Permutation - 3. Chapter 3

Saturday unfolded quietly, almost idyllic, as Tommy and I wandered the streets of New York. The city looked just as I remembered, yet there was a persistent sense of something "off"—a subtle reminder that this timeline was different from my own. Tommy seemed to notice my lingering glances, and with his usual gentle patience, asked what I was seeing.

I pointed to the Freedom Tower, which was under construction and looked as formidable as ever. "In my timeline," I began, "they had to halt construction for a few months because of a controversy over the contractor overbilling the government. The media got hold of the story, and the fallout stopped construction cold. The Democrats in Congress used it as a wedge issue to highlight Republican corruption, pointing to evidence that several big contracting firms gave kickbacks to Giuliani, Bloomberg, and Republican PACs from the $8 billion raised in 9/11 Liberty Bonds. Combined with the backlash from the 2008 financial crisis under Bush, it guaranteed the Democrats would hold control of Congress in 2010 with supermajorities."

Tommy frowned, squinting up at the towering structure. “Nothing like that happened here,” he said. “But ACORN got hit hard by scandals. Some undercover conservative operatives recorded ACORN employees talking about tax evasion and other stuff on camera, which stirred things up with conservatives along with conspiracy theories about death panels. But no scandal around the Freedom Tower and Republican PACs getting money.”

His comment jogged my memory. “I think I remember something like that,” I said. “A few years ago, some guys tried to film inside an ACORN office with sensitive census and IRS data, claiming to be independent investigators. They didn’t have the right permissions, and they were arrested before they could get anything. An employee who noticed them reported it. The ACORN staff member told reporters in the news segment that he was just doing his job. It was over before anything came of it.”

Tommy smirked and shook his head. “So, in your timeline, a well-timed alert at ACORN kept that ‘exposé’ from getting anywhere.” He chuckled. “No wonder things feel off if you’re coming from that kind of world.”

I shrugged. “It wasn’t exactly a liberal paradise. The Democrats were constantly fighting between the moderate Midwestern Blue Dogs and the coastal progressives over issues like gay marriage and free education. Neither passed because they couldn’t bring themselves to scrap the filibuster. The conservatives reorganized by 2012, rallying around pseudoscience and populist rhetoric—the same tactics that helped Democrats win in 2008 and 2010.”

Tommy nodded thoughtfully. “Like my alter ego, Pastor Miller, fighting for aversion therapy. I can see how that could have happened in your timeline. Politics—it’s exhausting.”

As we continued down the crowded streets, we compared notes about our timelines. Many events were the same: the September 11 attacks, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, and the 2008 financial crash. One piece of history hurt as much here as it had in my old timeline: my mom’s finances had been wiped out by one of Madoff’s pyramid schemes. She’d taken a loan against our house through Countrywide to invest in a “guaranteed” 10% return plan to help cover my medical school. In my old timeline, the Democrats had kept their promise to eliminate predatory mortgages when they controlled Congress, so even though she lost her money, she kept the house. By the time I finished my residency, I could support her without financial pressure.

Here, however, the Republicans took over Congress in 2011, and from 2009 to 2010 the Democrats focused on healthcare reform instead of financial reform first to generate goodwill. Without intervention, people like my mom, who lost money to fraudsters like Madoff, faced insurmountable debt. She lost everything and ended up in a low-rent apartment upstate, living off the money Tommy and I sent her. When I found out, I was tempted to try another "flashback" to change things. But Tommy stopped me, arguing that I couldn’t erase someone else’s life experience just to soothe my own guilt. After some sparring, I knew he was right. My mom was still alive and healthy, and even though she’d made poor choices, I couldn’t justify going back to meddle with my teenage years, when she started her investment with Madoff in 2000.

As the late afternoon stretched toward evening, we passed Sunnyside Pizzeria. Tommy grinned and tugged me inside. “Can’t play D&D without the essentials,” he said, ordering our usual: one pepperoni pizza and one mushroom-and-sausage pizza.

The shift from philosophical debates about time travel and free will to game night preparations momentarily threw me. I didn’t expect Tommy to be joining our D&D game with Lenny, though I should have. Tommy had been my companion for years, and Lenny—well, according to my accumulated memories, he was still my best friend here.

By the time we got home with the pizzas, I was ready to settle into this version of our game night. Our friend Lenny Kagen arrived a few minutes later, and I had to stifle a reaction. This Lenny was nothing like the one I’d known—thick glasses, acne, loose curls poking out from under an old baseball cap, and a graphic T-shirt stretched across his not-insubstantial frame. In my timeline, Lenny had cleaned up years ago, trading his loose jeans and Comic-Con shirts for chinos and button-downs after college. Yet, seeing him so different felt oddly comforting; there was something about his unpolished look that was purely, authentically Lenny.

He noticed my stare and raised an eyebrow. “You’re looking at me like you’ve never seen me before, Evan,” he teased. “Did you just get back from another timeline? Were we friends there, or didn’t we play D&D over there?”

It didn’t surprise me that he knew about my time-travel ability; he was the only person I’d confided in during my last timeline. Lenny had been a steady constant in my life, like a brother. Though he still had his quirks and phobias, I could see that this Lenny, despite his unpolished look, was as confident as the Lenny I’d always known—rather than the fragile, unsure young man I’d met in my original timeline before I started altering history.

I nodded, chuckling to myself. “Best friends,” I said. “We’ve been playing D&D since high school in almost every reality I’ve traveled to.”

Lenny’s mouth quirked into a smile, but he watched me carefully. “So...what’s different?” He glanced down, then back up at me nervously. “I’m guessing it’s something major, seeing as you looked like I’d grown a third arm.”

I decided to keep it light. “Well, for one, you didn’t have acne or… the classic Comic-Con look by the time we hit college. You wore dress shirts once you got an office job at Morgan Stanley, and you’d trimmed down quite a bit.”

Lenny let out a long sigh, then shrugged with a grin. “Well, hey, this version of me is pretty happy setting up laptops, monitoring database security, and troubleshooting routers for law firms, so I guess I missed the lifestyle makeover memo from that other me.”

Tommy laughed, clapping Lenny on the back. “Honestly, I think you’d look weird in business casual. You’re much better suited to tech support chic.”

Lenny grinned at Tommy, “That settles it, because Tommy has an awesome eye for fashion—like any other gay man. I am simply fabulous!”

Their camaraderie made me smile, a sharp contrast from how things were in my original timeline, where Tommy had bullied Lenny throughout our childhood, criticizing his behavior, appearance, and weight until Lenny suffered a psychotic break—and, in one timeline, even killed Tommy. This familiarity and warmth between them reassured me, easing any lingering unease about this timeline throwing unexpected curveballs. Despite the differences, I felt at home with these guys—my boyfriend and my best friend. Even if it wasn’t quite the home I remembered, this was where I belonged right now.

I laughed, and we all gathered around the dining table, quickly falling into our familiar ritual of setting up character sheets, dice, and snacks, which melted away any lingering strangeness. Lenny took his place as Dungeon Master, flipping open his notebook to reveal our campaign maps and a list of NPCs he’d created just for this world.

“You guys ready?” Lenny asked, his eyes glinting with excitement as he leaned in, voice dropping to a dramatic whisper. “Because tonight, we’re finally breaching the gates of Lord Malakar’s fortress.”

Tommy shot me a grin, leaning back in his chair with a slice of pizza in hand, ready to immerse himself in Lenny’s world. And for a few hours, everything fell away: timelines, trauma, the endless search for stability. Here, in the soft glow of the apartment, with friends by my side and the thrill of adventure ahead, I felt a rare, complete sense of peace.

As the game unfolded, we found ourselves deep in strategy, plotting to breach the fortress. I suggested a clever way in using a moat, recruiting Captain Curly Beard—a notorious pirate NPC—who’d give us the amphibious bonuses we needed. At my suggestion, I noticed Lenny’s gaze flicker, a half-smile crossing his face, as if he were catching a distant memory.

“Captain Curly Beard…awesome choice, Evan. I’m glad you picked him. We never get to do pirate characters in the game,” Lenny said, snapping his fingers. “Oh right, I dressed up as a pirate once,” he muttered, lost in thought. The mention pulled at a memory I never had.

It was Halloween, and we were kids—maybe eight or seven. The image drifted up, hazy at first, but then sharpened: Lenny in a pirate costume with a toy sword and feathered hat. I’d worn a hockey helmet and Islander jersey, just some simple gear. And Tommy, he’d put on a football helmet and a Jets jersey, as eager as ever to run around with me as my shorter, younger twin. But Kayleigh—she was different. She wore a dress that seemed too revealing, her face covered in white powder with lipstick smudged across her mouth, eyes hollow.

Trying to shake off the unsettling image, I focused harder, but that only seemed to pull me in deeper. Suddenly, I was back on that cold October night, standing there as a kid again, shivering in my hockey jersey, waiting by the side of the house as Lenny proudly marched up in his pirate gear. He brandished his toy sword like it was the real thing. Tommy came over next, grabbing my arm and whispering, “I got twenty bucks from my dad. We can get McDonald’s after trick-or-treating. Just…thanks, Evan, for everything. Sorry, you had to do that to Kayleigh and me. My dad’s an ass.”

I noticed Tommy still had both legs, and I made a mental note. I focused on his words, hinting at what might have happened between him, Kayleigh, and me. In my original timeline, George Miller, their father, had forced Kayleigh and me to produce pornographic films over the years, exempting only Tommy. In my last timeline without my presence in their lives, George was eventually caught filming kidnapped children, and he was killed in Rikers prison. Here, though, it seemed Tommy hadn’t been spared from his father’s abuse.

Before I could ask Tommy more, Kayleigh stormed over to Lenny, her eyes fixed on his pirate costume. She snatched his toy sword and tossed it to the ground, then stomped on it, shattering it. Before he could react, she let out a shrill, bitter laugh that didn’t match her age, and tried to throw punches at him. Lenny scrambled to avoid her, but Tommy and I tried to grab her arms to stop her. She lashed out, scratching my cheek before turning and running back to her house, leaving me there, stunned, with Tommy and Lenny beside me and my cheek stinging.

The cold night air faded, and I was suddenly back in the apartment at our D&D game. Tommy and Lenny were watching me, the game paused. I lifted a hand to my face, feeling a warm, wet trickle. When I looked down, I saw blood on my fingertips from where Kayleigh’s nails had raked across my cheek in the flashback. The wounds had crossed time, a side-effect of my time-travel ability that causes sympathetic physical reactions; bruises or cuts can appear from past memories. Once, I even tricked someone into believing I had stigmata using this.

“Evan,” Tommy’s voice was gentle but urgent as he rushed to the medicine cabinet, returning with alcohol wipes and my medication. I took the dose without question, letting the comfort of routine settle over me. Tommy dabbed at my cheek with an alcohol wipe, the sting barely registering.

Lenny stood nearby, guilt etched on his face. “I’m sorry, Evan. I didn’t know… I just… I didn’t realize that night was so—”

“It’s alright,” I said, offering him a reassuring smile. I didn’t hold any anger toward him; the details of that Halloween had faded for both of us over the years. Tommy, though, had a distant, almost haunted expression as he stared at my cheek, his brow furrowed as if the memory was returning to him with new clarity. He understood now why we never used pirate characters in our game. Kayleigh’s sudden attack back then was likely a reaction to what had happened earlier that day under George Miller’s direction.

“It was her, wasn’t it?” I asked quietly, searching Tommy’s face. “Kayleigh… she did this because I… because of something I had to do. Your dad was filming us earlier that day.”

Tommy’s jaw tightened as he nodded slowly, his mouth set in a grim line. When I asked him about George Miller and what he might have done to us back then, his silence was all the answer I needed. A barely perceptible nod followed, and it sent a chill through me.

Lenny, putting the pieces together, paled. “I had no idea. I didn’t know it went that far back. I knew he got arrested, but…” He looked at us, almost pleading, as if words could erase years of unawareness. But it wasn’t his fault. Tommy managed a small, sad smile for him.

“It’s okay, Lenny. None of this is your fault. That bastard deserves to rot for what he did. I just wish I could’ve cut off his nuts or something before they took him away.” Tommy’s voice was strong and defiant, the aggression I’d come to recognize as his defense mechanism—something he used to mask vulnerability.

After that, the game session ended, the lighthearted air broken by memories best left buried. Lenny packed up his things, giving us an uncertain smile before heading out, leaving Tommy and me some space to process the resurfaced trauma.

An hour later, I was sitting on the couch in the dim apartment, lost in thought, when Tommy came over. He lingered a moment, fidgeting with his hands before he spoke. “Evan…could you hold me tonight? I just… I just need that right now.”

Without hesitation, I nodded, leading him to the bedroom. He removed his prosthetic and curled up against me, his small frame trembling slightly. I pulled him into my arms on the bed, wrapping him in the warmth I hoped could shield him from the memories. Then, as he buried his face into my chest, he broke down, his muffled sobs filling the silence.

“I’m sorry, Evan,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. “I’m so sorry. You got dragged into my dad’s mess. I was too weak to stand up to him. I wanted to protect you and Kayleigh, but we were all so scared of him and his threats.”

I held him tighter, stroking his hair gently. “Tommy, you were a kid. None of this was your fault. You’re strong. We survived it.”

As he clung to me, releasing years of buried grief, anger, and guilt, I felt a fierce protectiveness surge within me. Tommy, this missing piece of my soul I’d found in this twisted timeline, had lived through darkness I could barely comprehend. He’d emerged, scarred but alive. In that moment, I knew I’d do whatever it took to be his shield, his anchor, in this fractured, unpredictable life.

Some reminiscent thoughts:
1. ACORN expose has gone down as one of the contributing factors to the downfall of the Democratic supermajority in the 2010 election. However, very few people remember a lesser-known scandal from that era, the $8 billion of Liberty Bonds issued by the Bush Administration for Freedom Tower (a project estimated to only cost $1-2 billion) and paid through NYC under Guilliani/Bloomberg (Remember Michael Bloomberg was a Republican from 2001-2007, before switching parties during the Obama years) Administration with political contributions by the contractors to Republican PACs. Overbilling was discovered by an audit of the contractor records, but no further investigations happened (Realistically, I think both parties were sucking up the $6 billion balance at one point or another). Several of those NYC contractors of course are tied to a certain Presidential candidate, who played for both sides    It's an interesting "what-if" scenario.
2. In 2012, Madoff still had a lot of victims from associated funds, which went under due to his ponzi scheme. One of the major problems with fraudsters like that is arguments about "moral hazard" aka government socialized bailouts to individuals who made bad choices. No legislation was passed by Congress to help people who lost everything due to the cesspool of corruption from that era from the predatory mortgage lenders to the fraudsters that promised guaranteed returns. Though in 2008, Democrats including President Obama and openly Gay former house chair Rep. Barney Frank, promises to help "struggling Americans" were made and never achieved after the long fight over health care reform.
3. Sunnyside is a neighborhood in Queens, New York. I do recommend the Pizza if you like a NY slice that is out of the way without the fanfare of the big city.
4. As for D&D, I mentioned it and I delivered. I am a dork and geek, but I edited the full game down to a few paragraphs. I am not sure if people on GA share this side of my personality, since I rarely see any authors mention it or touch upon the subject, despite depicting similar characters. In the Butterfly Effect movie, Evan was portrayed early on as being a geek with a vivacious curiosity for various things, so I can imagine him being gravitated to D&D to explore imaginative worlds that don't trigger his time travel abilities. (If this were an Isekai, then it might get meta, but I reserve that for my fantasy stories  )