I know that I may bore many with this entry, but twenty five years ago my mom had a massive heart attack. She was the age that I am now. The doctors told us that if she made it through the summer, she would make the winter. She died August thirty-first of that year. She was the only girl of ten children. Today, only one of her siblings lives. They all died of heart failure.

Yeah, it scares the hell out of me. My hubby is very supportive and day to day life makes me question my existence. I have four siblings, three of them have had heart issues. Not a good thing. Never take you mortality for granted!

I sat with my mom for weeks in the hospital before she died. My daughter was a little over a year old and my husband insisted that I stay with her until she was two. The last time my mom entered the hospital was because she bent over and picked up one of her grandchildren. It was too much for her heart. But, she loved her babies so much. I am sure it never entered her mind that she was taxing her health. I know that I am very lucky to have the love that I have known. But, on days like

today,I question my existence. Why am I here, as a healthy person, enjoying my grandson? Why? I am a middle aged person enjoying him. But, I am grateful for everyday.

My siblings have all accepted my sexuality. The reason is because my Daddy would have accep0ted me. He was awesome. He loved everyone, regardless. I enjoy life daily and try to be what my Dad would want me to be. He was a great writer. I might have convinced him to post his memoirs of The Korean War. He would have made me proud.

I know I am a lucky one guys. I wish you all love and acceptance like I had.