Okay, this is the deal:

I'm working on why my mother's death threw me into a major depressive episode that came within a hair's breadth of resulting in an exit attempt. I think the only reason I don't try harder is that some part of me thinks everything will work out for the better. Also, I don't like pain and while being run over by a truck is certain to cause death, it might not be immediate. Hypothermia is still my means of choice, but I didn't do that either. Why I don't know.

We're starting at the beginning. You know, back when yours truly was being abused physically, verbally, and emotionally.

Today we worked on my childhood when I was frequently spanked with vacuum cleaner cords (witnessed by a friend who would never come to my house again), shoes, hands, wooden spoons, spatulas, and the piece of kindling in the cupboard above the refrigerator. The piece of kindling became a kind of perpetual threat. "Behave or you know what's going to be on your butt!"

We only touched upon the verbal and emotional abuse. A lot of that occurred in my adolescence. Okay, I was big and tall so physical abuse wasn't a viable option. They didn't need to hit me physically when words worked just as easily, if not better.

So, I'm keeping a journal of where I'm going with this.

Also, I'm considering going to AA. I'm probably an alcoholic. Both of my parents were. I don't drink that much all the time, but I tend to drink every day. A little bit every day is good, but too much two or three days a week is too much. I'll definitely discuss this with my therapist before making the big step because once undertaken, there's no going back.

Well, that's what's going on so far.

I have not worked on the Kevin project, yet, but I should be starting in a day or two. I've been waking up every morning between 4 and 5 o'clock and staying awake until 8 or 9. If I can get focused on Kevin, I should be able to expend enough creative energy to generate a few chapters so it'll be ready to launch when Tim completes next month.