I'm trying very hard to get a handle on not being depressed. It's so weird! I'm just, simply, not at all, depressed. Period!

And, I think I've got too much extra energy. I'm not as sleepy. I'm drowsy, but not sleepy. I almost have to force myself to go to sleep.

Am I cured?

Don't know because I could drop into a low, unless the medicine is stopping me. Maybe this is a high on citalopram. I know what a high on buproprion feels like, so maybe this is just what I get on citalopram.

I feel like I'm on the edge of something. It's like I have a whole lot of energy to do something, but don't have in incentive or desire to do it, which would mean I'm still depressed, but too high to notice.

I've decided to write a letter to my parents versus doing the short story (the story wasn't going anywhere). I need to bury the ghosts and the only way I'm going to do it is to:

Dear Mom and Dad,

I'm fine, sort of. Sorry about your lonely death, Mom, but I never felt like comforting you when you were alive so why should I comfort you because you were dying, especially when you didn't let me know you were actually terminal. And, Dad, I know we didn't talk all that much, whether it was you or me, we never seemed to click. Then you died and I didn't even know you were terminal. Thanks for not being truthful and honest to your only child.

Pretty depressing isn't it?

It only gets worse, but I think it needs to be done. I'm not going to be able to move forward unless I put those two assholes in their proper place in my life. If you've got a good mom or dad, give them a hug and tell them you love them just because they're so good to you.

You know what? My mother never, ever hugged me. Then a few years ago she all of a sudden started all this hugging shit. She was terminal, but she couldn't tell me she was dying and needed my comforting embrace to make her feel good. It was always, up to the very end, about her.

Pretty depressing isn't it?

I'd go have a good cry right now, but I was raised not to cry. Boys don't cry! Period! I didn't grieve my father and I can't grieve my mother.

I'd better stop, I beginning to make myself feel depressed.