My Daily Bread Crumbs 23 May 2022

Entry posted by sandrewn in Bread Crumbs 295 May 24, 2022

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May 23rd 2022 - Holidays and Observances

(click on the day for details)

Aromanian National Day
Christian feast day:
- Aaron the Illustrious (Syriac Orthodox Church)
- Desiderius of Vienne
- Giovanni Battista de' Rossi
- Julia of Corsica
- Nicolaus Copernicus and Johannes Kepler (Episcopal Church (USA))
- Quintian, Lucius and Julian
- William of Perth
- May 23 (Eastern Orthodox liturgics)
Constitution Day (Germany)
Labour Day (Jamaica)
Students' Day (Mexico)
World Turtle Day

Observances

Jackson Duggar

***

All parents are proud of overachieving children, and one father was no exception. The bumper sticker on his car read "My Kid Made Your License Plate."

***

Every night, Harry goes out drinking. And every night, his wife, Louise, yells at him. One day, one of Louise's friends suggests that she try a different tack. "Welcome him home with a kiss and some loving words," she says. "He might change his ways."

That night, Harry stumbles back home as usual. But instead of berating him, Louise helps him into an easy chair, puts his feet up on the ottoman, removes his shoes, and gently massages his neck.

"It's late," she whispers. "I think we should go upstairs to bed now, don't you?"

"Might as well," says Harry. "I'll get in trouble if I go home."

***

A man is madly in love with a princess and wants to propose, but an evil witch has cast a spell on him, and now he can say only one word a year. So he waits 14 agonizing years—accumulating all his words—before approaching his beloved. Finally, the big day arrives. When he sees her, his heart skips a beat. He gathers his nerve, drops to his knees, and intones, "My darling, I have waited many years to say this: Will you marry me?" The princess turns around, smiles, and says, "Pardon?"

***

Tourists say some odd things when they charter my boat in Key West. "How many sunset sails do you have at night?" asked one. Another wondered, "Does the water go around the island?"

But the most interesting came when I asked a customer why she'd brought along a dozen empty jars. She answered, "I want to take home a sample of each color of water that we'll be going in."