one issue I have with myself is that when I get jealous...I get jealousss. It isn't the pyscho bitch jealous though, its me in my head jealous, being angry at whomever I am jealous over. I don't get jealous often, which might explain why i take it so seriously. the other reoccurring theme is that its something i SHOULDN'T be jealous over. im sure i'll be over it tomorrow.

I had a most enjoyable weekend. I went up north to a buddies lake house and partied, one of the guys there i had banged a while back and i had planned to f**k him, and I did. I even told him that he thought it was "sexy". I knew it'd be a one time thing, but he said things to me that were interesting. why he'd date me or why he likes this trait about me i never even noticed. usually it was a trait I try to not portray. It was very weird. He was and is very weird but so pretty.

I felt it was a good thing cause i haven't had sex in like two months, very sad. I've been occupying myself with other things, but still. this month im really lusty, maybe thats why im jealous.

i have a busy week ahead, essays due, tests, maybe i'll get scheduled to work. my parents went to hawaii so i might throw a party at my house cause my apartment smells like boy weed and probably vodka.

I think I need to start writing, i haven't in a while but i should. It opens the mind!

I think I know why im jealous, but i can't say, it'll expose my armor and i know some people with daggers. maybe I should grow up, I'm way childish sometimes.