So I really am an optimist. I mean I pretty much knew that anyway but I suddenly realized how definite it was the other day. See I've been eating alot of grits lately! I love grits! I'm on quite a grit kick. Anyway this is great except I only had three glass bowls, So I pretty much had to wash them often by hand to keep from running out. Which isn't so bad really, I mean I don't mind washing dishes that much; in fact it's one of my favourite "mindless tasks", but still it does get old ya know? So anyway the other day I'm walking into my kitchen with an empty bowl (having just consumed some grits ) while talking on my cell phone. Anyway basically I was trying to carry too many things while being distracted with the conversation and as fate would have it I dropped the bowl. It did of course fall to my kitchen floor (yeah I really shoulda invested in one of those new anti-gravity bowls but hindsight is 20/20 ) and shatter into quite a few small pieces. SO naturally I tell my phone friend I'll have to call back after I clean up the mess. So I get down on my hands and knees and start cleaning up and the first thought that pops into my head is: "well hey! Now you don't have to wash it! " And I wasn't being sarcastic or purposely trying to look on the bright side, it's just what naturally occured to me. Then of course I realized how absurd that really was, I mean if I was that set on not washing it I could have just thrown it away anyway! But the fact remains it was a pretty "optimistic" thing to think.

Then yesterday I woke up, stretched, and the first words out of my mouth were: "ahhh! Life is good!". So this leads me to the inescapable conclusion that I probably am an optimist. Which is great, but of course being the horribly over-analytical type I have to go and question it. Like for example, does this mean I'd be well suited to deal with something awful happening? Or am I simply happy right now because everything's fine? I mean if I suddenly got cancer, or lost an arm in a freak accident...would I stay optimistic about it or would I become depressed? I mean I can't really see myself saying "well gee, less fingernails to clip!". Or what if something else awful happened? Some other random, bad event. Will I weather it ok? In a weird sort of way I feel like I'm obliged to. I mean it doesn't seem fair for me to go whinging on about my problems when I at least used to be happy. I know that doesn't make sense...It's hard to explain what I mean.

Last year for my birthday a couple of my coworkers were going to take me out for dinner. So I showed up at the designated apartment and walked in and..."SURPRISE!" They'd thrown me a surprise party! And I was! Completely surprised, and absolutely thrilled. Everyone was all dressed up, and they had cards and everything, and gifts, and they'd made this awesome chocolate brownie cake, which we ate first before going to dinner, because I always say "life's more fun when you have desert first!", anyway it was just awesome. So on the way to the restuarant I just blurt out "this is so awesome, now I can die happy!", and I mean to darnit! I mean no matter how cruddy things might get I really think I should be able to look back on that one special birthday where all my friends made such an effort and "die happy". I mean not just that one day but all sorts of nice things that have happened to me. It seems like having experienced those things I have no right to be gloomy. This is why I always feel "guilty" when I'm in a bad mood. I have no "right" to be in a bad mood.

Anyway I think it's partly about "the meaning of life". I mean what makes life worthwhile? A few months ago I went for a walk and passed this store I'd never been in. I mean it was just an office depot, and I've been in several of those before, but I'd never been in that one, anyway I went in and looked around, I don't think I even bought anything, but just walking through it I suddenly thought: "there's some value in this experience". I mean it wasn't a "good" experience, it wasn't a "bad" experience, it was just me seeing something I'd never seen before. Somehow I think there is value in all experiences. Even the bad ones. I mean on days when I'm sick or just down in general...there's still some value there. It still seems like I'm somehow better/wiser/deeper/more learned for having experienced it. It sorta seems that way with everything. It's almost like it's worth eating something I find really nasty (and there actually aren't that many foods I don't like) just so that I can say I've had the "experience" of trying them. I think I'm an "experience whore". That's why I like doing new things in general, even if they don't really sound "fun" per se. It's Like the time I went on vacation with a friend of mine and his family in high school and he accidently locked his keys and cell phone in his truck, and he couldn't call anyone in his family because he only had the numbers in his cell phone. So we had to walk like 5 miles back to the condo in the heat (and dark by the time we got there). I mean my feet hurt (I wasn't in "walking shoes") and I was hot and tired, but it still seems like there's some sort of "value" in that experience (well besides being able to hang it over his head from time to time ).

Knowledge and learning seem to have some intrinsic value too. I mean just random, pointless information. Like: "All gondolas in Venice, Italy must be painted black, unless they belong to a high official." I don't need to know that, but there seems to be some value in knowing nevertheless. Perhaps that's why I want to learn Spanish; even if I never really "use" it, it'll still be valuable just to "know" it. I think that's why I'm not very hard on most books or movies, it seems to me there's some sort of value in reading a lousy book or watching a terrible movie. I dunno maybe it just makes you appreciate the other movies and books more. Maybe it's just that it's so bad it's funny (and I really do laugh at badly written book or poorly done movies). I mean I definitely do get some sort of entertainment from them anyway.

Of course there are some movies and books I don't like. But I wouldn't even say those are "bad" at least not objectively. I just don't like them. Like I don't like war movies or movies about natural disasters as a general rule of thumb. I mean even if they are "poignant" and the acting is really great, and even if I can appreciate the situation or whatever; I still don't like them. I don't like Hemmingway's work for example, I think he's too "choppy" and all around writes about stuff I'm not particularly interested in (especially as delivered in his style), but I can't really argue that he's a "bad" writer, clearly his isn't. So is there some value in experiencing these things as well? Undoubtedly

Anyway I hope this post wasn't too boring for everyone. I know it wasn't really "about" anything concrete. Well have an awesome day everyone and take care! (and experience as much as you can! :pickaxe: )

Kevin