I know I’ve said I hate being bipolar countless times here since being diagnosed three years ago, so you are excused if you do not wish to proceed.

If I called into the Veteran Crisis Line right now and they asked the inevitable question, I would have to say, on a scale of one to five, I’m at about a two with my ideation of suicide. Two’s a good number. There’s a lot of space between two and five. Been to five, it was not fun. Five is a bad number as everything is seen in terms of its potential of inflicting grievous harm.

The problem is I think I’m heading to level five. It could take a few days, so there is no reason to fret. I could, just as easily bottom out tomorrow and bounce back to the banality of my usual drugged state. It’s easy to get by at level zero. I’ve been doing a pretty good job of it the past few months.

I know I’m heading down, though. All the symptoms are here to support a deep, down cycle.