Collections - 17. Chapter 17 -- Industry Short

Industry Short

The party started at 5:00 PM which means everyone was finally there by 7:00, for the screening. We weren't actually watching the telecast. We were watching a recording, edited free of commercials. It was also high definition TV, set for a widescreen monitor. But technology couldn't help this movie. It had been made fast, during the star's three-week hiatus from her regular show, and the script couldn't have taken more than ten minutes to type. Any novice writer could have improved it in an afternoon. So could the star's ten-year-old daughter - or my dog.

I don't usually watch this kind of movie, so it offered some fascination. I kept trying to figure out if a less awful director could have made it less worse. Or if less plastic casting could have helped. Or better hair. It was one of those all-of-a-piece stinkers that even had the star's family and friends howling. I, of course, had to be more polite.

"I don't think the producers intended it to be that funny," the star's husband told me at one point. Later, I overheard him tell other people the same thing. Still, after it was over, everyone, easily, assured the star, "You was the best thing in it."

Well, actually...

No, she probably was, which was frightening - more frightening than the plot ever intended to be. "Why did she make the movie?" I quietly asked the friend who'd invited me along. "Is she trying to move out of sitcoms? Does she honestly think she has a wider range? Is any first step better than no step at all?"

"You analyze too much," came the answer. And I probably do. But I'm way too far on the edge of the industry to try to figure out why this specific star made this particular movie.

The day before, I'd spent the morning at the Televison Academy, screening student films for awards that would be called the Student Emmys except for copyright infringement. Five of us - two producers, a director, a writer, and me (a lowly set decorator) - saw five short films, and any one of them was better than that TV movie.

And just because these were student films doesn't mean they were made by amateurs: two came out of USC, one from NYU, one from Florida State, and the last from Berkeley - all schools with powerful film programs. And just because they were movies didn't automatically make them better than what's on TV - product is fairly interchangeable these days, which is why these film school productions were up for TV awards. Still, not one of these five, talented directors, or the polished teams they worked with, could probably have helped that TV movie.

And maybe when it was broken into five-minute segments, separated by commercials, it wouldn't seem that terrible. And maybe when people were watching it at home, while also eating, talking, cooking, and doing who-knows-what-else, it would seem just fine. After all, they got to see one of their favorite, comfort-inducing stars out of her normal, shiny setting and off on a new adventure. Maybe that's all they wanted. And maybe that's why the star's family and friends could honestly assure her she'd been terrific.

And maybe that's why I could sagely be told I think too much.