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I haven't really thought this through.


Freddyness

586 views

...

soooo... today... or should i start with yesterday.

Uh well...

Today.

 

Today my best friend had an anxiety attack, but it not just that. Those are normal.

She went missing for 3 hours.

I don't know what bought it on how to solve it.

Also Why the fuck i'm trying to sort her out when my own mind is a living wasp nest.

I'm worried for her, yeah.

But i'm panicing, you know, tbh.. I no longer want anything to do with my family.

I hate them and every word they say...

Its irrational but I do.

What do I want to do.

 

Yeah I want to be a director...

But more than anything I want to start over.

With no one i know now,

No family no friends.

I want to go back to the person I was before...

 

The one who didn't have feelings.

 

The one who didn't need friends.

 

The one who just doesn't care about anyone but herself. (okay that ones a lie, i've never cared about myself.)

 

Its.. why i'm still here.

 

If i cared about myself i would of left before i got hurt. I would of left when my family started insulting me like it was there right.

 

 

No one has that right.

 

No one.

 

Physical wounds heal, mental wounds can be left gaping wide, and even when healed there's no telling when the scar will hurt .

 

 

Is it wrong that I don't want to deal anymore. Is it wrong I don't want deal with this broken family thing i have going on.

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Not playing the age card, but I feel that all teens, expecially those in their late teens feel this way at one time or another.  I ran away when I was eighteen, and guess what.  My daughter ran away when she was seventeen.  When we talk about it now, I don't think either of us knew what we were running from or running to, we just had to get away.

Lucky for us both, we had loving parents that immediately found us within a couple of days, and tried to make things right and help us.  My husband and I talked with her and tried to find out what she wanted in life at this point.  It was not perfect from then on, but our lines of communication were clearer and she came to us when things were getting too much for her.

Since you are to the point that you don't want your family around you, and even your friends, then yeah, you certainly need to try and make new friends.  No one needs to be alone at your age in life, or for that matter, at any age.

 

Hang in there.  It does get better.  I promise.  I have been at both places, the one running, and the one being ran away from.

Hugs, and if you want to talk, pm me.

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It's completely true, I don't know what i'm running from but my gut is telling me to leave. And I'm not sure where i'm going. 
at any rate next month i get a weeks break from home and family. So i guess that might help.
Thanks for the words. I find rather than haveing them in my head its a lot better.

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