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- 06/12/2015
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you.
Someone Like Me - 6. Chapter 6
Apologies for the wait on this one,
Chapter Six
Second period came quicker than expected, and despite earlier events, I had dozed off to catch up on my restless night.
"How are you feeling?" The nurse asked me from her desk, as she saw me blink my eyes open.
"Better." I groaned. "Not completely though. My gut is still a little sore, but it's ok."
This was the truth. A small niggling ache remained in my stomach, but my head and nose felt like it hadn't been hurt at all.
The nurse looked straight at me. "Do you want to go home? Get Mom or Dad to pick you up?"
No way that was going to happen. If I wanted to ditch school now, I'd have to walk home. Mom would be sour to me for the rest of the day if she picked me up. She'd hate to drop her conference just so she could drop me home. Dad would be too tangled up in lawyer work to care. Talk about supportive...
"No, it'll be fine. I can last the rest of the day." I smiled.
"Okay. Your homeroom and first period absences have been cleared by me. Thanks for stopping by."
I got up and headed for the door. "Thank you so much."
She gave a small wave and returned to her work. Walking into the corridor, I started making my way to my second period class: Art. And that was something I was really looking forward to.
You'd think the whole Patrick Pierce debacle would've put me down. Made me feel worthless and terrible. But something stopped that from happening. Two things actually. The first was Malachi. He had helped me from being beaten down to being able to get back up. He had assured me that Patrick was just a sadistic moron, and that I couldn't let him do that to me. And that support helped me a lot. Malachi was the boy I used to be infatuated with. But now I'm also his friend. The second thing is the prospect of seeing my biggest crush Sean. I couldn't wait to see his adorable face again. He wanted me to be by him for god’s sake! That is something so wicked awesome, it overthrows the hurt that Patrick gave me before. Besides, what he had done was something that I was used to getting back home in New York.
All too soon, there it was. The art room. Oh god, what should I say when I see him? I came here too soon...
But I played it cool. If I could converse with Malachi, I can just as easily do so with Sean. So I put on a stride and entered the classroom. I faced the direction of where I sat yesterday. A boy sat where Sean was yesterday. Was that him? Yes, it was! Sean looked up and noticed me approach. His eyes lit up as a grin stretched out on his face. Okay, Jordan. Take it easy...
"Hey." I breathed softly when I reached him. Maybe that was a little too soft, should I say it again?
"Hey Jordan." Sean beamed, pulling out my seat. "How's it going?"
"Yeah okay." I said. "What about you?"
"Not too bad." He replied. "I just got this annoying assignment in my English class. A written report or something. We have Miss Fitch, who is so kind enough to load this report on top of our shoulders on the second day of school, first period."
I gave a cruel smile. "Miss Fitch the bitch, eh?"
We both cracked up at that, before Mrs Pfeffer shushed the class.
"I'm handing out your projects you did yesterday. You'll get some general comment from me on it about your level of sketching and colour." She announced.
"This is a load of shit." Sean said, mimicking the teacher's voice.
I also copied her voice. "My own feces are more beautiful than this."
We couldn't contain ourselves. Me and Sean clasped a hand to our mouths as we suppressed giggles, but it didn't stop a few short outbursts escaping. Then Mrs Pfeffer handed us our work from yesterday as she brushed by. Attached to my paper was another, with purple colored ink scribbled on it. 'This is good, but more structure and color are needed.' Basically, what Sean had said. I didn't care about her comment really, I mean it's our own personality. It can have as little color as it damn well wants to! Although in one aspect of my character, there is a significant amount of color. Speaking of which...
"What did the teacher say about yours?" I asked Sean.
I noticed how Sean immediately stiffened when I began talking to him. And how he instinctively put his hand over the right part of his drawing, exactly where the sketch of his supportive parents were. I thought it was a little odd, but nothing to think too deeply about.
"More sketches would bring out your personality further." Sean read out. "Or in other words, this is a load of garbage."
I laughed, and he did too. God, Sean's face was adorable when he laughed. It radiated a joyful aura that brightened the whole room. His glee made me grin even more, which of course widened his own grin more...it truly felt like we were connected. Somehow, we were.
"Mrs Pfeffer said my work was fantastic." Sean's friend Josh gloated from where he was yesterday, on the other side of Sean.
Levi remarked. "She wasn't having her period when she marked yours."
This sent us laughing again, but this time Mrs Pfeffer couldn't stand it.
"You four stop giggling or you'll be kicked out of class." She snapped irritably at us from the front of the room.
If only she knew what we were laughing about. Even now I was still trying to hold it in. The next thing that happened I thought was super HOT was when Sean started taking off his sweat-shirt.
"I'm hot now." He said, pulling it over his head.
When the sweatshirt left his waist, so did the shirt underneath that rose right up to his chest, exposing slightly tanned skin and a smooth, flat stomach. And peeking out from just above the line of his pants, the top band of his boxers hugged his smooth skin. I quivered when I saw this, it made him even hotter! I am totally for Sean now. Sadly, his waist only showed for a few brief seconds before his shirt slumped back down to the pants, covering him up again. I didn't realize it, but I began envisioning his smooth stomach again — it had this cute belly button too, didn't it? And how it also was sucked in when his sweatshirt was pulled off of him...it was just so sexy...
"Jordan." Sean suddenly said, looking straight at me.
I quickly snapped away from my fixed stare at his waist. Crap, did he notice?
"What are you looking at?" He asked with a curious glance.
Oh boy, I'm done aren't I? He's seen me look at him that way, what is he thinking? What do I even say?
"Nothing." I said. "It's just I had a rough start to the day. Some guy beat me up on the bus."
Good one Jordan. Pull out the sorrow card.
"What!?" Sean exclaimed. "Oh, don't tell me it was the mayor's son, was it?"
I just nodded, slowly and silently.
"I hate that guy." He told me. "He did that to me too when I first came here."
"Did he beat you up?" I asked, surprised.
"Not as bad as that, but he did insult me and give me a few shoves."
"Oh." I said. Honestly, I was more relieved than sympathetic, my boo-hoo story was a good distraction that made him forget about me staring at his stomach. Now I was struggling to find something else to say.
"When did that happen?" I asked.
"Early last year." He said. "It was on the bus, same as you. He began getting insistent, so I stopped taking the bus. It was crazy on there anyway."
"Yeah." I sighed. "Hopefully it's not so bad after school."
The rest of the period lasted with us chatting, me treasuring every moment I stared at Sean's face while working on new sketches Mrs Pfeffer set the class to do. Sean was just so adorable, A flawless, slightly tanned face surrounding playful brown eyes that pored into yours like you were important, all topped off with short caramel-brown hair. And those lips were just as playful as his eyes, curved so sensually. God, he was a sight for sore eyes.
When the teacher told us to pack up our stuff, Sean turned to me.
"Hey um, Jordan? Do you wanna like, hang out with us at lunch? In the cafeteria?"
Omigod he was actually wanting to be with me at lunch! It might've been a simple offer to hang out at lunch, but to me it was as if he were asking me out on a date.
"S-sure." I stammered. "I'd like that."
Sean's face brightened when I said this. "Sweet. Meet with us at the table near the doors, you know where that is?"
I mentally mapped this out. "Yup. Should do."
The bell rang all of a sudden and everyone headed for the door. We began following them out.
"Okay, then I'll see you at lunch?"
"Will do." I said.
As we were about to part, Sean kinda stood there like he wanted to say something, but he just smiled, said bye and headed off.
I think I'm in love with this boy. I honestly do. He just asked me out to lunch with him! That is so awesome! I couldn't wait to hang out with my favorite crush. He likes me, I think. At least just as a friend. Wouldn't it be cool if he were gay too? It would be next to impossible, but it would also be a fantasy worth living. Because then Sean would be someone like me, which would be something extraordinarily special.
As I was walking along in a lovestruck daze, my eyes fell upon Malachi. He was walking into my history class, which was what my next class was too. My heart rose again. Two periods with two awesome crushes? This is unbelievable!
I walked into the class and found Malachi exactly where he was yesterday. He saw me and waved me over. This time, I wasted no time getting there, I was at the seat next to Malachi before that girl showed up again.
"Hey." I smiled.
"You're looking better." He said to me. "How are you feeling?"
"Alright." I said. "Stomach is still slightly sore but I'm fine now. I'm here with you anyway, so that's good."
Hang on, was what I just said slightly gay? Oh God, please don't think about it...
Malachi just grinned. "Thanks Jordan. You too."
I had to think about that. In reply to 'I'm here with you, so that's good,' Malachi says 'Thanks Jordan. You too.'
So he just thanked me for saying everything's alright because I'm with him, and he said 'you too.' Correct me if I'm wrong, but it's ringing the gay bell in my head. And if it were true...boy, I don't know what I'd do.
Actually I did. You see, Sean's the one who really connects with me, and he's the one I'd fall for out of him and Malachi. However, this is not considering whether they're gay or not. If Sean is gay, then that would be like a dream come true for me. If Malachi is, then if I felt attracted to him, I could go out with him. If both of them are...well, that would be unreal. Totally unreal.
Yet there's still that possibility that both of them are not. And as likely as that is, something tells me that there's still a chance that at least one of them is a boy-lover. Did you see Sean's drawing yesterday in art? What was with the rainbow flag? He knows what it means, right? And just now, Malachi basically says everything's okay because he's with me. Could this be a dream?
I reminded myself, No Jordan, if it were a dream, there'd be a lot more sex and gun-brandished Dads. Which there wasn't, so therefore it's not a dream.
As I vaguely heard the teacher start talking, I smiled shyly at Malachi who looked upon me with warm eyes. He was so hot to look at...
"Mr Brooks, are you listening?"
I swiveled toward the voice to see Mr Grayson standing a few feet away, the classic arms-crossed, frowning-face posture posed as he sharpened his stare at me.
"Where are your books?" He said crabbily. "Your homework? C'mon!"
I stammered a lame reply as I quickly pulled my stuff out, not paying attention too closely on what I was actually pulling out. Mr Grayson shook his head and went back to teaching. I felt embarrassed, especially in front of my crush. I had just put down my exercise book when a finger from beside me reached out and placed it on the drawing of a boy on my book.
"What's this?" Malachi asked, a curious yet hushed tone to his voice.
Oh no. He's seen it. The drawing I did yesterday of him daydreaming out the window. I nervously glanced at him to find any hint on his face that revealed that he knew. But Malachi genuinely looked like he didn't have a clue. So was that a good thing? For a brief second, I considered telling him the truth. This is you looking out the window yesterday. I drew it because you looked really cute. Plan B then? Dunno, drew it for no reason. What a lame response. This isn't going to work is it? Unless you combine the two...
In a quiet voice, I said, "I was bored in History yesterday so I drew this."
There was the lame part of it over with. Hopefully Malachi will just let it go there...but he didn't, of course.
"So what is it a drawing of?" He asked.
Okay, now for the hard part. I don't think I can do this. Will he realize straight away what it means when I tell him? Maybe I shouldn't do this...or perhaps I should take a chance and see what happens...
"It's a drawing of a person looking out a window. There are so many things going on in his mind, but no one really knows what he's daydreaming about but him. It makes me want to know, because he's someone I care about."
I took a breath and turned to see Malachi's reaction. Expecting anger and instant hatred, I lifted my hand defensively a bit. But it was no use at all. Malachi wasn't angry because he knew. I don't think he even knows still. But what scares me is how right now he's looking at the drawing on my book as if it's the only important thing in the world. I could see the cogs turning inside his mind as he tried to make sense of it. I briefly thought that he'd never be able to work out that it was him. But this thought was shattered when Malachi asked another question.
"Who is this person?" He asked, looking up at me.
Inches away, my face stared into his. I gazed into those brown, inquisitive eyes, strands of dark hair lightly brushing the side of his forehead. So this is where it all comes out, with two little words: It's you. That's all I'd have to say and then he'd know that I was gay. No straight guy ever draws another boy he hasn't met because he cares about him. The faint gay bell in my mind would pale in comparison to the church sized gay bell in his head! And what if he told everyone about it?
The memory came back like a flood of rushing water. My old crush gives me two options and I pick 'truth'. He asks me if I'm gay and I pause. Should I go through with it? I do tell him. The look on his face resembled shock and cruel glee all at the same time. Which then dissolved into a chorus of laughing, pointing, teasing, jeering from a crowd of people. "Jordan's gay! Jordan's gay!" And all I could do was shrivel up and cry helplessly. "Change your inclinations..." The guidance counsellor echoed. And then the bullying I got which were even worse than Patrick's...
All that because I told the truth to someone I liked. I was relishing the satisfaction of putting that behind me and moving on...but I'm here faced with that choice again. Malachi is a boy I like so much, he's very cute and he stuck up for me. But there is no way I am going through another year of eternal torment for being gay. Because if I tell him, I run the risk of him telling everyone, and that is something I can say from experience is unbearable.
So I didn't tell him the truth.
"Its just a friend I know." I said. "Doesn't really matter to you."
Well actually, there was some truth in that. I did say it was a friend I knew, which Malachi was, right? The only untrue part of that was when I said that it didn't really matter to him. Actually, it did. In a way you wouldn't believe. And thankfully, Malachi left it alone after that.
I took a breath and started to listen to Mr Grayson rant on about the Civil War, the subject we apparently were studying in History this year. Yay, my favorite topic...NOT! So I leaned my head in my hands and thought about how on earth Malachi didn't realize it was him in the drawing. Even now, I saw him peeking more at my drawing, trying to understand who it was. You could see the perplexity going on in his mind. The way he frowned slightly, staring intently at my drawing...it sent a chill down my spine. Because he was looking at my sexual orientation, only it was encrypted. The encryption was what he was trying to work out right now.
I was glad when the bell rang, because it meant I could get away from this situation before he unlocked my secret. I started packing up my things as the rest of the class did also.
"Are you on library duty today?" I asked Malachi.
"Just for recess." He said. "When is that again?"
"Now."
"Crap, I thought it was after next period. Okay then, do you wanna go with me?"
My heart fluttered. "Really?"
"Yeah, it'll be fun." He beamed. "There's a truckload of books to sort and chuck back on the shelves. Maybe you can help me?"
I couldn't believe it. It was a phenomenon to be invited to hang out a lunch by itself. But now, I also get to help a really cute boy at the library, who just happens to be Malachi. Like an eager puppy, I readily accepted this offer. We walked to the library together once we were ready.
"What do you think of History class?" Malachi asked.
"It's okay." I shrugged, then smiled mischievously. "I've got this annoying dude in my class that sits by me though."
Malachi grinned, giving me a push. "Oh yeah? I've got this faggot in my history class who sits by me too All he does is draw strange drawings of people on the front of his book."
"Sounds like someone I know." I smiled, but this one was more forced. The comment about my drawing felt like he was dabbling on something extremely private to me. But I let it go.
We reached the library and strode in. The front desk wasn't far away at all. In seconds, Malachi was there behind it, me leaning over the front of the desk. He picked up an entire crate of books and started putting them through a scanner.
"I've just gotta run these books through the computer before we throw them onto the shelves." He said, scanning a second book.
I said okay, picked up a book and pretended to throw it at a nearby shelf. On seeing this, Malachi grinned to himself.
An awkward silence followed. It was funny, because I've become quite comfortable with Malachi, he doesn't make me overly nervous. Sean does a little more, mainly because he's cute as hell. But we've been chatting along nicely, and now this? An uncomfortably growing silence? It didn't make sense to me. I had a total mind blank. It seemed that Malachi was thinking something but he didn't want to say it. Or he could also be trying to think of something to say like me.
"You know..." Malachi began, pausing for a second...I-I think you're a pretty cool guy."
My mind struggled to comprehend this. It was as if it was a malfunctioning computer stuck on 'Processing'. Why did he say that just now? A bell rang. Not a literal one, a mental one. The gay bell. But this time it was louder than before.
"I think you're pretty cool too." I managed, cursing myself for only being able to come out with that, knowing I could've said a whole lot more.
My hands fidgeted in my pocket. My heart pounded. I was trying to register what Malachi was saying. He thinks I'm pretty cool. What does that mean? If he's trying to tell me something, why doesn't he just come out and say it? But then again, I chickened out doing that back in History. I can't blame him for doing the same either.
I was really starting to think he was gay. The possibility of it grew, but the chances of him being straight also remained. It frustrated me so much I thought I was going to explode. I looked at Malachi closely. He seemed to be avoiding eye contact now, looking intently at the computer screen as each book went through the scanner. I noticed he hadn't replied to me saying he was pretty cool too. He had briefly smiled, but he had turned away after that to do his work. I felt this tension between us, like we both knew what we were thinking yet we were too afraid to say what we wanted to say.
"Jordan?" Malachi raised, peeking up at me with nervous-looking eyes.
"Y-yeah?"
Omigod was this it? Was my dream of finding someone like me going to come true? What should I do, or say? He opened his mouth to speak.
"Can you please put these books on the 'Recently Returned' bookshelf just over there?"He asked, pushing a stack of books toward me.
"Of course." I said, picking up the pile.
I left Malachi behind and carried the books over to the shelf he wanted me to put them on. Typical, isn't it Jordan? I am such a loser to think he could actually be gay. He did say I was cool. But that doesn't excuse the fact that he's straight. Or so he looks to be anyway. I began lining the books onto the shelf. Fiction on the top one, non-fiction at the bottom. It was a peaceful job, that is until Malachi showed up beside me with his own stack of books. Again, another uncomfortable silence.
Malachi spoke again. "Jordan...I was just wondering..."
"Malachi!" One of the adult librarians called. "Can you see me for a few minutes about something?"
"Okay, just a second." He replied, before turning back to me. "Jordan, I was wondering about the drawing on your History book."
"W-what ab-bout it?" I stammered nervously.
Malachi looked straight into my eyes this time, and he said. "The drawing is of me, isn't it?"
I didn't plan on telling anyone I was gay today. But I think I came close when I nodded very shyly. I could've outright denied it was him. I could've totally convinced him that he was not the one I drew. The thing that compelled me to agree was the curious warmth of his soft, brown eyes poring straight into me. I was totally seduced.
When he saw that I had nodded, Malachi leant back a little from his intimate gaze. A small smile etched on his face, he said. "Just as I thought."
And before I could do anything, he had turned and was now with the librarian.
I was left in a state of fear. What did I just do? Dammit!!! He's knows I'm gay now, doesn't he? He's going to tell everyone. It'll be déjà vu, the nightmare will start all over again.
Prepare the coffin. I think I'd rather die quickly than slowly.
Who do you think Jordan should go for?
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you.
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