Remijay poems - 6. Something About me

I sit here and think about how my life has changed, I think that I’m damned to hell. I want my life to go back to where everything made sense, to fool around and not care. I sit here and want to go back, when things were different. When I was younger I had friends lots of them, I had people who cared for me and me them. I miss my best friend Emily Strong; I haven’t talked to her in a year. I miss her deeply, I think that if I was still down there we would still be friends and hanging out.

I cry sometimes thinking about what I have been through, with the heartaches, losing my friends, not having a life, and well as you can tell NO boyfriend either, I just want my life to make sense for once, to be happy instead of fronting that I am. I can put a smile on my face an make people believe that I’m so called “HAPPY” or I can pretend that I’m giddy, most of the time I am, when I’m talking to people. You see I go on the IRC and GA chat, there’s people there that like me and I them, if you’d ask me if I’m happy I would have to say NO, not in the slightest, but I do wish change anything I might say YES.

Some of the people I talk to help me be happy, maybe even giddy. However, when I leave the IRC or any other chat I’m sad, and well I have to front that I am all those things in order for people to leave me alone and not ask what’s wrong or why so sad, I cant keep fronting, I want to become the happy person I know that I can be. The accomplishments that I have set for myself I don’t see them coming, the GED or going to college, I don’t know if I can, I don’t if I’m good enough, or smart enough. I might have faults or flaws but what person doesn’t, every one out there says I’m good looking or sexy, or I’m a skinny boi. I don’t see it but I take the compliment just to make the other person happy.