The Center of the World - 2. Atonement

Pireno moved through the mess of the tent toward Saghir’s head. “Yes, Master. Very dirty. I had no one to wash me.”

 

Saghir looked away. “Why word master? You free. I not master by you. You not slave by I. You not say Master. You say Saghir.” He thought a moment. “Daigitsa Saghir.”

 

Saghir’s words came with effort, whether from pain or to disguise the effect of alcohol, Pireno couldn’t tell. He reached a hand to Saghir’s forehead. Saghir jerked away only slightly at the touch. He was warmer than he should have been but not burning up. “Daigitsa Saghir, who is taking care of you?”

 

“Anavuizhur bring food, bring water. Help go shit.”

 

“What about your wound?” Pireno moved to examine Saghir’s foot.

 

“If hurt change more good, it change. If not change more good, I die.”

 

“Daigitsa Saghir, I was afraid you were dead.”

 

“I fear I live.”

 

Pireno finished peeking under the bandage. “Well, your worst fears are confirmed. You’re going to live.” His thoughts were less optimistic than his words.

 

Saghir snorted impatiently. “Why you come here?”

 

“I have come to correct you, daigitsa Saghir.”

 

“Fff! You correct I? This bad word I-me again?”

 

“No. The last time I saw you, you said you knew that I don’t love you. I have come to tell you that you were mistaken. I do love you. I will do whatever you ask to prove it, except -- don’t ask me to leave you.”

 

Saghir’s gaze had turned to Pireno’s throat. “What on neck got?”

 

Pireno pulled out his gold chain to show Saghir the ivory tag.

 

“Give tie,” he said.

 

Pireno pulled the chain over his head and gave it to Saghir.

 

“Gold tie?”

 

“It is the gold you, um, gave me on the last day.”

 

“Not gold man give you?”

 

“I left that behind.” Saghir continued to hold the ivory tag on its chain. Pireno extended his hand to take it back.

 

Saghir held it away from him. “I give tie you when I say. Now, you go, you leave I.”

 

“No, please --”

 

“You wash. After wash, you come back here again. You bring water. You wash I.”

 

“Yes, Master.”

 

Saghir raised a warning finger.

 

“Yes, daigitsa Saghir,” Pireno corrected himself. He scrambled to leave the tent.

 

“Bilinu!” Saghir called sharply. “Before wash, you bring wine I.”

 

Pireno hesitated, but said, “Yes, daigitsa Saghir.” Outside the tent, Yalitikar sat waiting for him. “Daigitsa Yalitikar, where can I get more wine for Saghir? And water to wash?”

 

************

 

After they delivered Saghir’s wine, Yalitikar and Pireno walked to the river. Pireno was glad that the giant seemed to bear no ill will, because there was so much he needed for the task ahead.

 

“How did you carry Saghir while you were on the road?”

 

“Carry? Giant not carry giant. Saghir walk.”

 

“But he’s in no condition to walk.”

 

“He drink wine, he walk.”

 

“Do you have a doctor?”

 

“Doctor?”

 

“Physician. Surgeon. Someone who can heal. Fix hurt. Make hurt better, more good.”

 

“This work by old woman. Not doctor here.”

 

Pireno’s heart sank. No doctor, no one taking care of Saghir, at least not enough, and too much wine, which makes a poor painkiller. And the disturbing thing Saghir had said: “I fear I live.”

 

“I would like to ask for a few things to take care of Saghir. A bucket for water, a little axe for wood, a cooking pot. Rope. A net. Some things from my pack that Ulukhar took.”

 

“I can get other thing. Pack, you say word Ulukhar.”

 

Yalitikar sat by as Pireno bathed in the river. The water was icy and the rocks were slippery. Pireno felt his way slowly in the dark.

 

“Daigitsa, how long will the giants camp here?”

 

“One day, maybe two.”

 

“Saghir is not fit to travel. He needs to stay in one place to heal.”

 

“Giant not wait on he.”

 

“Can’t he persuade them to stay a few days?”

 

“Giant shut ear on say-word by Saghir. Giant say he love slave too much, he not see straight, he not think straight.”

 

Of course they would blame the disaster of the village on Saghir. They would probably never listen to his advice again. He had lost his best gift, his power of persuasion. He had lost his friends Ishkandur and Finlar, and he had been betrayed by the slave he loved and trusted. He could barely walk. Who could blame Saghir for losing heart?

 

“Daigitsa, why has no one washed Saghir?”

 

“I say he, I wash he. He say not. Not want wash. He want wine.”

 

“But he has to be washed. His wound has to be washed. He could die.”

 

“He not want live.”

 

Pireno climbed onto the riverbank and brushed water from his body before putting his clothes back on.

 

Yalitikar added, “Maybe now, he want you wash he, he want live.”

 

“He doesn’t seem to want me here.”

 

Yalitikar shook his head. “I hear he say-word you. He not say this much word, four five day.”

 

“Oh, he said words, all right. Mostly he said go away.”

 

“He love you. If he not love you, he not say-word. You doctor he. Other not can.”

 

Pireno hoped he was up to it. “Do you have whiskey?”

 

“Saghir drink wine enough.”

 

“It’s not to drink. It’s for his wound.”

 

Yalitikar thought. “Some whiskey got. Good trade. Man give much for whiskey.”

 

“Can you get me some?”

 

“Ya. Little.”

 

“Do you have soap?”

 

“Soap?”

 

“Soap. You make it from fat and ashes.”

 

“Ah. Luimualan. For hair.” Yalitikar was taken aback. “You want do hair by Saghir?”

 

“No, actually, it’s also good for washing.”

 

“Wash?” Yalitikar clearly had doubts, but he shrugged. “I give you luimualan.”

 

************

 

By dawn Pireno had a fire burning in front of Saghir’s tent. A pot of water simmered over the flames, and another pot held a washcloth and newly-washed strips of cloth for a bandage. Pireno brought both into the tent. He woke Saghir and began washing him, paying no attention to his groans. The luimualan was not quite his idea of soap, but with enough water, and supplemented with a paste of ashes, it was fairly effective against grime and odor.

 

Pireno asked, “Why didn’t you let Yalitikar bathe you?”

 

Saghir said only, “He not wash good.” Otherwise, they said little. In a way it was better that Saghir preferred not to talk during his bath. As Pireno washed Saghir’s cock and balls, he reminded himself: This is just a rag-bath, don’t get distracted, it doesn’t matter how much you have missed him, keep your focus.

 

When he had finished all but Saghir’s foot, Pireno said, “I am going to change your bandage.” He unwound the filthy, bloody dressing and tried not to shy away from the smell. The wound was hot and had a buildup of pus, but it wasn’t as bad as Pireno was expecting. After he held his knife in the fire for bit, he swabbed the wound with a cloth soaked with whiskey. Saghir’s groans grew sharper. Pireno warned him, “I’m going to cut this with my knife so that it can drain. It will hurt.”

 

Saghir said only, “Wine.”

 

“No. I don’t want you bleeding more than you have to. You can drink wine when I’m finished. For now, bite this.” He handed Saghir a sturdy stick. Saghir put it between his teeth.

 

Saghir panted, growled, and hit the ground with his fist as Pireno lanced the wound, but he held his leg steady. Pireno flushed the area clean, poured a little whiskey over it, packed a whiskey-soaked bit of cloth inside the separated flesh, and wrapped the other cloths tightly around.

 

“I wish I could do this without it hurting. I’m sorry.”

 

Saghir took a long drink from the wine jug. “I not Empire glass.”

 

Not losing his sense of humor was a good sign. “Daigitsa Saghir, I need to sleep for a few hours.”

 

Saghir waved to the side of the tent. “Sleep there.”

 

Pireno lay down and tried to sleep, but was soon shivering.

 

Saghir sighed and turned his back to him.

 

************

 

After both of them spent a restless half hour, Saghir said, “Bilinu.”

 

“Yes, Mas-- Daigitsa?”

 

“Why you not come with I, last day village? But come now?”

 

“I had a wrong idea in my head.”

 

“What wrong idea?”

 

“You remember the second day in the village, when you wanted to show the other giants some valuable things, and you called them khusla? I thought khusla meant spoils of war, rich pickings, plunder. And then you called me khusla bik, so I thought you were saying I was the same, just spoils of war.”

 

“Not, not.”

 

“And every time you called me that, I thought you were reminding me not to get above my station, not to think I was anything but a piece of property.”

 

“You think this?”

 

“And I thought you might sell me any day.”

 

Saghir faced Pireno with an astonished, horrified look. “Sell you? If say khusla bik bring you think this, I not say khusla bik again in all time.”

 

“Now I would give anything to have you call me khusla bik again.”

 

Saghir shook his head. “Sell you. Sell you!” He scoffed with a little snort, then began laughing uncontrollably, gasping, and then the gasps turned to sobs. Soon they were both laughing and crying at the same time. Saghir grabbed Pireno and crushed him to his chest. Over and over he quietly said, “Dam biush kusmanitsi” (“You pull my mind,” meaning “l want you”), rocking Pireno back and forth.

 

“You say word not straight,” he said, continuing to rock him.

 

“I am sorry. I am sorry.”

 

“Many giant die.”

 

“I wish I had told you. I wish I had warned you. I wasn’t ready to choose.”

 

“And last day village, you say, you nothing to I. How you can think this?” Saghir looked in Pireno’s eyes. “But now I nothing. I nothing for you, nothing can give you. Other giant shut ear on I. Not can walk. Finlar done die. I not fire-burn friend. I shame, not can see wife by Finlar, I not can give jewel wife by Finlar. Giant not think I good again in all time.”

 

“Daigitsa, I was with Finlar when he died. I burned Finlar’s body. I saw that it was done properly. I don’t know if I did right, but I took his wife’s jewel, the pendant I made.”

 

“You take?”

 

“Yes, daigitsa Saghir. I have it in my pack, the one Ulukhar is holding.”

 

“Hafta take jewel wife by Finlar.”

 

“Where is she?”

 

“West. North with west. Giant go east.” Saghir seemed to be considering something, then saw how unsteady Pireno was.

 

“Bilinu! You not sleep. Come, here, you sleep now.” He pulled Pireno’s back to his chest, folded his arms around him, and whispered, “Khusla bik.”

 

Relaxing into the familiar heat of Saghir’s body, Pireno sank into unconsciousness.

 

************

 

They both woke to the sound of Yalitikar clearing his throat outside the tent.

 

“Saghir, Ulukhal-am dalalitsa liaghikusmani.” (“Saghir, Ulukhar wishes to speak to you.”)

 

Saghir answered, “Nulal-ush khiti.” (“I hear him.”)

 

The tent flap was drawn, and the faces of the two crouching giants appeared.

 

“This for Saghir, for man same. I say word by man.” Ulukhar’s tone was dispassionate, neither scornful nor sympathetic. “Saghir, you want man stay here with you, with giant?”

 

“Ya, Ulukhar.”

 

“Many other giant not want.”

 

“After fight, giant make peace. Not anger all time.”

 

“This man not fight. This man vaizuliaghi, say word not straight.”

 

“If Bilinu not stay with giant, I not stay with giant.”

 

“Many other giant say same, more good you not stay.”

 

“Other giant go east, I go west. I go see wife by Finlar. Say Finlar done die. I come back again.”

 

Ulukhar considered this. “If wife by Finlar not anger, I not anger. Wife by Finlar know Finlar done die, then wife cut hair. If not anger, he give. You bring hair by he. Four. Then I know wife by Finlar, he not anger. Then you come back again to giant. If shiluntam say good, you stay.” He looked at Pireno. “If man go with you, all road to end, come back again, maybe he stay. Maybe. I not can say. All giant hafta say in shiluntam.”

 

Pireno had always thought of Ulukhar as a thug, brutal and cruel. Now he seemed merely severe, not relishing the suffering of others, but not averse to it either, if it served his idea of justice.

 

Besides, Ulukhar’s failure to distinguish “he” and “she” added a note of comedy to his speech, lacking in everything else Pireno had ever heard the battle captain say.

 

“Bilinu!” Pireno was surprised to hear Ulukhar address him by name. “Bag.” He tossed Pireno’s pack toward him. Ulukhar and Yalitikar closed the tent flap and walked away.

 

The matter seemed settled. Pireno and Saghir would not be traveling any farther with the giants.

 

“Master --” Pireno began.

 

Saghir shook his head.

 

“Daigitsa, where is Finlar’s wife?”

 

“Home of giant. North, west, north, west, far. Near center of world. Not easy go. For this I hafta good slave got.”

 

“I understand.”

 

“Not can fool on, not can hide. Fool on, hide, cut mind by I from mind by you.” He held his two index fingers up far apart.

 

“I know.” Pireno wanted no repeat of the gulf his deception had created between them in the last weeks at the village. They were the busiest weeks of his life, and the loneliest.

 

“Hafta, mind by you, mind by I, with.” He brought his fingers together.

 

“I will not lie to you again.”

 

“You ready choose now?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“You slave by Saghir, or you not slave by Saghir? Choose.”

 

“I choose to be your slave.”

 

Saghir pulled out the gold chain and ivory tag and slipped them over Pireno’s head.

 

“Now I choose, you slave by Saghir. Now I choose, you say Master.”

 

“Yes, Master. Master?”

 

“Ya?”

 

“Dalal-am khusla biki.” (“You are my treasure.”)

 

Saghir pulled Pireno into his arms and smiled while shaking his head. “Sell you. Fff.” Then he held a hand to his head, groaned, and fell back on his rags.