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I remember when I met my former best friend who was straight. It was in the break room at the department store we worked at. He was cute with his baby face and the way he was shy and didn't know how to interact with anyone was adorable to me for some reason. I opened up to him, seeing that he could use his friend. He gradually opened up to me and we became best friends. The amount of things we had in common was completely unreal, from our favorite television shows to our ideas of what is right and what is wrong; I had felt like we were destined to meet. So I found myself becoming more and more attracted to him, and I was developing romantic feelings for him. My friend got to know me really well over all the times we shared together and I absolutely know he caught on quickly to the attraction I was developing for him. At first, this wasn't an issue for us, even though he knew about it, and I knew that he knew about it, and he knew that I knew about him knowing about it. It was basically an unspoken ordeal and we both nonverbally agreed that we would never discuss it, and that it would never go anywhere. Well one day I was watching television with him and I had asked him about his day and he told me his feet were so sore from standing all day at work. His feet were by me on the couch, and without giving it much thought, I grabbed one of his feet, put it on my lap, and started massaging it. He was completely startled but made no attempt to move as I massaged his feet. I don't have a foot paraphilia or anything, I just did it to be nice, and he became so relaxed and happy that I was glad I did it for him and he eventually took his foot away and rested his other foot on my lap and I did the same to that one. This continued to happen as we met each time to hang out. We would be watching television or something and he would wave his foot in front of me and I would massage his feet for him, and he absolutely loved it. He never offered to reciprocate and I never implied that I wanted him to. I was more than happy to do this for the guy I fell for. Well one day after I finished his feet he backed his back up to me and told me his back was sore. I felt my face flush and was glad he couldn't see it. I massaged his feet because feet were pretty platonic for me but backs weren't, but this is something he wanted me to do for him so I did it. As I massaged his back the fabric of his shirt was bugging me and I put my hands under his shirt to massage his back. His back stiffened and he asked what I was doing and I explained it to him and he relaxed as I massaged his back under his shirt. This feet then back routine continued, and it eventually led to feet, back, and calves, which eventually led to feet, back, calves, behind knees, and entire torso (front too). I learned where his muscles were and knew how he liked each section massaged. I'd massage all areas formerly mentioned at least once each time we hung out. Some may wonder how my friendship with him ended when he clearly liked getting massages from me and things seemed to be working out great. One may guess that I made an inappropriate pass as I was massaging him. I didn't; I respected his boundaries completely. What happened was the sin of jealousy. I was his best friend, which meant I got to hear all about his luck with the ladies and one day it just became too much and I was angry and yelled at him. He yelled back and told me he knew why I was upset and I said if he knew why he shouldn't be saying those things to me and he told me he's sick of me being jealous and hung up on me. I angry texted him nonstop for like an hour and he ignored me so I left him a nasty voicemail that night and the next day. I regret what I said in the voicemail but my feelings were hurt and I never been hurt as bad as that and didn't know how to cope. I tried connecting with him later but he wouldn't respond to apologies. I'm still friends with him on social media and we will write on each other's walls when it is one of our birthdays wishing the person a happy birthday but that is all I ever get from him. It's been three years now and I still have a chunk of my heart that isn't repairing and I know I will never get my best friend back. Thanks to those who read this. I really needed to get this off my chest so I can maybe move on. I feel like now if I ever did have an unrequited love with a best friend I would know the "dos" and "don'ts," having learned from my past mistakes. Take care, sexyinaf