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Tension

NickolasJames8

Entry posted by NickolasJames8

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Well I can say that midnight tonight finished off the crappiest week I've had in a long time. I guess it was going ok, but on Tuesday night my boyfriend woke up and tried to get up to go to the bathroom and couldn't feel his legs. He fell out of his bed and luckily his parents heard him. To make a long story short, they had to call an ambulance for him and he went to the hospital.

Taylors a pretty big guy. He's almost 6 feet and he weighs over 160, so it was hard for his dad to get him back in his bed while they were waiting for rescue to come. Anyway his fever had gotten so high that he almost died, and that was because he had an infection that his body was fighting to kill that no one knew about the night before when we all thought he just had a cold. He's lucky to be living and we were lucky not to lose him. The thought of him dying makes my knees weak. I have a lot to praise God for.

So I went to bed the other night thinking about what would have happened if I would have lost him. I thought about my mom again, and how my dad lost her when he was 16 and she was 15, and how I could have had to live with the same heartache. Then I thought about how Taylor and I have been fighting lately. Not just arguments, either. I mean all out fighting, with choking and slapping and hair pulling and threats and crap we don't need to be doing to each other.

That made me think about watching my dad and stepmom fight when I was little. They would be screaming in each others faces and she would start hitting him, and he would always hit her back. Now I know some people think it's ok for a man to hit a woman in self defense, but I think it's unexcusable. A man can walk away if he chooses to, and my dad chose not to walk away. There were times when I watched him slap her for cussing at him and for saying things to make him mad.

Then I started to think about what he was like toward my mom. I don't know for sure everything, but I know for sure that at one point he broke her arm after I was born because she stabbed him with a knife. I have to wonder if she didn't stab him out of self defense or not, because given the way he treated my stepmom, it would make sense.

So now I'm mad at my dad, and he doesn't know why. Or maybe he does know but he wants me to tell him why. The problem there is that if I do, I know he'll just tell me that it's none of my business, and that what happened between him and my mom was between them and that I'm out of line. I swear I want to punch him in the nose when he tells me that kind of stuff. If he mistreated my mom I think I have a right to confront him since she can't do that anymore.

Anyway, sorry for the depressing post. I just needed to get this stuff off of my chest. BTW, for people who know who the author Rick S. is, does anyone know how to find his stuff?? He was on Codeys World but was removed over some dumbness and now they're saying they were wrong, but he hasn't been reinstated yet.

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Xiao_Chun

Xiao_Chun 1

Posted

Oh God, I hope that Taylor is o.k. Please keep us updated about his condition.

 

Nick, I am sorry you are going through a hard time. You have the right to confront your father and talk to him about stuff that is bothering you. Just remember that you are also feeling a lot of anger that is not directly related to him. Part of the anger that you are feeling is related to Taylor's condition and to the fights that you were having. So my advice is before you decide to talk to your father focus on your feelings and try to sort them out into feelings directed at your dad and feelings related to your relationship with Taylor.

 

From what I read in your story, I am pretty sure that you can discuss anything with your dad, as long as you are being very honest and direct. So my advice is to start by saying something like "dad, I am really stressed because of what is happening with Taylor's condition and the problems that we are having. And I also have some issues about you". It is going to be hard for you to talk to him because you will have the tendency to project the anger and frustration you have with Taylor towards your dad. That's why you need to be aware of that when you talk to him. What is nice about your father is that he knows how to make you feel better. I hope things will be alright Nick.

 

Take care, :hug:

Michael.

Rigel

Rigel 84

Posted

First, best wishes to Taylor for a speedy and complete recovery.

 

What Xiao Chun said is good, but I also wonder if a bit of your anger at your father's fighting is actually a deflection of anger at yourself, for being so able to be angry with Taylor that you have all-out fights with him. You can talk with your father about it, but you can change your own behavior more easily than his. Just because your father apparently gets physical in his disputes with his loved ones doesn't mean you also have to. If Taylor's illness serves as a wake-up to you to think about your own anger management, then it may have been a Good Thing in the long run.

C James

C James 17,115

Posted

Nick, Best wishes for Taylor's speedy recovery!

I hope all goes well, for both of you.

 

I have to disagree with you on one thing, though: I think it is fine to hit back if you are physically hit first, regardless of the genders involved.

I don't mean responding to a slap with a closed fist, but in the case of a real blow, I don't see where gender is relevant; if you are hit, you have a right to hit back.

LittleBuddhaTW

LittleBuddhaTW 705

Posted

I have to disagree with you on one thing, though: I think it is fine to hit back if you are physically hit first, regardless of the genders involved.

I don't mean responding to a slap with a closed fist, but in the case of a real blow, I don't see where gender is relevant; if you are hit, you have a right to hit back.

 

In principle, I agree. If hitting is the absolute last resort to defend yourself (or someone else who can't defend themselves), then I don't think gender matters.

 

However, I think actually striking someone is an absolute last resort. One thing 11+ years of martial arts has taught me is that there are many ways to diffuse a conflict without hitting someone, some physical, others non-physical. As for the physical methods, there are many methods to subdue someone who is trying to hurt you without hitting them (i.e. arm bars, pressure points, joint locks, etc.) Anywho ...

 

Nick, I sure hope your dad isn't still hitting people, whether it's you or your step mom. In reading "What's the Difference Between Me and You," there was some behavior on the part of your father that was extremely disturbing, and hearing this makes it even more so. If he's still hitting people, pulling hair (as he did to you in your story), or whatever, that is absolutely inexcusable. So is hitting Taylor. So cut it out, and find a more mature way to deal with whatever problems you're dealing with.

Camy

Camy 57

Posted

:hug:

 

I really hope Taylor gets better soon, my thoughts are with you.

 

It's easy to pick up our parents traits. Don't. Be your own man. Remember what Mahatma Ghandi said:

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TalonRider

TalonRider 11,307

Posted

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Hey Nick, sorry to hear about Taylor. I hope gets well soon.

 

The others all have valid points so use the advise wisely.

 

You know how to contact me if you need to vent, or just talk. :hug:

 

Your Friend,

Jan

rekop1

rekop1 2

Posted

:hug:

 

I really hope Taylor gets better soon, my thoughts are with you.

 

It's easy to pick up our parents traits. Don't. Be your own man. Remember what Mahatma Ghandi said:

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