"Father, I called a man a son-of-a-bitch yesterday."

"Why did you call him a son-of-a-bitch??" the priest asked.

"Because, father, he touched me on my arm without permission"

"Do you mean like this??" He touches her arm.

"Yes father."

"That's no reason for calling him a son-of-a-bitch."

"But father he also touched my breasts."

"You mean like this??" He touches her breasts.

"Yes father."

"That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch."

"But father, he took off my clothes."

"Like this??" He takes off her clothes.

"Yes father."

"That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch."

"But father he then put his you-know-what in my you-know-where."

"Like this??" He put his you-know-what in her you-know-where.

"Yes father," she says sometime later, after catching her breath.

"But that's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch."

"But father, he has AIDS."

"THAT SON-OF-A-BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!"

***

As the alter boy is leaving to go home, the priest says, "See you later alligator!" The alter boy replies, "In a while pedophile!"

***

Whats the difference between acne and a Catholic Priest?

Acne will usually not come on a kid's face until around 13 or 14 years of age.

***

This pedophile priest doesn't get caught for 50 years, finally he dies and goes to heaven before st. peter who has the book of life in front of him and says to the priest , " What the heck are you doing here? You should be in hell! You molested little boys for 50 years and never got punished for it".

The priest replies, "I'm here to see Sweet Baby Jesus".

***

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boys efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boys position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the door bell a sold ring. Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?" To which the boy replies, "Now we run!"

***

A boy finished cutting the lawn of a priest...

The grass was very thick and long, and it took the boy about 4 hours to cut. He approached the Father for payment and the priest paid him $1.00. The boy said "Thank you, virgin Father!" The priest replied, "What did you say?" The boy repeated, "Thank you, virgin Father!" The priest asked him, "Do you know what that means?" The boy replied, "Yes... tight ass!"