Giants - 3. Loyalties

I wanted to make sure I understood Pireno. "This was in the summer?"

"Yes, two months after midsummer."

"You said you were curious to find out where this would go. Did you think about what might happen in a few months?"

"I didn't. I didn't think at all. I just lived, day to day, busy with work and serving Saghir. The more involved I was in his life, the less I talked to people. But I couldn't help seeing what was going on in the village."

"It must not have been long afterwards that food started running short."

"Right. The baker started limiting the number of loaves per customer. All the livestock was gone except for a few milk cows and good laying chickens and ducks."

"And Ulukhar's house searches--"

"I know. People dead for no reason. Or just pushed aside and crippled for life."

"And the women taken as slaves, mostly pregnant, having miscarriages, complications."

"Even though it looked like we would have a good harvest, everyone was wondering how much longer the occupation could last. Not that they confided in me any more. The names people whispered about me shifted from 'butt boy' to 'traitor.'"

"Yes, I heard some of that. And they were anxious because they couldn't figure out what the giants were planning to do, long term."

"Oh, the giants," Pireno sighed. "They wouldn't even act in their own best interest. They should have known there was trouble coming, but they had other concerns."

"Well, you probably knew what they were thinking better than anyone. So tell me about that."

************

The giants didn't seem to notice the suffering around them. And settled life was making them soft. Many of them spent a lot of time playing dice and drinking. While the people got thin, most of the giants looked heavier. This bothered them more than anything the humans were going through. Giants are vain. They love fine tunics and fur-lined vests. I don't know any others as clean as Saghir, but they all spent hours on their personal grooming.

I was preoccupied with the unhappiness in the village. Saghir was preoccupied with his expanding waistline. The frequency of sex fell off a bit.

One morning, after he dressed, he stood looking down at his stomach. He wasn't happy. "Bilinu, this clothes, this shirt, this vest, if you see, you think I--?" He moved his arms outward from his sides.

I couldn't believe he was really asking me this. "No, Master, the vest does not make you look fat. The vest has nothing to do with it. You have gained weight. Master." Might as well keep it respectful.

He looked worried. "You see I grow. That why you not wanta fuck."

"You fucked me cross-eyed the day before yesterday!"

He frowned. "Was three day."

"Three days ago, then. I need some recovery time. You have a very big cock."

That finally got a little smile out of him. "Not very big."

I decided to risk asking for something big. "Master, do you want to know why I don't feel like fucking every night? Every day I go out and see people in the village who don't have enough to eat. Their homes get raided for not reason. They get roughed up by Ulukhar and his gang, not to mention the ones who were killed. They call me a traitor because I do a lot of work for the giants and because they see me with you. I feel bad about--" I tried to think how to word it -- "I feel bad about being happy when they're not."

"But -- you happy?"

"Here, with you, I'm very happy. But I have to go out there, too."

He said, "I not can make more good. I not can stop Ulukhar. I not can make food."

"No, but Master, you are very persuasive. You could talk the giants into going easier on people. When they hunt they could share a little more of the meat. The way things are going isn't good for anyone. The giants listen to you. You could change the way they do things."

"Not can," he said.

"When the harvest comes, the giants will need the villagers' cooperation. You need their goodwill. We'll all have to work together. We all need to -- shishkamani." I used the giants' word for two forces pushing in parallel on the same object.

But an orator recognizes oratorical tricks. "You try use word by giant, bring I do thing you wanta? Not. I say, not can."

"Yes, you can. You're the only one who can. You must. You have to."

His eyes flashed. "'Hafta'? You say I, 'hafta'? Who master? Who slave?" He stomped to the door and left.

Within seconds, a face appeared at the door from the courtyard. It was Zev. I thought he was still away at the wars. "Pireno! Are you all right? Sounds like a dangerous game, talking to a giant that way."

I tried to cover my surprise. "How long have you been back? Are there others with you?" How much had he heard?

He said, "We've been in the woods by the river for two days. We have enough men to drive the bastards out. But we're not ready yet. We need your help. We needs weapons."

"What sort of weapons?"

"Something to give us a long reach. And it has to have a long blade. And ordinary spear is just a mosquito bite to them."

I told hims the smith passed out pikes that weren't quite long enough.

"Then you know exactly what we need. A few dozen of them should be enough."

"How can I make dozens of pikes with --" I almost said 'my Master' -- "this giant watching me all the time? I only have a few hours a day when I can count on him being away. And where am I going to get the iron?"

"We can get you the iron. Just make as many as you can."

"I can tell him I'm working on tools for the harvest."

"Good. We'll put the iron in one of your storerooms."

"All right. When I've finished a few pikes I'll leave the shutters on the storeroom window open. You'll find them in there."

"I knew what people were saying about you couldn't be true -- that you'd gone over to them. I knew we could count on you. And we can pay you. We all have our soliers' pay. Can't think of a better use for it."

What was I agreeing to? And why was I agreeing to it -- just because I didn't want to be called a traitor? What would happen? I asked him, "Zev, what's the plan? Maybe, if you surprise them, you can drive them out without killing -- without anyone getting killed."

He looked skeptical. "I can't picture giants giving up without a fight. We'll need to do this as quickly as possible. We don't want to risk being seen. I'll check on how the weapons are coming along when I can." He slipped out into the courtyard and through the storerooms.

When I thought about those soldiers fighting the giants in general, even killing them, it seemed necessary. When I thought that the weapons I made might be used on Saghir, or Finlar, I felt sick. Maybe I was a traitor. But who was I betraying?

Saghir returned after a few hours, looking sad now, not angry. He said, "I walk road long time. I think. Word by you straight. Giant hafta got good fell by man."

Goodwill, but close enough.

"Harvest hafta shishkamani. Tomorrow I say to giant, go easy man. Maybe make more good. Maybe not. I try."

I walked to him and held two of his fingers. "Master, I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to you. I would never want you to get hurt."

He looked surprised. "Giant not hurt I. You concern I? I leave, loud, I think you anger. Not anger?"

"No, I'm not angry. And you're not angry with me?"

"Not. And--" he pointed to his stomach, "this not bad?"

Oh, for the love of the Gods. "Not, this is not bad. In fact it looks good on you," I said. He looked doubtful. "Master -- Saghir -- you are as handsome as ever." He gave me a puzzled look. "Beauriful. You are beautiful."

The look on his face was sunlight after clouds. Gods, the things that smile could make me do. He picked me up, kissed me, and whispered, "Khusla bik."

I thought, I'm so glad you said that just now, because until you did, I was dangerously close to love's point of no return.

************

My double life began. I lied to Saghir about why I was so busy in the forge. And of course I couldn't discuss with soldiers' plan with any villagers. Zev showed up on occasion, supplying me with iron, paying me in gold, and commiserating with me about the occupation. I lied to him, too, letting him think that Saghir was a demanding, terrifying brute.

Saghir and I had a lot more sex. I told myself I was allaying his suspicions. But also I was afraid that our time together might be coming to an end. When we lay on the straw and I watched him sleep, I couldn't imagine going back to living without him.

The harvest began. Humans and giants worked together. There were frustrations and misunderstandings, but the work got done. People got a little more to eat, but the giants stowed a lot of the crop in their camp.

Zev had picked up about twenty of my pikes when the soldiers' plans went wrong. I'm sure you heard what happened: Ulukhar and his guard were checking the woods for a woman who had run away. They found some of the soldiers. There was a short fight. One giant and two men died. The giants retreated to the village to regroup. The soldiers pulled together for battle. In less than an hour everyone had heard about the skirmish.

I was finishing a pike when Saghir burst in.

"What you make?"

I dropped my tools.

He came around the forge and looked at the pike. "You make iron for man for kill giant?"

"Yes." I didn't know what else to say.

He emptied the leather pouch of coins Zev had brought me. "Man give you gold for make this?"

"Yes."

"For kill Saghir?"

"To fight all the giants."

"Other giant say, all man hate all giant. You hate all giant?"

"You giants come into our village, kill men, take everything we have. Are we supposed to thank you? I am a man. I have to fight as one of them, with them."

He shook his head. "Not. Not! You with I, you not with they!"

"I can't change the fact that I'm human. I can't choose--"

"Ya! Choose!"

"I can't choose not to be a man."

"Man!" Saghir spat the word. "You love gold my man more as you love I?"

That word, love. What did it mean to him? "You said yourself, if there's no gold, I'm just a slave. To them I am a free man, to be paid. To you I am nothing. I'm just a free fuck."

He slammed his hand down on the table. "You want I give gold for I fuck you?" He shook his head and raked his fingers through his hair. "Free! Free!" He drew his knife, leaned down and reached for my throat. He grabbed my cord and cut it and held the ivory up away from me. "Now you free! Now you not slave by Saghir. Now you slave by gold." He jammed his knife back into his belt and fished a gold coin from his pouch. "Here! Gold!" He threw the coin at my feet.

"Well, not you've paid, go ahead. Fuck me. It's all you ever wanted from me."

He glared at me. "Now I not wanta." He held up my ivory. "Was," he said, and threw it across the room. He turned, walked to the door, and left.

I stood a while. Then my left hand picked up the gold. My right hand picked up the ivory. My legs shuffled around the forge, the room where we had slept, the courtyard where we had bathed each other. I held the ivory and gold in my fists and sat on the straw bed. The battle was starting . The sound seemed very far away.

After a while fear got the better of me -- fear for Saghir and Finlar and the other giants -- and I pulled myself together. I hid the gold and the ivory inside my bed. I took the pike and went out to where the sound of battle had been.

It was over. The soldiers had won. Of course they had; there had been almost two hundred of them, battle-trained and well organized. They had made good use of the pikes and of ropes and nets. And the giants really had lost their edge after months of soft living. They had fled northward.

I came to a field where men and giants lay dead. Finlar was there, with a bloody wound in his leg and another in his side and another in his chest. He was pale.

I knelt by him and found his was still breathing. I called his name and touched his forehead.

He managed to look at me. He said, "Saghir not here. He go north." Two shallow breaths. "This place not good Saghir. One, two friend by he, go. Bilinu by he, go. He hurt." What? Was Saghir wounded? "But Bilinu. Now you free. Gold got. You big. You hide, you fool on Saghir." He closed his eyes. "You not good." Finlar gritted his teeth, and then he was gone. Only the discarded snake-skin of his body remained.

I ran with my pike north of the village and into the woods. I searched and called. At last I found Saghir leaning against a tree. He had a bloody gash in his foot. It was strange to see him afraid of me.

I heard men behind me. I turned and ran to meet them. I said, "A giant ran by here! He went over that hill!" I directed them away from Saghir. They left.

I went back. Saghir was confused. "Why? You not love I. Why you not say to man, giant here, come, kill?" Why you shishkamani I go find other giant?" He winced from the pain of his wound. "Hafta go find, not can."

"You have to try! Get going! Those men aren't going to be fooled for long!"

"Not can go good. Foot." He pointed to his wounded foot.

I pushed my pike toward him. He flinched. I said, "Take it! Use it to help you walk."

He hesitated, then grabbed the pike, planted it in the ground, and hoisted himself up to standing. "Come! You with I!" His brow furrowed. "Come with me!"

Bastard! Now, now he learns the grammar lesson I tried fifteen times to teach him. Those three words almost made me throw away my freedom. "This wouldn't have happened if you hadn't talked the giants into staying. Giants never stay in one place this long. Why did you do it, for one village's little harvest?"

I had never seen him so sad since that first day. "Was, I wanta stay here. Was, I wanta stay house by you. Was, I wanta stay you. Was I think, this good place. I not think straight."

I knew he meant What I was thinking wasn't true, but yes, he also hadn't been thinking straight. "I can't come with you. It can't be the way it was."

Still he tried to persuade me. "I know you not love I. But -- you fool on man, man know, man kill you. Come with giant. Live."

I shook my head. "No! You need a head start. I'll have to stay and throw them off track again. Get going! Go!"

After a perplexed look, he finally hobbled off, leaning heavily on the pike.

The men came back. I said to them, "He circled around and knocked me down. He got my pike. I think he went back to the village. There's a woman he wanted to carry off."

That got their pointed little hearts racing. Gotta protect the women. They headed back to the village, double-time.

************

Pireno fell silent. I prodded him. "And then you and I ended up on burial detail again, but with a lot more graves to dig."

"Yes, and the bodies of giants to be burned. I knew that Finlar's body wasn't him, but it was hard to see it burn anyway. His last words were still ringing in my ears."

"And I said something stupid about you being a hero, and having a plan all along, when people thought you were a collaborator."

"And I said something stupid, too -- that Saghir thought I couldn't do any harm because I was just a piece of property. I knew that's all he thought I was because he kept calling me khusla bik."

"Yes, that surprised me, given how much Giantish you seemed to know, that you thought khusla meant 'loot' or 'spoils of war.' When I told you that khusla bik means 'my treasure,' that it's what newlyweds and young lovers call each other, you just turned and walked away. Fast."

"Yes, I'm sorry I stuck you and the others with the rest of the work. After you told me that, I couldn't face you. I couldn't face anyone--"

Pireno couldn't hold back his tears any longer. "All because of one word, one word that I didn't understand. Saghir hadn't been putting me in my place. He had been saying he loved me. The way he treated me, the way he looked at me -- how could he possibly have made his feelings clearer? What was wrong with me, that I couldn't see it?"

"Pireno, I'm so sorry." He got control of himself again. "What did you do then? Where did you go?"

"I went back home. I washed off the dust of the burial ground. I ate alone. I sat on the straw alone. I went to my bed and pulled out the gold coin and the ivory token. I heated the gold and drew it into a thin wire, then made the wire into a chain. I threaded my ivory tag onto it, I closed the last link, and I slipped the chain over my head.

"I slept a few hours. I packed some clothes and food and water, and a few of my best tools. I left Zev's gold in the forge. You can have it if you wish. I don't want it.

"Then I came here. Heskelion, I want you to tell the real story to anyone who will listen. I don't care if they're shocked or disgusted. I don't care what they think any more. Caring what people thought cost me the most important thing in my life."

"Where will you go now?"

"I'm leaving to find Saghir. If I can. If it's not too late."

"To be his slave again?"

"You can call me that if you want. So can he. It's just a word. He always treated me with respect and love and consideration, and I know he always will. If this piece of ivory means to him that I'm his slave, I don't mind. To me it means that I'm his lover." Pireno stood and shouldered his pack.

I thought it likely that I would never see him again. "I hope you find him, Pireno."

He shook my hand, said, "It's pronounced 'Bilinu,'" and set off for the northern road.