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A Storm on the Horizon


Rand charged down the alley way, clutching the folder in his arms tightly to his chest. Sweat poured down his face and he was taking sharp breaths. He quickly glanced behind him to see if they were still following. Not slowing down Rand kept running, not noticing a cat that crawled out of a nearby box and walked directly in front of him. He tripped over the cat and tumbled, the folder sliding away.

 

The men chasing him saw Rand fall to the ground hard and slowed their run to a walk. They casually walked up to Rand and, as he went to get up, was met with a cold object at the base of his skull, causing him to freeze.

 

"It seems that you fell sir." One of the men with a thick accent said. "You might not want to get up in case you really hurt yourself. Now tell us where the folder is and we'll pretend this never happened."

 

Rand shuddered as he felt a cold cylindrical object press harder into his neck. He coughed and said nothing only letting a groan of pain escape his mouth as he felt a foot come down on his back.

 

"Tell us now!" The other man barked in the same thick accent, while the man holding the cold cylindrical object moved it from the back of his neck to Rands temple.

 

"I don't know!" Rand said frantically as he felt the cold object bounce a little, and the sound of a gun cocking. "It fell out of my arms when I fell!"

 

"How unfortunate." The man standing over him said as he squeezed the trigger. A silent pop echoed through the alleyway and a pool of red slick blood formed around Rand's head. The men casually walked away not even looking back at the body on the ground.

 

Rain began to trickle from the heavens, slowly increasing in intensity and began to wash away the blood around Rand who still lied there, motionless, eyes open and vacant,

 

Lemme know what you guys think... It's a teaser and heavily and I mean HEAVILY beta right now. I want to get a general feel for how people like it before I continue with this one... I'm also working on another story which will also have a teaser posted in the near future

 

Eric :)

8 Comments


Recommended Comments

Agaith

Posted

Oooh this sounds interesting, I'd like to see more definitely :D

  • Site Administrator
Cia

Posted

I think you have an intriguing start to a story here. I would avoid using 'cold cylindrical object' more than once, it's sort of awkward. Overall the plot has me already asking questions. Who was Rand? Where was he? Who were the men chasing him? What was in the folder? If it was important enough to kill for and all it did was fly from his arms then why didn't the men search for it before or after they killed him? A good chapter or story has me thinking these sorts of things and I'm definitely full of questions. I hope you finish this story so I can get the answers.

Nephylim

Posted

I agree with Cia. I'm definitely interested.

sat8997

Posted

I think we've been here, done this, but...dialog punctuation. ^_^

 

 

Krista

Posted

Hmm.. you better do more than tease us EricA... :P And, you and I have/had the same problem with dialog punctuation.. :P

 

Good part though I wanna read more and since I'm your favorite... send it. ;)

  • Site Administrator
wildone

Posted

What a great story Eric, it has an opening, some character development, a climax and a ending. Is this an anthology entry :P

 

Okay, i won't be a smart ass anymore 0:) It does seem to pique my interest. I'm curious of who this Rand is and what was in the folder. Also, why was it so important to the others with the accent to kill for.

 

Will keep my eyes open.

Phantom

Posted

Thanks guys, like I said this was heavily beta... and I would've had someone look it over, but I figured why not do it as is lol.

 

I might post more teaser snippets as I go along... so it should be an interesting go of things...

 

Oh and one final thing....

 

You cannot prevent and prepare for war at the same time. ~Albert Einstein

innocent.gif

WatchPatRun

Posted

I would definitely read this

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