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About this blog

- I can express myself ;;

Entries in this blog

History

6 years ago, I saw the most beautiful boy ever who asked me to be his first but never once said I love you. Instead, he would tell me that I couldn't put my hands on my hips because it made me look like a girl. My friends saw my tears and I told them that I deserved him.   4 years ago, I kissed a boy who tasted like cigarettes and told me that he would always come save me even though he couldn't save himself. My friends watched from a distance and shook their heads in silence.
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I want this

It's not that I don't want to be with you. It's just that... We met at the wrong time. That's what I keep telling myself anyways. I wish this could be easier. Maybe one day, years from now, we'll meet in a coffee shop in a far away city somwehere & we could give it another shot.
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please stop it

“Don’t they look good together?” he chuckled to me.   I peeped over his shoulder, realizing how much I didn’t want him to be right. I watched as he held her hand, overwhelmed with the feeling to be in her place. I knew that it could never happen, but I didn't understand why I couldn’t have "that." I didn’t want him to be right. I didn’t want to believe him.   “Yeah, they look super cute together” I replied with hesitation. I didn’t understand why my heart and my mind were never in sync. I d
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Living with Ghosts

Dear The One Who Got Away,   I don’t think I could ever forget you. & although I never said it directly, you know that I love you. I feel that I have loved you forever. It’s just that lately, things have been much harder - especially realizing that you’re not here with me.   Truth be told, I’m sad and I'm tired of making up excuses for myself. Since you left, I’ve spent most of the time feeling lost and alone. It's as if I've been living a life full of ghosts.   But that’s not who I
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want free money?

‎'A well-known speaker started off his seminar holding up a $20.00 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, “ Who would like this $20 bill?” Hands started going up. He said, “I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this.”   He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill. He then asked, “Who still wants it…?” Still the hands were up in the air. “Well,” he replied, “What if I do this...?” And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with h
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“Having it Out with Melancholy”

"Pharmaceutical wonders are at work but I believe only in this moment of well-being. Unholy ghost, you are certain to come again. Coarse, mean, you’ll put your feet on the coffee table, lean back, and turn me into someone who can’t take the trouble to speak; someone who can’t sleep, or who does nothing but sleep; can’t read, or call for an appointment for help. There is nothing I can do against your coming. When I awake, I am still with thee."  
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it will be magnificent -

I didn't know what you saw in me, but I was grateful that you did because you were the only person who ever had.   Up until then, I was strong... but you made me weak.   the feeling petrified me.   "cheer up, sweet beautiful boy. you are going to love again & it will be magnificent," my mother had always told me.   ...     "to tell you the truth, I don't have much to offer. but I'll still give you everything I've got, even if it's barely a thing at all. I just want t
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no one can hear it but me. -

"no matter what or who you are, there's a light in the darkness of everybody's life."   I've been trying so hard to make sense of things, but I don't know where to start or what to do.   the short moments we had to ourselves: the stolen glances, the stifled laughter, when your eyes met mine, & the way you smiled - because you knew.   It's been a long time since I've felt butterflies in my chest, & I'm glad that you're the one changing that.   I wonder what you are thinki
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seeing him again. -

"I still love him. But I don't want to love him anymore. I don't want to hurt anymore. Please."   Funny how that was only months ago, when you left me, & Adele was my only savior.   I thought I'd moved on, but when I saw you today, I knew that my feelings never really went away. You were sitting there in your favourite grey school sweatpants, your headphones over your ears & your fingers curled over a coffee mug. Your foot was tapping along to a beat only you could hear, and
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One of those Nights. -

A very close friend of mine brought this up to address people who are aren't aware of the differences between giving up on life and taking a break from it.   "ever tried to fall asleep, but you couldn't cause everything you tried to forget rushes back to you?   because sometimes people do actually feel that way. sometimes your life feels like it's craving in on you. sometimes people really do feel like they don't want to exist, like they want to just curl up in a ball, and go into that
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It's been a while. -

- been really busy lately, it's 2am & I feel like now is the right time to start writing again. It's been months since my last blog entry & reading it over again feels.... surreal. As I wrote it, I was feeling pretty down and miserable at the time, it pretty much summed up the relationship I had that never really worked out.   It's funny how as time goes on, I can see things more clearly now. He's gone. It's been a month already. He's living his life, I'm living mine. & I'm fi
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happiness. -

The question was on the tip of my tongue,   But I couldn’t get it out.   Every now & then...   I wish I had it in me to walk up to you at graduation & say I have liked you too for what seems like my entire life.     The summer when I was 18.   I had burst out crying alone in my room one morning   & realized that no one truly knew how unhappy I was,   Nor did I want anyone to know.   I could hear a boy silently crying on the television,   Which had been on s
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a bitter sweet good bye. -

I open my window & I can start to feel the rain pouring down. So I went outside for a walk & ended up crying.   "You were never like the others." I wish I had it in me to walk up to you at graduation & say I have liked you too for what seems like my entire life.   I guess it's true that you're finally going. But I don't want you to leave. I don't exactly understand why it is I feel this way.   Sometimes there really aren't enough tears to get over the pain. These
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Our biggest problem is pain

I wish I could tell you how much I stll love you, how I still think about you everyday. I wish I could tell you everything I've been keeping inside for so long. I wish I could hold you and feel complete again. ...   But I can't, because it's more than time and distance that seperates us. You're a million miles away and I don't know how to get to where you are. ...   We don't talk like we used to and you never come around these days. You stopped caring a long time ago, and now I see th
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- one day, you'll know. Just not today.

I've been so frustrated with you, and I guess it's because I have such a fascination with looking at you lately...   studying all of the lines and curves of your face or the viens in your hands has become one of my favorite things.   If you asked me why I like you, I would say I don't know for sure. It's not a question I can answer, because I don't quite understand it.   I don't know why you first sparked my interest when you did. I'm not sure why I get extremely nervous
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- tell me, and I'm yours. -

I can remember the exact moment I fell in love with you. It was about 3 of 4 seconds after we first met.   You looked at me then quickly looked down, as if out of shyness or nervousness. After about a second you somehow found the courage to look back at me and you had a smile on your face that I can't describe in words.   That was the exact moment I fell in love with you. You have me and we hadn't even spoken a word yet.   ...
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Hey you, I miss you

[personal rant, I just let everything flow out of me. Not really a poem, didn't even care if it made sense. But this is mine, all of it and how I felt after dealing with a heartache.] I look into the mirror and I ask myself, "Please stop crying -- don't you know that you are absolutely beautiful?"   What can you do when your good isn't good enough? Everything we've done has made a mess of things.   I guess I felt it for awhile, that sudden urge to cry, but I've been detaching my
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- Please don't forget me.

- I've been giving up on people too easily. If they don't call, if they don't try - then I don't. It's not fair to lay the blame on them when I'm not calling, either. I'm just as much at fault. I've got a lot of resentment for old friends - for letting me go without a fight.   ...   I just want someone to call and say, "I miss you, how are you?"   I just want to call someone and say "I miss you, I'm sorry."   I want to be brave enough to stay in one place, but it's hard, and
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- I fell in love with a Crack Addict. -

[Not a poem, this is like a personal diary entry based off a recent event in my life. Give it a read and tell me what ya think. (: ] I was shopping with my mom when I encountered him. We were in an upscale boutique, admiring the elegant, but not particularly eye-catching clothes. A boy wearing a pair of skinnies and some brand named sweater came in. I had seen him earlier, on a street corner, shouting lewd comments at some respectable-looking man. He edges up to us, looking around frantica
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Even if you want to sigh; smile for me, for the world, for you.

Melange Lavonne is one of my favorite lesbian artists. <3 If you need some inspiration, then give these music videos a watch. <3 Things definately do get better, but only if you want it too (:         and yes, I cried (surprise surprise)! X'D "You got to be strong, your not alone in this fight, take a stand for equality and fight for your rights." I hope you enjoy the rest of your evening, remember to always stay sweet and lovely as always, xoxo,     Tony
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A normal blog for once <3 (:

- A Confession - I was reading a blog post earlier, and I never knew how powerful photographs could be, a snapshot of the heart. I secreatly wish that when I do meet my prince charming, he'll somehow capture my beauty by taking lots of photographs of me. Now I know that this may be a ridiculous wish because in reality, I tend to hate most photos of me-and especially as I feel insecure about my body and my facial expressions that believing that I could be photographed beautif
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- tell me your pain -

Lately I’ve been having the same dream over and over again.   I dreamt of a beautiful boy on top of the highest hill.   He was singing, dancing and he invited me to join him.   So I climbed that hill, but it was so steep.   I kept climbing and climbing   but the hill just got steeper and steeper.
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[Eternal Insomnia]

1001 Sheeps... 1002 Sheeps... 1003 Sheeps... ...   Forget it, all this counting is starting to irritate me. I think it's been about 3 days? I think I'm sleeping but yet I'm widely awake? I think I might go crazy.   I try and I try so hard to close my eyes, but I only find myself staring at that same ceiling in perpetual horror. Perhaps I should decorate all its emptiness with bright glowing stars... Gleaming with hope, I guess.   Sigh; I tried to demand myself to fa
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[Voiceless, A Victim of Hate... and Love.]

[Warning] I hesitated putting this passage up on here, because it didn't seem quite... "appropriate" to say the least. But I wrote this during one of my darkest hours, and lets just say that I wrote this for my best friend, to give him a voice, who I will always remember each passing day. And I apologize for any slight discomfort you may feel reading this. Thank-you. Now we Begin:   ...   He was a very sensitive boy, His love for Art was the only substance his heart beated for. He emb
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- "...because you didn't [Love] me so."

[Delve] into these mourning streets of the broken hearted, But be careful; do not disturb the sleep of our weeping city, for We are the lovers of this fallen city. Do not tell me that we will suffer; because there is no need to tell us anymore lies.   ...through all this silence... I still can't seem to find you, or hear your voice, the voice that I have become to trust so much. Where are you? I think I am [lost:] Come and find me because I am so afraid so afraid so giv
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