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Lately, I've been interested in the psychology of gratitude. As I suffer greatly from depression, I like to try anything that I can to keep those feelings at bay. From what I've been reading, writing down what you're grateful for helps people manage their environment, deal with others, and live in general. So, basically, if you have higher levels of gratitude, your life is better, and in turn, you are more grateful—a neverending spiral of goodness. If you're interested in doing this, it is usually suggested that you write down reasons to be grateful daily. That's a big ask, and it's not as simple as it sounds. Even if you can come up with three every day, is it always the right thing to do? Focusing on the positive can be as destructive as depression. Both feelings are extreme and can put you out of balance. How can we be authentic people if we live at one extreme? No matter how grateful or positive we are, we have to face the fact there are bad days. Days when no matter what we do, we cannot control the actions of others. Yes, we have control over how we deal with things, but is it wrong to be angry sometimes? Sometimes gratitude and being positive doesn't help. On those bad days, feeling real gratitude is nearly impossible and can feel superficial. It's like the anger or frustration you feel isn't justified or real. On those days, I allow myself to be angry or frustrated. In my mind, I know I have a lot to be grateful for, but I accept that right now, today, whatever it is, is just crap. And it's an authentic feeling. And I know this too, shall pass.

It’s Thanksgiving here in the US. A day when many people see family they rarely get to, (or have to) spend time with. A day that seems devoted to overeating, over drinking, and over-indulgences of other kinds rather than being thankful. It’s a day when we see pictures like Rockwell’s Thanksgiving classic “Freedom From Want” or the dinner scene from Charlie Brown’s thanksgiving and we feel all nostalgic. Those of us, who grew up here, recall the stories of the Pilgrim’s and their celebration of a successful harvest. There is much more involved in this, of course there is. Isn’t there always? One of my favorite people here at GA, AC Benus, recently re-posted a great blog he wrote about this holiday. (https://gayauthors.org/blogs/entry/14069-the-first-thanksgiving-and-the-second-and-the-third…-with-a-recipe/ But, i digress. My little family, just the 5 of us, will celebrate quietly as we always do. Growing up, it was required that we kids be dressed up, and on our best behavior because 'what would everyone think' if we didn't. This was how all holidays with my family of origin were. It was stifling. That tradition carried over to when we were grown with children of our own. When we broke away, it was decided that holidays would be quiet, relaxed, no pressure, family days. Yes, i make a turkey, rolls, gravy, but not in any great amounts. We vote on it each year, “What do we want to do this year?” We’ll probably all be in sweats, track pants, and slippers. There will be laughter, dogs barking, and siblings teasing each other almost to tears. There will be parades, football, maybe a movie, and naps. And there will be a moment, after i have all the food on the table (which is something that brings me great joy) where we will stand and look at each other and we will say, from the heart, things that we are grateful for. For many years, this has brought me to tears. It touches me deeply to hear the kids saying meaningful things about their lives and about each other. This year, i’m thankful for my Husband, and that He cares for me as He does. i’m grateful that my health has improved. i’m so very thankful for all of you i know well. I’m thankful for those of you i call family, and for those of you i’ve just met. As well, i’m very grateful for the acceptance that i have found, and that others have found here. And so, I’m going to ask, what are you thankful for?