You are discovering one of life's truisms: Some people are just assholes.

You are discovering one of life's truisms: Some people are just assholes.

Right you are Mark. But I would add,"oblivious assholes." I think that most of the time they don't even realize that their doing it. That's the sad part.

Nick, I hope that he get's the point.

Rob

You may be dealing with a jerk. But maybe not.

Some people are not very good at handling multiple IM conversations or IM while doing other things online. They get distracted and wind up ignoring a window, without realizing how long it has been since they last responded.

Beyond that, sometimes people assume that because someone is logged in, they have an unlimited time to chat. If you're really trying to talk to someone about things, it's appropriate to ask if they have a moment to talk rather than saying "hi" and launching into something because it's a good time for you.

Plus, there are plenty of IM 'non-conversations' that don't really require additional responses. They naturally fade away. Some people don't like spending time on the phone chatting about nothing - if there is no point, they say goodbye and hang up. Others have the same attitude about IMing. Just because you've said the last comment doesn't mean that it requires/invites the person to say something back.

We have no way of knowing what the real deal is with this guy. If you don't enjoy chatting with him, then block him. Or at least be realistic in your expectations about how the correspondence will be. But I think you're getting angry and assuming this is a personal thing when there are any number of other reasons fr his behavior.

Hi Nickolas,

I have to agree with Lurker on this one...I have had people do this to me..then I have learned over the years to try and envision myself being them and being at the computer and trying to figure out what they hare doing..sometimes, people turn on their computer, get invovled in something else and even walk away and don't remember they were chatting...other times, they are multitasking and even talking on the phone while trying to chat, email, read email, write blogs, check blogs, etc...other times, they are just block heads and can't multitask and are just air heads and don't get that you are trying to chat with them (and they are probably do the same thing to everyone else....and don't even know it)

So, I would hope that if he is friend that lives nearby and you see him in person...instead of IMing him..or emailing him and explaining that you have blocked him, if he is that good of a friend to you..sit him down, make sure there are no distractions and talk to him....don't get upset...just explain your feelings..he may not he has been doing it (or since he has repeated his behavior a zillion times say, ok, to keep our friendship, hey, best I don't IM you...I would still try to figure out what he is doing on his end of the computer...maybe he is just a dizzy kind of person and doesn't know he is doing it..but he is..so you can stop the insanity and let it go, keep the friendship and do things in person) sooner or later, he may figure it out..or not....

I know this is all over the place, but my point is Lurker is dead on right...with computers people do all sorts of silly things with IMs and emails and so on and don't even realize it.....so, hey, why ruin a perfectly good friendship over their silliness...just do the eye roll thing....explain you love him as friend and will keep the friendship and realize his computer etiquette isn't yours...

I am sure you explaining it in person will help..creates a record..and then you won't feel guilty for blocking him...and it will be better then your BF in juvenile court for an assault on your friend over his bad computer etiquette.

just be you Nick....he is being him....all types..all flavors...it is what it is....

Michael

Well Nickolas,

Lurker and Michael make good points, but I look at this a little differently. This guy knew how important it was to you to have his attention and to not be blown off mid-conversation. It was significant enough for you to make it an issue. While he may have issues staying focussed, in this situation, where you made your needs completely clear, I think he should have given you the respect and attention you asked for. Friendships are give and take. Sounds like you give and he takes. Not exactly balanced, if you ask me.

hey Nickolas,

I know EXACTLY how you feel, I used to get ticked off at people for the samething all the time. I'm the kinda person that when I'm talking to someone on IM I'm really involved in the conversation and want a steady stream of responses, I don't even like it if the person takes too long to answer. I've even had a strain put on a couple of my friendships for the exact same reason, once because someone said "gtg" and then just left without giving me a chance to say anything else (a huge pet peeve of mine) and once because a different friend was a cronic "I'll answer your last IM about once every 5 or 6 min. if you're lucky" kinda person. Anyway after alot of stress I came to realize exactly what Michael just said "everyone's computer etiquette is different". I feel like it's unacceptable because if we were talking in person it would be rediculous for someone to go several minutes without responding, or to just eventually walk away without say anything. But I now realize that ISN"T how alot of people feel. Mark's right in that the person should try to make an effort to do better if they know it's an issue for you, but remember while they should try to meet you halfway you should also try to meet them halfway, be understanding and patient etc. If it's an important conversation see if you can do it face to face, or over the phone, or specifically say "hey I need to talk to you about something important and I'd really like your undivided attention could you please put all other conversations and activities on hold for a bit so we can talk about this" (but only do that if it is important not just if you want to chat and want to make sure to have his full attention).

One of the same people I referred to early who always took forever to answer, and made me feel like I was talking to the internet version of a wall alot of the time is also the person I've had my most serious IM conversation with ever. I was going through a really rough time and needed to talk and as lurker suggested I did say something to the effect of "hey, you got a minute? I'd like to talk", and I'm happy to say that she was great the entire time, extremely responsive and supportive, and down right prompt with her responses. So I'm sure if you could count on your friend in general you could also count on him in IM when it REALLY COMES DOWN TO IT. He probably just doesn't feel like most of the time it's that important that he stays focused. I have another friend who is extremly responsive and talks my ear off and if anything ends up waiting on me more than I end up waiting on him, and of course I enjoy those types of conversations more, anyway the point is everyone does view the cyber world as different and everyone interacts in it differently. Also remember your friend may never change his careless, distracted ways, I know it's very frustrating (and it would undoubtedly bug me to no end), but if you really care about the guy you may have to chalk this up as just something you have to accept about him. If your friendship is otherwise healthy and he's full of redeeming qualities, and you know that when it came down to it if you had to get his attention you could, perhaps you just ought to roll your eyes and blow it off like Michael suggested, just saying something like "well that's Zach for you" to yourself and move on.

Anyway take care and I hope you feel better about the whole thing.