Collections - 21. Chapter 21 -- Jingles

A friend of mine, Rita, recently mentioned that she has a three-year-old grandson named Ajax, and I realized there was a connection to Greek or Roman mythology, but I didn’t know the specifics. She added that when her son and daughter-in-law‘s friends hear the boy’s name, they joke, “Is he going to marry a girl named Windex?” or “Is he going to marry a woman named Comet?”

It turns out that Ajax was a Greek warrior, but I had to admit that when I hear Ajax, the first thing I think of is “Boom, boom, the foaming cleanser. Wipes the dirt, right down the drain.” Actually, when I checked, it’s “floats the dirt.”

When I told my friend this, she had no idea what I was talking about, and we realized the commercial could either have been regional – she was raised in Tucson – or after she was a child – she’s a dozen years younger than I am. But Tom and I were out for dinner with Rita and another friend, Martha, and this started the four of us talking about jingles we could remember. I’ve gone through this before, and I always feel like it’s going to end with me blinding horses, like Alan Strang in Equus. Still, here goes:

N - E - S - T - L - E - S

Nestles makes the very best.

Choooooc - laaaaate.

Mr. Clean gets rid of dirt and grime and grease in just a minute.

Mr. Clean will clean your whole house and everything that’s in it.

Mr. Clean.

Mr. Clean.

Mr. Clean.

My beer is Rheingold, the dry beer.

Think of Rheingold whenever you buy beer.

It’s not bitter. It’s sweet.

It’s a dry, flavored treat.

Won’t you buy extra dry Rheingold beer?

I want a girl

Just like the girl

That’s in the Rheingold ad.

As opposed to the original words, which end, “That married dear old dad.”

Get Rival dog food.

Arf. Arf. Arf. Arf.

Get Rival dog food.

Arf. Arf. Arf. Arf.

Your dogs eyes will shine.

Every time

So get Rival dog food.

Arf. Arf.

Or something like that – I couldn’t fact check the exact lyrics. It’s sung to “The Blue Danube Waltz,” of course, and – perhaps as late as college – when I first heard a full recording of that waltz, I said, “I know the lyrics to that, and I started singing. Which only made my friends think I was nuts.

The four of us were having this discussion in a restaurant called the Eclectic Cafe, and, unfortunately, I took its name too literally and ordered an odd combination of foods for my dinner – tortilla soup, salmon/artichoke heart quiche, a green tamale, an ordinary side salad though with balsamic vinegar dressing, mango iced tea, and chocolate mousse. After which, I immediately needed:

Plop, plop.

Fizz, fizz

Oh what a relief it is.

Sung, or recited, by a little cartoon character named Speedy Alka Seltzer – who looks a lot like Ready Kilowatt, if you know those ads. Though Speedy has a Alka Selzer tablet as part of his hotel bellboy-like cap, instead of lightning bolts for arms and legs. Also, I remembered this as “Pop, pop,” and Martha remembered it as “Drop, drop.” But it’s “Plop.”

To continue:

Double your pleasure.

Double your fun.

With Double Mint.

Double Mint.

Double Mint.

Gum.

Brylcream,

A little dab’ll do you.

Brylcream,

Use more if you dare.

But watch out,

The gals’ll all pursue you.

They love to run

Their fingers through

your hair.

Brush-a, brush-a, brush-a.

Get the new Ipana.

It’s dandy for your teeth.

You’ll wonder where the yellow went,

When you brush you teeth with Pepsodent!

Towards the end of our conversation, we got as far as, “Get Wildroot Cream Oil, Charlie. And wipe (?) the grease away.” Then we stalled. Also:

We are the men of Texaco.

We work from Maine to Mexico...

And:

See the USA.

In your Chevrolet.

America is asking you to call.

See the USA.

In your Chevrolet.

America’s the greatest place of all”

We weren’t sure of the “call,” the last line, or anything further. As it happens, the fourth and fifth lines are actually, “Drive your Chevrolet, Through the USA,” but we got the “call/all” rhyme right, and the rest of the song continues somewhat unmemorably.

Of course, that was sung by Dinah Shore and was almost the theme song of her variety show, so that just led us to other, non jingle, if non-commercial songs from other variety shows. First was the pair from the Garry Moore show, beginning – “That wonderful year, we hope you’ll see...” and “We’ve just said ‘hello,’ and right away, we have to say ‘so long’ for a while...” But once you start there, you wander into further theme songs, notably the westerns: “Wyatt Earp, Wyatt Earp, brave courageous and bold...” and “‘Have gun, will travel,’ reads the card of a man...” and Bonanza, and Rawhide, and “Out of the night, when the full moon is bright, comes the horseman known as Zorro.” Which winds to:

Happy trails to you,

Until we meet again.

Happy trails to you,

Keep smiling on til then...

And:

How do I know?

The Bible tells me so.

And – inevitably:

M - I - C.

See you real soon.

K - E - Y.

Why? Because we like you...

And maybe it never stops, drifting through the 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s... Finally, though, there was one that stumped us. Martha asked, “Did you every hear of a song called ‘Susie Snowflake?’” And when we all admitted we hadn’t, she sang it for us:

Here comes Suzy Snowflake

Dressed in a snow-white gown.

Tap, tap, tappin' at your windowpane

To tell you she's in town.

Here comes Suzy Snowflake

Soon you will hear her say.

Come out ev'ryone and play with me.

I haven't long to stay.

If you want to make a snowman,

I'll help you make one, one, two, three.

If you want to take a sleigh ride,

Whee! The ride's on me!

There was more, but we stopped her – bribed her with some chocolate moose. Martha was raised in a small town in north central Ohio, and Tom and Rita were from Tucson, and I was from New York, so we figured the song was regional. But it wasn’t. It was released nationally in 1951 and sung by the very notable Rosemary Clooney. Later, I did a little research on the composer/lyricist team, Bennett and Tepper, and it turned out they wrote over 300 songs, many frequently recorded. Still, the only one I recognized was “Red Roses for a Blue Lady.”

So now I have that, Susie Snowflake, Wildroot Cream Oil, Mickey Mouse, the guys from Texaco, and Ajax all mixed up in my head, and I really could use some Alka Seltzer. Or whatever jingle you sing for a headache.