Lost in Manchester - 30. Uncoincidences. May 2010. Liam and Adam.

One of the wonders of living in the centre of a huge city is the realisation that descends on you after a little while that, actually, it isn’t such a huge city after all. In fact it’s a small village. It’s just that it’s a small village that’s rammed with exciting things to do and see, and that has tens or hundreds of thousands of tourists passing through each day. But actually, like any village there are little everyday coincidences. The people you meet who know other people. Or the people you date who have dated other friends. Or the places you go and bump into people you never expected to see. One of the things you never realise though, is that for every coincidence there is an equal and opposite effect.

 

Liam Silversmith was sitting in his flat on the second floor of Cotton Tower. He was a little bored, but not to the extent that he was willing to get up and unpack those final boxes that had lain stubbornly unopened for the two months since he moved in.

Man, he wanted a good date. He wanted one of those dates where at least a small part of his heart believed it could actually go somewhere. It had been too long, and, truth be told, it was a little disheartening. He was 5’11, a regular triathlete, with the build that goes with that. He had a good jawbone, strikingly blond hair with designer stubble, and bright green eyes that people could pick out from across the room. He was passionate, and adventurous, and caring, and although he would never say it, if you asked his friends to describe perfect boyfriend material, most of them would think about him.

And yet, no good dates.

He picked up his laptop, marked with the giant superman logo across the top, lifted the lid, and clicked onto Gayzer as soon as it loaded up. He had been on here too often these last few weeks. As ever, he looked first at his inbox and today found three flashing new messages. He opened up the first two and found that both correspondents looked old enough to be his father. The third message was an inane hello from a blank profile.

He sighed, and clicked onto the local search. Only a few hundred metres away was the profile of a guy that looked around his age. His profile showed him standing on a sunny beach, his shirt mostly open, revealing an admittedly appealing chest. He clicked into the profile and read the description.

Adventurous guy into music, travel, nice beers and nice bums. Always up for a chat.

Short but sweet. He looked a second time at the photo. This guy looked familiar; he was sure he’d seen that face before. He tried hard to think back.

 

A few hundred metres away, Adam was clearing up the mess from last night’s dinner, his iPod on random, singing along to classic Ash tunes under his breath as he contentedly tidied.

James stumbled into the kitchen-lounge.

“Oh wow” he said, looking at the iPod. “It’s like a flashback to when you guys over here knew how to make music.”

Adam smiled. “We heard back from Paul’s stepdad yesterday. They’re sorting everything. I think it’s actually over.”

“No way! That’s so amazing. So did they tell you anything more? Like why or how he managed to do it all? Or if they know what’s wrong with him?”

Adam shook his head. “I guess that’s going to remain one of life’s mysteries. I doubt we’ll ever see him again. And even if we did I’m sure he’d never say a word about it. It’ll all just be left to our imaginations now, like it was all a weird dream.”

“So this is like the first day of the rest of your life?”

“It feels like it. I’m so ready for a fresh start.”

James raised his eyebrows, waiting for more.

“I’ve invited Ryan over. I think I’m going to break it off”.

He could see James trying to hold back a smile.

“Yeah. I know.” Adam said, noting the ill-disguised glee.

James excused himself and soon afterwards discreetly headed out to do some shopping.

 

The next hour swept quickly by and before Adam knew it, Ryan was there in the flat, and he was having that conversation again.

“So, I guess what I’m saying is, I don’t think it’s going to work out. In the long term, you know?”

He looked across at Ryan, hoping this might not end up being too painful.

Ryan’s expression didn’t dip. Instead, he broke into a grin and grabbed at his crotch. “I reckon I can convince you otherwise”.

Adam squeezed his eyes shut. He needed to develop his breaking up skills. This was just awkward. “Ryan, shut up. I’m serious.”

“Babe…” he said, looking almost more confused than upset.

“Look, you’re a great guy, but…”

“Whatever, come here and…”

“Ryan” Adam said seriously. “It’s over.”

Suddenly the light in Ryan’s eyes switched off.

“You’re serious aren’t you?” He said it like he was affronted by the suggestion.

Adam looked relieved that the message had got through. “I’m sorry man. You’re a great guy but…”

“You know I fucking knew this would happen” he said, his voice snapping. His face screwed up, almost folding in on itself, and his body twisted unnaturally like his blood had turned to lemon juice.

“I. FUCKING. TOLD. PAUL. THIS. WOULD HAPPEN”

Adam took a cautious step backwards and away from Ryan. He felt chills up his spine.

“What are you talking about?”

Ryan laughed like he was unhinged.

“I knew Paul. Me and Paul were buddies. Oh, didn’t you know that?”

Adam eyed him cautiously, maintaining a distance like he was trapped in a room with a rabid dog.

“Oh yeah, it all started a few months back. One night in town when we met in a club, about four in the morning. He told me a little bit more about his life than he really meant to”.

Adam’s eyes opened wider. “What are you saying?”

Ryan ignored the question, looked round the room for a second, then decided he wanted to make himself comfortable. He took a seat on the sofa and lounged back.

“Get me a beer” he demanded.

“Um, no, fuck off” Adam said, as calmly as he could.

Ryan stared murderously at him for a few seconds then stood up. “Ok, so you want me to go?” He stood there and you could see in his eyes he knew he was holding all the cards. Adam could get rid of him right now if he wanted, he knew that even if Ryan resisted he could force him out. They locked eyes in a stand-off. Adam didn’t want to concede, but the curiosity was too much for him.

“Ok, wait.” He reluctantly went to the fridge, got a beer out, opened it and put it on the table in front of the sofa where Ryan had returned.

 

Liam sat and tried to think about it. Where had he seen that face? An idea came to him. That day in the Loom Inn, months ago. The end of last summer in fact. He’d had that awkward conversation with Matt, the guy with the terrible breath, breaking the news to him after two dates that he didn’t think it was going to go anywhere.

He smiled thinking back. As if to rub salt in the wounds, Matt had caught him checking out the new guy that had walked in, with that figure hugging white t-shirt on. He had to look away when Matt called him on it. But then, before they left, Matt had gone to use the bathroom, and he was free to sit and glance across at the pretty boy with the ruffled hair, chatting with that girl. Then when he got up to go to the bar, the way those jeans wrapped round his ass. Liam couldn’t have been the only one checking that out.

It wasn’t just the way he’d looked though. There was something about the way he listened to his friend, caring what she said, but then constantly cutting in with something funny that would made them both break into a smile. He had been very watchable.

 

Ryan took a swig of beer and continued.

“So there we are at five in the morning, he’s completely off his face on K or some shit like that. I’d watched him for a bit. He was dancing with anyone and everyone, and as soon as he saw me looking he was all over me. We went and sat down and, man, he could not stop groping me. So I kissed him for a bit, but then there was, like, this wave of tiredness came over us both, like you often get after you sit down on an all-nighter. And that was when it all started spilling out from him. He started telling me how he had this flatmate who paid his rent and bills for him in this fabulous flat. How he didn’t work and just lazed around, read books, and drank and got off his face. Obviously I thought he was bullshitting me, so I made him tell me more. He was reluctant, but I was like, come on, I’m a tweaked random in an all night club. I’m not even going to remember meeting you tomorrow, never mind our conversation.”

In spite of himself, Adam wanted to hear every detail. Needed to, almost.

“Course, I was lying. I’d only had a few beers. But it made him relax. So then he tells me about the different strings he’s pulling. He’s got this flatmate who doesn’t even realise he’s paying bills for both of them, he’s keeping the letting agent at bay about the rent, he’s got friends lending him money, who he can fob off for a while yet. And all of this is paying for his awesome lifestyle.

“So I ask him how he convinces people to lend to him. I mean, why would they trust him?

“And then he tells me about the fake life, and how he maintains it. Credibility and confidence are the key things he tells me. Credibility is number one though. People had to believe him. Because if even one person doubted him, they could check up on what he’d said, and it could be all over. So he tells me how he’s made himself this tough-talking lawyer character. He’s read up about it in detail. Serious detail. He knows how to be this person exactly. He’s so convincing as this no-shit, right-wing tory, immoral tobacco lawyer guy, that no-one would question what he claims to be. And that way he’s credible.

“But he has to match that with confidence, because he needs to be seen as successful. He has to be likeable enough that people want his friendship, but also tough enough that people trust and respect him. And that means he has be open about his life, he has to have hilarious anecdotes, he has to be sex-crazed and drug-fuelled, so he can be this fun-time high-powered fucked up party animal. And if he carries that off, enough people will love him and everyone will respect him”.

“So it was totally pre-meditated” Adam uttered, halfway between a question and a statement.

“He’s also an incredible liar. He tells me the hardest thing is keeping track of all the stories. He has to build this world in his head where all the stories he tells become part of the truth. The lawyer world is the world his mind actually spends most of its time in. He tells me that sometimes he wakes up in the morning and for a few seconds he’s not sure which world is the truth.

“And then, he tells me, in a few months, he’ll disappear. Vanish without trace. No-one will have a shred of evidence they can use to track him. He’ll go somewhere new, maybe abroad, and start all over again.”

Ryan smiled and leaned forward to take a gulp of beer, like it was the end of the story, and Adam struggled to know what to say. Before he could reply though, Ryan swallowed the mouthful and carried on.

“So I was like, surely your room-mate realises you’re not working? Surely you can’t completely bullshit someone you live with and see every day?”

Adam remained straight-faced. He knew Ryan was looking for a rise but he wasn’t going to get one. He wouldn’t give Ryan the satisfaction.

“So then he gets his phone out and shows me a picture of you, and starts laughing. Look, this is why, he says. The thing is, he tells me, my flat-mate is a classic fuckaholic. New to the city. Just broke up with a boyfriend. I saw what he was the first day we met. All he thinks about is the next shag, so there’s no space in his head for thinking about bills or money or any serious shit.

Of course, I recognised the photo of you from our one date, but I didn’t tell him that yet.

“Seriously? I asked him.

“Oh yeah, he tells me. Two drinks and any guy can get him in bed he says, waiting a second for my reaction, then we burst out laughing together”.

Adam felt sick inside.

“So then I start to smile, and he asks me what I’m smiling about. And that’s when I tell him that I know you. That I already bought you a couple of drinks. And I already shagged you. And I have your number in my phone.

“Then he starts to look at me differently. His smile fades a bit. It’s like he’s suddenly sobered up. You’re not still seeing him though? he asks me, and I shake my head. He thinks he’s too good for me, I tell Paul. Then the smile comes back on his face.

“I never thought that” Adam interceded.

“Whatever. Anyway, he turns to me and says. Well, then I’m sure we can come to some arrangement”.

“So, what, he paid you to keep quiet?”

Ryan looked at him and smirked.

“Jesus, he was so right about you. He didn’t pay me anything dumbass.”

Adam looked confused. “Then what?”

“He gave me you”.

 

Liam looked at the profile picture again. Another though crossed his mind.

That day before Christmas, when the Winter fair was on in Chester. He was home for the weekend and had taken his mum into town. They were slavishly following round that architectural tour of the city, led by his uncle, in the freezing cold. They’d passed by a bar and he’d glanced in the ground level window, and seen that group of twentysomethings at the table below. The guy at the back was taking off his scarf and his pale cheeks were glowing red from being outside. They matched his pretty lips.

He remembered that Tintin t-shirt the guy was wearing, and how he’d played out the story in his mind. The guy must be an adventurous type, definitely someone into travelling. He’d thought about going in for a beer, so they might bump into each other, and find out they got along well, and who knows, maybe got together. And then some day gone off and explored the world together, learned about new cultures, met amazing people, had wild, beautiful sex on every continent…

Liam had tried to think of an excuse to walk back past the window, but hadn’t been quick enough to think of something. Instead he had moved on to find out more about the foundations of the Guildhall.

 

“What the hell are you talking about?” Adam demanded.

“So he tells me you’re easily manipulated. He tells me that if I forget everything about tonight, he can make sure I hook back up with you. Then he tells me that when he disappears, your head will be all over the place. He knows what happens when he vanishes and leaves people behind. You’ll cling to me he says. You’ll be desperate to hold on to anything real. And I’ll be able to keep on nailing you night after night”.

“This is crazy, how could he possibly have done that…”. Adam’s brain couldn’t comprehend it.

Ryan laughed. “It was pretty easy. He gave me the heads up when he was about to disappear, he told me the things I should say to you that night in the club, he got it all right, everything, right up til now.”

“Alright, I’ve heard enough” Adam said, standing up, suddenly decisive, “You can fuck off now.”

“He said you’d be mine for at least six months while your head was all over the place”.

Adam started to move towards him, and Ryan stood up.

“What’s wrong with you?” Adam asked.

Ryan moved round the table as Adam approached.

“Wrong with me? What’s wrong is how easy you are. And I wasn’t going to turn down a free regular shag.”

Adam advanced on him and he backed towards the hallway.

Ryan laughed at the disgust on Adam’s face.

“Anyway, having that power was too much fun.”

Adam reached him and started marching him towards the door. He didn’t struggle but kept on talking.

“Paul saw exactly what you were about. It must have been so easy for him. I bet he couldn’t believe his luck finding a flatmate so easy to manipulate.”

Adam opened the front door and pushed him through.

Ryan gave a last cruel laugh. “Well. It was fun while it lasted pretty boy.”

Adam slammed the door shut and raced through to the bathroom. He was sure he was going to be sick.

 

Or maybe it was the other week, Liam considered. That guy who almost rammed into the back of his car at the lights on the ring road. It had all happened so quickly but that guy he had seen in the rear view mirror had distracted him so much, he had almost forgotten to drive off again.

He shook away his thoughts, looked again at the profile, and started to write a message.

Hey, like your profile. Want to chat sometime?

 

Adam heard the door to the flat open but didn’t move. He was lying on the floor of the bathroom, resting against the rim of the toilet with the lid open, but wasn’t quite sick enough to hurl.

He was relieved to hear James’ voice.

“Shit man. Are you ok? I saw Ryan storm out. What the hell happened?”

Adam looked up. He felt drained.

“Did he do something to you?” James asked, sounding angry.

Adam shook his head and sat back. He gradually recovered enough to retell the highlights of the story.

James knelt down as he listened, and moved to a seated position leaning back against the sink.

“What the fuck man? How could anyone be like that?”

Adam shook his head. “How could I be stupid enough to let him.”

“No way man. This isn’t on you.”

“It’s true though. Since I’ve been in this city, all I’ve done is have sex with different guys. I probably deserved this.”

“Will you shut up?” James said angrily. “You can sleep with who the hell you want, when you want. There’s nothing to be ashamed of in that. It’s not hurting anyone. There are sick, screwed up people in this world, but that’s not your fault.”

Adam looked up at him, gratefully.

“I’m serious. Paul was a piece of work, and he fooled everyone he met. You were one of many. I mean, sure, you trust people, but how else are you going to live your life?”

Adam was sitting back against the bath, across from James.

“Six months I’ve been here, looking for guys I like, and guys I could see myself with. Ryan was as close as I got. And it turns out he was a fucking nut job”

“There are going to be better guys”

Adam shook his head. “I don’t know. I haven’t found any. Maybe relationships are not for me. I mean, maybe fundamentally, a regular relationship between two guys can’t work”.

James gave him a disapproving look.

“That’s obviously bollocks”

“I’m serious, maybe it’s true.”

They both went quiet, lost in their thoughts.

“You knew in the back of your head it wasn’t right though, didn’t you?” James asked.

Adam looked up. He thought about the question. “I don’t know”

“Well, could you ever see you and Ryan getting married?”

Adam laughed. “No”

“Ok, so I think somewhere in there you knew. I mean, like, I knew”.

Adam waited for him to go on.

“I’m just saying, on some levels, he was what you needed in the last few months. You wanted someone you could shag around with, and cuddle and, whatever. But you weren’t ready for a real relationship. It was too soon after your ex.”

“So…”

“So, I’m saying that what he said is bullshit. I don’t think they made you do anything you didn’t want to. You were getting what you needed. You were using him, the same way he was using you. So yeah, it’s seriously, seriously fucked up the way he was thinking about it, and what he was doing. But you guys were never serious anyway. So what he says can’t hurt you. I mean, tell me I’m wrong?”

Adam’s face lightened slightly, and James smiled.

“Ok, that’s more like it. Come on, let’s go get tea. On the upside, you never have to see that asshole again, or your asshole ex-flatmate. And hey, who knows, the guy of your dreams is maybe just one message away on that dating site of yours.”

 

Liam looked again at the Gayzer message, his finger hovering over send.

Hey, like your profile. Want to chat sometime?

Was it a bit generic. He hated getting thoughtless messages like that. He clicked back onto the profile for inspiration. It was a short profile description though. There wasn’t anything there for him to comment on. Maybe it was because this guy was too shallow to have anything interesting to say?

He looked again at the photo. I mean, it was definitely hot. He could imagine kissing this guy. Ok, and a lot more than kissing. But that wasn’t enough, there had to be more than that. And actually, was this guy a bit of a poser? The open shirt, I mean, it was a bit obvious. Maybe this guy wasn’t right.

He thought about it for a second, then returned to the message window, deleted the text and closed it down. He didn’t need the disappointment of another date that would go nowhere.