home. Wash."

************

At home, after our bath, Saghir drew me the designs for Finlar's jewelry and his own. Finlar's was fairly simple, but I wanted to make Saghir's special, something like the song he had sung by the pyre.

The pendant I made for Finlar's wife, which really was the best thing I had made up to that point, was the beginning of a thriving jewelry business. Hew must have shown it to all the giants. Soon one giant after another asked Saghir to have me make a brooch, a ring, a bracelet, or an earring or two. My new master was getting a bit rich off my work. And I still had quite a bit of ironmongery. I had never worked to hard, and I still was cooking and keeping housed. I didn't mind. The work was making me stronger.

Partly I worked hard to give Saghir reason to keep me, rather than sell me. At this point I suppose it was a matter of sticking with the devil I knew rather than risk one I didn't. There were far worse characters among the giants. Ulukhar, for instance, the stern one from that first day, was their battle captain. You know him -- he's suspicious and ruthless. And you've seen the results of his house searches when he suspected anyone of holding back valuables or hoarding food. Crossing paths with him was frightening enough; the thought of someone like him as my master made me shudder. So I worked.

No matter how much work there was to do, Saghir kept our bath time sacred, ordering me to stop work when the sun sank low in the sky. We moved inside if the weather made the courtyard inhospitable. I got a little more organized and heated water for us. He washed me at a leisurely pace, so I did the same for him, though I had a lot more area to cover. I trimmed his hair and beard, and he trimmed mine. I came to know his body very well.

I couldn't stop looking at him. I couldn't get used to the sight of him. He was so strange -- so different from a man and yet so similar. I don't think I was still afraid of him, exactly, but my heart kept racing as if I were. No matter where he was in a room, that way seemed to be downhill, so that without an effort to keep my balance I would fall toward him.

I did learn a lot about giants. Apparently they find humans fascinating and exotic. They even have a word, shaghurfin, for giants like Saghir who prefer human sexual partners. But they also dismiss us as weak and foolish. They think no more of taking everything we have than we think of raiding a beehive for honey. You might get stung, but the sweet rewards is worth it, and the bees always seem to manage to make more.

The men who remained in the village sneered at me sometimes. As I passed, one of them said to his friend, "I hear when giants move in, they really move in deep." They laughed. "How's your giant treating that butt, boy?" And the other asked him, "Yeah, how is that giant treating that butt-boy?"

I ignored them, but then I ran into Finlar on the road. He stopped to thank me again, then saw something was wrong. He asked if there was some problem between me and my master.

I said, "Everyone knows he's fucking me."

Finlar knelt down and looked serious. "And? What? They say fuck bad?"

"They seem to think so."

"They! Fff!" He waved his hand. "You shut ear on they. Fuck not bad. Say word not straight, bad. Fool on, hide, bad. Say I do this, then not do this, bad. Fuck not bad." He patted me on the back and went on his way.

No, a convenient, steady fuck is not a bad thing, especially from the point of view of the giant.

************

Not many buildings in the village had high ceilings like the forge, so most of the giants stayed in their camp on the outskirts. They built one large wooden building for themselves, you know it, a combination city hall, guard house and barracks. Saghir was very involved in the design and construction. It turned out he was best as a stone mason, but he could build in any material. He kept his word and built us a larger outhouse, out of brick. Yes, I know. He had no idea why I thought that was funny.

You remember the giants did help with the farming -- all the new fields they cleared, and how fast they can chop down trees and pull up the stumps and move rock. I heard some of them grumbling: Tughan-am vuvuli-zu, tughan-am saili, you know, 'Giants don't farm; giants take.' But they helped, even with the planting.

While I was making Ishkandur's memorial pendant I learned some of the giants' language. At first it was just enough to understand what I was engraving on the pendant, but then I asked Saghir to teach me more and more. Learning words was not so bad, but how to put them together really threw me at first. I made blunders that Saghir found hilarious. As long as the errors were funny and not offensive, no harm done.

I made the memorial pendant of silver and gold. I mixed them in different proportions to create a gradual shift of color. I set the stones so that they would catch as much light as possible. I copied the Giantish letters very carefully. I adjusted the shape a bit. When I finished, it gave the eye a sense of movement to somewhere far away.

Saghir held it up and smiled as he looked at it from every angle, twirling it with his finger. "This thing, I see this, I see this, I not wanta stop I see this. It make --" He tapped his chest.

"Chest?" I asked.

He shook his head and drummed a rhythm on his chest: pum-pum, pum-pum.

"Heart?"

"Heart. It make heart by I go up. What word? I love see this, it--"

"Beautiful?"

"Ya. Beautiful."

"I know you miss your friend. I wanted to help you be happy when you remember him."

"You good." He was looking at me now. "I see you, I see you, I not wanta stop I see you. You make heart by I go up. You beautiful."

"I don't think I gave you the right word. 'Beautiful' wouldn't be something you'd call me."

"Ya. Right word. You beautiful."

He's mourning his best friend, I thought; it's not the time to quibble over words.

I started to wonder if Vella could really be right. If this had been a man, I would think this was love, for sure. But what business did I have thinking such things? I was just a slave.

************

One day Saghir found me looking through my box of old childhood keepsakes: seashells, a piece of Imperial glass, my father's belt buckle; and he asked about them.

I told him, "Just things from a long time ago. I was thinking about them because --" might as well tell him, "--today's my birthday. I'm eighteen years old today." I was embarrassed to be making a fuss about it, as if I were a child.

But Saghir made a bigger fuss. "You! This day! Eighteen year got! When giant eighteen year got, he not boy. He done grow. He can say word in shiluntam. This day big! Stop work. Big day!"

He insisted on carrying me on his shoulder to the giants' new building. He paraded me among them. His words came out in a flood that I couldn't decipher, but they gave me a glimpse of the rhythm, music and power of his oratory. The other giants congratulated me. They stuffed my pockets with coins and trinkets. To each one I said zhiskundak, you know, 'thank you.' They were surprised and delighted. They said something to each other like "Don't repeat any secrets in front of this one!" With a mysterious laugh, they gave Saghir a jug of giants' wine.

Only Ulukhar wasn't smiling. He said Balan-am daigibili, which would just mean 'The human has gotten high up,' referrring to Saghir carrying me on his shoulder, if it weren't for its similarity to Balan-am naikibili, 'The human has taken control.' Saghir didn't let it bother him more than a few seconds.

He carried me to each of the village's few shops, buying us the makings of a fine picnic lunch, and announcing to everyone the news of my birthday. The people looked at his as if he were crazy, but they didn't mind the money. If a poor man acts that way, he's crazy; if a rich one does, he's eccentric.

Then he carried me to a meadow some distance from the village. We ate. He asked about my past. I told him how my mother had died when I was born, and about farming with my father, though I always liked letters and numbers better. I was big for my age, which cut down on the teasing when I did well at your school. When my father died, it was my reading and arithmetic as much as my size that made the blacksmith willing to take me as an apprentice, so I could keep his accounts.

Saghir told me about the homeland of the giants, painting a picture of austere beauty. He was sure I would like it. Oh, Gods, I thought, he means to take me with him. I'll be completely dependent on him, with no possibility of gaining my freedom. If he were to sell me there, what might happen to me?

He saved the wine for when we returned home. He opened the jug and poured two equal cups for us. "I little little wine," he said. For me, of course, it was a much bigger drink. We downed them, and then he poured us another. And another.

It took effect as I bathed him. They put something in their wine, mushrooms I think, that is slightly hallucinogenic. Probably more so for us than for them. And I was a little drunk. The familiar landscape of his back and shoulders took on a rippling motion that left me dizzy. Darkness fell.

He carried me inside. I won't bore you with details. I'll just say that that night, and from then on, sex wasn't just to please him; it wasn't an athletic challenge or an endurance test. I enjoyed it, I liked it, I wanted it. And after that night, I didn't need wine to enjoy it.

And I had a hell of a hangover the next day. Saghir stayed and watched over me. He worried that he had put me through too much. I smiled to myself: he was worried about the most memorable night of my life. To his relief, a day of napping and drinking a lot of water restored me. By nightfall I was as hungry as a giant. Saghir insisted on taking me to the village's only inn. "You come with I."

"Come with me," I sighed.

"Ya. Me, I, same. Come."