On Trust

[Menzoberranzen]

On Trust

I was flustered, and Alex was suave

I had so much to say, but not enough courage

I tried to open up to him

But he just walked away

I want to love

[Bondwriter]

I read the other poems, but the few things I could have said were said by others.

 

I like the pace and the rhythm the words create in this one. I loved the stanzas evoking others (Alex, Bobby, Chris), and the way the ending line evolves. The symmetry of the construction is clever and works for me. This is very dark and pessimistic, which I enjoy; I wonder if a line like "Life leads only to oblivion" would not be better carried through with an image or an action rather than with such a definitive statement. "Trusting leads only to pain/ Loving leads only to revenge/ Giving leads only to loss/ Life leads only to oblivion" is a bit like a hammer pounding on the reader's head, which could be the intended effect.

 

Looking forward to reading more from you, especially if it's less abstract and more embodied. (My own little taste)

[Menzoberranzen]

Thanks for the comments! I really like the abstract stuff (much to the chagrin of all my English professors) but I have a more concrete piece that I'll post here soon. That stanza you mentioned was meant to be short, repetitive and like a hammer. I wanted to convey the sense of bitter resignation that I felt at the time I wrote it. I'm glad you like dark an pessimistic poetry, because that's more or less all I write. If I'm happy and cheerful, I don't feel the need to get my feelings out on paper.

 

Thanks again,

 

Menzo

[AFriendlyFace]

That was very good. I quite like this.