The Window of Longing - 1. Insomnia

It strikes again

A beast I cannot seem to defeat no matter how hard I try.

I unsheathe my sword and slash at it, but it always manages to successfully dodge my blows.

I lie awake every night with a racing mind. Different thoughts circling around and around with dizzying side effects. The beast on a merry-go-round.

The beast laughs at me, haunting me. A cursed melody. It is like that word that you’re always trying to remember, the word on the tip of your tongue, but can never quite seem to utter.

My eyes burn, and my body is weak. I feel almost high. The land in my dreams, the one where anything, is possible is being kept from me.

It is torture. I reach out and clench my fist, almost grasping the magical land of release, but the beast yanks it away, laughing in my face. Its laughter rings in my ears, as the tears stream down my face.

The beast is never done. When darkness stretches across the sky, a blanket of stars following, the beast awakens. It is the time when the world is silent, and it is the most dangerous place for me to be, because to me, the silence is deafening.

It screams at me, and hurls insults my way. It reminds me of my failures, and of all that I have lost. It makes me curl into myself, trying to escape. The beast and silence are bosom buddies. You cannot have the one without the other. The take joy in my torture.

And when I hear the first chirp of the birds, I know I have once again been defeated.

And the day, when the sun shines, and the world is at its loudest, I curse the beast for the state it always leaves me in.

As time goes by, I grow wearier and wearier, knowing that the beast cannot be defeated, that I will never reach that magical land.